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July 6, 2021 6:00 am
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How to demonstrate love in your family with a fun presentation from our guest today on Focus on the Family. That's Bill Butterworth. Welcome to the program. I'm John Fuller and your hostess focus president and author Jim Daly John Bill Butterworth has a lighthearted message to share with us that contain some important truths about showing love to those around us that he's an author and much sought after speaker and most importantly, the father of five adult children with 11 grandchild that is quite a crew and that here now is Bill Butterworth's episode of Focus on the Family. I want to tell you about a very important moment in my life. Sociologists talk about significant emotional events when you're just not the same after they happen and there's some that we've all experienced but then there are individual ones that mark us as people and were never the same for me took place very simply, it was the first words of my youngest child. There are five Butterworth's in the Butterworth family Joy Jesse Jeffrey John Joseph so now you know why we travel. But when Joseph was getting ready to speak. It was a big okay now where the parents out there any parents willing to raise their hands. Okay, very popular. I believe you had parents would you raise your head okay. Not as many. But anyway you know how this whole parenting thing works right when our first child came along Joy. We were typical first-time parents, this kids going to walk at six month disk is talking eight-month talk another language at nine-month Stanford application already filled out a 10 month disk if you notice all the pressure. All the stress put it on the first can well by the time you have five you learn to lighten up you you learn a lot about parenting. I can remember when Joseph came along thinking to myself that kid can walk whenever he wants.
That kid can talk whatever he wants. I don't care he's 12 feet get in and out of that diaper on his own. I have no problem with that. No pressure on this guy when I can have any problem. So, I remember that this was not the so much a big deal to me.
When he was going to start to talk, but it's as if God grabbed it and grabbed a hold of me and said you better pay attention because this kids got a message for you to see kids, learn how to talk to different ways I've observed. The most common one is they can accidentally stumble into it right there sitting there when they get meaning anointing the mobile broccoli. The kid is speaking listen to that and then there's this other method where it was like they just haven't on switch flipped and they just start speaking perfectly is the way it was with Joseph.
He spoke on a Monday night at dinner. The reason I remember it was Monday night at dinner is when he was one year old 1986.
It was a very busy time for me.
I thought I was more important than I probably should've thought I was working Monday through Friday at Insight for living with the swindles as counseling all week and Friday afternoon, I'd sneak out of my office in Southern California and I fly somewhere and I spend the weekend with a group like you and oftentimes my theme for the weekend would be. You need to spend more time with your family. I fly back. The kids would already be in bed. I get up early Monday morning, for they woke up to get into the office to make up for the time I missed sneaking out early Friday afternoon, so if you're following me, sometimes it would be Monday night before I see my kids having only seen them the previous Thursday night when I tucked them in the bed and I'll go ahead and give you the interpretation that's all wrong. That's way too much so it's Monday night, where it did or I haven't seen my family since Thursday night. Joseph hits the on switch. It's time to speak. I me to this day I look in his eyes, and I can still revisit this.
He's in his high chair sitting between his mom and me. He turns and looks at his mom's face lights up with unmistakable clarity and then he turns and looks at me face lights up. Same unmistakable clarity. Bob and his mom doesn't miss a beat.
She says well you been on the road too much. I said nevermind that when I found out there wasn't a Bob and I know that was good news or bad news because then I realize my son doesn't even know he don't call me dad first name right but in my rest of my family tell me that it was an innocent mistake. You gotta get a grip. I couldn't I just just went into this funk. I'm thinking, what right do I have to expect him to call me that he doesn't know who I am. He never sees me on this all important guys gotta go out and do all this other stuff I'm not being a good what a rotten thing to be communicating. I can remember sitting there weeks afterward.
Still in this kind hates the course. Joseph has moved into the next phase of language. One of my favorite times when a kid has like three or four favorite words right. They just say over and over again. He had three if you wanted more to eat. He'd say more if he wanted something to drink it say thank and he believed or not started calling me and I thought this was good. I didn't take it is disrespectful. After all, we started with Bob so I though her movement in the right way we get the data we get the dead so I'm there the dinner table trying to figure out why my son that even the who I am and he's over there barking in the highchair think Bill will not is a big moment for me. I mean II make some radical changes.
III left my position at Insight for living and started what has been a wonderful 15 years of speaking full-time all over the country, but he caught my attention that day and if I can freeze that moment for you and tell you about one other one and bring them together. Your see where were going this morning and the minutes that we have was many years later was only a few years ago I sitting in my home in California and the phone rang and it was from Philadelphia where I had been born and raised in the message was your father has suddenly passed away. Would you come to Philadelphia and preaches funeral which course I was placed in privilege to be able to do.
Although I was deeply crushed at the the death of my father.
I didn't expect it whatsoever.
So I flew to Philadelphia and it's that situation where I'm behind a lectern in my father's body is lying in a casket right next to me and I'm the family representative who was supposed to tell everybody what my father has passed on what he has left behind his legacy.
If you will not his stock portfolio not what's in the well not the real estate, but the real inside stuff. What did my dad teach me that outlives him that goes on and fortunately for me my dad was one of my heroes. So was a very easy speech to get from that vantage point. But any parent in the room probably knows where I'm going with this. I couldn't help but think, you know, one of these days is going to be all different. I'm going to be over here and one of the five kids is going to be elected as the representative what are we gonna say about our dad now that kinda send a shiver up my spine because I realize you know my kids can give you a grocery list of things I don't do well, you know, don't let dad your checkbook if you wanted to be balanced. That is not healthy around power tools you know dad is you know you just don't put them in these kind of situations there's a lot they can say that I don't do well and I couldn't think of what they would say that I didn't do well and I thought why better figure out something that's going to be significant. So I don't think that is important.I mean what will outlive me.
What will outlive you that significant and I was drawn to a chapter that I memorized as a child in Sunday school. You may even know it. It's the 13th chapter of first Corinthians were Paul ends with this beautiful summary now abide faith, hope and love. These three but the greatest of these is somebody tell me love you know it's as if God were answering my question by saying you want something important to teach your kids. I'll give you three things, hope and love. You want the gold medal winner out of the three shoes love your kinsmen and that will outlive you. That's what it is and so I set this out as this. This is to be my legacy five anything to do it. My kids can say you know my dad did an awful lot wrong but I tell you one thing we knew about them. Dad always loved this. We always knew it. He always showed us a good man. What does lot look like from God standard.
If God is saying to you make love your legacy and allow it to fuel your relationships.
What does love look like will, there's a wonderful little passage in first Thessalonians that I want to read to you and then give you some very simple points to follow as we look at this this morning. It's first Thessalonians 4 versus nine, 10, 11 now as to the love of the brethren. It says you have no need for anyone to write to you because you yourselves are taught by God to love one another.
You practice love towards all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. We urge you to excel. Still more, making it your ambition to lead a quiet life so your notetaker. Let me give you three points on how people will know you're a loving person. Point number one loving people know that love is a top priority.
One of my most favorite invitations.
I often get invited to go to Christian college campuses and speak to the college students and their mission.
Wonderful quaint old custom a lot of Christian college campuses. It's a required meeting that they called Chapel and that's where you speak you speak to the whole student body, it's required, you're guaranteed a full house they going to wake these kids up there's guns. There's handcuffs or get out. I mean it's it's a very religious experience. So I know I can do all right in chapel because everybody there but they are the present offense. I wanted to stay over to a little voluntary session that night. What nobody comes to voluntary sessions when you're in college so I decide I got to come up with a really good topic.
So somewhere during chapel off-site. If you have any free time tonight.
Come on back out tonight to answer the question how to know if you're really in love. You know the place is packed like all the girls are sick while you know I think enters the one, but I have questions there are issues that runs I have doubts. I just don't know it anchors like the so everybody's there I when I tell these college students. As you know what what we need to understand is there are many aspects of love. There's a physical aspect of love that aspect it says will I like this person will hold their hand would put my arm around want to hug them. I want to kiss him etc. etc. and in God's grand scheme in the right context.
Even the etc. etc. is all his design. It's a beautiful thing but that's not all there is to live up there's the emotional aspect of love, women are way ahead of us guys.
This is why a woman since my boyfriend walked through the door. You know I get lightheaded and my knees get weak I get butterflies in my stomach and guys we try to respond in kind day I see you across the hall and I'm like nauseous doesn't apply the effect that it does when you're girlfriend or your wife says of the you okay that's usually where it stops God as a whole another level of love. That's the key to all that's that's what I call the volitional aspect of love we choose to love. I can love you when you are just so cute and lovable and how double and I can also love you when you are unlovable. Anybody got an unlovable person in your life.
Don't raise your hand they might be here.
You know the strain the drainage in a love that person again. This is where you expect the father of five to go through a litany of stories about the kids for my fiber boys. Let's just talk about boys at the teenage stage. You know the fumes alone are enough to kill you and you just wonder what I would tell the stories my kids, and often the women I've seen, sinking deeper deeper in the seats and on the way out.
Thanks dad. Thanks for sharing that story. I'm glad you thousand people know I'm an idiot now good man that so one day on a lark, I asked myself what I thought was a frivolous question.
It was my kids ever have to choose to love me in an unlovable state. I thought of like one thing which led to six, which led the four pages which led to several hours and I was getting depressed thing I gotta stop. I can't believe that my kids are constantly being put in a position where they got to love me when I'm not all that lovable either. Pretty scary. We lived in Southern California for years and then we moved up to Northern California. We left Orange County and moved up to a tiny little town just below Lake Tahoe very small lot a lot of stuff going on. I member my oldest son was so excited about the first spring up there so we play Little League and income from Orange County and Orange County Little League man it's Primo I mean you get uniform day to get an exact replica of what the pros where the Little League Dodgers. It's like you got a professional dodger uniform that was simply left in the dryer too long. I mean it's precise out so were up in northern Calvary is uniform day and the coach says get in line. Get your T-shirts and my darling little naïve son turns and looks at me about T-shirts to wear under the uniforms close the T-shirt is that the coaching over the coaches. This, it is winding up.
I am happy now this is it Little League on a budget wide no idea what the budget was like I go to the first game, and that's why really got rock. Okay, you're the stands. Baseball fields out there right home plate you're all right you buy before the game. The two adult coaches come out the home plate shake hands.
Have a good game.
They turn and look at the stands. To my horror they start going I'll take you sir take you all take his eye start mumbling the kids next to what's going on. One of my voices that picking only the pain from serenity is not just pulling out of the crown. What I like all know, I know to pick me. I can't do this.
This is too much stress. How can they put me out there. When my sons playing my ever going to call my son out as he entered an identifiable is ever likely say you can't do this to me. I can't stand the stress can't stand the pressure somebody help me so include victorious living style. I was up for seven straight nights couldn't sleep another.
I know that picking this week and I know the next Saturday.
Sure enough, the coaches come out.
They shake hands and have a good game.
I'll take you sir. I'll take you sir. Boy he looks right at me, I'll take you some fortunately I'd seen that finger pointed me thousand times in the seven sleepless nights and I was prepared.
No sooner did he say I'll take you sir stood up and confidently replied Konica standby stimulus, disabilities, and they were not. Which of course is German and if you speak German, you realize I just said I can understand you because I believe my mother is broken, while the poor coaches like the deer in headlights is just kinda frozen there at me and he turns and looks at my kids and assist your dad doesn't speaking watch and see my kids looking up at me like this is the moment doing choose to love the unlovable are doing.
Let the guy fry right in there they got blessed my dear kids, they just look over the coaching they go coaches like once I would get a similar than speaking with and they didn't pick me for the whole rest of the season.
It was great but my poor kids there install all their classmates are safe.
Doesn't speaking, what is he doing.
They say he's a speaker. Love is an act of the well so point number one loving people know that love is a top priority number two loving people know love takes practice loving people know that love takes practice. Verse 10 says it you practice love towards all those in Macedonia. We urge you to excel. Still more love takes practice. It's not something that you master once and for all and then you will have to work on it again ever again.
This verse tells me.
First of all that love is in the context of a relationship you practice it towards all those that are in Macedonia. May your love me practice and XL still more.
When's the last time you did an unselfish demonstrative act of love to someone that you love. Maybe you need to do that now they're here. You'll do that as a yearly go not because the blonde I going to do it in church so you might need to have a backup so that they know well everything the two all right this is good but anything is better than nothing demonstrate love practice love loving people know number one love is a top priority number two. Love takes practice. The third one I want you to consider as we wrap this up is that loving people know love's tremendous power loving people know love's tremendous power. Verse 11 says make it your ambition to lead a quiet life. Now that's interesting. That doesn't mean a life of silence the life of a library.
The word quiet means a settlement life the 21st century synonym would be make it your goal to lead a life that is stress free. How will I live life above the stress level. You don't God lives it through you. You now have the power of God in you now mean you still show up. You're still breathing you're still making decisions.
I don't mean to take us completely off the hook but to understand what I'm saying the Bible teaches that when you and I come into relationship with God. When we trust Jesus Christ as our Savior. We are born into God's family and God literally comes in lives inside of us. What a beautiful thing because he lives inside of us now as we yield to him inside of us.
He loves throw us so I can love that unlovable roommate neighbor boss, spouse, child, parent or grandparent, grandchild, uncle. I can love that person because God is loving through me and I can live above stress because God's love not only works through me but works are the people that are around me no more. Do you see God's love demonstrated in a higher form that when we go through difficult times right for me.
My world hit bottom. 10 years ago after 17 years of marriage. It was over.
All of a sudden I'm divorced. It's not what I wanted.
I'm thinking I got all these kids want to go do these kids.
This is supposed to happen to people like me. I'm a good guy is A mean guy Philip beat up people and she don't God shouldn't happen to me but did remember thinking how my going to get through this and you know consequently after eight years of being single again God brought Kathy into my life and we began to see you know there was so much to be learned not only about our love between one another.
But during those single years and she could tell you the same story. It's all about God's love being shown through the friends in our life friends that would circle around me and say we're not going to let you go through this by yourself.
That's why God gives us friends that just put their arms right and they don't have all the answers and I'm sure for my friends.
It was a very ugly assignment while I go over and talk the valleys of mass all he does is cry am in a drip water everywhere and it's it's it's sad and sincere person like Emmett said it's it's it's brutal but I'll go do it because I love we can bring them through. You know what that's all about some of the as you know the pain of being left or or or being lost or being just somehow given that feeling of un-loveliness and I don't deserve the ever love again. God says wrong you do I'm gonna love you even when it hurts, that's loves tremendous power that can only come from him.
See love is a top priority.
It is something that takes practice, but as we realize that God can love through us and give us that tremendous power then even when life doesn't turn out like we planned. We can begin to see sense made of it again and we can learn to love the way God wants. That's Bill Butterworth.
This edition of Focus on the Family reminding us that when the people around us feel broken. We just need to be the hands and feet of Christ and minister love to them. And of course Bill experienced a caring community himself, and he's now committed to sharing that legacy with those around them that John sometimes we just make it too difficult that we as Bill pointed out there in first Corinthians. The apostle Paul wrote that three things remain faith, hope and love and what was the greatest was love at right, yeah.
And of course we have to balance that out with respect and discipline and all those things is sometimes some firmness. His parents is required, but the bottom line is this. When you're at a loss for how to reach that rebellious child or you don't know what to say to the grieving widow next door or you're not sure how to respond that person going through a tragic divorce like Bill was start by loving them. Make it a priority practice living that way then just watch you begin to see God's enormous power emerged in that situation and that relationship we've seen that personally Jim and certainly here the ministry we hear from so many people who experience that very thing that we sure do John and that's why we wanted to air this program to remind those of you who are listening right now that the world would be a better place if we can fill it with God's love. That's our ultimate goal.
You know over the past 12 months over 700,000 parents said that Focus on the Family help them build a stronger family by providing resources that help them love their children well while also providing advice on discipline and the other important parenting matters. So let me gently remind you we are a listener supported ministry. We rely on your gifts to make all of these resources available 24 seven. Can I ask you to consider giving back to Focus on the Family if we've helped you.
The best way to partner with us is through a monthly pledge that really helps us even out the budget over the year and if you can make a pledge of any amount today I'd like to send you a CD of this complete message from Butterworth as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry and that CD will have extra content that we just couldn't get to today and if you can't make a monthly commitment. Right now we understand that we can also send the CD if you can provide a one time gift of any amount just get in touch with us today and you can reach us when you call 880 family or follow the link in the episode to donate to the work of Focus on the Family and request your CD and when you're online with us. Be sure to check out our free parenting assessment. Those results should encourage you they might surprise you as well takes just a few minutes and I will link over to on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for listening to this Focus on the Family podcast. Please take a moment and give us a rating in sure about this episode with a friend who might need some parental encouragement. I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time. As we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ investing in a child you love has never been easier. Clubhouse and clubhouse Junior magazines from Focus on the Family thrill kids ages 3 to 12 with faith building activities they love cool craft fun puzzles and fascinating stories bring faith filled fund your mailbox. Subscribe today@focusonthefamily.com/kids bags clubhouse and clubhouse Junior award-winning magazines full of games, stories, and God find them@focusonthefamily.com/kids bags