Your Children are a Mission Field

Good veterans aren't perfect and that's okay but there are ways you can grow every day.

Focus on the Family seven traits of effective parenting assessment gives parents an honest look at their unique strings plus some areas that could use a little help every mom and dad can help raise the next generation of healthy children and responsible children in this assessment will help get you started. Take the assessment of focusonthefamily.com/7 traits that's focusonthefamily.com/7 trade. I went home and I think that telling the Lord who I want to ask what are my priorities and he gave them to me. There is nothing plain. My relationship with him is my relationship with my husband and my kids and everything else with your mom struggling with purpose. If you want to do something really big for God. But you don't have the energy for the time just can't quite get there. Maybe you're already doing because that's your children are the most important mission field. You could ever work and that's our subject today on Focus on the Family with your host president Dr. Jim Daly are guests today is Chantel Brewer and I'm John Fuller, John.

You set up well, moms are some of the most influential people I would say some of they are the most influential people on the planet and we can't emphasize enough of their importance to the family and in shaping a child's heart for the kingdom of God. I'm looking forward to this conversation with a mom of five children ranging in ages from 14 to 22.

She's written a book called missionary mom embracing the mission field right under your roof and not unanimous, but probably both would apply. Chantel Brewer is an educator, youth pastor, blogger, and works full-time as a prevention coordinator to help middle school and high school girls who have been trafficked and are working to make a new start. Chantel welcome to focus. Thank you so much. This is just absolutely dream come true to be here with you guys. Well that's very kind boy. Listening to what you're doing. You sound really busy and that on top of raising the kids. I'm in the work you do with the ladies the girls what is that described for us so we actually when our school shut down last year we've been doing this for a while, but when our school shutdown last year we knew that's already teenagers have a hard time if they've been trafficked in our life going into the regular everyday school setting their problems are a little different.

They function in a trauma brain. The teachers don't really know how to take them other students don't have to take them right. They don't even know how to take themselves at self in everyday situation I can get a little bit crazy and the last thing they care about is the spelling test hello what we did is based on that understanding of trauma brain.

We opened up a classroom it's actually two rooms we currently have six, sometimes seven students. We have one who is kind of 1 foot in one flat out, she's not sure yet. She's our middle school are but for the girls who are bought in and really want to go to school. They just know that they're not handling it in a regular public school. What we do is we provide a space for them and an educator in the classroom there in an online program right now and so I just support them yet.

It's just so awesome because you're also been mom at home and you're an associate pastor in the youth pastor know you. You just you have a lot of things going on.

I guess that's maybe the place to start. How do you concentrate on your own children when you're taking care of some very broken people. I have really good boundaries very good at delegating things. I also follow Jesus's lead and take naps on the big fan of it and when I'm wherever I'm not. I am all Internet space so I'm a fan of airplane mode on my phone today. Let me ask you something I citizen my wife Jane that sometimes I think women particularly can feel a lot of guilt that they're not doing enough that they don't have time to relax.

If you have time to relax.

That's guilt and you could be filling the time to do something for the kingdom.

You sound like a little bit like the kind of person that your EE you keep a lot of things going speak to mom guilt and how not to have mom guilt yeah II think it's only recognize mom guilt for what it actually is and who it's actually from the little bit easier to shove it off are just not receive it. I definitely still am not perfect at it but you know CS Lewis, does a fantastic job in Screwtape letters of handing out that idea of you know who's really whispering to us and what it means and I think mom guilt falls under that category. It's definitely a whisper from not the Lord. It is not God's plan for us to feel guilty and in my book. I even say embrace where God has you if you're called to work work do it to the glory of God. If you are called to be a stay-at-home mom.

Due to the glory of God. If you are called to be part time here part-time there. I do have.

I have so much flexibility in just the way that my schedule is and I have an incredibly capable husband which has freed me up to be the mom that I get to be in the women in the community that God called me to be. So when I see that there is a need. I filter it through what our families priorities are and if it fits.

And I have that capacity. Let me ask you this question. When you look at Proverbs 31 that woman. It seems like Christian women have one of two responses. All that's that's what I want to be, or there is no way that she did all that you speak to that comparison. I guess her I want.

I'm going up at retreat and women's retreat. When I was about 20, had been married for a year and I thought, that's for sure what I want to be and I somebody pray that I would be more like the Proverbs 31 woman in a really soon after that I went home and I was looking at instead of telling you Lord to I want to be. I'm in ask what are my priorities and he gave them to me very succinctly.

It's my relationship with him. It's my relationship with my husband and then my kids and everything else. And the more I keep that priority. I actually weirdly feel like I have the capacity for a lot more and I don't have to feel guilt because it's something that God called me to and and secondly his work that is really good and you may just answer this but I want to make sure when you describe the missionary mom who does that look like her who comes to mind that real missionaries I was raised with real missionaries. My brother was a missions pastor for several decades. My mother missionary everyone was a missionary.

It felt like.

Except for me and I all the way from being single digits.

I just remember being very call to my neighborhood to caring for people in my neighborhood and it almost bothered me almost to an offense which is not okay that I was I was, so I can understand why everyone kept leaving and I kept saying what about the people here. What about the people here and I realize later that that was just how God had wired my heart and who he had asked me to see that we each have a separate mission field when it comes to beyond our is a mom. Our mission field is our our family but beyond that each of us is called to a different demographic and it's not that I'm anti-I've been to mission fields and other countries, but I am definitely a local missionary in the community. Mama and I actually appreciate that.

I mean there are country needs mission nares right now. Yeah it's obvious because were not doing that well culture. There's a phrase my love when authors are able to pull out something obscure in Scripture it's it's always fun, and sometimes it's the big names like Eugene Peterson you know others like that. But in your book you mention a phrase in Scripture that you wrote about where Jesus said she did what she could and it caught me because I've I didn't recollect that described that Scripture stats story.

I studied that story quite a bit in writing this, but it just kept popping up and what they're talking about is when Mary comes in and she anoints Jesus's feet with oil and she is choosing to sit at his feet and choose what is her number one priority, which is a relationship in and honoring her Savior inches even know what that means yet.

She just knows that he's somebody awesome and she wants to be there, and it's the contrast of what's happening around her, with Judas causing the grumbling and he is mad that she's using this perfume because as we find out later. He's been you know not on the up and up with how you living exactly right. He's been filling his own pockets and so he throws out this accusation to her of you know, I can't believe year we are wasting this and first of all, I went have the audacity to say something like that in front of the guy she's anointing, knowing that he's my rabbi he's my Jesus, I would never be like you're totally wasting it on Jesus's rights those all day doing to. I'm sure everyone had a different response. I would've loved to be there for that moment like like siblings were your L2 to speak on. I had what are you doing right now you're going to get in so much more trouble and you know it's what's amazing is that Jesus says no you always can have the poor you're always going to have people who are in need, and you not actually always going to have me and she's doing what she could and then he furthers it by saying what she's done today is can be told to everyone everywhere forever. While I like all that such a legacy you know and as Mama's thoughts. That's our goal is our focus. Had he rest in that, though again, because there my observation. Women can be very unsettled that they're not doing enough much constantly in this phrase of she did what she could. How do you as a woman.

Rest in that. I think because my directive comes from God and right now I think a lot of what happens is where allowing our directives to come from everything side-by-side happening around us. Social media from other women our church we choose somebody and we think okay. She seems to be you, how I want my life to be.

And so then, rather than just having them as somebody who is inspiring. We try to conform ourselves to be that person. But actually God has called me to be Chantel of my house and with everything that I have before me with my children and with my husband and so I can't actually be married to whom I married to MB her over there. You know what you're saying. If I can say little differently. That turmoil that so many women feel because of the comparison you that when you do that when you're constantly trying to be that of the person or obtain some benefit or attribute of the person you can leave your soul in a lot of turmoil because you not being who God made you over not asking him that is this what you have for me, my supposed to speak in a softer voice for me, the answer is no. I'm loud have always been loud, you know, and and I'm use.

I mean, God uses my voice now on the public speaker. I go and I I can speak in front of thousands and be fine with it.

I can speak in front of my small church without using a microphone when I sent you are and I when I saying I actually hold the microphone out quite a bit. I just I was out of place and know I can be quiet but it's just my spirit is not ever meant to be quiet some people are in a draw in people differently.

But you know we I think again it needs to be. We know were in the right space because it's where God called us and it lines up with the priorities of our family and whether you have a husband or you are single mom, you know, whatever your family dynamic is it doesn't matter my directive comes from God and I submit to my husband's authority and I love honoring my husband and but if I feel like he is asking me. He's healed just throw something out and say hey you do want to go on this vacation and I'll say you know actually here's what we have planned during this time and it isn't that he staring is wrong is that he didn't have that information in us up women on the calendar keeper in our house. You know I do know what it's like as it rises I but I always tell the wife if I'm planning something with with the couple. I tell the wife shows up but you know it isn't that he's off base.

It said he didn't have all the information and so together we we are able to stick to those priorities. But if you don't know what your priorities are, as a family. What you weighing it against you know what your plumb line so I think that's a good place to start and again with those boundaries. I if is it honoring to my relationship with God is it keeping me in a space where I can pour into my husband as second he is second to Jesus. And so if it there something getting in the way of that. I can say nope that you know that isn't for me. I'm not gonna do a nighttime Bible study because family dinner is so important to us. I'm not going to do a Sunday morning anything because church and having that time with my family and that community is a priority for you so often that prioritization could get so clouded and you are saying it in such an obvious way. I'm sure they're going to limit perfection and then it like you can't do it.

There's something the mechanics of it become too difficult to keep straight, so out in that context with the woman who hears you going sounds wonderful how to shoot and apply that to me that's a pretty big question but how do you keep constantly coming back to that priority of God. Husband, family, others it almost has to come out just like you said it, not as a chance, but as about my life motto almost then for a long time.

I had it posted in my house and I had it written in the first page of my Bible and I would rewrite it regularly and every time some new opportunity would come to me because you know when you're a busy person when you do a lot.

Everyone comes you to do more and so I wanted to pray. I used to think that if a pastor asked me to do something, I simply prayed about it and he knew I was the one to fill that spot and I'm realize he was just like somebody help me with. Sometimes that person can draw the pastors because say yes.

Yet what exactly they know you'll say are you okay saying no, I'm very good at saying no, I'm very comfortable with that because coming back to that I want. At the end for Jesus to save me. She did what she could. I don't leave anything in that space. And if I'm saying yes to things that are not what I'm supposed to be saying yes to. I don't have. I'm not gonna get that at the end not to get him to say that about me. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and to be our guest is Chantel Brewer and she's written this great missionary mom embracing the mission field right under your roof is a great book and you'll be able to get a copy when you contact us. Here are numbers 800 K in the word family or click the link in the episode notes Chantel you mention in your book.

This idea marred her mom and describe what a martyr. Mom is and then how do women avoid becoming the martyr. It's a fake diagnosis that we put on ourselves. It's not a real happening that in most cases. Obviously there's countries where markets are a little little miss fish anything in this case. What we do is we take on that to be a little more dramatic, or to say that we're going through something that nobody else could possibly understand. Which isn't true. All the other moms actually understand and it because it's difficult for all of us. It's the same a lot of work for all of us, we might have different struggles because of who we are, personalities are temptations and who our kids are and so that combination will change things, but in the end. Raising kids is hard. It is difficult and it takes a sacrifice and I think we look at our sacrifice sometimes and we mistakenly apply this term to say. Well, my life is obviously over. I'm only here for my kids are. I have to give every single thing which actually Jesus did model that either was never give every single thing he had boundaries he would get in a boat and take sometimes you know which is the equivalent of hiding in the bathroom right to it from here.

I'll say you are.

Y'all just stay there and I'll say what I gotta say same same idea you believe wholeheartedly in the power of prayer.

Hopefully all listeners do describe how you integrated prayer into your family life will happens that we have seven of us in the family so each person was assigned nights to pray. That was handy. I don't recommend having kids five kids just have that and now that are three adult kids have moved out we have to at home. As we kinda just share all over the place. But you know it.

EMI is such a great model of prayer to me and you. He prays before he speaks every sentence. Sometimes when he was speaking to the king in the beginning because what he was approaching was impossible and crazy and what I propose is raising children is impossible and crazy unless you are sentence for sentence almost praying about what am I about to say to my kid right now.

It's so much less reactive. If we are in that prayer with God and were asking what are the words, what am I about to say right now in my flesh versus what am I gonna say right now that's gonna build this kid up which makes all the difference because I always regret when I don't take that time. I always regret when I just say something quickly and I think because I'm funny.

I think I'm funny and you know instead.

Sometimes it's not the right time and if I would've prayed about it, God might have dropped that in my heart that maybe it's not the right time, but when I leave the situation, no matter how heavy that conversation has been or what the topic is.

If I leave and it's been saturated in prayer minute by minute as we both feel leaving like thank you Lord that was a great conversation and set of it. Sometimes in the throes of parenting you could be pretty upset about something, do you recall yourself ever having to gather yourself to say okay we got to admit, I've got to manage this differently and then reengage with the child. You know, jumps at them. Yeah, you know, for me, actually it didn't come when they were younger were on I and I think everyone has their own season of of the kids that they just do really well with and when my kids were younger. I was actually I was pretty fine, because I'm a pretty chill mom laid back to your phone around now electing everything now and you know I regulation thank you yeah and I just I think God's a much better speaker to them during certain times, or its ICANN muscles.

To do this, and I knew that my husband and I had really worked hard on setting our expectations on who they're going to be and modeling those expectations of who we expected to be living in our house. You know who we expect them to be. While they lived here and so I wasn't so worried about that.

It's more of 15 ones and it's honestly we get into conversations about things that make me fearful and I think okay that and I don't say this, but in my mind. I think this is about to get out of my control. This is not something I actually can control because there at an age where now they get to make their own choices and you know pretty soon they're going to be flying the coop and so I'm just I so desperately want them to know something, but I go about it in a way that is kindest asked to write so true though yeah you prayed specifically for your son Eli to be a great leader.

So I think that is great. How did discover that he was inclined to. Oh yeah, so when he was about four years old we were part of our church and I was the, the children's pastor there at the time and I looked back one day and he was standing at the door is what I thought was he was just being a greeter like a helper greeter four years old and instead, a man came up to me who I'd not met in person yet and I later realized he was my boss at because as we know we are part of the foursquare denomination. He was our Dir. division leader and he said is that your son back there and I said yes. What is he done you not like automatic voice. It's not you dumped on moms like all my kid would never him all I get this from my mom, do I do my kids need to be punished.

Were they involved in whatever you zoom guilt, like I look them in the eye from across the room in their acknowledgment and so he said no I he said I just came in. He was great but he said hi my name is Elijah and I'm a pastor here know this for my faith just I me I don't even know how many say that either I saw and I still didn't know that this guy was my boss and I said are you new here and we just kinda laughed and he said no, I actually used to be the pastor here and I'm thinking right now. What cyst is gone and so were years he introduced himself as a pastor here and he would have people come pastor Eli saw my little son and he would shake he has always done a fantastic job of looking on the shaking their hands and just beat he's in charge and he's he's about six to now with a pretty good head of hair root lots of big curls and so he probably stands closer to 63 I think yes yeah and and he just he has such a presence when he walks in places so he's only 19 now, but it's going to be amazing.

I'm just so what about other young man is destined for some, let me assure you, you have a story in the book about your friend shopping and so much of our you know the way we learn is through her experiences right and I don't know if you're a teenager at this time what happened and what grade lesson.

Did you come out with the first. I like the call that shopping because it's actually shoplifting out on good so I was 17 at the time and I know him in my own life I knew I would been part of youth group.

I was the leader in my youth group. I had a fairly broken home, but I I really knew who I was supposed to be and so was out of character for me to be in the situation. However, I didn't say no to it.

And so when I was 17 my friend Jenny asked if she could get a ride to the store to buy a pair of pants, and she used air quotes around the word, by and I didn't realize that and so we strolled into Kmart and she took a pair of pants and shoved them right down into her current pants that she was wearing and then she said let's roll. And I kind of looked around and was a little shocked and I thought okay, what are we doing it instead of sticking up to her and say no like I really could have my rolled with her right out the front door into the arms of an undercover what he is like the security guy and he rolled us right into the manager's office and when my dad they called her parents. My dad showed up and my dad's an enormous man. He is Middle Eastern 63 and just a very intense man man and so everyone is intimidated by him in including me, but in a really loving way, and he allowed the officers to really lay into me because I knew better and I in what he was doing in that time the way I described in the book is that he was reminding me where I came from and letting me kind of feel that authority figure from somebody else and it worked. That's all I needed and I I definitely was on the verge of tears. The whole time and then for Jenny. She didn't have that when they called her dad said I don't want her and my dad was shocked by that and just heartbroken and so he said I'll take her because we were both minors and so we had to be released to an authority. And so he drove us to the movie theater and I was like dad, what are we doing. I just did not know where this was going and he didn't say anything and I knew that he was disappointed in me and frankly that's all it took for me. II wasn't gonna do that again because that's all that I needed and he knew it. But for her. She needed something different in that moment. My dad, I just unbelievably knew that and so he took us to go see the movie the lion King. It was out brand-new and right after the survey right after he drove us from Kmart's office of purity to their security office to the movie theater and he bought us candy and he brought us popcorn and we sat and we walked out and she cried through that whole movie and on the way leaving. She said I really am so sorry.

She apologized to him for putting me in that situation and what's crazy is that she was a gang member me and we grew up in a really volatile area.

She was a gang member. She had done terrible things.

This was on such a low-end that you know it it it seems like this shouldn't have been where she learned her lesson, but my dad was able to reach into her life in a way and built her in such a way that she never forgot and actually in the book.

I say that I've lost touch with her, but actually sense. She's contacted me and I really thought me the way that she lived her life.

I honestly thought that she was dead and she contacted me I was one of her 12 steps for her AA and NA program was her contacting us and unfortunately my dad passed away sense but and so she was hoping to contact him but she's doing so much better. The power of being involved in someone's life.

You would do that.

You recall, but what an intuitive father you had to know this would be the right seed to plant in her young heart. And obviously she battled but it came back she is forever still wish I had a going away party about five years after this. Why was there with a bunch of my church friends and she was very drunk and that she still went around to every person at the party and told him that story every single person ended up in five years and that was the thing that she it was like that was the thing she was standing on that there was someone out there that believed that she could boy.

I'm sure you wash your father, but I'm sure he was very proud of you and just felt really good toward the daughter you become teachers.

We am thinking about just been really good missionary mom.

It's what it's all about and you described it so well today.

Thanks for being with us and I hope you get a copy of the book.

If your mom and your listening.

I think you need to get a copy and I think Chantel is done a great job putting together the things that you need to do to keep that priority right God first husband, kids, and others, then it's that simple yet so complex really get a hold of us get a copy of the book, the gift of any amount will send it as our way of saying thank you if you can afford it, ask for it and will get it out to knowing someone else will take care of the cost of Chantel. Thanks for being with us to thank you so much for having me will get in touch donated as you can. Wonderful missionary mom embracing the mission field right under your roof over phone call away 800 K and the word family will have the link in the episode will join us next time is really the Pharaoh encourages us to be contagious. Christians will live forever in patient delay in the behalf of Jim Daly in the entire team here. Thanks for joining us today for focus on Emily.

I'm John Fuller inviting you back. As we once were, help you and your family thrive parent are you looking for an informative encouraging and engaging resource for your team daughter. Check out the new and improved real magazine from us on the family almost double the original size like format is trusted biblically-based magazine provides teen girls with ring stories fashion advice cultural insight and positive role model healthy looking girl lived out subscribed real magazine.com real magazine.com