Marriage in the Stressful World of NASCAR (Part 1 of 2)

Man I knew my marriage was falling apart. I just didn't know how to fix it. I felt like I would always be alone even if I stayed married at Focus on the Family's hope restored marriage intensive. We offer hope to couples in crisis so they can have a marriage they've always dreamed of.

For the first time I felt like my husband truly heard me. I received some great tools from the counselors of change my life and my marriage to begin the journey of finding health go to hope restored.com today and Darrell Waltrip mimicking how he used to kick off a NASCAR race from the television booth yesterday on Focus on the Family along with his wife Stevie hostess focus Pres. Jim Daly I'm John Fuller and while back, was her privileged to be in Charlotte North Carolina to record with the Waltrip set the Darrell Waltrip Museum in front of a live audience is a great day. John and a lot of fun with our friends from focus and we enjoyed having one of NASCAR's all-time great champions with us. Darrell really knows how to drive in the 80s and 90s.

He was the guy's fourth on the all-time NASCAR winning list and of the Lord worked in his life to make some big changes which help you and his wife Stevie in their marriage and that's what were going to hear today. Let's go ahead and go back to that day in Charlotte at the Museum for this fun visit on Focus on the Family lot of folks out there.

Darrell and I talked about NASCAR because a lot of people follow NASCAR the TV audiences. You do the Fox coverage will be 250,000 people on on that the track sometimes and millions watching by television up for those in don't know NASCAR what's its appeal watching cars go faster on the track on an oil competition is great competition and in the drivers you know the drivers are all celebrities. People have their favorite driver leap over your favorite driver. Some people my full pull for their favorite brand of car a lot of different ways to connect to what we do and then were on TV every week. The race all live like a flag every week and it's a big production. You know imino here at the racetrack since Thursday and early Thursday practice and qualifying so it's a big big production. It's a big weekend of television and then all the things it take place.

The track it's a it's like going to a fair if you when you go to a race you have to experience the whole thing place for kids, you know you show up for the race. That's right.

Now let me ask you how did you get interested in this and how old were you when you thought I'd like to race will seriously I was six years old six years old.

Yeah, that's not uncommon, though a lot of these no racers know what was on, what is you fall down hit your head and say I don't know racers know my grandmother older Palestinian Phillips with her name on my grandmother loved racing and she was a little lady about 5 foot tall prophet and we hundred pound smoke cigarette one hand a couple coffee in the other.

Some you may have had a grandmother like that. I'm not sure but anyway a real feisty little lady and that she loved racing and my grandfather was a deputy sheriff in Owensboro so my grandfather would go to race and work the traffic around the race on the weekend my grandmother would go sit in the grandstand and watch the races and my grandmother. She had a language all of her own. At least it seemed that way to me at the time. She said words I'd never heard before that I have heard it said to my grandfather my grandmother and she loved GC Spencer and so I was her driver and he was a muddy mess with GC Spencer.

My grandmother was in her face, and I mean interface so my grandfather called my mom and says I need for DW to go the races with Granny mom. So why keep her out of trouble were out of he said she got a get my have to lock her up and I would go down in the pits cousin out anymore driver so maybe if he's with her.

She will think twice about doing that it were keep her out of trouble know I went right along with her. I would imagine she will select candidates that you up. You are a bad boy of NASCAR could be said I had Aurora played a role to play the role I really want a bad person. Okay, now that I had a bad reputation you did and were to get to how that changed but one of the key ingredients and that change was meeting Stevie and Stevie a lot of moms and dads would say if you were their daughter. You want to marry who a racecar driver. Are you crazy, and they said that more policemen how they're going to. Came home and talk to your mom and dad about that. Well, I met this man. Yeah, they lay on. I was in high school the first time I met Darrell I was had just turned 16 and he was 19 and I wasn't even allowed to go out with thing if he asked me which he didn't for a while.

They really do not have language go out with and that then when we did.

I was a senior in high school and we did get engaged and not plan up to that point was I was going to go to Southern Methodist University like my dad did and that changed quickly and nine months after we started dating. We got married so I had just graduated from high school and so this was not part of what my parents had planned for me or him anyway so they were upset that I have to say my mother and dad when they realize that this was the way it was going to go.

They were very strong believers in the institution of marriage and they decided since I left Darrell. They were gonna let him to and so from the time we got married until they went to be with the Lord. Darrell Ali said a if something happened between he and I he was going to go home to my parents. They became very close. I didn't have a relationship with with the Lord at that time, but the Lord did speak to me and I think you know what you mean by that. Well when when when I met Stevie I knew in my heart and my soul that she was the woman I was supposed to marry for number reasons but mainly because I just knew God said this is the woman you should marry. Don't let her get away because she was going to go to school to get ready to leave to go to to Texas to school and I knew she did up.

We might not get married right away and I wouldn't like pushing rename but I just I just knew she was rising was a problem unless the Lord told him that Betty didn't tell you racing at the time and you will get the big track without knowing I was racing on the that's one my father-in-law, who had worked in the pits at India's one of the safety workers in India.

He volunteers up there at that time he worked in the pits at Indy. He'd been to the Daytona 500. So he knew about the big leagues racing but he didn't know about our little local racing at Whitefield Speedway or Ellis Speedway or Hobbs daughters on the dirt tracks that I started out on so his image or his vision of racing was. Not very good, unites all the beer drinking and frightened and right kind of thing and so and it was and that that was true.

That's what was but I had a much bigger vision in it but it said I was going take a while for that vision to come true. So I was wasting at that level that he didn't like. And so when I talk to him about Marion Stevie and he says so how are you going to support my daughter rested on the be a professional racecar driver, he didn't think that was going to work out so hot pressure myself, but it's all unknown at that point, really. It's like any professional sport one in a million.

You can actually make it, but you did and you did in the big way yeah I was just determined on from the time of the little guy. I race my first race when I was 12 on the go kart. I never driven a go kart I just seen them race.

I watched them race had been new shoppers center parking lot were they race these carts every Sunday and for whatever reason him in my mind if I had a chance I could dry when those things is faster, better than anybody out there that's what, like a race man sits in the stand says all yeah I got a Chevy SS like that. I got a camera like it, I guarantee I could do that but that's not how I feel when is a little gossip fire get the chance. I know I could do that. The first time I got on and I want and you liked it and I loved Darrell talk about then Steve you want to hear your perspective on that. So you have success from 12 years old on the new then eventually make it to the big track NASCAR the big leagues the big sponsors all the brand names we talk about what kind of person will return at the Stevie what kind of person was Darrell with that much success and that let's remember the record in that much content is it makes a really unique environment that a lot of people don't get to where it's about winning every day and you gotta have us pierce desire to win. That's unusual at that time in his life that was what his focus was completely and totally all about his was to be a successful racecar driver and like he said he was very determined, probably would have done just about anything to make whatever it was he thought should happen, happen, so we were married at the time and my focus was on him and our marriage. His was on racing and obviously our focus was not where it needed to be in our relationship was not like I wanted it to be and I'm not sure he even thought about our relationship at the time it was all consumed right you truly was and that the Kies the Lord uses everything to me. He can redeem anything, and because I was miserable in our relationship. Then I started looking for the Lord and I believe at the time I was a Christian that I was a baby Christian. We didn't go to church because we raced and so on. I asked the Lord on our 10th anniversary. I wrote Darrell a distance and note to tell him how much I appreciated him and left him and we said our vows to each other again and that I said I truly want to let the Lord more than I do. You and the Lord took that as a prayer, and from that the Lord was working to get us both to that point to convey that to Darrell the Galbreath Internet note now just your competitive spirit will you say okay now I'm in the race. We use the restart.

Here's what I had to figure out our God is a jealous God, and the Bible says so. He is a jealous God, you will put no gods before me. What this building is full of things that I put forgot from the very first time ever drove a go cart until 1983.

I put a lot of things before God. The my racing career Stevie and my marriage, to God, and are renowned and you know when I needed help. You know what it it was hard for me to let go because it always done.

I always felt like I did it myself right. The races I won things I did. It was things that I had done and I wouldn't given God any glory, and you were winning and you were again all the accolades are come your direction. The quietness of your heart Stevie in your marriage feeling lonely a lot of women feel that way with their hardcharging men.

Now I don't it's the 8020 rule. I get that can be reversed, but but you are lonely.

I'm sure Alice but you Darrell.

There was a particular race that got your attention because of what happened. Set the stage of what happened and how God spoke to your heart.

What an athlete shouldn't race card. I can only speak is a racecar driver and somehow I think but I think athletes in general think you're invincible characters you know I'm when something would happen in two other drivers as a way to know what he was doing when that good and I made a mistake. All those things and I never really been hurt in racecar has direction on Montana right but never had a serious wreck until 1983, 83, I had a wreck at Daytona that I spun off turn four into the inside wall and had a serious concussion. That car flipped him and he totally didn't that this on a flip this when I was head on Flipper. This was this one, 83, and I backed it in the wall and had a concussion wanted to races and didn't even remember going to when I finally woke up while a lot of people said that Rick not be conscious what you mean by not. I think they were right, because at that point. That's when I realize wool you can get hurt doing this in the 483 I had had an epiphany moment with the Lord and it started going to Bible study Fellowship and listening to Chuck Swindoll on the radio and would turn it up really loud so that when Darrell was shaving her getting you have to listen he would have to hear to sound like a normal marriage is like so subtle about and an and a lot of the races that we would go to. I have my Bible study Fellowship notes and I beat reading them out loud Darrell you won't believe what this is so cool and moment Hammons on the other line that now he actually was very receptive and very citywide CD said he enjoyed hearing them and I would read those out loud to Elaine and we would talk about him and I was there was a first Bible study that I'd ever done in my life and it to this day it's one that best periods in my life.

Best merely hungry for just tired truly was. Yes, couldn't get enough and so you know the Lord was working.

The Lord was using his words and his in Darrell's life he probably wasn't aware that that was one of the things really spoke to my heart was Michael card and singer back in the 80s. He was still isn't right. Most all the soldiers are right on the Bible Scripture. Most all the more beautiful beautiful songs and we had met Michael and become friends with. He and his wife Susan, and I can't tell you how many times going to the track on Sunday morning we would list the Michael card music and it really kind of touched my heart and then on 83 after that accident in February we started going to a church that met on Wednesday nights all those years before.

My excuse was like can't go out on time and don't check and go to church on Sunday because I work on Sunday all the races in world Sunday afternoon, so I don't have time. I can't make the church so and I'm not one of those guys I meet are all interim not going to do it so not going to get and we found which she did found a church of metal Wednesday night and Dr. Cortez Cooper became a great friend and a great mentor and he helped me rededicate my life well and he asked you some very specific questions that they yeah oh yeah know he was "Dr. Cooper was soon he was a man's man. He knew he knew about baseball.

He knew about football and he knew who I was, I wouldn't.

I didn't have any idea he new mirror that he knew anything about what I did, but he knew I wasn't.

And we disconnected the good the bad and the ugly and 11 team in spite of truly that's a point that this is the he would do, put his arm around me and hug me and tell me God love me not leave until he loved me he did but he said God loves you and God has a plan for your life in the snowmobile and see like racing will race for you and I talk before you also had the doubts that your character did measure up, or that God love me a lot of ways is true, and in the evening.

In some ways it maybe don't even realize, but we wanted to have children and we couldn't.

We kept trying.

We would couldn't and we tried for 18 years to have children and I was at one time I was convinced that it was because of me. In what way like your behavior yeah yup because my lifestyle the way I got it. I thought maybe God and think that the good father so it God was stopping you from being in your mind in my mind and I know that's not true, but by the same token you know when you trying to trying to trying is new and is not happening. I counted convinced myself that in him. Maybe God thinks it would be good when your first child came along to have that change your heart and change her mind. It was what you eat. Listen, I got sick lately like that I had morning sickness. We lost babies before I finally got pregnant with Jessica and I had such a piece about this pregnancy.

Darrell, on the other hand, when I when I got morning sickness and I'm celebrating because this is the way it's supposed to be and it had not been that way in the previous pregnancy, so I'm celebrating being sick and he actually got morning sickness. He actually got sale for nine months until and that was the first time in many years that he went from January until September which is my pregnancy does not Lance that he didn't want to race PI mean he was completely changed by this little unborn baby. Why was it such an impact on you.

The hard-core winning dry on my new unit we prayed a lot in my walk with the Lord had gotten stronger and doing everything right, done everything wrong or least I and I'm doing everything right and Trenton yelled trying to doing and then I feel like I got right with the Lord. And then this baby comes along and I changed teams in the I quit driving 11 car for Junior Johnson and I want to drive the tied car for Rick Hendrick and that was in 1987 and we had what they called the dream team.

I mean it was like the best of the best me Waddell Wilson. All the best crewmembers you can symbol women win every race only where there is no question about it, with the talent we had in the driver and the sponsor would win every race, we didn't win the race until September, all year all year long. I mean, we had a good car decent car fast car open the points good but we just didn't win and the weekend. It just was born. We won that race. That was our first win that year in and what was amazing about that was then used to target until he think of it touches my heart but were Martinsville, one of my favorite track short track and I want a lot to a note just was born on Thursday. I think it was and so I had to go the track in a live student and just got home and I get to the track and Sunday morning I get to the track, and I'm on cloud nine. We go beautiful little baby girl things are good mentor good coral room were to flip, but early go free. Didn't matter that I write out pretty good. Not only care so I get to the track on Sunday morning I go down the corridor to the pits are not looking to see the corners of vase with a Rosen in a note and not supply once it's open up the note said when this one for me day still church and that's great little baby anyway. Wait a minute so you want it right yeah but it's wish. This is even better. So when one race all year and I show the note. All the guys I see him right in one way, so your but anyway in the race were not the cars decent was not great late caution get some tires on the thing and we gotta run it to get a pretty good finish on this whitefly comes anywhere and I'm running third. I'm running behind Earnhardt's lead in turn to Bonnie second. I'm running third and we go down in the first turn in turn tries to get up on the outside of Dale Dale pushing up the hill and Terry gets in the wall can often turn to bounce it off the wall now II know how Terry drives on how Dale is was hot and he was going to go down in the third turn he was on the boodle Dale going to the bump and run on the water up there to knuckleheads messing with each other here I come. I got a head of steam. I'm coming down the back straightaway to and I'm thinking I'm going at least get by Terry so I drive down in the third turn interior overgrown the corner trying to get to Dale's all over drove the corner trying to get to Terry about Terry Terry bump Dale Dale and Terry went up the racetrack backwards and I went by, and will you ever when I went by way and I did leave at 600 feet of that race but I won that race.

Let only 600 feet of 500 and for all and I guess it's all a matter so race after the race. Did they come to you and all you pray for you all know that you some of those hyphenated words. It might also be repaid. Grandmother will but it was amazing was it's only race I want your 90 day so that's something Stevie, let me ask you this to so many people they may not have a spouse who knows the Lord, and there were.

You were speak to that wife who knows that her husband isn't. And you could tell there is a change in Darrell.

You know sometimes people so how do you know if you encounter God you saw change life in a changed heart describe who we became the kind of man will first of all, I never gave up on the help that we have in Christ and the Lord's the one that does the saving in my part is to pray, and that's what I did and I asked people that I could confide in. That would let Darrell. Regardless of this you think that picture because Darrell was that driver that everybody hated mean they would throw beer cans and yell out own right.

You're the bad boy even chicken bones, only I'm that's pretty bad. You were everybody. You are the bad guy today who would that be. Oh who's kind of that guy.

Well, he could be a couple guys could be Kevin Hardwick. He's gonna, hot temper written and Tony Stewart coming out so that how to present to Kyle Busch is a pretty probably good representative of somebody that acted like right and so then continue from there Stevie's paints the picture.

Yeah so I just I prayed and so did a few of my close friends. Then I would like I said, I read my notes to laymen that he could not help that. Notice the enthusiasm that I had in regards to the Bible and what I was hearing and he grew up going to church so it's not like it was completely foreign to him that I'm sure it did have some sort of influence and so I would just tell us a life that you might get that on your husband but don't give up on God. You know the Lord wants. Once all of us to be in his kingdom, so that was my approach with Darrell and I also he there is this picture of this aggressive, angry young man and he was that also he had an incredibly tender heart and I probably was 90. The only person then recognize that we can't have what he's got a he I always think of him and his heart was so tender that he did whatever he could to protect that and that's kinda how I saw him and little by little, the Lord just chiseled away chiseled away chiseled away at that hardness and you could see it. I could see it was change again like to say that she been married to men with the same name and listening to a special focus on the family conversation with Darrell and Stevie Waltrip Charlotte North Carolina that was recorded in the Darrell Waltrip Museum in front of a live audience and there is a steady rain coming down all day.

You might heard that actually in the background. It didn't dampen the spirits though of those of us in the room listening to this couple sheer so insightfully and candidly about their marriage and their experiences in NASCAR and as you've heard about their spiritual journey. It may be that you'd like to know more about having a relationship with Jesus Christ. We would love to share a little booklet we have with you. It's called coming home explains the Christian walk more fully.

It gives you some next steps to grow in your faith and we've got that online or we can send a printed version to #800, letter and word family or just check the link in the episode on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family will invite you back next time. As we continue the discussion with Darrell and Stevie Waltrip and once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. When a woman discovers her husband struggled with pornography.

She needs a practical plan. The least book for Focus on the Family aftershock but professional counselor Joanne Conti will help you through the seven steps of self-care and to learn how to deal with the emotions involved in the discovery of your husband's addiction, but doing Conti's timeless wisdom.

If you hope, even while you're in your own season of aftershock. Learn more about aftershock@focusonthefamily.com/store