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April 30, 2021 6:00 am
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Please give generously@focusonthefamily.com/real family event Focus on the Family KY mother is back with us talking about what to do, how to cope with those moments that you're overwhelmed with life by John Fuller and her host Focus on the Family, Pres. Jim Daly and Jim just last night I had an overwhelming experience, and it had to do with credit reports no worlds whether they asked these questions like 17 years ago you might've opened the credit card account with four different companies which one was it you don't paperwork. I spent 15 minutes trying to get the right answer, and they say you missed that one. And so I gotta try again in the next company-esque whole another set of questions that are not prepared for its are like are you kidding me.
So I went to bed stress. Something that the guy was answer what type of band we bought in 2013 is like any man doesn't qualify what the model I was all of these months wasn't bullets but thankfully today were to talk about how not to be overwhelmed if you miss the broadcast last time I get a hold go to the website. Get the download get a smart phone app of the Focus on the Family smartphone app. It was great our guest KY Matt really hit it out of the park and I think she just brought up these stories about her life that resonate with all of us right trash flying out of your minivan when you pull up the school who didn't have that experience the embarrassment of it and all those things and how we live so overwhelmed in this modern age and were to continue that discussion today and appreciate how Kate continually brings things back to God's truth because the message of the culture isn't supportive of who we are and how overbuilt it's it's really very performance oriented and God's truth is totally different. Stop by our website for encouragement. If this is a struggle for you. We do have casebook not the boss of us putting overwhelmed in its place in a do all be all world lot of other resources as well.
The website link is in the episode notes and or numbers 800 K in the word family K welcome back Dennis. Thanks and I want to give a shout out to your mom and dad.
They are such a hoot and I love spending an evening dinner with them just so fun meeting family file last.
Sure it's true past had blast to get it. Let's pick up the conversation we covered a lot of territory last time and a lot of Scripture references which I was grateful for what God wants for you. Not so funny. This is really the definition of religion versus relationship with Christ in religion you're working your way toward something that's what the Pharisees were trying to do frantically trying to keep the law. So they would be good enough. They were trying to be the a students and you touched on that last time, and the Lord is saying you know what you'll never do it perfectly. There's only one who is perfect me God. I'm the perfect one, but I've created a plan for you to live with me for eternity. Man this is salvation. That's faith in Christ so exciting because there's so much that mean it is for freedom. You've been set free and it's that exciting part and where you can really live life in Technicolor. If you're overwhelmed like take overwhelmed and redeem it now instead of being overwhelmed by other deals in the BL's in the half twos in the sheds in the woods and the kids, let's actually be overwhelmed by God's truth and it says a lot about how much you are loved. You know this fits in with this discussion because I have a friend is a nonbeliever and he said you guys are worried that really worries me. If you guys are word the battle of faith that are the fear not people. If you're fearing some must be wrong try.
Isn't that unfortunate that a nonbeliever would see that in us as Christians rather than boldness and strength and confidence about what the future is to say, just even as Christians, we are just real people to set I got I messed up.
Thank you so much for the Savior. So not pre-you now. There's now we talked last time about how there is no perfection like you can't do it and that's the beauty that he never said be perfect. He said come to me and my strength and who I say that you are and live in the home.
The sinfulness of that and that's what's exciting and I think that it actually. If we continue not take this anxieties that they're everywhere where people put them in the one who does say don't fear the one who says you go through water but it's not come up over you and you go through the fire that you're not going to be burned, and by the way you smell like smoke.
Now it's like, dear, we believe and not going to understand what that means, you really don't get back to the very invitation Jesus makes to us if your weary and heavy laden, yes, come to me because he's in the work that out.
He's going to deal with that with you sack of the light of burden. That's the whole point and that is why we should be a little more free in the life we live here on this earth. But let's get into the content your mama five yes except on a scale of 1 to 10 how overwhelmed you feel most itself any probably less because I'm in good luck with five we I'm not even sure what it is you live the dream right part of it in an reality that experience of being a mother of five is what brought you to the great content in your book that is out of your control. Yet the more you try to control it, the less you're going to be able to totally and I feel that way.
Somebody asked me what what kind of books that I write and I said I think I write on issues that steal the joy out of our lives and I I'm frankly I'm a mad mother unites. I don't make me mad because I mean to stop and tell like this topic really had to do with what was stealing from people that I love and it was stealing their joy by weighing them down all these pressures and with the stress with the anxiety. Anxiety is so high right now and and people talk about it. The question is so high and so even as believers, where do we find the joy in you to choose joy and part of it is choosing what your minds going to be on what are my thoughts can be anchored on and I would wake up in the middle of the night just like you know the gasp and can it take to each kid what you know is this is it. This is at this and I would take what ever was and put it next to Scripture I love God's names. If you take God's names and actually call his names into whatever situation you're going to mean you literally go straight back to sleep because his name is protector put that in front of somebody that has a bully next to them now, and it's not just flippantly do it by heads and then equip your child in that way versus succumbing to the messaging around you and II want to get to it practical in the book.
I think it was your son who I think you nickname theory tab.
They asked for any of this to make a deal like the incognito works that way right you don't call them by their nouns, partly to protect them, and partly because they want to send out heuristics they've demonstrated so I can't wait to hear about your horrible action, but he mentioned that he had a challenge finding a place to sit.
The lunch table school.
What happened it was messaging that was given to him and the messages he was changing schools he was going from the kids. He none his whole life into an environment where he really is a going from 40 kids to 500 Grade what grade what grade, eighth grade to a freshman who grade and and there was messaging that was surrounding these kids that said we better be a part of the group because if you're not part of a group. You're not able to have a place to sit in the cafeteria and if you don't have a place to sit in the cafeteria.
Your test and so he comes home with the stress and I'm like, what, listening to and he tells me that as I hold on just a second. Go that way because a group doesn't define you, and you can be a part of a group and being part of a group is a great thing, but to let your identity be attached to a group is going to be a problem because the group is going to end at some point you know a major excise like with Verbena backup and and I told him about his especially in Texas the group a boy has to be involved with this. The football team and play football and said that was 10 he said to me, I should be on the football team, but if not that I need to be on the soccer team and if not that, and here comes this list is that there's a hierarchy lunch just to go and eat lunch. So instead I said to him because I'd said this to my daughter who is ahead of him. You get your lunch tray get out of the lunch line and find somebody that sitting by themselves or someone that there's an open seat where people look nice. My daughter that traveled that had enough self-confidence actually to be able to go sit with somebody that didn't have anybody sitting with her which led me to say sound scary, but it actually feeds your soul.
If that her soul instantly because she's helping somebody whenever we do anything altruistically like that.
We feel physically better. It actually made her feel stronger than weaker and it's amazing how that played out for just in that moment okay just a moment that every kid could do that. I knew this kid couldn't like heat. There's no way he could do that. I was like, just look for people that are friendly.
So this kid went to the table and be next to him.
That was all seniors they were that they lets like the people that he had competed with on the math team that played chess you now and so he asked him how I said here he sat they became his great friends and we know anything about it until one of my daughter's friends who happen to be in that lunch. Present three lunch periods said she was like, how is he doing like did he find a place to sit and her friend died laughing. She's like he said with a group of seniors. It's hysterical and so I just saying in that brown. You just never know what someone can do that you didn't think they could do and let's be overwhelmed by the truth. We know that we can walk in these situations whole. So try it. If they fail, you know, I want to ask you to because I think in our culture today, especially with social media but also reality shows images. This permeates our culture. This identity issue identity politics identity viewing identity at school. It's not where you get your identity. I want to make sure we punch that for parents, so they're doing all they cannot do that with my boys were you getting your identity from and reinforcing the fact that their core identity is in Christ, but you have to talk about it you do you and it's a part of equipping and the greatest thing about it is that when you talk about a guess who gets to hear when I I'm the one that hears that I like man I needed to hear that because I might have been thinking that my identity was tied to something that it isn't so good. Also, getting to technology every describe how you been intentional with your kids to seek opportunities to connect with them. Person-to-person rather than through texting or other well because that actually is very powerful because if you're on your if you're on your device all the time. It definitely will suck the life out of you, anybody, any age, whether it's a device at the television you're watching whatever is being said to you. This algorithm is sort of like of course you're going to be seeing things that people know that you enjoy watching and back out of it because when you connect to a human being. That's when gold occurs and it sort of like one of the things I talk about in the book is finding sacred in the ordinary and I think technology takes a backseat to so many things that surround you all day every day that are ordinary that feed your life and one of them is connecting with a human being, so I could go if I'm on my phone and buying something at the Starbucks or Chick-fil-A because we go to that line quite often.
I'm just saying rents out and it's delicious. But we do go often and I can just pay and drive away or I can take that moment and make it sacred by connecting with whoever it is that were exchanging goods and money and and when I do that it takes that very regular ordinary moment and makes it sacred. We just last week I connected with the guy we actually talked about something that was going on that weekend in the country. I drove through the next time going through and he he stopped and brought it up until that moment it was so beautiful because it allows people to be human beings in those moments, and we crave that and if you're in that place where you don't feel like you belong to your kid doesn't feel like they belong connecting with the human being – it really changes the narrative even in those moments you craving a gift that my daughter works a little coffee stand here and she just loves to make those connections with people and I think folks go to to that stand because they get a sense of I'm known to have a sense of him connecting even just briefly with his progress. And that's a reflection of the need for the human heart yes relationships yes were talking today on Focus on the Family with K-1. I'm a who's witness really terrific book, not the boss of us putting overwhelmed in its place in a do all be all world. A call is for your copy 800 a family or check the episode notes for the link you encourage families to embrace the ordinary.
I like that I had an accidental experience of the just yesterday I got home from a trip. We tell you how busy it was not. I was at Jean's request I was refilling the birdfeeder in our backyard left. I put a chair out there and Troy just came out and join me reset resources, birds, and it was hilarious because we up in the trees. I mean after put that feed in this you know when you call it a clock of birds I don't know. They were just hundreds of birds wanting and we just talked about it God's nature but was very accidental.
Is that what you mean by underlying the ordinary. Yes, you can observe it if you're so busy that you can't slow down into right and said the stuff that you got from doing that yesterday you're still thinking about it today. Think about it you're smiling because as I was just so beautiful and you relished in God's creation, which is eminently beautiful and offers reminders constantly of his provision.
Then you put the birdseed out there that you can sit there going. He's inasmuch as he's feeding is birds how much more is he taking care of me.
You know, he saw every single thing we can soak in. Which is beautiful racing we lose sight of these amazing moments I had included one in the book of our youngest child who asked me to walk around the block with him and I was sticking out like very was not my first nice and I am to do that. It was so sweet that I'm just going to be honest with you and say in the moment. I like to know like no time for you.
Our something, but I can't make you terrible telling you that I'm being honest with you in that moment I might know. And then because I think about the stem is now at that moment the stone for me and so yes I will walk around the block with you and he is the slowest walker and so were just walking and of course PPO summaries like look at this and it's almost like Angels are singing in a beautiful stream of light, a beam of light is coming down a blade of grass where there was a butterfly. I'm not joking, and I just dislike this whole beautiful the Lord saying to gets it.
What about you both would've missed that moment. If we hadn't done that and it took something ordinary walking around the block and made it sacred. Did your bird feeding so the catch of that. You said, very importantly, that you caught yourself yes and redirected your energy. Yes, that's the key so that for the parent who struggles in that moment to say yes. Rather than know what's the advice I think it goes against completely being overwhelmed by the truth of the situation. Eternity is so much longer than what we're seeing here people matter. People matter okay and so if we can err on the side of anything please let's down the side of people there precious. You know they have such great dignity, and we are the only part of creation that is created in the amount of day. The image of God and so I said I really did sit there going and erring on the side of a person and dad chose the person over whatever else I was doing and I mean it's hard to do something that you can use a superlative, but I think every single time it is better to choose the person and them because that's what matters in the long run. The rest the stuff will get done. So true. I want to get to bitterness versus forgiveness covered in the book you have a great analogy about a junk drawer want the listeners matters to hear about this. You say we all have a junk drawer for relationships. What are you getting a man that is so true is that offenders think you and I the only person with the junk drawer. I tried to get in it.
Yesterday morning I will my gosh and had a softball. It's awful.
I have a neighbor that they had two elderly neighbors that have agreed with each other that when they pass away.
They will go out and clean each other's junk drawers before anybody else because they said the chapter is where you take on the counter and shove it in there and you shut it in there because you don't want to look at it and you may look at it another day and I think that's what we do when we have her relationships. We often just shove it into the drawer, close the door and decide will deal with it another day when we have more time and the issue with that, especially if it involves hurt or pain or discord is that we don't deal with it because the longer it's in the junk drawer, the less we want to deal with it and bitterness can start to form bitterness loves the fertile ground. I guess it likes dark places to like a junk drawer because it grows and if we don't get there bitterness and early-stage those roots get in there and they're hard to get rid of. And damn it again it goes to the freedom because letting go of bitterness actually gives you the freedom to be able to live holy in other relationships to a K coming in for a landing and I want to make sure we have this idea being overwhelmed by hope yet which you've alluded to throughout Scotia to try to turn a bad circumstance into a good circumstance so you know again how do we trigger ourselves to not be Peter in the garden and the moment you write back to let our flesh take over sort of speak in rather reaction.
The way that the Lord would be pleased with, but show me things that could be the person cutting us off in traffic and irate customer in front of the checkout stand is really being very polite to me that you can just go through all the stories but can we move from that sense of overwhelmed circumstances and being overwhelmed by hope it's a choice.
It is a choice and I think it kinda goes to like what lenses are you looking through now because I can look through my own lenses were I've Artie decided everything I going back to the forgiveness aspect is the bitterness I can because those are hard things to walk and hope and because they you don't even want to go there but if I go to the lenses where I'm putting them on and I've got a far sighted God centered lenses that I just might allow eternity to inform today and if I'm allowing eternity to inform today. There are three words that were spoken.
I don't know why we don't talk about more and there it is finished.
It's finished and sober living in the finished work of Christ. He said it is finished. Every time he came back after the resurrection's the first words that he spoke were peace be with you, my peace be with you why because it can be. And so it's like if I can go to this place of hope. If I can live in the place where it's finished, then these things are going to steal from me because they've Artie been decided, and we can live in the enormity of the unity of being a daughter or a son of the king, clothed in righteousness and it sort of like what clothes are you wearing today because I've either put something on top of my righteous clothing and then trying to be something I'm not artfully living in it and that may sound like a spiritual term or something.
What is that look like practically it looks like allowing these things like grades to have their place and that is just a place okay it's not can it determine my worth just isn't right and fighting for that. It's going to do the same for whatever car I drive whatever job I have, if my kids happy or not happy and to be able to go next to those kids to be able to say, your happiness lies in the fullness of who it is that takes care of you believe it, let me help you believe it because I'm not sure I believe it we walk alongside each other. One thing that we all struggle with, especially in the fast-paced, somewhat isolated modern world is the site you have been created in his image for relationship with one another that this is God's plan have relationship and in the book, you have the observation that God didn't create us for goodbyes. Yeah, what a sweet way of thinking about and why do you believe goodbyes are so hard for us a minute, it's the reflection of God in us right yeah it's got wrenching. I every time a kid drives away to college. There's a part of me that breaks every time a kid gets a drivers license. It breaks my heart a tiny bit because I like being next to them. I've had very very close friends go home and it's got wrenching because I miss them and it is we are created for together because in heaven we will forever be together. When did Jesus do when he walked this earth not alone never alone. He was always gathering together to gather together because that's really what it's about. And if we lean into that. We can even dial down the things we do that because the discord and the separation to try and fight for the together because that's that's really where were going to be for eternity. And I know that's kind of a heady concept that I have said to my daughter sent to my sons. I think the reason why I'm so sad when you leave is because we really weren't created to be a part we really are created fighting in the same way.
K was so beautiful about that is, God does not want to say goodbye to any of his creation. Yeah, you think about you doing how much he lets yet he wants to say hello and welcome And that's his heart for each one of us, every one and you can actually live that today live holy and fully and what you just said he loves you. He has your name in Scripture is sought after with the S and a A, and it's like diddly live that way.
He also says I've engraved your name in the palm of my hands really matter that what about your name being in the love that and you know in Revelation, it says that when we see him, will receive a white stone and understand it. I have a name only he knows that he and I know which is 70.
That gives me chills of right to be true, but we also know from Revelation that there is a name that Christ has that nobody knows as like and that's how special you are and it's like please be overwhelmed by that. Please be overwhelmed by the grace the protection the provision the manna provision every single day. Overwhelmed by those things and live it and when we can't ask him because he is not afraid of the words please help me in my unbelief. John what a great place to end her conversation with Kay Wyman today this program and less time has been so full of the eternal hope and joy that only Christ can bring, and as believers.
That's what we know. Plus, I really appreciate the wonderful message of his book, not the boss of us putting overwhelmed in its place in the do all be all world what a great title and let me turn to you the listener. If you're unsure about your relationship with Jesus. Get a hold of us, it would be a privilege to talk with you and introduce you to him and that we have a free booklet that can help. It's called coming home and it will explain what it means to become a follower of Christ and how you can live with him for eternity. That's why Focus on the Family is here so contact us today about these resources. The booklet and of course Facebook and will send you a copy of not the boss of us. When you send a gift of any amount to focus.
That's our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry and if you can afford it will get a copy of the book in your hands because it's not about the money it's about making sure that you do have that relationship in Christ. So please get in touch with us right away and what were to do is bundle along with casebook, a CD copy of the today conversation we had with her, and by the way, that little booklet. Jim mentioned coming home is also available as a free download from our website. Contact us about our counseling team.
If you need someone to talk with. If you're in that spot of unbelief. You need some help give us a call.
Donate. Find details about all of these resources in the episode notes or give us a call in our number 800 K in word for will have a great weekend with your family and your church family as well and then join us on Monday for the common challenge of offices in marriage how you cope with the inevitable differences between you and your spouse. I think that so much of marriage is figuring out here's a hill I'm willing to die on here something that I can let out and compromise on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.
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