Finding New Strength as a Mom

Sophie's family was not in a good place. She was failing as a wife and mother, but her rest was the last family whole. Never give up helping letting the liturgy on Jim Daly today. Sophie's family is thriving. Working together can help rescue and strengthen more families like hers give today@focusonthefamily.com/real family that he said that my weakness is what he lets his strength is me and let Thomas you felt me today.

That's exactly that's Heidi St. John she's a guest today on Focus on the Family with your host focus president Dr. Jim Daly, thanks for joining us on junk. Johnson Sunday is Mother's Day. Yes. How have your children on all others.

Yes, it's been everything from breakfast in bed with her. She wanted not to cards to hit and miss gifts also to those are all the things I asked her last night broadcast.

She said the same thing. Breakfast in bed, which always meant cold everything was soon called logs of jail and in the home and cards and the things that she remembers the most I think we still have some of those tucked away in the time capsule so it's great. But today we are grateful for moms. Of course, with Mother's Day around the corner and we are going to speak to a special guest today about that mom calling and being a mom.

Motherhood is so unique, and it cannot be challenging. I think today in this culture we want to make sure that we encourage you in that role as mom and follower of Christ, and Heidi St. John has some reassurance and some hope for you as she runs mom strong international, which is an online ministry for women and she and her husband Jay have seven children and three grandchildren. She knows a lot about being a mom and about being a grandmother as well, I guess, and she's a very popular speaker and author. In her book is becoming mom strong, how to fight with all that's in you for your family and your faith and will invite you to contact us for your copy are numbers 880 family and the link is in the episode notes Heidi, welcome to Focus on the Family, thank you for having me, it's good to have you know you are this mom blogger you got a very successful blog and you're talking to a lot of women from around the world.

What, what's a common thing that you're saying that they are encountering in being a mom kind of the, the obstacle that I don't know that there is one obstacle I think moms feel that the culture has really made mother head into a stopover on the highway of life you now is this thing you do for this is small season of time. They don't realize the impact that they're having.

They don't realize that these children that they're raising today are going to be tomorrow's teachers and some as leaders and so I've been spending a lasting 20 years of my life trying encourage and that what they're doing right now is God can use it for eternity and some just I think they fill out an undervalued, you know, a lot of people will say that's sweet. What else did you write, you know what else did it and I like to tell him it's okay if your dream is to be a life in a matter it's okay if your dream is to raise those children to love and serve and follow the Lord Jesus and it's all right to pour your life into it. These kids are worth that.

So just encouraging them in the day-to-day you know you can get it can get exhausting. I do think and I applaud that fact that your mother seven and a grandmother of three.

So you know, the calling and this doesn't let the that's off the hook. By the way, we also have to be engaged father/mother mixtures were going to Mother's Day. Recognizing the role of dad's to, but I think you Jean. You know, before we had our first trip. She was teaching nuclear gene splicing and labs at the University here and she loved what she was doing. I remember the professor said that she is working for you know you are you trying to have children. She said yes and he said, boy, this is not you can't be doing nuclear gene splicing. If you try to have children. So that really allowed her to come to for yourself up from that vocational approach and then concentrate on the kids. That's what she thankfully has been doing, we have 20 and 18-year-old sons that are thriving. I think in part, in large part because of mom and that's what you say oh yeah, I think. I think we underestimate the value of mother head and we underestimate what it's going to do in the culture years from now because these moms chose to focus on their children. Heidi another amazing attribute of women in mom's is their ability to look at themselves first.

I've often said that on the broadcast I young men we run from our shame, women tend to go that was me say that one is talent right because you know these little flexion to be like on know mom went down, you mentioned in the book, the two big mom files that you had on the same day and I love that and Jean love that because so great to see you reflect on what were they well I think one of the first lens was realizing that I'm not able to get it all done. I think I told a story kind of early on in the back and is funny. There's a lot of things happen. You're raising seven children write everything on different and I I did not feel equipped for the job and I think this is another thing.

It's important for women to understand. You don't have to feel like you can have it all together. You have to like you know what you're doing, you have to feel like you know I misstate like me didn't come from a home that modeled it well. So maybe haven't seen it done done very well and I remember very distinctly I one time in particular, I'm trying go to bed so typical of me trying to sleep. I'm thinking there's something I'm missing something.

Something is an orthodontist payment now is it that the roast on the freezer. I think I did. I put the clothes in the washing the dryer. Not really sure if their elderly will wash him again all the things and in the morning Milo sexual came in and she said you know mom, the tooth fairy didn't show up. My husband asked me and I'm working on. She said she would come and she did.

She didn't, while this is happening, you know Jason right away And rent roll out of bed because we have a routine by now rank this is happened to us many times and he's running into the room and putting it you know somewhere under the covers or so minutes or file right now.

Can I were getting this work. We are getting this this whole thing out on the extent that I remember just telling my husband. I said I feel like every time I turn around I'm failing at something I'm failing at something and he know for 32 years now. Let me so well as I did you think it would be different.

Did you really think that we are going to skate through this thing and get all of you get it all right and I I looked at my daughter and I and I something I love about the innocence of children and I was able to say you know mom and told you that you spray was in a calm and my mom says that you face, the tooth fairy is coming and if she doesn't, when I met you know what I have to have it all together and I think I look back at my raising is because most of my kids are grown now you know that little one as she's almost 11 now and our oldest daughter's 30 and I look at those kids.

Now I think the times that I failed her. When God met me the most when I think I was on top of you falling asleep. The night before when your son was try to tell you what they do. These are teenagers. Do they come in right oh, and you're trying to prop your eyes open.

I member one time in particular, my, my son came and sat on the bed and they do this every night. They still did is we got a couple of teenagers to left home and he sat down he is not teaching now that dad was the site.

I didn't now visibly just go to sleep and talk to me and he's like why love you guys. Good night. Ever go to hell when I talked to me about the deeper things of life, and I member talent dates and on that event. He's Tommy's great happened to him with a friend.

I fell asleep in the middle of it and he was like mom mommy listening. Yes, I am listening went to pick me up again where we and all of those things you look back on it. At least I do now, in the moment, I felt like I was feeling, but now looking back I can see that staying in there. That person you know that perseverance and patience and action right at perseverance. The willingness spells that you know I'm so sorry I blew it and we start over again. Tell me again you know where we get what what we try stating I'm really sorry and you really think that you have to do it right, you don't have to do perfectly to come back and's and circle back and say you know what, let's try this try this again. Mother head is a lot about humility and a lot about being willing one of the things that I love to tell moms is that that importance of leaning into the Lord and I think the biggest moment for me in remembering that God was with me all the time was probably after I had my six baby and now you got a picture I got this house full of children were homeschooling them, which is something I never thought that I would do so I'm doing all these things trying to do them and feeling I'm failing everything right because that's how moms are magnets we always felt like were failing at everything look up early one morning and I'm I'm fairly certain that I hadn't really slept at all went outside.

I watch the sunrise over Mount Saint Helens and I'm just sobbing and sitting outside on my deck feeling like I never did. I yes do quiet time.

I used to be a good Christian and I garlic my Bible and I feel like I'm crabby with my kids and Isaac Lori you know where you I feel so far away from you and in that moment the Lord so faithfully. I never went anywhere. I'm not distracted when you are when you're unloading the dishwasher you can talk to me then it's all right if you're nursing a baby and trying to juggle a toddler that need your attention right now are a teenager that thinks her sweater is ugly and she doesn't like you anymore. All of those things I didn't leave you dry your children into your quiet time because I just felt so guilty again. You know it was that I haven't of my Bible. I used to be so faithful at it and just feeling like I'm not even communicating with alert and that was a turning point for me.

That's a guilt feeling reason is the enemy right he wants to make you feel like everything you do is permanent.

Everything you wrong or every failure that you feel that your encountering is permanent and so I did something different I went I took all my kids to Walmart and I said you guys can pick out a spiral notebook and they ought to be different colors. As we all know what happens to you guys you guys you know you bicker over who gets the green one and he gets the blue and in moms can get Microsoft and I'll come back so the kids all get you know $0.15 barrel no bags and I sent my minister doing my devotions with you and I went to the store and I got just a children's Bible. Nothing, nothing exciting and I said every day in the morning. Mom is gonna read the Bible and I want you guys to write down what you're learning and I learned in that moment two things God can speak to me through the reading of his word weathers a children's Bible and I've got a nursing infant and toddler in a grumpy teenager and whatever it is in the room with me. God can use it. He used that reading of his word in those moments, and it changed my life and what what's the other thing I learned is that God speaks to his children through his word. I want moms not to feel like they have to do something fancy like that. You think to moms need to hear what is mom strong was it mean to bemoan strong yeah well it to me it means to know that were raising God's kids purpose the purpose of motherhood is to raise children that are gonna reflect a love for the Lord Jesus were supposed to be raising kids that will be fully committed disciples of Jesus Christ. Meaning, we want our kids to love the Lord and to walk with him to realize that they belong to him and that their purpose is eternal. And when they get that when you start to see those light bulb moments go on by you not doing it right right and you can get an opportunity to go back to them and say you know what you guys. I'm so sorry.

I'm struggling with this and you're in a struggle you're in a struggle at some point tell my kids to be strong and alert. I want them to know who they are, that their identity comes from Christ. The world can tell them your identity comes from this thing or that thing in there so many definitions of who people are on the culture but I let my kids know that God made them just the way they are. He loves them just the way they are in the package that they were delivered to listen is beautiful before the Lord, and he has a plan and a purpose for their life that comes from me which comes from the work and Heidi you know I'm thinking of the mom right now who feels like 13 daughter 13 son isn't in the place and so they're hearing this going okay. That's more guilt. Maybe I failed because I wasn't doing the right things are, however, she's processing that because the teenager with that attitude. The letter like you anymore mom yesterday liked my sweater right but so how does she pick up the pieces and realize that this is a formula the basic things are to love your child is God created the more you just enter trust that God's hand is upon them. What are some of the slings and the mom can do to either get back on track or try to encourage their children not to go off track will I live, you said that she might be looking to a formula you know at years ago I was very into the formulaic parenting a raised our kids started having babies now in the 90s and the early 90s, and there are several popular parenting programs out there at the time and remember we got invited to one of them right and so there was if you just do this and this and this and this in your Kindle turnout. You know, if you just check all the boxes and we began to realize very early on each one of our children are different and there is no such thing as a formulaic approach to parenting. Every single one of our children need to know that that they are unique and we parent than uniquely what might've worked for my 18-year-old is gonna work for the seven-year-old and we J not, but of course my has him as a pastor so we raise our kids in a fishbowl rate. Everyone's watching you and I we had some some friends that we love very much come over to our house and again it's the passersby thing and I'm feeling the guilt and that she comes to my house and she sees all these parenting books, you know, sitting on the on the coffee table and she was good but just want to go so-and-so gave it to me. She said I noticed the biggest is missing when I'm I'm in the right of the holy Grail appeared to write this down.

These people had raised five children, five girls successfully. At that point we only had three children; the right mind would children. This woman was, you know, I mean I was like wow, whatever you say. I'm doing it and she said on your coffee table and see how you should be quite that's what I did to him. I was I okay it's a good point, good point, good point. She was saying you wasn't condemning it wasn't.

She wanted me to now, and this was so good for me because I I needed to know what she said.

If none of these books existed but say no never read another parenting book again and all you had access to is the Bible. It would be enough. It would be enough and in it were told how to love our children and in it were said no Lord. If we need wisdom, this is James Wright asking from the Lord. Do not know what you're doing is a mother asked the Lord.

He'll tell you to give you what you need and I think at that point I was like all right I'm leaning so hard into the advice of all these other people that I'm not same.

Okay Lord I read the books but I still have this went I felt that one child, that child right I saw this one, nothings working for that one child. I can't seem to get to her heart. I can't seem to to reach her in the way that I want and the Lord said, I'm can help you write him and show you the bend upon which that town needs to be folded and she came with that band that unique bend in her and it was these are like aha moments as were processing through motherhood and realizing God can use another mother to come along and encourage me back to the place where I depend on the Lord and it really does make you feel less self-conscious.

I wish there were more moms who could be comfortable enough in their own skin to say I don't know what I'm doing and that's you it's all right to not know what you're doing, because when you come to the place and you really so can you help you to look at Heidi St. John is a will. She's got seven children and three grandkids and she had it all figured out that they they didn't see the meltdowns of my kids and Walmart.

They didn't see me crying myself to sleep you miss all those things in the process of raising children. God was doing something in my life and I think that's moms need to know that is not just about your kids. That's just something you this is really good stuff from Heidi St. John.

We have this great biblically-based book from Heidi called becoming mom strong, how to fight with all the team you for your family and your faith and I will invite you to contact us to get a copy of Heidi's book or a Bible are numbers 880 family 800 K in the word family or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast Heidi you point to Zephaniah 317 we don't get a lot of people quote is nevertheless tenant starts was a bit is not the last book of the Bible. How do moms drive something. Zephaniah 317 break down well. The first is that the Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness, he will quiet you by his love. He'll exult over you with loud singing his mom I know who can't relate to that. And so in the but I sort of personalize it for moms. I said to them on. He feels abandoned.

God says I'm living among you there a lot of moms listing to this, you may be grip like me and felt abandoned. I felt abandoned by my own relationship with my father was very I was tell people that when I got married in 19 years old I was about as broken as a 19-year-old girl could be. I didn't know the first thing about motherhood.

I thought I'll never be a good mother, and the Lord through his word. That's how it works right so tenderly through his work has been showing me you feel abandoned, I've never abandon I'm living among you to the mom with those battle more and God says I am your mighty Savior, sick people, worn out from this right now.

That's like I'm in help you. I'm in a hold you up when you feel like I can't do this for one more moment I'm I'm in help each of them on his wondering if God is enough.

The valves is right here.

I delight in you.

I delight in you, he didn't say if you get this thing right you be sure and give your kitchen a three balanced meals every day and you don't and you don't miss it. Stop.

It's fine. He says no I delight in you when you're afraid God says lean into me and in a quiet you with my love. I can't think of a mom he doesn't need to hear that his love is what ultimately brings that healing and he left you and bad days. Don't make bad months and I think moms need to hear that we all have we all have bad days. We moms wing and maybe even seasons when you just feel like well that six months was a huge waste.

I went down the wrong road. Or maybe I like me made. We bought into this idea that if I just read this book and do it just right. Everything will be right and when your kid doesn't do the thing right you feel like why why am I even trying, but I met a mom I recently met I met a mother and I was talking about the importance of recognizing our place in the battlefield right that the Bible says in Psalms that our children have been given just like arrows in the hands of a wire so listen listen to me mama, you know, that makes you it makes you a warrior. It makes you a warrior you have to be a warrior to raise children in the culture right now.

So this mom came back to me after I spoke it was a three-day event on the second day at the end of the day, she came up and she said I given up on my child that II have a 16-year-old daughter and her dad and I are divorced and she doesn't want to come home and she's belligerent she's angry and I finally said you know what it's okay she said I want to go live with my friends from Basra. Mom said that's fine. Go do it. She said, as I thought of myself as a warrior. This is my era that arrow does not belong to your neighbors.

That's the arrow God gave to you. She said I call my daughter at her friends house and I said I love you and I'm coming to get you. I'm coming over there right now there is like no I don't want you come in. She said noncommon and I'm bringing a milkshake and bring whatever else you want and working to talk about this thing. She said I brought my daughter home, you know, angry and depressed. She said Heidi I the Lord's doing something he starting to restore that relationship and he's doing it because I took my place on the battlefield because I remember this this child is mine to raise and I need not give up and I know it can be hard because it will be worth the Heidi work down to the end and you have given so much great advice, but I would love to rush you kind of rapidfire style. What are some things that a mom can do to get on a healthy truck if I could say it that way were the guilt load is wider. Probably will not go away, but words more manageable. What were some of those things mom can do what I like to tell moms it's okay for moms all the time he say I'm just I'm so burned out right monitoring out. It's real and I'm thrusting as home is you gotta stop wrestling and start resting. What is it mean to rest because if you always feel like you know all I ever do is diapers and dishes and laundry now is assuming I think moms in community. I think it's absolutely crucial that moms have community we got have other moms. You gotta have that mom is like you know girlfriend what's going on and you're not feeling well yeah what's going on.

A know that people call me all the time he Heidi wow that post you made on Facebook when the world what's wrong with you out of character for you. You know, do you need a mocha with extra whip right now. I'll be over in 10 right. We need this people that we can be real around and I feel like moms need to give themselves permission to carveout that space for themselves and so for me it was an issue, especially working through the things I was working for and raising young children. It was getting up early in the morning it was. It's a requires discipline and not an ally like the one easy button. There is no easy patent rights. It requires discipline by getting up in the morning carving timeout for yourself. Being being faithful to be in the word and if you have time to be in the work by yourself. Do what I didn't bring the kids into it and incorporate that, but exercise honesty that the resting things moms are the only ones in years ago I took all my kids you are speaking of Florida.

We have sun in the Pacific Northwest like they do in Florida get sunburned in the Northwest like they do. I slather son no sons can all my kids. I slathered on my husband guess what I forgot the convert I owe 2nd� burns all over my back blister that is a metaphor for motherhood absolutely is because why because I I did all for my family and not for myself and so I was out of commission for like almost a week and you know just I mean it was severe and in that time you later on I thought that is a metaphor for motherhood.

We do everything for our children. You have to focus. Lord help me. Show me how can I carve out time for myself.

It is important you know and don't discard the idea, don't deny. Let me ask you this to because the bitterness can grow in that moment where you start to feel like I'm giving to everybody and who's giving to me that Marder mom syndrome. Okay then, how you managed to get above the top of the now well I think the beyond. It is recognizing that what I'm doing is bigger than this moment, and honestly, let's be perfectly honest were wrestling with our own sin Army were wrestling with the selfishness inside of us says I don't want to do this thing. This is where community is so important to the mom feels deep because it is helping you.

No one's tending to your needs that can feel lonely, you know you're out there on a limb do I not matter to anybody, is nobody seeing me and I get it. I understand that but you've gotta put that down right.

The Lord sees you. The Lord sees you and I one of the things that the Lord is that I have now that I didn't have all those years ago is perspective. Right now I can look back you know when you want fruit off of a tree doesn't come overnight right. It comes after years of tending and watering and praying and pruning and crying and putting the new word in the region is not wrong, not wrong and I and and for the mom to realize that. Hang in there.

It's going to work that their hills and their valleys. This is how life is. I think the culture tells us over. It's hard just give up. This is what they tell you it doesn't matter if it's marriage or motherhood or educating your children whatever it once it gets hard. Well, that looks too hard.

You should just give up.

Let someone else do that now. God sent him to help you. I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. He said that my my weakness is what he lets his strength is made perfect in weakness, and I love tell moms do you feel weak today. That's exactly where God wants you he wants you to say okay, bring your weakness to me and I'm in a show you how my strength as can be seen and yes I could weep. I could sit here and tell you stories over 30 years of mothering where God met me when I just I can't do this for one more second and now as I'm watching my daughter raising her three or 32 little boys and a little girl Junie.

She's so cute. I know that watching savanna raise those children is an answer to prayer that I prayed for 25 years. Lord help me do this thing that I'm not equipped to do, Lord, why would you give Heidi St. John the girl that can't keep houseplants alive and is about is broken as a girl could be right. Why would you give me seven children. The Lord said because I want to show you who I am and that's what he does and he uses motherhood and I think moms you know God's doing something in you and you can look back. If you don't grow weary right that's what God's word says it all, or stay the course. If he don't grow weary. There is a harvest of blessing and it is coming. It's worth it. Stay in the fight and this is incredibly good stuff.

I hope moms her courage for Mother's Day coming up this weekend and encouragement they need encouragement and everybody takes for granted the love mom and moms. You are special. I hope you're hearing that today Heidi thank you for being with us. You're welcome. Thanks for having me over so good to be with us. Heidi and do hope that you are listener have enjoyed this refreshing message and if you're not a mom you can sure this was someone who is a great thought John and we hope you know Focus on the Family is here for you.

We want to help you be the best parent you can see we have lots of great resources available to you like Heidi's book becoming mom strong his full of encouragement and hope for moms with kids at all ages and stages of this kind of hope is crucial in the times were facing.

There's a lot of uncertainty at every level out there, the economy, politics, all of it. Real families just like yours reach out Focus on the Family every day for help and I would say hope. We want to continue to provide answers for families that are in need for you to in order to do that. We do need your help and support your prayers and financial gifts of Focus on the Family allows to share the healing hope of Jesus Christ through broadcast podcast counseling resources online articles life-changing of this order merge intensive efforts like auction ultrasound showing women. The baby growing in their world. And when you donate today the gift of any amount will send you a copy of his book, becoming mom strong as our way of saying thank you for joining the ministry donate today. Get your copy of becoming mom strong and get other help all the details are in the half Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family on John Fuller inviting you back again help you and Your Family Dr. in Christ. Good parents aren't perfect and that's okay but there are ways you can grow Focus on the Family seven traits of parenting assessment gives parents an honest look at their unique strings plus some areas that could use a little help every moment could help raise the next generation of health which will and responsible children of this assessment will help start take the assessment of focusonthefamily.com/7 traits focusonthefamily.com/7 trade