Using Kindness to Open Doors in the Culture

It's easy to be nice to the police to write when she gets her coffee right it's easy to be kind when there's harmony in your family but try kindness when there's dissension try kindness when you have a strained relationship with your husband or your children. Try kindness when not getting along with your neighbor.

It's a lot more difficult to rerecord the president of Loyola University he's with us today on Focus on the Family Pres. Dr. Jim Daly I'm John Fuller and of course here in the US its inauguration country formally squares in the new president for office. Jim, this is been in this be an understatement. Extraordinarily difficult political season for all of the political division in this country has become as contentious as I've ever seen it, and in the past couple years and really the past couple of decades, things have continued building to this fever pitch as heartbreaking to see such anger on both sides of our divided country. And I know that God's heart is breaking as well. Many people now have strained relationships within their own family family, or even coworkers as a result of the outcome of the elections.

So I felt that it would be timely today to take a break here and sanctity of human life. We can talk about the issue of kindness.

It's one of the traits. One of the fruits of the spirit that God gives us, and regardless of what's happening around us, we should still certainly show kindness to one another. I'm really looking forward to the conversation today because it will help us learn how we can better love God and love people and to live out the Scripture. In Micah 68 which says he has told you, oh man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God. And I think that's an awesome statement so often were missing those admonitions to project kindness. But when we show kindness to others that somehow what I've experienced is it opens their heart gets kind of a lost art. But great reminder today in the conversation.

Had we do have some ways for you to learn more about doing that and this note that you find a lot of resources to encourage along the way the links are in the episode notes and were coming back to visit. We had just a few years ago with Dr. Barry, Cory, who's been the president of bile University since 2007. He's written a couple books including love, kindness, and his wife Paula live in Southern California and has three children, Dr. Cory married to your friends.

Great to have your focus right to be here. Jim and John think you have me on that show.

You and I have had many discussions about this theme about love and kindness and those virtues that sometimes get lost in the fray of battle. If one about the spiritual warfare describe for me where you're coming from, what kindness is and that true definition and why you believe that we need to reemphasize it. Yeah well yeah I remember the very first time I met you Jim at Viola years ago. We initially started talking about how can we be more civil in an increasingly uncivil culture and those conversations continue to kind of germinate in my in my mind and in my heart and as I'm looking at this rising generation of students and look what are we modeling for them in a way that there that have an impact on our culture and in politics and entertainment and the arts and commerce. Whatever it might be an increasingly I believe that the antidote to all of the division and the skepticism and that anger and the polarization is to for Christian to lead the way in living lives of profound kindness. It is what you mentioned that Micah 68 verse that we are called to we say love mercy sometimes, but it literally means to love kindness not just to do kindness and some Nike-esque kind of way. We don't do kindness. We love, kindness, and that means kindness is not a random act. It's a radical life in this book that I wrote is about how revolutionary our lives could be in our families and our communities and our neighborhoods in our culture and our politics if we lived out this profound sense of kindness at the Scriptures call us to what why is love and kindness and II put those together because usually when you're looking at the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 522 incidents, love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness and mercy of why did these things get lost in the why do we acknowledge them almost with our head but sometimes are hard to deploy with our heart because there's that fight in us. We don't want to see injustice. We don't want to see things go against the word of God, especially in a country that is historically embraced Christian values and now things are changing and were in an environment where we don't have that singular social cohesive approach.

Why does the ugly side of us show up rather than the God spirit in us that love and kindness that he possesses. You have using a phrase recently about living life with a firm center and soft edges, and too often I think Christians have had firm centers and hard edges.

We gotta stand up for this we go to defend ourselves and so the hard edges is what we lead with or we think that will if you have soft edges that each of you have a spongy center that you don't really have any firm convictions or believes. But if you look at the fruit of the spirit some and kindness is right there, right in the middle and I think it is in his in one of the keys. It's not a gift is very like is not optional. You have to live this way.

If you are a follower of Jesus, that we somehow mistake kindness for niceness. What's the difference well I think niceness is spongy in the middle and kindness is radical and powerful. You can't find the word niceness or nice in the Bible nowhere was not there, but kindness is all over it. Old Testament, New Testament Scriptures are full of the word kindness, lovingkindness, kindhearted and metric by Paul in in Romans 24 says it's kindness that leads to repentance right for he did eat. He says right after this that all the words about judging don't be overly judgmental and and sometimes we think judgment is what changes and so were quick to judge and quick to be angry. Quick to be combative and because we think kindness is too soft. It's what Boy Scouts and grandmothers do we need to stop telling our children to be nice and start toned and then to be kind and then tell them the difference between the two men I like that effect that Romans to or versus something I quote often and it's not just that, you know, for us, but says God's kindness leads one to repentance, so the question that I always ask people that are struggling with that kindness idea is why should we do something different from what God does with signers and us, and included, you know, he doesn't just come at us simply with that judgment. I mean being righteous is part of the package and that's where we want to go with sanctification. But he starts the process by expressing his kindness toward us and that's what leads us to repentance so often ask a crowd who's been beaten into the kingdom of God. I like to see her aunt who has said here. Those Christians were so tough on the and were so hateful toward me, that I decided to become one of them.

You never find anybody like that. It's always these Christians showed me such love in such kindness that compelled me right to kind of open my heart up to the message of God. That's what happens is in it. That's what happens in I think we often assume that the opposite of kindness is meanness and I don't think that's the case I think the opposite of kindness is fear were afraid of the Supreme Court were afraid of the present were afraid of the immigrant were for the Muslim afraid of the gay person.

Whatever it might be and so because of that fear. We put up barriers and those barriers become obstacles for our building relationships with those who may not see eye to eye with us and and that's what Scripture calls us to do when it meet once his love kindness you you reach out to those who it's easy to be nice to the barista right when when she gets a coffee right it's easy to be kind when there is harmony in your family but try kindness when there is dissension try kindness when you have strained relationship with your husband or your children. Try kindness when you not getting along with your neighbor. It's a lot more difficult than in what's most offensive to us in our human side sometimes is when we were kind were not thanked her kind and were not received, but kindness is not about being thank kindness is about being obedient and sometimes you gonna get the cold shoulder or the fist or the finger whatever it might be and that doesn't matter your verbal attack will are terrible at. Let me ask you this. You are a Road scholar, which congratulations then write a full breath and that is an achievement, I mean that is really something while you're overseas your dad who was a pastor. He passed away not long ago I think that he came to visit you and you had quite a discussion with and tell us about how he modeled kindness for you and what you saw in your own father. So as a child my father had this profound love for Jesus and live this life of unfiltered kindness even when people rejected him. He would do the most in my mind most awkward things he would hug the Islamic gas station attendant, he would hold hands with a cobbler fixing issues at the little shoe place and pray with him one time he had the audacity to hold the Jewish furniture merchants face in his hand and and safe room and I love you and I want to crawl under that the desk of that furniture shop because I was so mortified.

My father actually do that but it was years later when I was this ponytailed researcher living in Bangladesh for a year that he came through for a few days and we had this walk. This one morning on these fetid streets of Dr. the nation's capital just crowded with rickshaws and beggars in poverty and stanchion as were walking the streets and I was trying to figure life out. He said there's a verse in Matthew chapter 10.

He said I can't get out of my mind. He said it's right after Jesus says the disciples he wanted be my follower, you pick up your cross and come with me, but then he says to his disciples. Whoever receives you receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.

Matthew 1040. He said I don't fully get what Jesus meant, but this I do know that who ever God places in my path unless I make myself receivable to them. How will they ever receive the grace of God. How will they ever receive the love of Christ and and at that moment all those memories began cascading down of the Islamic gas station attendant in the cobbler and the Jewish furniture, merchants, and I understood how my father wasn't being weird he was he was being receivable is living that life of you know what whatever it takes to make myself receivable and to me receivable looks like kindness, but you may not be accepted. Your kindness you may be rejected but but kindness is never forgotten there something powerful about kindness in the in the seeds of kindness that you plant. You may not see the. The result of those seeds for years or maybe even an eternity, but you've got it lean into kindness even when it seems offensive to people even when you reject way and very what strikes me is how it is God's tool.

I mean I think that's why he says love your neighbor right because it does something to that neighbor's heart especially if if they're at odds with you for some reason it's that soft edges you talked about you talk. Also in the book about the pain caused by hypocrisy and of course we have that in our culture all the time you're working as a college president at viola you have that rising generation with you every day as a vocational reality. What did they tell you about what they see it in the older in their parents generation her grandparents. What do they say and what are they trying to fix with their idealism yeah and I I takes 10 or so freshman guys every year up to Yosemite right when they're on the front end of their time at viola and we talk about life and their challenges and their aspirations and they are honest with me about the stuff in a very candid way about the stuff that there'd been going through and and are going through and to a certain degree I want to be honest and vulnerable to them. I like to say I don't be transparently translucent button and letting the light shine through and not everything I do think that there is there is something about authenticity that this generation is looking for in in leaders they don't want the buttoned up life. They want the opened up life and and when you have the buttoned up life.

That is, to them that smells like hypocrisy and hypocrisy is the poison of kindness can we let's give this some context because I totally agree and the other thing is I don't frown upon what the Holy Spirit is doing in the generation I think generationally, God puts these things in the hearts of his people so that they express it.

I think the younger generation is there looking for that authenticity.

I think it's put there by God to kind of right the ship if you might if you will, and I think the. The thing that were observing here is that for a long time. I think in I think for generational reasons.

I think Christian leadership is been about projecting perfection that button down metaphor that you talk about and what's difficult with that is it's hard for people who are not living in that place to attach themselves to that that I've often heard, you know now that guys to perfect.

I could never be like him. Sometimes it focus. We've taken some grief because you know that we've had supporters who have gone through divorce and will say why did you contact us to help. They said well I would be embarrassed because you guys know you all seem so perfect that that's not necessarily a good attribute is it when you're authentic you're saying okay were broken to were centers to and yet were trying to follow that path that the Lord is set out to live in accountability to live righteously to live humbling but why do we as human beings want to project something or not and then give ourselves a badge of honor for yeah because were broken sinful people. That's why when I when I wrote this book I talk a lot about authenticity in there. What hypocrisy looks like and in order for me in what I felt in my spirit was I had to be open about my own issues in this book, and I actually leaned into being more vulnerable than I probably would have been when I started off writing this book.

I got a pressure little low just to make it understandable.

What was it I mean what are those Christian blind spots that we have what did you have FICA pressure on that and maybe I'll sure, but what what did the Lord say to you when you saw something that wasn't lining up with his word. For me it was pride that I had been given the title of Pres. Violet University, one of America's largest universities on my very first day on the job I was pulling into campus at 530 in the morning and I noticed that there was a security vehicle of campus safety car following me. I thought this is great you get escort service here at viola and then when I pulled into the spot he came up and he said stay in the car rolled on the windows and I said are you joking, he said no I'm not joking. We take California traffic laws very seriously here and you've you've run a stop sign. I said oh I'm I'm I'm sorry, he said, are you here for a conference or something. I said no sir is my my first in the jobsite. I must've missed that. I apologize he civil here on out you take the that the traffic laws. Bile University seriously as it can I go to the office now is that you can go so one of the offices of the not about an hour later there's a knock on the door was another campus safety officer and he said you pulled over this morning as you have so sorry I ran a stop sign and and he said while someone was filling out the report on you of the of the incident when I got in and I asked this officer will who did you pull ovaries and I do know some guy first in a job, but I told him what floor so this shift supervisor opens up the website said is does he look like him echoes you he looks a lot like him.

That officer looks at Home Depot know about everything and everything about Home Depot was true about Ashley, but but but that was that was God's reminder to me. Day one that I prayed that I would begin this job with a sense of humility and cut answer that prayer. And you know I had I taken a great deal of you know in my own mind that look like this job that I have in God's reminding me that you are here not because you're good, but because you're called and that was one of many areas in in in what I've written, where if my own fears, my insecurities my my pride, my lack of priorities where I put it out there in this book because I thought kindness means you open yourself up and you allow your imperfections to be exposed because that's how you welcome others into your that's how you make yourself receivable and it doesn't mean that people will receive you, but it's risky kindness it, it's rich radical it is.

It's hard it's counter cultural. But you are in Paul's words. You are the aroma of Christ and to some you, the smell of life to others you smell of death, but you can smell like Jesus. And it's not your job to be received.

It's your job to make yourself receivable and that's what's so hard about living this radically kind life because we want to be thanked and we want to be patted on the back and we want to be recognized want to have the common seats at the table and she says that's not what I called you to lean into that selfless sacrificial receivable kindness and live that way.

Cory is our guest today on Focus on the Family and he's written a great book called love, kindness and subtitle is Discover the power of a forgotten Christian virtue, you can get that book from us.

We've got the link in the episode notes very in your book, love, kindness you talk about the handful of things that are kind of the critical things.

In fact you touched on some soft edges.

What that means a firm center. You also mention some other attributes. Can you touch on a couple those that mean the most to you. Yeah, I think him. We have lost the gift of hospitality. It's easy to invite people into our homes little into homes who are like us same social economic family types political party that is easy to do, but if the kingdom of God ultimately will be every tongue and tribe and nation gathering around a great supper then we have to reverse engineer that was a great supper look like around our supper table and how are we willing to bring people to eat with us who may have you known backgrounds that are very different, ethnically, culturally, politically, religiously, and I think this this is the kind of community that God has called us to what is kindness look like at your dining room table. The cross was a most profound kind moment of history withing the blood in and ran rugged, but that's were God's grace took place for us and was flanked by two meals. Note though the Last Supper and then after that Jesus can yield cooking fish for his disciples a breakfast we have lost. I think the ability to think about what is it mean to invite someone to our home to our table as Simon. I've been invited to people or I lived by Linda Schreier who who didn't have much money at all, but those meals were gracious because of the hospitality, not because of how fancy the meal was it was it interesting back in 1995 when the Republicans Took over Congress. One of things that that Newt Gingrich encourage them to do these new Republicans was stay in your homes back in your communities live there and then just commute to Washington and there are many that say that when that happened in the families didn't move to Washington. The engagement that those on both sides of the party had with each other. PTA meetings in local churches that you know in neighborhoods that cookouts it stopped happening right we have stopped being in community with those who are different than we are and I think that's that's a travesty. I think that that's that is one of the reasons why there's so much division our world totally great.

In fact, in my friendships with those in Washington DC though so that's one of the biggest changes since the Reagan administration. You know the way back than that Tip O'Neill and Reagan would get together and have a meal Tom Coburn Sen. former Sen. of Oklahoma. He was terrific and he and I had many conversations about his desire to have dinner with then Pres. Obama you know he would have a meal with them every couple weeks just to touch base with them and he said I do that on my Christian conviction because of were having relationship and dialogue I can get my point across and I can hear his heart as well. Those are great examples of how to do that, but I got I've got to ask you again because I want to hear more clearly. Maybe for conviction for those that struggle with that the really want to build the bunker and say why would I ever interact with somebody like that or somebody who supports abortion or same-sex marriage or just put the noun in there.

Whatever it is they support that I disagree with.

I don't want to mix with them. I'm uncomfortable.

It drives me nuts. It just irritates me and agitates me and we can live in a culture where media plays on that on both sides and all sides but what should we be. As Christians, discerning with respect to the brain chemistry of that the way they're trying to drive ratings by irritating us how we step back from that and so can I get take the bait because I have a higher calling for God, you know, I think there are some on the right and some on the left who have chosen to be death to conversations and I think no matter how hard we try were not to make make much progress, but I think there are those on the right and those in the left who are actually willing to listen and willing to be engaged in conversation receptive of our hospitality because this is where learning takes place and you know, and unless were having these conversations, we are not making progress we have given up dialogue for diatribe.

We've been so interested in you know, rattling our sabers that we haven't been good neighbors and and I if you take cuts word seriously. Jesus never had a problem with associating with those who had fundamentally different worldview that then he did and it is entertaining at home. He was Nino walking the road. He was sitting down on a side of a hill with those who disagreed deeply with the kingdom world that he was describing. And if we are not intentional about establishing these conversations we met again.

We may get rejected. We make it our feelings hurt because someone might betray us. They may act like they're being hospitable and they might say something on a blog afterwards but that shouldn't dissuade us from trying again this is the antidote to so much that is wrong with with with our culture today and it doesn't mean that kindness is is timid and milquetoast and fluffy. It is powerful and it is radical and it can reconcile relationships and can be the key to racial reconciliation. It can bring nations together. We just underestimated and we think it's soft when it is revolutionary and so I believe we have no choice but to keep trying.

On these conversations and we can do so in a way that we not compromising our stand for justice and in God's truth and the integrity that the Scriptures call us to put for crying out loud like you can't love the bullhorn was really great insights and timely reminders today on Focus on the Family from Dr. Barry Cory about how to show kindness to others in our culture, especially those who disagree with us. John especially regarding how we see things politically. It's hard to do but I want to reiterate that our goal here Focus on the Family is to equip you with the Scripture as our guide to live out the testimony that God is called us to. As Christians, if anyone is offended by this, or by us, let it be the gospel that offends you, and not our behavior or our antagonistic words. Hopefully, in doing so people will see something so different in us that they're compelled to lean in instead of pulling away from the gospel so maybe ask yourself today. What can I do differently, think about inviting someone to your home for dinner who doesn't think the way you think the gene I've tried to do that and we had done it.

Frankly, and there are other great ideas in Dr. Corey's book to move you in that direction so I'll make that a challenge to us all and encourage you to get this book to why agree it is a good challenge and you can get your copy of the book by Dr. Cory love kindness as well as a CD of this conversation, which includes additional conversation we had with him to stop by the episode notes for the details and if you've been touched by our work here, let us know that please. By making a financial contribution to the ministry of Focus on the Family want to continue to provide you with the kinds of conversations that we've had today and you can make that donation online or when you call 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459, and today when you make a generous donation of any amount to support focus will send a copy of love kindness as our way of saying thank you for supporting next time a challenge to live out life beliefs. The big issue is that the girl doesn't actually feel like it to take place to go to when she has an expected pregnancy. The church is not the first thing that crosses their mind. Like I need help in the church and ask if they'll help me on behalf of Jim Daly in the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting him back once more help and you drive. January is sanctity of human life, month, and you can join Focus on the Family as we love every heartbeat make an impact in your family neighborhood and community. You'll find ways to participate@focusonthefamily.com/March for life