Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence (Part 2 of 2)

Today's episode of Focus on the Family were going to return to powerful challenge for moms God calls us to be because it's what he calls us to do not because we feel it and as I said thank you. With my lips and I chose to think on what was good.

Eventually we started noticing this amazing musician emerge out of our son Brandon and I would've raised an arrogant little athlete I want to hear the category my son's accomplishments. God got me out of the way helicopter mom, the one that would've you mad because the lion and the bear came but got sent back is mold and my son's character and God said, I don't want to bring the club crowd glory in your sins. Accomplishments in these Brandon on the raise him up to bring the crowd to glory license accomplishments through worship that's run to stop describing how it was among influence your son and some ways through encouragement and sometimes by knowing when to let go and let God have control of the precious life.

Rhonda's back with us today. Your hostess focus president and author Jim Daly thanks for joining us on John Fuller.

Joey had a great conversationalist.

I'm with Rhonda and I so appreciate her energy and passion for helping moms better cope with raising son's life.

It's a sweet spot for her. Obviously she's raised two sons and two daughters in the know II think she's speaking from that perspective of experience Rhonda's living out Titus two, three and four which says older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior there to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children. What a beautiful Scripture we don't spend a lot of time in that area, but that's a wonderful tradition. It's a wonderful way to grow older in your wisdom with helping younger women better understand what is my son driving me nuts. When Rhonda was a young wife and mother.

She experienced the support and wisdom of older women. I think she called the mommy club which is great and that was probably one of the great nuggets that we talked about last time John is the need for younger moms to find those older women who can help in this day and age where everything is moving so fast, you sometimes have to concentrate on what is core what is the most important thing I need right now and I think what I heard Rhonda say last time is that relationship with an older woman who can help you with perspective. So if you missed conversationalist. I get a copy of it, you can connect download it from our website, and I think it will be really helpful, especially if you let mom of 8 to 15-year-olds. I'd say that's the squeeze. Older moments in time that seem to go so slowly when there's conflict and and a challenge. Absolutely you call us and we can send a copy of that on CD or you can get downloads from the website under a mobile app go to YouTube and watch us there. All of the details are in the episode notes and I will direct to do that for contact information Rhonda welcome back to focusing good to have you. Your energy abounds and I love that you, I would think you were crazy but I love that. I think what great energy you must brought to your home with mom and I think every child about her mother's fun. Let me ask you, and it's very intriguing to think about women of the Bible because were often focused on the core personalities. Whether it's the disciples. Of course Jesus, but even Old Testament figures, etc., but we rarely don't consider their parents and particularly their moms.

What role they play, etc. you have so many good collections and observations of mothers in the Bible and I think one was the mother of James and John. And that's the kind of the fun one because it's so human described what went on there why she's kind of outage thing that mom that mom. The first section of moms raising sand is called moms of the Bible and in the second is Pat practical applications was written into parts and the reason I did that is because these are just people in their generation that God called to be the mother of the son of God to be the mother of David King in King David's mom and then to be the one who raised the Sons of thunder. I'm under the moms of thunder that she didn't have any bric-a-brac in her house and ask him those tunnels were broken all the defined rough-and-tumble Utah about wrestling in the basement.

I think with your boys are time at last, our first signs leave the family business to go follow the one that they believe is the Messiah and at some point it at Salome that her name she comes to follow when she's there and she's like Jesus. We talked to from there. So she feels like she's got me in wing year King because they expected Messiah to be king and sit on the throne right then and there.

Can my boy sit on either side. You cool sounds like a college entrance issue, but it's true right people heard mom pull Jesus and try to pull some strings for her boys and there's a section of moms raising sand and it's called moms boys get beat up disciples are pretty taken out on the boys the ticket out of the Sons of thunder like some strings for you, but your mama up to that you know my kids on the football team, you know, that are the Little League people parents are crazy when the kids blame to be the snack on Monday to bring this on butter up the coach that they play my kit yet we try to pull strings if your kids are in school you want to be that the classroom volunteer in and we tried to manipulate people around our children were just enhancing their opportunity to make it so that my kid gets the advantage that is what's really happening is an and in the reality of it. We heard our kids we hurt our sons. We heard our daughters will now try to. In contrast, you point to Hannah who is a different type of mom described her and what she was good at. She was good at prayer in one of the prayers that are the most that stand out to me in Scripture is the prayer of Hannah and actually I think of the prayer of Mary as were talking about that you know she says, my soul magnifies the Lord in my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name and I know we talked about Hannah, but I don't know Hannah's prayer by heart.

But I know Mary's wake up and I pray that often. He who is mighty great things for me.

He's called you to be a mother.

Whether it's through adoption. Whether it's through foster whether it's to having children of your own is a calling privilege that God has called us to. Hannah couldn't have children and her husband gets his great idea.

I love you had a girl but I want to get married to penny over here and she can give me babies but you're still my favorite pitching to make the babies and Hannah, year after year was infertile as Penny Penny was had a baby after baby and she was weeping before the Lord, she took her sorrow to the Lord and that she, Christ, her husband is like for you any better than you.

However, many send an eating get it pork. I know you have cancer, Penny. I'm childless, but it also made a reflection in their culture sums wrong with me right God's blessing me and I'm speaking to some of that are out there that are infertile that are listening to this and our hearts are with you.

We need to pray for you and we need to encourage you and Hannah kept her eyes on the Lord and she went and she prayed before the Lord. And when God finally did bless her with a child.

She promised Kahneman to get them back to you and she brought this child to the temple to come and see them every year to make a little coat for him, but she gave her word that she would give this child to the Lord. And here's the thing. She took him to a priest that was a very good guy.

He had raised some rascals he didn't do a good job raising his own kids right I bargaining with God.

At that point right okay I know I promise that I'll wait till Eli dies and then you bring in a really cool guy else take my son there. She kept her word to the Lord and God raised up in Samuel to be one of the few prophets in Scripture that has no scandal attached to his name. He just followed God, it was her factual powerful prayers that began that life that sent her son to be such an amazing man of God, you know, we when we look at another aspect that you mention the book mother son communication there so much there, and I observe it as a husband and father of our two twin boys watching Jean communicate with our boys and vice versa. But you mention some of the book and I think it's the chapter title but because I told you so I can hear that my mommy would say that just do it because I told you so.

What say good way to motivate and what's a bad way to motivate.

We need to earn the respect from the time they're very little so that because I told you so can be an answer that needs to be and they have to and it works for you and we want to establish that and I get because I had mentors in my life that helped me from the time I kids were little young to build that respect in them. But what we have to realize is there's a section in the book Mondrian sent Coltrane his brain to think my son-in-law worked at Mission College down in Southern California and he said the kids that were raised in a really secure Christian home, but were kind of in a bubble that maybe never had the Internet never had video games were homeschooled.

All of those things left their home doing very well, but they did not know how to self discipline. They did not know how to discern were not trying to raise perfect kids were trying to raise kids who know how to recover when they make a mistake or when they sin the normal Christian life is we sent we, as long as I'm on the phone. My three-year-old listening to me as I'm talking about somebody that you know sister Betsy in the cold water committee that didn't like my pastor husband's idea.

I hang up and there's my three-year-old looking at me.

They just heard me sin. I gossiped to do with my get a closet over stable mommy was upset or am I going to do is we can cause their weaker brother to stumble by glossing over say that was sent mommy needs to asked Jesus to forgive me and asked the person I was talking to.

We have to live in a way that they see the normal Christian life as we move forward when we sin, we repent we pick up and we keep moving on and training our kids brain I think of what Jake was saying when these kids are come to college miss classes to play video games there. The roommates video games they would be on the Internet. Seeing things they had never learned to discern or or guard themselves from such learning, have them think and walk through the process you as a man thinks in his heart so is he. If if this Internet if you're looking at that pornography is going to make you into a man. I know you don't want to be and I know that I've lived long enough to know her out and I've heard stories of this or that, that God can seem to take you down a path that you can about the rest of your life. I'm here to help you get away from that to be the manning of God. Those are good healthy connections you have a great quote in your bookmarks raising sons to remain where you say this time to neutralize conflicts with your adolescent son is a decade earlier when who's two or three that that's powerful.

Explain why it's essential to teach a son about that authority.

As early as possible. Even as a dad I might wait. I'll have the conversation with his 12. Whatever it might be. But why start early was the wisdom of that as we become who we are. From a very young age. It develops in us and we talk about the stray document in the in moms raising sons how she only had a window of time with that little boy before God told her send him down the river that's moment that Moses his mother and a lot of times with step going on is people like we've never lived in a worse time to be alive or to raise children. I think this woman never having their children ripped from their breast and thrown into the Nile River's pretty rough time to be alive. She followed God's plan and sent Moses out the security of her own hands down a river where there were crocodile and there were snakes and she didn't know God's plan.

She just obeyed what he told her to do and he ended up right where God wanted him in Pharaoh's household, and then she was able to nurse this child you don't know the story you have to read it in the Bible God story but she had. She nursed him maybe four years.

Culturally, maybe five years. We do so much in that first season of their lives to put an imprint on their mind about their their biblical worldview and how we want to direct them to even see themselves as this creation of God, and in light of that, it's not wait till their 12 if if I let my two-year-old scream in my face or say I hate you, and in which there to do whatever it takes to get what they want. If I don't handle that and fortunately had a husband came in involved in here that you will not talk to my wife like that so I was out like talk about knight in shining armor so your husband listening your wife needs you were born out by the end of the day, and that by the time I had my third child. I was like he come on Bill you said no to her three times, and you gave Anna Mike I'm typing but establishing that respect so that I was a terrible twos and adolescents. There's really not a whole lot of difference except one has acne. Otherwise they're doing the same. Trying to get their way trying to get their independence and we have to learn to establish it when they're young. And if you're listening and you didn't. It's never too late to apply biblical principles to parenting and that's why I wrote moms raising sons to be meant to give you the resource you're looking for the mentor that you hope you had and I would like to say about mentors. If you're an older mom. We need you to step up, we need to be a mentor. That's all good largess today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly is Rhonda stopping and she is a very popular author and speaker, and though she's written this book moms raising sons to be men encourage you to stop by your website or give us a call and get your copy today while you're at it. Give a copy of this broadcast.

We have other help as well for you. Starting point is to just look in the episode notes for all the links Rhonda describe the common battle moms have with teenage sons.

It's like a tug-of-war between the boys independence and moms perception of her little boy right now all these you find a file on the computer that is all the kids pictures from like 2 to 5 June. I've just been so these breakthroughs go check this one you generally remember that little boy. Now you know. Now there independent more and more and they're not the same little boys that we were raising back so it's a sweet spot good memories but but that tug-of-war in that little boy howdy, how does a mom know allow that independence or curtains.

You can go to one of two directions. Use smother it or you help feed it or the third option he just give up lifetimes moms just like they'll figure it out, and off they go in it and it's the best I can do.

I think for me as Brandon and I were wrestling with him trying to break free from me as his authority figure. Men crave respect. We know that I talking here about how sons crave our respect. So when I'm talking down to him as a little boy that is just raising up in him like why don't you see me as a man, and I remember like just trying to get Brandon to do the chores. He'd always done. And type C, wiping tears, and so one day I was just like I can do it anymore and she said I will take over that you have to tap out and let me have this negative and not know rest we as moms do is blah blah and then dad says you're grounded and you can't go to that thing you want to go to and then you know really all that and then we did, in front of the kingdom we pull the kids respect right out from under dad because we defend them from the very person they wanted us to rescue now are like ourselves too hard. You should not do that. So when one of the stories I love to tell was when Brandon was doing all of these things and not doing it with the respect that I thought he'd that I deserved.

She said okay I'm in control your mom. You no longer answered your mom and you can tell Brandon kinds like finally she's nuts. And now you work for me and I'm not an easy task master tomorrow.

I want you to dig a ditch from our house to the wood barn and it was quite a distance and the risen section and there is called the ditch digger and that story and he died with a pick and shovel in the ground is superhard where we live, and he came in at the end of the day wasn't done and he had blisters on his hands, and I fully expected Brandon to be angry that he had worked so hard all day and Stephen set up backup.

He's in the morning when he left for work. He said do not remind him if he does not do it. Do not coax him to do it so he doesn't get in trouble he'll answer to me when I get home you are out do not even mention it which you like okay so when Brandon comes in the house when Steve came home Brandon popped up his little chest into debt, showing how far I dug my skid freaked out around sweep the kitchen and now you want to show this ditch that yet. Doug and I got blisters on my hands and had to play my guitar on Sunday for worship can have some blood so I can do more tomorrow, but you know we as women we know sweep the floor today and probably tomorrow, let's let the dog and eat the crumbs and get by, but that's just a menial task that we know has to be done to do it, but what I found with Brandon is he was not energized by that task. At that adolescent age. He wanted work that he felt proud of something that he accomplished at the end of the day. I don't didn't see you as a mom but through Steve's eyes I saw what Brandon was longing for.

So as I just tapped out and let him answer to his father. I remember when Brandon was asking permission to go summer Mike, I am not allowed to give permission without counseling.

I can't knock on the door my crimes.

I'm not allowed. I'll get in trouble and that was a turning point for Brandon and I because he knew he could manipulate me to get his way to do whatever and then I handed him his manhood. Hey dude can you help me lift that is really heavy for me it. I watched him rise to the occasion. Now summer listening going on have a dad like that in my life. I don't have a single mom and we talk about single moms in your or your mom but your husband just doesn't want to be involved. You need to expose your sons to godly mentors and I think of Lois and Eunice in Scripture, who raised Timothy and the apostle Paul came along and he said it's because of the influence of your mom and your grandma that you are ready to receive the gospel when Paul delivered it to Paul handed the very mantle of his ministry to a son that was raised probably by a single mom.

At that point because his father who is not a believer had probably died is what historians believe his mom and his grandma prepared him for the ministry that God was to call him to and the apostle Paul became his godly mentor and that that's an awesome thing.

I love the concept of for mom handing manhood to her sons and dads got a play that role delicate balance thereto, and I think a lot of couples suffer from the busyness of life and you know the bed may not be engaged. Look at the research right now and it seems to suggest dads may not be that engaged with their sons. What about the perspective were the marital issue is is not showing up and wives are struggling and so that I just imagine can occur where they were.

Are you and in the resentment. I think the wife just resenting the husband and then the digging comments are those undermining in a way that we interact with our spouse, and that my daughter Kayla. She just told the story. She did a devotional at baby shower she was in the car waiting for her husband to common the three girls mature in the backseat and when they got in the car. The little girl mentioned how long it took dad to get to the car and he looked at Kayla. She's like they get it they here even under your breath. Those little things and we can steal the respect from her husband's sweep to forgive them when they don't measure up so we can pray for them to find godly mentors, or for God to give them the wisdom and discernment to lead our families and the awareness this could hopefully serve as enormous rebels to work up. We had a nice run.

Sometimes moms can really have a short period of time. Maybe they blown it for a long time and now they're there down to a couple years you make that reference affect your experience. That was the son that you brought in your home. Tony described that story and then did you panic about okay, I've only got a little bit of time to work with him or how did you process that Jean arrived in foster care that can be a challenge to but when you have a young man come in your home, for whatever reason, how do you manage the short period of time that you have the influence of for a lifetime.

So when Tony became a part of our family. He was 15 years old and he related to Steve as a father right away. In fact, graduation high school graduation card. He wrote to Steve, just related his appreciation and I he's quoted in moms raising sons to be Mensing have no doubt that God caused me to be a part of the Stanley to show me what it look like to be a godly husband and father that he came to Christ and he was 15. I wanted to just jump in and mother him but you know men interact shoulder to shoulder more often than I do. I so I need to find ways to speak to Tony speak truth into his life.

That wasn't just me. Following him around and he had a jeep that he would work on with it in Austin Texas was superhot. He worked on at night out in the driveway and I'd sit in the Jeep didn't have a top on it and as his head was down in the motor. He and I would talk about girls talk about his dream to become a fighter pilot, which he is now is a Lieut. Col. in the Air Force like the F-22 would retire and he wanted to keep any talk about girls and then you talk about going to A&M University because that was his dream and he graduated from there and then we talked about girls. We did it all with his head in the engine.

If I had sat that young man down at a table in my kitchen and said hey Brent about girls right know where he was a talk and listen but he wouldn't just because he was super respectful and respected Steve and Steve lay down ground rules when he moved in with our family and that doesn't always happen. I think when you're taking in a foster child.

The rules of the house.

This is what we will do.

But as I spoke into Tony's life. I related to him as older woman godly mentor who loved him, but he went away to A&M University his freshman year college he became. He got picked for the A&M drill team, a team of A&M building that's the best of the best if if I can just point out he came down with pneumonia and it was bad and he called tearful that that the nurse had said you need to drop out of eight. The that jolting and he is not in dropout and he was super sick and I asked him I said can I step in and be your mama and he said okay so I called that the attorney who lived in Austin. That kind of helped him get into A&M and and said hey you know this commander of the drill team. This is what's going on that commander called me back and said I want you to know your son. And he said some amazing wonderful things about Tony, and he said we want drop him from the drill team you come and get him crack you come and get him and take care of him and you bring him back when he's healthy and I had. We drove out to College Station to pick him up brought him back home to our house in Austin and I took care of him.

He should've been in the hospital. I took care of him for two weeks that he was in bed completely bedridden and that is when my relationship with Tony bonded right his with his mama. Not only that he took care of him when he was sick.

He gave me permission to step in and and on his behalf when he was needed help and be a mother for him and II believe that's when Tony and I bonded not when I forced him to listen to me.

Not when I you will respect me as your mom. Sometimes God creates.

We talked last set last show about God sending the lines and the bears in our kids lives.

God sent that into Tony's life. It it did work in him, but also bonded. He and I his mother and son and the grandmother of his two children. He's married to a really amazing woman that just got her doctorate in nursing depression. Their love stories when I so appreciate. I think the thing that I'm hearing it's so critical is you. You did ask permission yes can I do this and I'm sure that spoke volumes to him to be the mom that you need right now or how many biological adopted sons need to hear that it's everybody. Everybody wants to hear about that you care about them and that they are accepted for who they are.

Even with all their warts and wrinkles right is so beautiful Rhonda, that's a tough place to end.

But what a great place to and in terms of hope and restoration and example of how you influence the young man's life. That's a beautiful story and this is been terrific and for the moms listening. I hope you've been encouraged. Today I want to recommend you follow up by getting Rhonda's wonderful book moms raising sons to be men is a great resource and I'd love to put a copy in your hands if you can send a gift of any amount to Focus on the Family today will get right out to you and if you can afford to send anything I still want to get this book in your hands and all trust the other friends of the ministry will take care of that expense. All will live by faith in that regard because I'm so committed to the tool but is so good. Please let us know if you need any help in your role as a mom. We have our team of Christian counselors and many other resources for you were here to help. That's the bottom line and her numbers 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459 or donates as you can get the book and connect with the counselor if you need all of it available when you call or stop by the episode notes for the links and one resource I need parenting assessment is for moms and so easy to fill out and you learn what's working well in the family and maybe an area or to of improvement and were to post a link to that assessment or website grunted this right, thanks for thanks I been fun. Where were so glad that you joined us today and hope you have a great weekend with your family and church family as well as length of please join us again on Monday for some important advice about raising daughters from Dr. Meg Meeker developing a strong relationship with a father with daughter or mother with her daughter. That's what's going to change that daughter and her so that when she hits her 20s. She has her wits about her, she has faith. She knows who she is behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team.

Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back more help you with your family. Driving Christ