Foster Care: How Everyone Can Help

Kinsman's a lot of time away from home working on the pipeline in Alaska, but our podcasting has become his wife, one on the family who help my marriage by leaps and bounds so much to think about people's ground. The ground I Jim Daly together we can bring real hope to marriages like kids gift today@focusonthefamily.com/real families. I listen to the heart of the little nine-year-old boy. His name is Jordan. That's the cry every person's heart to belong to have a family and mom or dad or preferably a mom and dad today on Focus on the Family or guests is to share some ideas for you to help hurting kids who are longing for a place to call home your hostess focus presidents and author Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller, John, that little Jordan that little boy is in foster care and he was interviewed by small new station in Oklahoma. He said that his brother got adopted, so he's hoping he'll get adopted to mean what a heart-wrenching thing to hear right, but tens of thousands of people called and said we'd like to adopt that little boy and that that shows you the wonderful heart of so many people have that that overwhelming response illustrates.

I think the hunger for people to step up and do the right thing right. So true. I can remember being that little boy and not having a mom and dad hoping that maybe I could get adopted. I was living with my brother at the time my football coach did ask me if I wanted to go with him and his wife Joyce in such a kind thing to do but I thought it would hurt my brother too much, actually.

So I said no and God's got his plans for each person's life just like will Jordan here and I know a great family will adopt him and the Lord will begin to unfold. That nine-year-old boy's life and future. He's got a journey ahead of them and Jim. This is really central to Focus on the Family. This is reflective of our heart to help hurting kids totally.

You know in Isaiah 117 says we are called to seek justice, encourage the oppressed and defend the cause of the fatherless, and that's right there.

The orphan care effort the foster care effort that Dr. Sharon Ford on our team provides is exactly that were trying to help the foster care system do the best job you can do and I'm proud of the work that were doing.

Her focus can we get details about all of that on our website. Our guest today is Amanda some great ideas. His name is Jason Johnson. He's a pastor and is a director at Christian alliance for orphans and he and his wife Emily have been foster parents since 2012. They have four daughters, one of whom join them through adoption and Jason has a book it's called reframing foster care filtering your foster parenting journey through the lens of the gospel and I we got copies of that. Click the link in the episode notes Jason, welcome to Focus on the Family, thank you for having I want to call you like super dad, but I think your message is going to be, you know people that love the Lord can do this right just normal normal, then let's start with your personal story so compelling when you were nine years old yourself you got some news that really change your life forever. What was yeah so I learned around that time in my life that my dad was in fact not my biological that was the first time you heard that first time I had become aware of that and of course he was my dad, and is my dad and but he just wasn't my biological father. And so, that began to unfold the story, whereas I grew older I understood the implications of what my dad did at a particular time and and my life. My mom's life.

My older sister's life as you the feeling of that because you know were talking to mostly adults. I remember you being told my mom and died when I was nine and my dad was 11. It know you start thinking what's can happen.

Where do I go how do I eat where do I sleep in this context. Just hearing that your dad was not your biological father. What were those nine-year-old feelings like for you, you know there was a little bit of well why why has this been necessary right where and where is my biological father. What's the story there, but also gratitude that this man would step in our story, you know it's interesting to have these childhood experiences begin to shape your adult decision-making and so you had that idea about adoption and describe how you and your wife begin to talk about that and what motivated you to a doctor daughter yeah that's a great question.

So my wife and I had the conversation that I think a lot of people have even pre-marriage right as you is your suspecting. I think this is headed towards marriage and I suspected that actually the moment I met her.

So that's a different story, but I believe even before we were married we were having conversations about one day we want to adopt. And so it was kind of the one day conversation that I think a lot of couples have the private personal conversation of maybe one day when this is something will do you and and you did that.

That in fact you point to parallel and I've use this before as well between what Jesus did for us and what adoption does for a child and you know for every believer. Make this connection. Go ahead.

Yeah so you know I think ultimately our motivation as believers in all of life is we do what we do because of what Jesus has done for us and that translates into every aspect of our life. In particular, stepping into the lives of vulnerable children and families in when I think back on what Jesus has done for us. He steps into our story, and he changes our story, past, present and future all of its becomes new RR past no longer defines us. Our present reality is new and shifted full of security. Our future trajectories are full of hope and on a similar level. We step into the stories of families and children and we say it doesn't always have to be like this and you can live today with the security of knowing you are fully loved and you can live today also with a hope for what the future can look like in every aspect of our story together and that changes you known were all working in this area to help improve the lives of these children and I mentioned Dr. Sharon Ford. She worked here in the state of Colorado and thankfully she's come on staff your focus to lead the weight no more program that we started by just purely encouraging Christians to get involved in to adopt and she's now kind of broaden that I think rightfully to encourage families to not only consider adoption but also wraparound care to simply become foster parents because the foster system so overwhelmed right now and typically always as you know, they just need more resources. The point of that like you speak into this is adoption isn't the only goal. It's a good goal but there are other options and you even mention this in your book that adoption is and always the goal for foster care.

What is the goal you yeah it's a big question with a big answer. II think the goal is that every believer is empowered with a sense of calling and direction as to what their something might be so. We often say this were not all called to do the same thing over all capable of doing something everyone can do something and we see that reflected in in theology of the body of Christ where Paul says we are like ears and eyes and hands and feet, and we all have different functions but for the same purpose and so as we translate that into the activity of the church in terms of caring for kids and families.

We find not everyone will open their home to children, but that doesn't mean there's not significant places for other parts of the body to find their something to get creative brand that yet you think it's a good starting point to at least take a step of faith and start praying about what God might have for us, and absolutely to begin to pray. God, what's my something and to ask for clarity on that and to be open-minded without know that because it could be that my something might be. We begin to take steps towards opening our home to children. It could also be know what the Lord has blessed me with the business and maybe I get creative and I find ways to use my business, my restaurant or my my repair shop or my counseling center. How can I use my something for the good of the whole and Jim as you know, for Dean and me.

We started praying we thought was in beholding babies. It turned into something more and you turn into adoption for us and the Lord's been in all of that as hard as some of it's been our guest on Focus on the Family's Jason Johnson and that he's written this great book reframing foster care filtering your foster parenting journey through the lens of the gospel and will encourage you to get your copy when you click the episode notes and our numbers 800 a family. Jason, this next question is really to prompt people to think that when you look at the foster system situation and we have no about 400,000 kids total in the system and within that group. You have about 100 hundred and 10,000 children where the courts have terminated the parental rights of the rewards of the state and the state really is their mom and dad. Unfortunately, in their probably enough the temporary foster situation until they get a permanent placement and hopefully get adopted thinking of those numbers on the 40,000 foot view. I think we have 360,000 churches in these are hundred and 10,000 children need a place that is troubling that we in the Christian community cannot do more. I'd love to see a New York Times headline says Christian church wipes out waiting foster adoption list. When I be awesome would be, and so in that context.

Now bring it down to the 1 foot level. You and your wife deciding to do this, that speak to that couple that's listening right now that might be interested, but they don't know how to start is at the right thing to do. We arty have children, can we do it, so there are there's a number of things I would say to them. The first would be you know there's never a perfect time to do this and so if you're waiting for the perfect time. You'll likely never do anything there's always been excuses all live so we here's what we say is I think what God is inviting us to do is to find opportunities to say yes. Despite all the reasons we can come up with to say no and there's a lot now that doesn't mean that we push aside good judgment and wisdom, doesn't mean that we say you know what our families and turmoil were in financial crisis in our marriage is struggling. We should probably open our home up and do something right now not we want to be wise right and diligent but we also want to be realistic and understand. I'm very, very good at finding reasons to say no and it changes our prayers. In a lot of ways I'm I think we spent a lot of time asking God for clarity when he's been clear and instead of asking for clarity. Maybe we spend more time praying for courage. In one of the big reasons people don't foster is because they're afraid of having the make this attachment with these kids and then we talk about the other 300,000 kids were they just need temporary placement to their family can get their acts together, etc. that is an excuse that people use and it's not you know that's a fair thing you should have these kids for maybe six months a year. Who knows. And you bond and then they're going to be ripped away from you, how you responded that caution, yes, I'm glad you brought that up. It is likely the number one reason that people won't foster is that fear as x-ray as a deterrence we hear it all the time and so I like to legitimize it. It's real, it's what we don't say to people is know if you really love Jesus, you wouldn't be concerned about that at all know it's real and it's wrong and we've experienced it ourselves, but it it also requires a reframing is why we named the book the way that we did the reframing the way that we think about things and so we can't let the fear of loving a child that might leave deter us. Instead, let's let the fear of a child never know when our love drive us so this is a reframing. It also may be comes from a slightly flawed understanding of what the purpose of foster care is no foster care is less about getting a child for your family and it's more about giving your family for child and embracing the implications that come with some of those implications are hard and they require great sacrifice and if the goal is reconciliation and renewal in their families and with their moms and dads, then it will likely mean that we grow close and we attached and then we have to say goodbye but we have given our family to this child for their renewal and we got to participate in that with them. It doesn't make the goodbyes easier. It just gives purpose and meaning to the goodbyes. It was not in vain. Right.

We also say this know if you're afraid of getting too attached in your using that as an excuse not to attach not to then perhaps it's better understood in this context, the fact that you know you will get attached doesn't disqualify you from becoming a foster parent and might be one of the things which qualifies you the most is that's exactly what these kids that is so true Jason this next objection I we live this one so I'm in the speak from personal experience. We had when our boys were younger.

Probably 911. We did have two boys that were eight and nine so it was a bundle of close little boys in Maine and it was tough. It was really rough.

I think there with us for six, seven months and it really had an impact on one of my sons in a very negative way. Later we did have the long-term placement with too much younger children four and two when my boys were 15 and 13 that worked beautifully and mean they really took them on his siblings and they loved on the skids. There wasn't competition and there wasn't as much fighting about things that speak to that as well because that can be an objection. You know my kids are that young age I don't want to put them in an environment that's going to be harmful. Those are really legitimate. I'm telling you because we lived it and if I look back on it I would've waited for my kids to be older and had the experience that we had with the second set of long-term placement children that we had. Yes, our encouragement to families and that was my number one hesitation as well. Our girls were 64 into at the time and questions of, is it an injustice to them in the time that there due from us in the attention that they are due from us. Would it be taking that away from them and I never forget sitting in an orientation class at a local agency in Houston and the instructor comes in and even before she gets into the orientation. She starts sharing she had. You could tell she had a tough week as most agency caseworkers do and so begins to share a story of a little girls file who came across her desk that week and the little girl happen to be around the age of one of my little girls and some of the things she was sharing about what this little girl experience that week were horrific as you can imagine, and I found myself sitting there using the age of my daughters as an excuse as to why it wasn't the right time and then listening to the story of this little girl getting angry inside and feeling the sense of righteous anger.

Why wasn't anyone there to protect this little girl I would give my life is to protect my little girls from and then you know God's up there kind of going is it connecting now Jason right and so here's my point and that is God took the very thing that I was using as my excuse the age of my kids and turned it into actually the very thing which began to compel me the most. I want someone to be there for these kids, just like I know I would be there for mine now there's no script for this is no prescription for this right. Everyone's family is different and unique in their own kids and their temperaments and their needs is all different and some encouragement to families is yes very in tune with the effects that it will have on children that are already in your home and also understand that we have found foster care has given our daughters a gift that we as mom and dad, likely would have never been able to give them on our own. It is open their world up to a perspective without a doubt without a doubt they've seen another side of things that I don't know they would've seen if it was just us has not always been easy now.

Have there been police officers at our home late at night, yes, have they seen things that maybe we would've normally gone to great lengths to insulate them from yeah do we believe it has made them stronger and more grounded. I do think so. Not because it's been easy, but because it's been difficult and so I have found for our journey.

Maybe my job in my case with four girls isn't so much to raise safe girls as much as it is to raise strong girls.

That's beautiful yeah that is really really beautiful. You have a story I want to get to the riches.

The handprint story so set that up and you have profound was there for your family you know ties right into that where the effects know initially being concerned about the effects it would have on our girls opening our home to this and would deprive them would it take away from them but we began to see early on, some fruits of this in their own minds and their own progress so maybe we walk in and they've pulled all their baby dolls and the paraphernalia out into the living room and we say what you doing in the same were taking care of babies. I don't have mommies and daddies rhyme or when we were building a new home, and we did the typical output sure hands in the cements of the driveway before drives riding with and out there. All six of us there and one of our little girls. I can't recall who became highly concerned about when the cement dries. How are we going to get any new future sisters handprints into the heart Summit right and I assured them you know we can like cut out a square and re-patched it but again it was just one of those little pieces, little glimmers of this is planted something in their hearts and in their minds, and we see little evidences of that which are encouraging Jason is such a beautiful portrait. Let me end with this question though you say you struggled with wanting to fix each child became a deer home. I need to ask this question because that's where I would be you know when we get to do to fix and fix were fixers right. What's the problem and will give you a solution.

How did you let go of that and what did you learn in that process.

Yeah, this is probably been the biggest learning curve for me because like you said. I'm a fixer and I think a lot of people to get involved in this state. They have a vision for what can be and so want to get involved in this because we know what can be and the question then becomes what happens when what can be and should be doesn't become or more slowly materializes. It's a couple of points just real quick for me is these feelings of inadequacy, like I don't have what it takes to do this and I think that deters a lot of people as well. They see the problem and they see the need, and they immediately think I don't have what it takes to do that. That's for special people spiritually elite people gifted people. That's definitely not me.

I don't have what it takes and so point number one for me has been this embracing the gift of not having what it takes. I don't find anywhere in Scripture where God calls someone to do something with the expectation that they're going to have everything that it takes to do it is effective see quite the opposite. So the story of the feeding of the 5000 has been especially important for me and most of us are familiar with it, but the disciples recognize of an overwhelming need that they can't meet there down to the Fixit mode. There's a there's thousands of people here that they need to eat and so our only solution is we need to send them away and in Jesus and typical Jesus fashion. Rather than saying you're right guys.

He turns a background on them.

How frustrating would that be sometimes. Like seriously Jesus and again this is how you give them something to eat and immediately they look at what that we don't have what it takes.

And so they somehow commandeer bread and fish from little boy we don't know exactly how that happened but as a stolen or borrowed, and we don't know that's been on the high side. They bought a bottle they bought it in a very ethical way and they bring back to Jesus say this is all we have come up with. We don't have what it takes to do what you're asking us to do. Jesus does not turn around and say guys, you're right. I'm so sorry to have put you in that position to make you feel inadequate, less to send them away. You are right the first know I think Jesus purposefully and lovingly put them in that position, knowing full well you don't have what it takes to do what I'm asking you to do and then he says he essentially says just give me what you got your fume pieces of bread and fish and watch what I can do with it. I can multiply it to the point of abundance where there's more than enough so that leads into my final thing which is been the umbrella over our journey for the last eight years and it's redefining what successes for us in the kingdom of God. You know in the world, success is defined by things we can measure accolades and ladders and bank accounts in power and position.

All of these things I it's quantitative right in any economy of God. We see a completely flipped upside down in a lot of ways and I've gone to Hebrews 11. Quite often the first couple thirds of Hebrews 11 is all about people who by faith saw the walls of Jericho fall, the Red Sea split kingdoms conquered the dead raised to life. We all said yes.

That's the victorious faith that I want. I want for my faith to produce great victories like that and it will prove that I've been successful in my faith right, I've been a successful Christian okay and then the last third or so of Hebrews 11 six.

A pretty significant turn and it starts to say that others by faith were sawn in half. They were left destitute in caves and holes in the ground.

They were stoned to death. And we know a lot I don't want to read. I want the sermon that talks about the first part of Hebrews 11 not being sawn in half and stunted and then the end of Hebrews 11 says this it says all of them were commended for their faith. Interesting. So here's what I find here's what's been especially powerful for us on this journey is that God is far more concerned with our willingness to be faithful. Then he is concerned with our ability to produce a certain set of outcomes through our faithfulness. Sometimes faithfulness on this journey will feel like the walls of Jericho are falling the Red Sea is splitting were seen great breakthrough great healing great connection happening with these children in these families and sometimes faith is going to feel like were being stoned to death and sawn in half and left in caves and holes destitute and in all of that God says well done, well done. Our journey has been one where we've seen the walls of Jericho fall.

In some cases and it's also been one where we felt like we have been stoned to death and I can't put my head down on the pillow with out holding fast to the truth that God is in the business of producing outcomes.

All that he asks of me is to be faithful to give him what I got and watch what he can do with it.

It doesn't mean that we don't fight hard doesn't mean that we don't advocate hard doesn't mean that we don't push, but it does mean that we rest in the fact that only God can do what only God can do, and only I can do what I can do what he asks of me is to be faithful and just him. Well Jason, you and your wife Emily and your family have done such a wonderful job well done on Monday after saying that the listeners to that are hearing this at John, I think this is a little different but man this wonderful book reframing foster care.

I think we just want to offer it.

And for those that can help us cover the cost of giving this away free to those families who are considering what they might do in the foster care effort if you can help us offset the cost of sending these out to hopefully hundreds of people that will call focus or you know email us. Let's do this. Let's get this into the hands of families who need the information well yeah Lynn for those who would like a free copy of this book, you can call one 800 the letter a in the word family. That's 800 K in the word family and if you'd like a copy of the book and want to donate as well will be happy to send that book to you. When you make a gift of any amount to the ministry and you can follow the links in the episode notes for resources or to make that donation and John II want to add here that there are white, no more program has had almost 5000 families initiate the process of adoption out of foster care. I'm so so proud of that man is just it's good it we really want to encourage you to do is Jason said and that is start praying about what you can do and be faithful whatever got asked for me to do donate to focus help the family out in your church. Step up and start the process learn about wait no more. There's a lot we can do with you to help you explore that give us a call. Again, our number 880 family or the link is in the episode, Jason. Again, thank you for everything you and Emily have done and thank you for being with us today have been a pleasure thinking and coming up next time learning how to deal with conflict and godly ways. I think it's the gospel. I like to ask people with we talk about picking up our cross daily and dying. How are you dying in this conflict, how you setting your preferences aside to allow God's newness of life to walk you on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back. As we once again help you and your Findlay thrived in Christ. Good parents aren't perfect and that's okay but there are ways you can grow every day.

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