Making Your Marriage a High Priority

Today on Focus on the Family you'll hear about a marriage that almost fell apart.

I'm from upstate New York. Like many of the planets like that I was I was I was a pampered LA actor. Stay tuned to discover how Kirk and Josie Cameron overcame a host of challenges said this is Focus on the Family with focus.

President Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller, John.

Many of our listeners will be familiar with Kirk and Chelsea Cameron from their acting careers in fact they met on the set of the TV show growing pains, which I'm sure many people are familiar with. That's where Kirk played Mike Seaver and Chelsea played his girlfriend Kate, but it's their roles as husband and wife and parents of six kids that will really be of interest to you as well here in just a moment.

As Kirk traveled and developed a very successful speaking ministry. Chelsea stated home to focus on their six children went. She admits put Kirk at the bottom of her priority list. And that's a recipe for disaster and let me just quickly add if this program brings up concerns for your own marriage. Please get in touch with us. We have counselors who can spend time with you on the phone and we also encourage you to check out our hope restored marriage and tenses which have a success rate of over 80% and if you can give to help us save and strengthen marriages one family at a time. We really need to hear from you today.

You can donate or ask for help from one of our counselors as well.

If you'd like or ask about our hope restored marriage and tenses. All of this and much much more.

When you call 800 K in the word family 800-232-6459 or follow the link in the episode notes and I just know more detail about the Camerons after his TV career.

Kirk went on to several movie roles. He was Capt. Caleb Holt in the movie fireproof which was of course a big hit and I Kirk does have his own film studio and host marriage conferences across the US. Josie has a ministry teaching biblical marriage and family classes and together Kirk and Chelsea have founded Camp firefly, which is real fun getaway for seriously ill children and their families. The queue really enjoyed this as we listen now to Kirk and Chelsea Cameron speaking at a Focus on the Family marriage conference a number of years ago before we share some thoughts with you. Let me just say that I realize some of you may be feeling that were very underqualified to be standing on the stage after all, we've only been married once and I was 19 years ago and each other the whole time just kind of a regular couple. But there's some things that we've learned and and here's here's the main thing we know that the same God that designed the universe also designed marriage and marriage is wonderful and God speaks with authority on the subject of marriage, and he speaks on the subject.

Through his word and we've gotten to know God and his manual and and found that his advice trumps Oprah's every time and he's kind enough to make his word understandable for regular couple like us. He's got a lot to say on the subject of how to keep it together in a difficult environment made an intentional decision to leave Hollywood location of to move my family to the suburbs. He wanted to sort of get away from that person outside and just kind of move away from now, but we quickly realize that say flee from big cities in your marriage well and there was another curse seemed to have nothing to do with location and it came with us and it was the insight analyze things like selfishness and pride in stubbornness and refusal to get in line with what God says about marriage elite. We do have a very very different worlds. I'm from upstate New York.

He's from LA Catholic meeting of the planets right there please call us knows I'm talking about my normal upbringing.

I come from a hard-working middle-class family. I went through school and high school and college, down to earth family Kirk Stamm is wonderful journey was a little different.

He kind of now, as I was I was a pampered LA actor. I'll admit I is about their perspective on life and I think that on his became very I remember once a jump in history everyone time we had a very clear illustration of how different we could see the same situation you had that happen.

This is when we were sitting in our kitchen.

Remember the spirit in our kitchen and I was sitting at the kitchen table in Europe that the sink unloading some dishes in the dishwasher. I was talking to a friend and were talking when talking away. All of a sudden I heard something just crack shatter in the sink's startled me. I don't seem like what happened. I go over and Chelsea was unloading the dishwasher and she was putting away our very expensive wedding crystal and she I guess it turned in, and putting it away. She hit it against the side of the cast iron sink I'm looking at the shattered.

You know crystal honey be more careful and she gave me. It was it was it was a look that only an Italian New Yorker can give you know it was that it was that right. One of those and then it got worse. She's looking at me right in the face and she reaches into the dishwasher. She pulls out another one. She holds over the cast iron sink and drops it is another one. What have I married, I okay you know there's two sides to every story right. We learn that tone. I never different town.

It was a lot more scolding, scolding for thinking scolding me for the state. I had never been scolding in my life from this thinking oh my gosh, what have I married my body and I grabbed the other one I have not really just he came up in a home handle those things to came from and beginning of some major differences. We both had different views on marriage if examples of marriage and you can spend your whole life trying to change another person just trying to control and change spouse and I think that on most people to spend their whole life doing girls night is aware because we can't control anyone else. My husband is out of the reach of my control. And when I was really only one person that I could control with the help of the Holy Spirit that was me. I started realizing that there are some problems in my own heart had nothing to do with Holly and I location had to do with the fact that we both really did not do this and we are coming with so much pride in so much opinion and it wasn't that we need to move further away from Hollywood.

It was that we need to move closer deeper into the word of God and figure out what marriage is meant to be and how I was glorify God in this marriage and how I was and get my part right.

One of the lessons that Chelsea and I learned well I learned it was an essential message that I didn't lessons. I don't think I really needed to learn and I didn't realize until after some damage had been done and I realized this is a huge lesson that I need to learn. I remember when when Chelsea and I first met the world just didn't exist like she was my universe right. Nothing else would get me down. I was just in this had the force field of love around me and my attention was just totally on her. All I thought she was all I thought about 24 hours a day. I remember Valentine's Day celebrations with the candles going up the stairs over here in a romantic dinner and my mom was catering in said it all so so my life was just as I have blinders on and I never standing at the altar thinking myself.

Lord, if you let this marriage go through and she says yes and and and she commits to me. I just want to serve her for the rest of my life and I am not going to break her heart. Not for a second I committed I would not even kiss another actress for my work, let alone have an affair and then 15 years later, six children later, I found myself attracted to another woman and I always felt that no matter what I said or how I said I felt so appreciated and respected and she she laughed everything I said I didn't realize what I was doing was neglecting my wife and my children and doing some damage here. I didn't see and she had a name, your name was the church ministry. I was being asked by so many within the church to go in and speak as this Christian who lives in Hollywood, the guy from growing pains and was like I could go everywhere and people would just say wonderful, wonderful job you know you just get respect coming at you and in a flood laughing at your jokes applying the profound things that you could say I wasn't always that way at home guys you know you feel me, you know, and so I began pouring more my time and my focus on my attention when it was working right really felt like I'm the man in my priorities got mixed up and upside down and I was neglecting my wife and my children. The mistress wears many faces just as a woman's heart can be stolen away by a man who pays attention to her soul man's heart can be wooed by work and ministry accomplishment sports friends and not of those things are innately wrong and of themselves, but when we get our priorities upside down and we lose perspective and we get away from God's program for marriage and family and anything comes before this relationship is wrong and sinful and needs to be cut out and gotten rid of. Proverbs 5 says the adulterous woman, whoever she is. Whatever faith she wears her voice is sweet, her lips drip with honey but run from her turn from her because her paths lead to death and destruction so I want to ask you as you're listening to this today sir, ma'am. Who is willing you who's got your heart and your tension is his work is it golf ministry who would your spouse say this. Is there another woman in your life or another man enough to say that same time that his focus was that there was another love affair going on inside of our home and that was my focus on the six kids and how they needed me place.

It was everything and Kirk would come home and it wasn't like we were locking the door, and we be doing the wavering lighting are lighters and he was home and not take out the trash is another diaper but the truth is if I had to prioritize where he was keeping number seven and I knew that that's not the way God designed family. I know, and I've heard that you can't be at that her mother, then you are life, but I wasn't really seeing that time I was more focused on keeping record of his wrongs and sorted any independent girls. I just doing my thing with the kids, but here you're not here I can do this by Those little hurts and disappointments right my back pocket and you resent the distaste of Delta and I so many people sitting right here except the words you know I'm dying name and right of the words I am so done and message from Dr. James and Donald is taking from Ephesians 4, verse 30 tell the kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven you, just as God in Christ is for getting me playing your mind and thinking if I got what I deserve wiser is how and everything else up laughing is to forget that he forgives and he started talking about how forgiveness is two parts.

It's one between you and God. We say, like you, forgiving you so much every day of my life. I also contacted length how me like you Lord, if it can't keep record of wrongs and he talked about how one part was being me and guiding them.

One part was between me as a process so this is decision in the process and the process is showing forth month giving you my best and be my need to be for Jesus in the moment. If you'll feel it feelings and your obedience and help reduce the feeling and you and when you found the process you're playing those tapes to getting your point you back to unforgiveness go back to the cross, Lord, and I felt you help me to be like you forget like you and the more you do that in your book that you don't go back to unforgiveness. The chain is broken in your life and you free in the blessing start to flow back in our life and the Chilean our home.

There is no meaningful relationship. There is no marriage without forgiveness is the most Christlike thing you can do it makes a profound change in our life in my life and I marriage I love you so much for forgiven is to a safely because I have practices. The one word that I think would summarize what it is that keeps us strong and healthy in Hollywood and gives us the power to do the things we just talked about is the cross.

It's the first thing that attracted me to Chelsea and its the thing today that keeps me in love with her.

If your marriage is just based on appearances or on certain activities. What happens when those appearances begin to change, and the activities are no longer possible to be a whole lot deeper than that. I remember when I first met Chelsea. She was sitting off on the side of the said that she was just kind of sitting down with cowboy boots and jeans looking really cute and that she had a headset on and she had this this necklace with a little cross that was made of sapphires is a Hollywood set of growing pains and smaller than I thought myself I like to go over and talk with her and get all nervous. Now she's my lead out of my thinking in the then went over my eye, I thought – cross could she be a Christian.

I thought to myself. Now she's beautiful and I figured the Christian girls were either beautiful or Christian.

I figured that they would never be both, and so I said we listen to and she's is always a bad you never heard of it. I'm sure you've never heard of it. I said really give me a shot. Who was it, she said Petra said Petra more power to when you're standing on his word so that I thought Petra and she's is really Christian. She says yeah you I said no.

This is no first attracted me to her was that cross and today I learned that as feelings come and go, and as things change and in the emotional barometer, thermometer, whatever it is, goes up and down have this model always in the front of your mind, never look down on your spouse.

Instead, keep looking up to the cross. The cross the cross. That's what will save you not only from hell but it will save you from a failed marriage because when you look at the cross you looking you say I'm not deserving of that what my spouse is done to me in the coldness or the bitterness or or the fact that she or he ignores me and treats me the way that I don't think I deserve.

I look to the cross and what I've done to the Lord is far worse than that a million times worse and he didn't reject me he loved me and he died for me, gave me a gift I could never make up for.

And that's fueling your tank. That's the picture of love and then we take that with a full tank and turned our spouse and give love, whether we feel like it or not as we do.

That transformation happens. Remember we love him because he first loved us and I said it's interesting to talk about this and I remember standing at the altar with Kirk and looking at him thinking we have, and amazing thing and I realize that love not tested is really not let it all and it's when you go through the family and yet be humbled. If you find broken and you have to go to God's word and you keep trusting keep persevering come out the other.

Together night have a thing. We have much more pain. 20 years later and we did the altar and has very little to us has nothing to do with has everything to do with God transforming us getting a new husband back and give him the new me there and I went flat on that is amazing. He is the glow as a cost analysis together. God bless you and thank you for listening to Kirk and Chelsea Cameron today on Focus on the Family in the maturing very openly and honestly about their marriage and some of the struggles that they were overcome, and that was recorded at a focus on marriage events here on our Colorado Springs campus just a few years ago Jen, I really appreciate what Kirk had to say a few minutes ago never look down on your spouse, boy, that's good advice. Instead I keep looking up to the cross. That's powerful. Here's another tip that I got from a friend when you're in an argument with your spouse. Imagine Jesus standing right beside them that makes you pull up a little short, especially when things are getting heated, you've gotta take a second to step back and remember that Christ died for your spouse. That's his daughter, his son and then treat that person with respect great respect.

That's a good principal. Remember when you're having one of those days with your husband or your wife and you know I firmly believe that sooner or later everyone needs help with their marriage and that's one of the main reasons that Focus on the Family exists to help your marriage drive and as we said at the top of the program.

Today we have an amazing team of counselors here who were able to spend some time with you on the phone and then refer you if necessary, to a like-minded counselor in your area. We have an extensive network of counselors across the US and Canada, and if your marriage needs more help. Let me strongly recommend our hope restored marriage intensive's. This program is so successful. We've expanded to three locations now Michigan, Georgia and Missouri as couples leave the intensive 95% say they believe it will make a difference in their marriage and two years later, 80% of these couples say they are doing well and that's a truly remarkable success rate.

Here's a note we received from Sarah.

She said our marriage seem hopeless, but we gave it one last shot by attending hope restored in Branson. We learn new ways to communicate, which has been very helpful, but the best thing that happened during the intensive was discovering that God sees me and loves me what a blessing. The counselors taught us how to practice self-care which takes a lot of pressure off of our marriage and helps us stay focused on what God is doing each day.

Thank you Focus on the Family and let me say thank you Lord and to our donors for saving marriages like servers through hope restored. It really is a team effort and I were so pleased at what God does. We couldn't do this, though without thousands of donors who want to help couples thrive in their marriages. You know it's like a safety net that we've been able to build with all of you and saving marriages is a tangible way to help families when we help a marriage were also saving children from the trauma of divorce and the poverty that often follows. It's a win-win.

So let me encourage you to donate to the marriage building efforts of Focus on the Family.

We need your partnership and when you make a donation of any amount will send you a CD of this message from Kirk and Chelsea Cameron as our way of saying thank you. Get a copy to pass along to a friend or coworker may be a family member. Yet this is the kind of message that really is and resonate with so many different people and can bear a second or third listening as well and you can reach us when you call 880 family that's 800-232-6459 or donate online and request additional resources. All of that in the episode notes next time. Join us as Pastor Brady Boyd encourages you to reach others for Christ and that's the power of the great commission is to go outside of your comfort zone. Go to a people that misunderstand each other and have common dialogue to have conversations with people that turns into a witnessing moment on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team.

Thanks for listening to this Focus on the Family podcast couple things of note. First, make sure you go to our website and take that free marriage assessment we've been offering for the past few years. Over a million people invested in the few minutes it takes to take the quiz and they identify strengths and weaknesses, perhaps in their relationship.

Again, the episode notes is all the details and then if you're able, please take a moment and give us a rating sure about this episode with a friend might need some encouragement in their relationship, I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time. As we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ