Hope For Teen Moms

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Talk about your upbringing that were you in a Christian home or did you know what led you to be boy crazy yeah I was born to single mom so she had me in college I did know my biological datatypes 28 years old, like on him when I was 28 and my mom and my stepdad when I was four and he was carless silent figure in the lazy boy.

He was there, but not really involved in my life I think is really just how the whole and my heart for a male's affection and so young ages is interested in boys started dating in eighth grade became sexually active as a very young girl just trying to fill that void just waiting to be loved in ways identified home my mom became a Christian when I was in the second grade and so from the second grade on. I started going to church but really that was like a separate part.

Sunday was going to church and learning about God, but the rest of the time. I just did my own thing. Tricia, I want to emphasize that for the parents listening, I would say today. Our purpose is to encourage teen moms particularly but also the parents and grandparents of those girls and boys.

In fact, I was thinking this would be a good thing for my boys to listen to together and talk about it, use it as a tool to talk about what it means to be a man with my two boys and if you have daughters what it means to be that daughter of God that Eve and so as you listen, today there may be some really straightforward stuff that were talking about, but I would encourage is apparent not to put your head in the sand is whether your kids are in public school, Christian school, or even homeschooled. They know of people who are sexually active, who talk about it, at least, and that that's the purpose Russ talking about it today. So again I appreciate your willingness to be so honest and talk about that 15-year-old Tricia out what was going on in that part of your life, and at that moment.

Here we are going to church on Sunday but if I could say it this way messing around the other days of the week, absolutely.

And I love God like I wanted to live a good life. I think I just wanted that relationship with the boyfriend to and it 15 years old, I found myself pregnant and very scared.

Barry felt alone. My boyfriend when we have an abortion and I thought this is the way out I don't have to tell my godly grandmother that I was pregnant and will have to go to church pregnant and thought abortions answer actually went to Planned Parenthood and they said yes just a blob of tissue we just scrape away if youth cells will be over before you know it you can go on with your life and about. Think about it as a 15-year-old. I clung to that.

Okay this is that had never really heard about the sanctity of life in church in youth group never really thought about it was just this is an easy way out with that have made a difference. You think in your mind at that time if they would've talked about it I think so. I think I just I was someone just put a chair truth with me. I think I would've made a different decision, but they just offered you were describing some cells away.

It will be over before you know counterbalance to what they were saying transcendently did your parents know you went to Planned Parenthood yet. My mom was there with you and Gina. She is again a Christian mom and I think we were both just okay.

How do we get rid of this tightly looking for solution looking for a solution and they gave us an easy way out.

Or so we thought. Talk about the months and maybe even years after that that boyfriend stick with you or was that all all over. I was with the same boyfriend for a couple years and that was my second pregnancy was with the same boyfriend and I think I thought because I had an abortion.

I need to make this relationship work because I gave up this child to be with him because he wanted me to have an abortion. So I need to make it work.

Even that was a bad relationship. He was physically abusive at times and but I did. I sacrifice so much. I felt to be with him, you me ask you this for that that heartwarming.

You talked about a moment ago did you think this was the young man.

I mean literally a teenage boy with see the one you thought you would marry. Was that your girls heart… Having that's why they want that love and they give themselves physically because I think this is the person I'm happy with. This is a person to marry. Looking back, he is not marriage material, but I just wanted that so desperately when you were mature at that age and even talking about it with your mom certainly probably not that I don't know your parents but I'm just thinking generally would be a very difficult discussion with a 1617-year-old girl be that open with her parents about the guy she's dating you have that kind of conversation on it all that it knowledges is my boyfriend and they really didn't have any say in.

I'm I'm just going on with my life how I wanted to live it, I am after the abortion was a very dark time. I think I padlocked the walls. I felt numb inside just coming going through the motions based a lot shame face a lot of regret really was really going to my high school years, kind of, almost as a zombie, because I couldn't deal with those emotions. So it's better just to shut off all emotion to good way to describe that emotion that feeling. Talk about being pregnant a second time. You said with the same guy your 1870 I was 17 years old and what was the discussion then with this young man tonight is my senior high school and a lot of young women get pregnant a second time wanting that baby wanting to kind of redeem what they did here.

I was a senior in high school.

The cheerleader I was on the yearbook staff honor roll student and as soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew that I was to have the baby and telling my boyfriend and we been on and off and actually saw him with another girl in the car had them. My mom was with me flag them over and told us pregnant and he said you have another question and I said there's no way I'm to have another abortion and that was that we broke up and he was dating another girl in two weeks and I just knew that I wanted to have the baby. I dropped out of school time was really sleeping till noon really depressed felt alone and that is during that time. I think my darkest moment that I realized how much I needed God to people that have not gone through that Tricia find it hard on me were rational thinking. Why would she do that. Why would she be pregnant a second time did she learn anything the first time talk about the feeling of that and and maybe even the answer to the question why why would you go down the same road and expect a different outcome Catholic. I don't think I purposely meant to get pregnant, but once I was, I knew I wanted to have the baby and I think a lot of young women. They do think there's going be baby that loves them there to be someone there for them. This may be someone if even if this relationship doesn't work. I have a piece of this relationship and so all those things were going through my mind as I found out us pregnant again in that year. What change your heart and when did anything change of heart or did you just feel differently that you want to keep this play while I discovered that my baby had arms and legs in a heartbeat. So a lot of regret of having the abortion really. I realize that I made a bad choice and I realize I took a child's life and the second time. I just knew I wasn't to make that decision again. Talk about meeting your husband John here you are pregnant I think.

How did you and your husband John me what you before that it was I was about six months along, and my mom and my grandmas Bible study group reached out to me. They gave me a baby shower then by me to Bible study that by me to church. I just realized I woke up one day and said these women still love me maybe got us to and I gave my life to him. I started reading my Bible praying I start praying for her future husband. I thought it be years down the road and I signed up for college and I'm a have to be on my own for a while but God answered that prayer quicker than I thought. The day Cory was born as three weeks after my high school graduation and of graduating with my class and I had Cory and went home the same day and I'm 17 so I will baby at home and that night I got a call from my grandma. She said John Goyer is coming over and that was my pastor. Same with okay the pastors coming over. She said no, it's a sense coming over and John had been on The head of the young people in the church youth minister.

He is a very small church, so they would do outings or ski trips, and he just came over to bring up teddy bear and a card and to say congratulations and I'm like you kinda cute but now it was literally the day Cory was born that he came over to see me and to see the baby and distant wish us good luck.

Let me do this. John here, I want to bring John into the conversation and talk to both of you about this John, welcome to Focus on the Family, thank you.

You are kind of the knight in shining armor.

How old are you at this point when Tricia was 17 I was 22 at the time. 22.

Did you think were you just fulfilling your pastoral duties or did you have a little bit of an objective at that time just the pastoral duties. My as Trish mentioned right out of planet a church and it was a really small church and I was starting to work with the young adults in the high teens just trying to give them a connection and community inside our church, and Tricia started attending and I saw this this young lady getting was more more visibly pregnant over the time, but I saw passion in her for serving God, something I hadn't seen before and that's when I started to notice are actually at that time. She'd been coming off and on before that for a couple of years. That was the first actually really noticed her that way. Now, if I remember correctly, the stories we talked about it. Your grandmother perhaps are your mama can't remember who warned you that Trish is not the kind of girl you want to get yeah, this was a couple years prior I was in church and at that time I was still in the Marine Corps and so I would come on the weekends periodically to visit and I was in the second to last row of our little church and the door opened by means someone came in and so it was like right at the end of worship, so I turned around to greet them and was Trish and her mother and I was stunned. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

So after church I went my most who was that girl that was sitting behind me and she said that's Tricia and she is bad news. Stay away from her so I did Tricia mean, that's not the word kind of nervously laughing about that but that is what happens.

What can a spot were you and how could you go to church. You said you you know you went to church with your mom gave your life to the Lord in some way, but not in every way. How do you reconcile that and speak I think generally to the teen girl who has these desires that are wholly not appropriate in your living kinda like to lives, absolutely.

What I really think I dedicated my life to God when I was pregnant.

That was the moment of decision before that I went to church. I love God, I knew the songs that I hadn't committed my life to him and I think it's easy to go to church. You know the routine you know this Houston service, you have your friends there. I passed that with my friends during service.

So really I went. I enjoy church and I think I love God, and I think I wanted to be a good person, but my desire for that love and that the film at the hole in my heart just drew me into the arms of this young man and so I think it was really just it was like living two lives. It was like I wasn't complete because I had to give myself completely to God it's us trying to complete myself in this relationship with court which is course is not what we find completeness and wholeness in another person right. Let me ask this on behalf of the parents of teenagers which I am one and John. You are to if you as a parent have an observation that may be one of your kids may be your kids are more don't seem to be on the right track. You may go to church every Sunday. You can see there's something gnawing at you that they don't get it that they haven't fully committed their life to the Lord that they're holding back, and you may not even know in what ways because they block it from your ability to see it fully, but their friends at school know who they are to better the news the parent. How can a parent now that you are one. How can a parent be better at those observational skills. What questions could your mom and dad asked you back then to draw you out a bit more to talk about that hole in your heart. What advice would you give us think so many times we do the parenting stuff.

We make sure they have close to make sure they have food. They have gas money for the car, but we don't spend that time with them and say what's going on in your life is going on in your heart. Do you think this relationships a good relationship is by marriage material or I miss so many times were so busy doing the parenting part. We just don't take time to sit down and talk with them and see what's really going on in the heart. What are you reading your Bible is God speaking to you in your life or what you think about God having any of those questions. It may even be a comfort uncomfortable at first that have these open conversations or have you thought about being sexually active or are you drawn in that way to have them spend time with your boyfriend in ways and how healthy ways I think the more we can ask questions. Teens want us to have that relationship with them.

This is Focus on the Family and today were hearing some great advice from Tricia Goyer and her husband John, and we've got Tricia's book teen mom.

You're stronger than you think, as well as additional resources to have those conversations with your team, just click the link in the episode show notes. Let's go ahead and hear more insights from the going as we continue this Focus on the Family conversation Tricia I'm thinking of MTV and I've never watched a full episode I've seen the segment just so that I'm up on what cultures talking to our kids about which I would advise parents to do that. Be informed. Don't bury your head in the sand like I said a moment ago, but in that it's almost like the glorification of the teen mom.

In fact, I think it's called teen mom is 16 and pregnant. There's the shows and they show these young women having babies in a 1314 1516 years old having babies in the relationships and its reality TV showing that the troubles are parents that the trouble to have with their boyfriends that I wish there was something that would show okay let's help this teen mom let sure how to make good choices instead of just the shows that watch them spiraling down into these horrible choices well and not only that, but as their giving all those hours to I think lifting up even the difficulty others but still in some ways, encouraging teen girls to become a mom. Let's try it to experiment, then you have girls that are trying to live virtuously that are mocked Lieberman the virgins are marked and teen moms are glorified is just seems upside down that NSA then why have girls and I'm a teenager now and some preteens and the things that boys say to them in the comments that are made in it is they assume that girls are to be sexually active in they assume all these things about these young women when we need to really glorify.

It is important to be pure and be holy and have that relationship with God. John, let me come back to you because there's a beautiful story here about your redemptive heart toward Tricia and I want to capture that because a lot of people can't comprehend why you pastor, son would see in a girl who is pregnant at 17 could be the object of your attention and someone that you would want to marry. It seems incongruent. Talk about your heart for her, and how the Lord worked on you to say she is my daughter and she is valuable even though she's made poor choices. We actually grew up in different very contrasting families. My mom and dad were always together.

I never doubted my parents would ever be together, they still are. We celebrated their 50th anniversary just year ago and does that mean they didn't argue or they didn't know they argued often and sometimes in front of us and but they always worked it out and I they went through some very difficult times. My dad was affected by the recession back in the early 70 lost his job didn't have work for a long time that was in God actually called in the ministry.

During that time and very difficult times with a lot of stress in our home. My mom was waitressing for a long time, but they always worked it out so I I grew up in a home where I believe that some relationships work commitments and I grew up in a home where it doesn't have to be perfect you just have to be stick it out and get in there and my parents showed me what a healthy family look like and so I wasn't intimidated by him pretty much comfortable at the idea of being a dad and I was just okay with that but really wasn't on my mind when I first went to go see her when I took her the card and the teddy bear. We visited for just a little bit, but it accelerated rather quickly.

We went on our first date. Just a couple weeks later and so here we are on this date. Tricia and I took her to her first real date she'd ever been on. It was done on the movie and that we sent a sitdown restaurant with a waitress in the white locks up and says what a cute little baby.

You must be a very proud daddy and I was like thanks just kind of brushed it off.

At this point was just our first date. That's all it was and brought the baby with you hi dad. He was there every day we ever went on our little baby was there and he was all the way to the end. In fact the first time we ever left mine was on our weekend getaway, honeymoon, and when we got married. That was the first I couldn't go with us but John, I got asked a man the man I mean how it 22.

Did you have the maturity to say I can do this and I can embrace this child. It's not my own. That is amazing to me. I don't know that I can even explain that one because I just felt like I was okay with it. I think I really believe that was just a God thing in my heart always loved kids. I was to children's ministry when I even as a teenager help my mom and children's church as a kid and then led children's ministry as a child, and even went on to lead a children's ministry in Montana for 15 years. Tricia, you talked a moment ago about, you know, encouraging girls to pray for their future husbands.

How in the world did you end up with John Brown's Golden I know and I love that you know what we pray you never know how God is can answer those prayers. I honestly thought it would be years and years before God answered that prayer and as soon as we went on a first date and just he shared about God and what he wanted for his future like I'm not letting the sun go through your mind not being here. You're a new mom. How many weeks was two weeks two weeks old and you go on your first date you first real day to write is a 17-year-old mom man what was going to be there with a lot of embarrassment and no assessment like the waitresses I we should be a proud daddy. I was so embarrassed for him, but he did the way you handle that he just had ellipses and with humor, and he was okay with it made me realize that God had brought me someone that can love me and my son and that's really what I pray during my pregnancy that God would bring someone that left him and they could love me and left my son answered that in her answer that prayer move forward now so you get married how many months after you met did you get married nine months later. I mean so you get all this is not gonna let him go. So I read you guys did you just said let's do this we know that were in love and they were meant for each other.

How did you embrace God's.

I guess God's perspective on all of this.

How did you feel spiritually. At that moment with the child from a different person as a teenager. How did you correlate all and kinda put to better did it bring up emotions for you. You know what I wanted was to forget the past. I wanted to be the good little Christian life.

We had two more kids almost right away so we had three under the age of five and I guess I can go on with my life. I could be this young Christian mom. No one has to know that Corey was a product of teen pregnancy, but you people say how old are you how old your son you could see them adding up in their mind.

How long have you been married and so would bring up and I felt uncomfortable I felt ashamed still and I just wanted to go on and not have to think about that again but God really showed me that now he wanted me to not push that in the back because there were other young women that were dealing with the same thing that did that memory of the abortion come back to haunt you at all. And how did you process that 345 years or, particularly after you married John how did you talk to him about what happened when when did you to talk about.

I told him we're still dating and that I had an abortion and he says you know God forgave you. And I I forgive you to because I was just so ashamed and just knowing that he knew that it would come back. I would have almost flashbacks in my mind I would always think of like my child would be this old the stage and where would I be in it. Was it a boy or girl at that. It never went away and I think it plate did I still wasn't blocking them part ways, and it was during and after he moved to Montana I went to a church service, and that this woman stood up and she said I had an abortion as 19 in Abilene, and abortion. I believe in the Bible study for women that had abortions and I'm like I first of all, I couldn't believe that she was standing up in front of everyone because I didn't even tell my best friends. John knew of course the baby's father and him. My mom knew but nobody know my friends. I didn't mention it I just couldn't believe that she would stand up there and talk about it and she led the Bible study. It took me to the day the Bible study started to call her up as I was just so embarrassed and ashamed. But when I walked in that room and saw six other women that had an abortion. We all share our stories is like this burden lifted like I don't have to carry this alone anymore and it just brought this freedom in this this piece and to seeing them and realizing they knew and they love me and John knew and he loved me and God knew and he let me just brought so much freedom that strikes power of love that, Tricia. I'm sure there is a mom maybe teen girl listening to the program. Right now we don't know. I know the reaches far and wide. Speak to her heart, either as the mom or is that teen girl and can I ask you to pray today specifically for their decision to choose life for that child that has come into this world in an unexpected way, but is still made in the image of God. Absolutely yes dear God, I just thank you so much.

Lord I thank you that you know this heart lurking know this young women got and I just pray piece.

I pray for strength and I pray that she will just realize that you have a good plan for her life and she may not think that she can handle this right now, Lord, but you know her and you know this child. Lord I pray Lord that you will bring people into her life that will encourage her and strengthen her and that she will not walk in shame.

God, I just pray that even as she's making decisions about her future that you will just remind her that you have a good and perfect plan and I thank you for all these things in your name we pray. Amen Tricia Goyer husband, John, it's been great to talk to you.

Thanks for being with us. Thank you. Well, if you're facing an unplanned pregnancy, and you need help please don't hesitate to call us here at Focus on the Family. You are not alone. We have caring Christian counselors. They'd love to hear your story and offer some encouragement to you. It's a free service that we offer because generous donors have stepped up and made that possible. So go to our website. We got the link in the episode notes and you find the counseling request form their and I fill that out and will get back in touch with you to schedule a time John and I keep thinking about what Tricia said.

Towards the beginning of our conversation if she would have known her baby had arms, legs in a heartbeat she would've chosen to carry that child full term. Instead of choosing abortion. It hurts my heart to think that that simple knowledge of her baby's development might have changed everything for her and saved her baby's life. What a lifetime of regret she will face. That's why I'm so thankful for our optional percent ministry here at Focus on the Family we have a team of supporters. Most of them listeners of this broadcast who are committed to equipping pregnancy medical clinics across the country with ultrasound machines and just as Tricia said, we found that when the abortion minded moms see an ultrasound and get some counseling over half of them are moved to choose life for their baby would you consider joining our option ultrasound team. We have the metrics and for every $60 you give. It saves a baby from abortion. It's that simple. If you can join that team today and give a gift of any amount I want to send you a copy of Trisha's inspiring book, teen mom, you're stronger than you think as our way of saying thank you for helping save lives and again our number is 880 family or click the link in the episode show and be sure to mark your calendar for the digital premier of our pro-life event see life 2020.

It's on Saturday, September 26 and got all the details that are website next time you'll be hearing some simple ideas to connect with your spouse and really make a difference in the relationship. I love to say that more marriages might survive if people remember that better often comes after works on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting back as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. This is Jim Daly from Focus on the Family are you looking for practical ways to contribute to the pro-life cause. Join us for see life 2020 on September 26 and learn how you can be a voice for the voiceless.

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