Hope and Help for Weary Moms (Part 1 of 2)

Help me think I know my heart. I want to have a Christian home. I want to know you and love you more than anything else and did will give weekly joins us today on Focus on the Family helping you ease your mom guilt and embrace the grace that Jesus has for your hostess focus president and Dr. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller. John, a group of researchers crunched the numbers and found that an average year, a mom of the baby changes over this 2000 diapers is almost 200 loads of laundry loses almost 900 hours sleep and of course many moms work outside the home to home and there's those are startling numbers. I might've thought they'd be a little higher and some you probably rightly underestimated. And although motherhood can be wonderful. I know that when the boys were really young Jean often felt no one really saw or appreciated everything she was doing. If you're feeling that way today know that you're not alone. The Bible tells us that in the same way you constantly care for and think about your kids, God is doing the same for you. That is really great encouragement and were to remind you that through this wonderful conversation we had with a panel of mom's dead weekly Crystal Porter and Mary Jo mast and Deb has two adult children chrysalis five young kids and Mary Jo is a mom to seven and all three women are part of a community called the help club for moms in a written a book of the same title. More information including your phone number is in the episode notes and we should make no Jim that we recorded this before the pandemic yet so we also at that time had a studio audience of moms during the entire recording.

Let's go ahead and listen in now is Jim, you welcomed the ladies to the broadcast Deb crystal Mary Jo, welcome to Focus on the Family thinking. Let me start here every mom seems to have this question in the back of their minds may be deep within their own hearts and it's this.

They worried that they're not good enough that I'm not an okay mom. Why is that and what can mom do to fill that gap a little bit. The sites just don't worry as much.

Many husbands would like you to answer the question. Well, I don't even know where to begin with that one because that was my biggest struggle as a young mom is worried about messing my kids and not doing a good job. I didn't come from a Christian home and your mom was not out of the picture right now. She died, she lost her emotionally when I was 12 and then are 10 to 12 really and then whenever I was 20, she died and so I didn't. I never stop being a mom played out. If you have a mom in your home. And if she's a Christian. Tell your mom think you just having that example is behind I tried to tell my friends that my our team. You don't even know what it's like not to honey. Some people now maybe some listeners here today to not have a mom is is overwhelming.

So what did your children do the opened up this idea that you were meeting the mark they are being kids because I think they would be little sinful children so that's that. And I would lose that I would lose that I yell or lose my temper and feel worse because that condonation you when you when you yell. I think the enemy sometimes tempts us to yell and then right away. The enemy comes back and he's like you're the worst mom in the world really moms you know really well as are no that's so amazing, Mary Jo. You say that you were shocked by how difficult being a mom was funny, but paint a picture painted picture for us and what was so shocking for you about it.

I would say it was surprising for me at my night we wanted to have a large and we ended up having an extra large family and so I don't know the definition what's the difference a large and extra two cars that's what transport to cars, that's great.

I think that's wonderful. I really wouldn't trade it for the world now came from a small family so I only had two sisters and no brothers so I was having boys was completely just how does God give you for okay great.

Oh, any anything. Actually I you know boys are soft and are so tender and I love them. I mean guys really showed their heart to me since I have for I mean now I live within every day so you had to feel overwhelmed. I mean you like the Queen mom here know that God stresses you when you're put in that situation. There's no way that you can actually do what you're called to do unless the Lord helps you so yeah another struggle many moms have is little to no time for themselves. This is the way it is crystal you have a story about one morning you thought you were going to finally get some of that quiet time. What happened so I struggle with waking up early, as it is. My kids wake me up in the morning mom. I need cereal or whatever else and that's how I wake up to my day but this morning I was feeling victorious like it is 6 AM I got up and meet some hot tea for myself so I can see like sunshine when you go and I had sat down with my Bible and I'm like all my hopes and dreams are made up like this kind of morning silence in the house. There is absolutely not a sound site open at my Bible and like just relax into my couch and then my little register little footsteps coming down the hall and her hair is like all disheveled if you notice a total wreck. A total mess. He mommy like this over and now I have to come up and be a mom and it is hard to not have when you search and try so hard to find the times and you just can't get it does seem like a lot of it watching my wife, Jean, it's give give give give give and give give give give give morning and then I can only imagine how draining that feels so how what reservoir you go to that moment when you have those expectations and your little daughter's good mommy I'm hungry mommy my hairs all needing a bra that she liked. Don't brush ever. I what I have to do is kind of bring them into the moment. That's my reality as a mom right now I five kids and a lot of them are small and so that moment now becomes I get to bring her alongside and whether she sitting there with me while I finish my Bible reading time and it ended up being much shorter than I had anticipated, or I make a little busy toy for her on the floor. You know, it's like you just have to always adapt in do your best and right but you do everything moms that's what the state debts come check out my letter is always there and that's the thing that you said that your childhood made you feel like a lost puppy reference. The times that such a powerful word picture a lost puppy that feel what that mean well when you don't grow up in a Christian home or you really want it so badly. That's something I wanted I would go to peoples houses. I was like a little less happy. I felt like I would go to this person's house and I would I would see their family and their pictures on the wall and their dinner table that they would talk by having dinner and I go to this person family in an IC just like just the love that they had and I look at their books and I would ask what are you doing with your kids and you know tell me what to do. I don't know what to do and I was always just going from place to place when you got home.

What did that look like I felt really bad about myself really has. I was trying to compare myself to other people and I got ideas that I would come home to my reality of all the things I wasn't doing right, but I would ask God to help me God.

You know, the desire of my heart. I want to have a Christian home. I want to have kids that know you and love you more than anything else. Help me and stated that it was just that I can't explain just comparison know if you talk about comparison, but it's just it's hard when you think everything else is doing it right but you're doing it wrong drip drip drip if you act differently you when you feel that you're falling short in you mess up you act less nice you act you can be a better mom if you just thought to yourself. God is with me. God is helping me. But when we compare ourselves, or when we always use our flaws. What we do is is we instead beat ourselves up and so we act that way we act grouchy we yell we did. We are worse when we don't say to God, God, you help me I need you instead. When you put everything on you or people around you or your sins are your shortcomings. That's when you act out versus trusting God, you, you talk about the power 20 minutes so this is a solution moment, so everybody listening. What is the power of the 20 minute rest time, or what are you doing the 20 well. Whenever my kids were during that season that you brought up earlier when they were younger and I would go into my daughter's room at night have a bad day and I going to her room and I would cry.

I literally cried.

I think there's need marks beside my daughter's bed in the carpet because I was kneeling beside her bed after she went to sleep, crying out to the Lord, you got to help me. I don't know what I'm doing and making a mess of things and all he would say is spend time with me and so that's where the 20 minutes a day came from his.

He got me at 1520 minutes a day early.

I asked him to get me out. I didn't want to get up, Lord, could you get me up so that I could spend time with you and so I would spend around. This is just a little easy thing that help me remember it was five minutes praying you know but when I read the word. I also pray and then about 10 minutes reading the Bible in five minutes. I plan my day so I would have a little sheet of paper and write down six most important things that I want to get done that day. How important is that you know in reading the material. One thing that caught me was how jostled the day goes for moms, you might write six things the way have you managed that you have your plan and so okay Lord my plans are not your plan since two night. We always did.

First things first.

So I only got my Bible study done that day and I read the Bible to my children and I feel like I had a really good day and said that was my most important thing. And then if I would read to them or clean. You know will and not beating yourself up.

That's right here and there.

I got so refreshing starting to get comfortable yet scan yes and trusting the Lord do what you can do and then trust the next day Mary Jo share with us about your childhood and have that effect your mothering will actually I had two very great parents. They were very, very grace filled.

I mean, they love the Lord. I will regret. I grew up in a very legalistic kind of have a background and is so that really shaped and formed how I viewed guy and it wasn't until I was about 29 years old when the Lord I opened the word and the Lord began to minister to me about his true character and I saw that the way that I had viewed him as a very legalistic harsh kind of know if it really even came from. It came somewhat for my background.

I think it was more of a personal thing because my parents were like that at all.

They're going to be moms listening right now that are still in that spot what help I guess wake you up to the fact that God's grace is sufficient. It was a divine appointment.

I think with the Lord. I just his word. I just began to read his word and it began to make sense to me. I remember reading the verse in the Bible where it says if your earthly father will give you bread when you asked them for bread, not a stone that there is a new thought that came to me. When Jesus said how much more will the Lord give you the Holy Spirit. When you ask him. And so I started doing. I started asking him for the Holy Spirit was like a brand-new thought to me and so as I asked him and he just began to when I would read the word it would eight uncovered for me and I was just things began to make sense to me for the very first time so that I yet recognize that God is a good guy. And that's Mary Jo mashed she's joined by Deb Weakley and Crystal Porter this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and we want to encourage you to get the book to help club for mom's we've got that you give us a call or stop by the episode notes for details and Jim were also joined here in the studio by a number of mom's in the galleries full of moms as well. It's right welcome all the law is good Crystal. Let me ask you because we got the background. Mary Jo but that you grew up, kind of in a tough situation to what happened.

My so my mom having she's a teenager. She's 17 and so it's kind like a baby having a baby and she wasn't quite ready for the challenge and some of my family and graciously stepped in, but I just kind of was shifted from home to home and went to my grandma for a good majority of it and then I lived with my aunt and uncle after that who they really just took me and adopted me as their own and on like forever grateful for them as I thought about being a mom.

With that, it kind of leaves you in a spot where just like I was saying I didn't know it look like to have a mom and Fred my especially my adolescent years me and my young years of just being little and hoping for that mommy relationship you know and all my life. All I wanted to do with mom and so I can remember the day that I had my first little girl and I thought like this is hoping for. This was the day.

This is a mom now and I remember everybody leaving you know that I have the baby. Everything is great I'm good and holding her and everybody left the room.

You know they're going home and everybody came and visited and I thought was everybody. I don't and that kind of feeling stuck with me in different ways.

As I you know here's into motherhood where that kind of became doubt my just to-know what I'm doing. My just messing up to and and then I had that desire.

I was 17 I came to the Lord and so now I had this fresh I don't just want to be a mom. I want to be this mom that just loves Jesus and shows my kids Jesus. What do I even do that.

But I do feel like God. I was at a mom conference on time because I'm searching for answers. Please give me your formulas, how to be a good mom and I remember God just filled my oldest was three I had had number two at that time tune. She's just a baby and I remember thinking to myself, I'm just praying and while I was there and God said Crystal you need to test, let me help you. Just let me help you think I was looking around and I was feeling like I was there for answers and I wasn't messily getting them you heard all these wonderful things and ideas write concepts of how to be good mom you want to be patient patient you know all these big things and it felt, but it didn't feel tangible to me and I didn't know what to do to walk away with it. I don't think that that was what it was meant for you there. I think I was supposed to walk away like Mary Jo thing needed to have the Holy Spirit telling me specifically what to do for my kids and then also having it be where God was reminding me. You are not your family just because you felt the way that you felt doesn't mean her kids feel the way that you feel that was a fear of mine and then with that came. I just felt like the Lord really impressed on my heart that I could be the mom that I had wished that I had and takes a quick story okay but my my daughter one day she was just asking about being little girl. You know, just look at questions and she said mom so what did you do with your mom when you were six or you know whatever and I said I didn't really have my mom and I was six and mom and so you know open up this whole conversation and in the end she ended up coming and she said mom so that you didn't have a mom so she connected she connected. We cried together, but the I feel like the redeeming part of it was that God you know I got to tell her that I said if it wasn't for how I grew up don't know they would be the moment I am to you today and so kind of you know, God uses and I told her you know my story is God story and so whatever happened, however, all the pieces fell.

You know he can pick… Didn't make it into something for him and so is sweet moment really hard moment you know you did. Those are the moments that you're hoping that you have the right answers for you and you have in the book of the contributions you made the your children seem to really the Lord uses your children to show all the stories all the time and that's an interesting thing to several tender hearts they do toward the Lord. Yes, it can be really emotional my house between the lot of you. In fact you outlined five ways we can pray for kids good for moms and by the way, but what of those five ways we can pray why was at the time when I wrote this I was feeling that lack of prayer in my life and I'm thinking like get to wake up and have these times I get to pray what I pray I pray and so these are kind of the Staples and the ones I use my house but pray with your kids to start and end the day so that has a prayer and I just recycle the notes in my health and that you commit each day to write.

So in the morning and wake up we say Lord, we commit the state you that's it and it simple, but it brings me perspective kind of helps them pray when your kids are fighting with each other. I feel like I want to know what I end up talking them individually and then then the reconciliation of coming together to have that final look.

We love each other and were striving were knocking to be perfect and resentful about working pray to Jesus and he's can help us and so it's great.

Some days they don't know the workout but to shoot their yes and for that, pray on the go. So we pray a lot and this is so random, but we see an ambulance driving by. Pray and we see someone on the side of the road home, lest we pray pray for your meals. Short and sweet works doesn't have to be sent on about even asking her kids to pray prayers are. I mean like the sweetest of all time and I have one daughter and I say all this, and I'd really like to make sure people know that it's not all like roses and rainbows. You know, like, even at dinner time. These mealtimes with praying when my daughter sometimes used for, and shall be like. I'm not bring you love and pray with your children sleeping so just asking them what what yeah and that's great. But that sounds really good and even some moms hearing that are going Crystal she's a great mom but you should have kind of a rough day. I think your daughter there's a story about the grumpy mom there. So I now like a grumpy mom day. That's like every other day just leaving. I remember I was. It was just that to you where you are and you woke up and you weren't ready to be a mom wake up. Some days not to do the things I want to tell me what to get up so that all my kids you know they were being like that something just going around the house making a mess in every single room every single last one and then you know so maybe you know I finally I was doing whatever I was doing and come out into the house and I just see everywhere is a disaster tornado just know care the house a disaster, having great time and I don't know if any moms can relate, but the switch flipped. It turned on and then like grouchy me mom appears and I'm like room and clean your room and you know let you go there you know like they were just enjoying the day having great time and then now mom is mad so everyone's walking on eggshells and trying to do the things I want them to do and I was just one after another, just telling him no, you always do this. And so my mother you know I love you always and everything with my kids that you're not supposed to do.

Always make a mess and you guys never clean up after yourselves you know those things and so my daughter sometimes when she's really grouchy.

I'll pray for you okay mommy. And so this time she was like mom can pray for our day really got you so you prayed for me. Your sweet little prayer.

It was like my kids speak to me just that testimonies my heart that only through listening there watching. They see whatever I'm doing it but that she could recognize will moms grumpy and she needs some help out really. What's weird about that… You would train John well I'm sure all your kids is to be into the spirit what's going on here that problem moms fine off the rails time when we complete this by doing and with this, as we close describe process your two prayer strategy modeling quiet time and making a prayer binder.

I think that's another practical thing that mom's about to walk away with my prayer. I brought it and it's not fancy.

We sat down and we just made something I had killed the cow think that this is from 2004 right anyway so I wanted to keep all my prayers in one place so I wouldn't have a whole lot of time so I would pick like when dad pray for my husband went to such a funny tone is one of the one this is amazing I love Ruth Graham and I love anything by her and she is a compilation of prayers called prayers for Mother's Day and listen to this. This is amazing. Lord see in them what I cannot see Lord bring to light what I do not know Lord, teach them of what I am not aware Lord whispered to them what I have forgotten Lord warn them of what I have omitted Lord be for them. What I cannot be Lord love them, for you are all they need. And that's Linda's mindful not beautiful.

I'm worried that I thought God could cover over my mistakes when I asked him to cover over it and see in their hearts and what's going on and you know what's going on because I don't know what's going well. This is so good. And here's the great news. God created the child's heart in a very resilient manner so that I think in part, they could look the other way on all the parenting mistakes so we got to and too much amnesia.

God's got it shapes us as were growing through our moms and absorb if we didn't have moms that my story to but this is been terrific. I hope you the listener of the YouTube watcher you've been able to glean some great ideas on how to settle down.

Trust the Holy Spirit when the end of the Holy Spirit.

That's what I was hearing to the and and just love your kids, which is what they need most of all it will come back next time.

If you guys are willing to cut the conversation but let me encourage you to go to the website. John will give the details if you're hurting if you're in a place that you know it's more serious than what we talked about caring Christian counselors we can help you with that put additional resources into your hands and maybe even refer you to a counselor in your area so we have that end of this covered as well. So just get in touch with us were here for you. You help us a phone call away and her number is 800 K in the word family or online. You'll find resources and a lot of encouragement.

Just click the link in the episode show notes and of course the weekly one of our guests along with the help of lots of women right Deb has written this book to help club for mom's. We especially want to point you did that because it's got a lot of the stories about your hearing in this broadcast and lots lots more so work ask about that book when you get in touch. And as we often do you John if you can make a gift to the ministry either a monthly sustainer gift or one-time gift will send the book to use our website.

Thank you and if you can afford it were here for you and most importantly, other donors that will cover the cost of confidence. So get in touch with us so we get this book in your hands and once again our phone number 800 K word family on behalf of Jim Daly in the entire team.

Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family and plan to be with us next time. As we continue the conversation and once again help you and your family thrive in Christ