How God Saved Me From Suicide (Part 1 of 2)

Join hundreds of thousands of students will share their faith on bring your Bible to school day on October 1. This event empowers Christian students of all ages to speak God's grace and truth in the culture around starting with two simple steps bringing their Bibles. The school and sharing what God's word means to them. Sign up and be counted. Text the word Bible to 72,000 or visit bring your Bible.org well school may look different this year. God's word stands forever, and I find because in my experience. I so despise the suicidal temptations I like defending the consensus extensive, reasonable, and it sounds like there's no other way. It sounds like it's honorable. It sounds like it rains a dramatic statement from Lacey Sturm. She's a self-proclaimed hard rock Princess shook up those lies about suicide share her incredible life story with us today. This is Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller and hostess Focus on the Family president Jim Daly John one of the great tragedies I think were experiencing, at least in Western culture certainly here in the United States is the separation that we have from one another. I think God intended us for relationship, he created us relationship and through even with digital connection were just not emotionally connected the way I think God intends for us to be and we're going to talk to someone today who has come through some amazing difficulties and she has a passion and a heart to reach the world for the Lord but that puts her in some very unique situations and I'm looking forward one for the example that she is to all of us to engage the world not to pull back and build bunker and hide from people who don't think like us, but to be active in going out and getting messy in a world that's messy on the Lord's behalf. I think were all gonna learn some things today. This is really a challenging story and it's full of darkness and despair. But there's also a lot of hope here and that's what motivates Lacey to go out and find people who need Jesus love without a doubt, and I want you to put that kind of perspective on the discussion were going to have today. Yes, somebody who's in the rock and roll world but is doing it for the Lord, and you may be scratching your head thinking how can those to even live in the same room working to learn how today. Lacey welcomed Focus on the Family thinking that now you have this passion for people who don't know the Lord, particularly those who struggle with difficult life circumstances and despair. And that's because of what you experience growing up. Talk about your childhood what was going on for you and what was driving some of those despair moments while my mom and found herself in physicians many times where she read need assistance or help.

I actually just really being neat and she went as she's trying to struggle to be strong and take care of everything taken care of a lot of the authorities around us seemed to not be helpful to make things worse, and so we can put up with this feeling outcast license and I think the music was a really great way for us to find our identity and creativity. I noticed that in a lot of party situations like when I went there aligned with world vision and I saw the kids there. They were dancing and singing and they were so creative and I think a lot of that heaviness actually pushes out creativity when we using an outlet to deal with a lot of weight. You say in the book that you wrote. The reason that you grew up poor I grew up that way as well. How did that impact you. What did you feel not having the stuff other people had other children when you went to school.

What was that like I just fell.

I cannot really part of a lot of the things that go on you now.

I kind of felt like getting bullied and made fun of for the classes you have just been different feeling sensor rejection anyway and you can want to just be invisible in your schools. Nobody takes any you know when you look at what's happening in schools today that Boeing factors, a lot of that going on. Even in our own community here.

We've had a number of teen suicides which you write the school that my boys go to and I'm having to have those discussions with my kids and so often what they've observed is that these young people are feeling that despair and they don't know where to go with it.

That was you. You were feeling that sense of despair want you yeah you know I talk about my book, how I had a tragedy happen.

My family night.

My mom's sister was a teen mom and she had. She turned and went out with her boyfriend and living with us when she's pregnant and she had her signing cousin. My cousin lived with us and he was around three she met a man they moved to Houston and got married and shortly after that Batman my cousin to death these abuses anyway renew the lease in the civic times with my aunt and I thought of course when it happens, my mom has talked to me about God. And whenever that happens you gotta take care of us and I saw him provide for us along the way.

When that happened. I was thinking that got us into careless lighting take care of my cousin YC dad and I'm alive and you're about nine at the time either testing 10 years old and I kept thinking why is he that I'm alive light happened to him and not me, and how can I honor his death like I wanted and so I understand this. Now I realize that as I read the book and realize it before that it was a conscious decision actually made. I didn't realize I made this choice and got actually helped me as I was praying when I was writing the book. Go back to that moment when I chose to stay sad for him.

So I kind of did this as a loyalty to his death. I decided as can stay sad for him and actually became distrustful of people who happy and happy to be having a rubber children get beaten to death, united and na�ve person is wrong and I and you also, turned your back on God right not believe in God anymore. I felt like I was a broken chair people were telling you sitting is not emphatic and I mean angry when people talk about this is all from the time you're like 10 to 1516 right that's early to contemplate such weighted and heavy concepts you were seeing injustice in the world and feeling you know anything you talking about that. Like I would never assume that that wasn't a normal thing normal reaction for 10-year-old that people save time when I was there in that situation. It was so logical to just ask yourself why does God he supposed to protect us and care for us to talk about got all the time. Being good will I not taking care of us and then the same thing in us to show as you like. We're in a situation, six kids and were really poor. We share everything everybody's in the same for me and maybe it's a mother letting thing for me that I can't eat without thinking he rushes since I was little, I never was able to so when my cousin died.

I can't think will he die. Why am I not and I always thought about death and I always wondered about how long we live and hotheaded resolution for that come about because you're young again thinking of these concepts of what your cousin died at the hands of those you know your your aunt's boyfriend in your own husband you're already thinking that through is a 10-year-old you're rejecting God because you don't see justice in the world and of God is real and alive. There should be some justice in this world. How did you come to kind of accept bad things happen in this life. I think that's what drew me to people who actually talked about it and people who actually delegate K or that I wanted answers. I wanted an interest about the things I didn't have good resources like when people were suspicious of you know the jovial kind of life and you know I relate to that.

Mike yeah like why you know so you say what's wrong with those people that are so happy they're living alive. Yes innocence you identified with sadness. In fact, you mentioned in your book. The reason Kurt Cobain's death. That was one that caught my attention. But the fact that it showed despair know what was going on.

His wife is a guy arguably that was at the top of his game and music and a lot of notoriety and it was empty, obviously. And that really resonated with you and where you read, how old were you when Kurt Cobain committed suicide. 12 and it made an impact on you right. I went from our perspective as fans. I believe it was heroic and now I understand how strange that sounds and that it could be a relic from an outsider that situation, perspective, and I know that a lot of cultlike even if there their culture to consider suicide era and I find because of my experience. I am's.

I so despise the suicidal spirit the suicidal temptations. I despise them like they're so deceptive and they make themselves.

It sounds so reasonable in the moment, it sounds like there's no other way.

It sounds like it's honorable. It sounds like it's grace.

And I remember there isn't Instagram thing. We went around and my friend Jordan read on hermits place to live because roof to live and that's the things that a lot of people don't recognize that in those moments. If you make a choice to continue to live after you've decided that you don't want to live. You can do whatever you want in life you can hand it over.

You can go on any kind of adventure you can risk everything you know to to look at that moment of not wanting to live and take it as a place of saying let's do something different like a different direction and sale enough for me that planks can assist by having and I know you have had an encounter with God thinking when I let that guy pray for me as I climbed well it's that's talk about because right at the point this despair. This path of despair that you were, meandering down because you did you despise happy people and joyful people.

I'm sure there were many committed Christians that were giving you the answers that you needed at that moment is at 1213-year-old. But what was that old war or to move into greater despair and even contemplate taking your own life and doing what you thought would be a brave act like Cobain and say okay I'm not enjoying this life and will talk about what got you to the point will with Nirvana. The message lies.

They came out materialistic time in the 80s were everybody's and their self flamboyance and you now and all this kind of like expensive, whatever, and they came out looking like, people torn shirts and they actually identified with homeless community like he was celebrated for having been homeless in the interbranch song on Intel to be celebrated as a poor person who wears this kind of close because that's from the thrift store and who gets made fun of because you have nothing else and have an identity and you like yeah we have a voice here and when he got into being famous. You could see in his interviews. The struggle he had with being famous and being notoriety like everybody knowing him him wanting to be in it and everybody person and I kept exalting him and see the struggling sent interviews and so when when we as fans we perceive low when I perceived was that he was saying.

I don't want this, I'm better than you write on above you and I don't know how to like like out of it. It's like I'm stuck in short attractiveness, but that was attractive to you. You are identifying with that because I was you, you were living in closer got from the thrift store. Your poor dad wasn't in the picture and so your identify how did you end up going to the church on that day were your life changing I had your grandmother. Yes, I was kicked in my home for gang fights with my mom a lot and please God. Sometimes went live with my grandmother, Mississippi. That was the last resort for your mom. Let's put you with grandma and she can straighten you out well. The place suggested that we find another place for me and I was that intense well yeah picking me up from running away. Things like that and incident like just asking. And I'm so thankful you know I sort of the place as the enemy. The case when we get pulled over. My mom wouldn't have the money to inspection sticker energy have to pay that ticket and then we would have money for rent and get evicted from her house and it was just the cycle of watch out.

The police are coming, don't you know there's all six of us jumped in the car on top of each other's lapse which has tiny little car which is illegal and 70s like laid down. The police are here and then of course they come and she gets in trouble and never slowed the people that whenever they show up at the house and now that I look back and like maybe you should look at another place to stay while you know we really needed that this is what to grandma's house when shut up.

Grandma says we should all love you leaving it was seller leaving to get out of the environment and being stressful and starting over is such a great have some conflict right I am still struggling with all the things I struggle with that. There's a relief and starting over and said then you know I still drawn to this people hanging out and trying find ways you know when getting dressed like being on drugs and just this not doing following the rules at home, the land supposed to and I don't think it is necessarily vindictive, it was just I had a hard time understanding sometimes just transitioning his heart anyway.

And your identity was growing within that community. Right now why I magnified any little thing in my mind that lists rejection or anything that Lisa discipline I magnified in my mind and said just always thinking they don't love me and I'm a burden to them as I think that's what you felt at that age they don't love me a burden that can be devastating to a child life like they wanted to do the right thing because they have to do the right thing. I didn't feel like I was a blessing to them as a burden, e.g., do you ever think about your behavior being a test of their love to say we love me even if I have you consciously analyze that we still love me affect you and your grandma had a bit of a shouting match.

If I read that correctly in your book. There was one day were the two of you verbally just went after each other in your yelling and she started to yell back at you and she did stop for an hour what is coming literally just screaming well.

Her husband, my grandfather was in the hospital had had a heart attack earlier that week and she was trying to tell me you now, Dan will each of us go against our legal all this is stressful your thought events Eisenhardt hospital.

He had a heart attack really dizzy and you not helping what she's trying to say actions affect more than just you as more people impacted by her problems than just you and I think she did advise her son. He's depressed to get them take their mind off themselves and focus on how they can help other people around them that I was looking for a reason in my life and I trusted her words from like she meant. We love you. Your impacting us because we love you saying I like to be better without you, which is not as you were feeling twisted enemies listed that in my mind, which is not journal because there is no way it would have been less stressful if I committed suicide on my family and live in more stressful and but I found it say life would be better without you. I'm to take my life selfless recent in the context talk about. Though she was can outlast you in terms of screaming, that's what caught my attention is to hold back your little bit she was.

She was determined to out scream you your screaming at her and she just decided okay today is to take you on Toto going to church and then said to go to church is my punishment for skipping school that day. So what happened, she took you church. She didn't go in. She couldn't because if she did she would end up talking people and I could have gone out and manually resist the church as she went to okay so she was regular she sat in the parking lot.

She sat by the door and go to doors and door keys right there in advance so you go and what he feeling when you walk in this church feeling despair, feeling rejected, not feeling loved and your grandmother is forcing you to go to church. What are you thinking when you walk in the door. Everybody hated everybody, especially the pastor and he was and I also had this felt like I was an intellectual was in Mississippi and everybody to music you know they're not educated what is not true. Just they just talking real life. I really you know more than her. But what happened in the church service. I got your when he spoke, he began to talk about scenarios that he had been through that just like Alice the only person in the room and Mike is telling my story.

What did he say while he talked about different families and the struggles they went. He talked about the kids feeling isolated and having to take on more responsibility than they need and he talked about how the violence that happens in this situations and how they become, you know, they fell on a long and misunderstood. Talked about suicide someone.

He stopped in the middle of all that and just start crying and that was really impactful to me because I never saw to see someone be sad any tips to weep over someone they don't know of someone who despairing of life even just a seemingly resonated with me like did you cry like you do you have pain in your life like I will listen to you if I know that you can understand that that's how I feel you now and sever him to weep, stopped me and made me listen that he doesn't know you're there really and what you're going to the full audio yeah saying I feel really hard to say anything he just weeping.

He stopped talking is weeping and everybody listening and some you can fill some people are embarrassed and uncomfortable and he says finally. He's my penis to success is status. In this room and is just total silence and are they realizing are you crying because you feel like a sense there somebody here wants take a life, and I was like that was you. Yes is me and he's just wiping his tears and he says please come up here and let us pray for whoever you are, God has a plan for life. He has appointed white ministers in the map you know I didn't go up there. I wouldn't my pride wouldn't let me go and can you imagine being hand, I think that is not he's passed away. Now how brave it is to say that and have no one respond really think you failed you thinking just maybe make something up in your hand maybe whatever he can care somebody call you on the way out I went to what happened and I still talk to him, Bobby Bobby Lee Kocher at the end of the service and when I tell him he said I'd like to let Munson speak to you and he had tears in his eyes.

I think he knew God knew that if he knew I guess that he said I think the Lord wants me speaking and he wants you to know that even though you've never known an earthly father B that are funded seasoning as a father could have when he said that I thought I needed man in my life. I hated men a mistrusted then.

Especially all the men that were strangers. He's looking at me. The first thing he looked at me with such love.

I never saw peeler, no love in a strange man's eyes directed at me like he knew me and I was like daddy and he spoke that God has seen you when you cry myself to sleep at night and he said you've been rehearsing your pain and pain in your heart from their own sins and the sins of our people committed against you and your family. But I want you to know Jesus died on the cross take the sins of the world and himself. So he took the effect of the sin he took our pain so we carried in us, and he said can I please pray for you and asked Jesus to take the pain out of your heart and I was just like at that moment where like I'm going to die.

Wait a minute and let this guy pray for me and how can you know all these things and I finally was like flicker of receptiveness came spark okay� First, the crack in the door opened up. Lila subject at outspoken atheist and I was like unless I suffer myself well enough couldn't believe and so I love you guys just he knows what we need and he still kind and it still took a choice for me to say MLA pray for me and say praise Hannah Micheli began to pray and got a pretty vapid John Scully created and when he did that I felt like God shall Write for me and Lacey.

This is a good place to acknowledge that change the beginning of the change, but I think people are to benefit, to hear more of your story and how God began to pry the bus was said to just remove the gunk in your life with her before and he began to change.

You didn't change overnight.

You still had issues to deal with. So often people have the transformation clinic tomorrow. Wake up and everything right now no longer be captivated by the sensitive snared not typically what happens is the becomes more of a fight that those things that ensnare you become more difficult. If we can. Let's come back next time continue this discussion and talk about how God helped you along the journey you gave your heart for the center, which I love and we haven't been able to talk about but I want to talk about why you continue the rock music to reach people for the Lord and environment. Most Christians would say Ron there you're doing and I want to lift it up.

Let's come back and talk about John. I'm certain there are people listening right now who are in the dark hopeless place like Lacey was maybe her feeling like your life doesn't matter. And that's simply not true. God loves you and cares about you more than you realize.

And as Christ followers, we feel the same. We love you to let us be that person like Pappy who says can we pray for you and asked Jesus to take the pain out of your heart.

Focus on the Family is here for you. We have caring Christian counselors who will listen to your story and respond with tools and resources to point you in a better direction we want to come alongside you to help you on your journey to healing get in touch with us right away by calling 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459 or you can click the find a counselor link in the episode notes Jim we seen so many transformed lives through the services of our great counselors and all the other help we have available to people but it does take a lot of financial assistance force to offer these kind of resource load does John let me say thank you to the friends who have given so generously to this ministry, enabling us to reach out and rescue, hurting individuals and families and share the good news of God's love with them and if you're not already supporting us on a monthly basis. Can I invite you to make a monthly pledge to Focus on the Family today that monthly gift really helps our budgeting process and ministry planning. As we look forward to strengthening more marriages and equipping parents saving babies lives and so much more in the coming months, but we can't do this without your help. So please consider a monthly pledge today and if you can't afford a monthly commitment at this time we do understand even a one-time gift would be helpful. So as you're able, please make a donation today to Focus on the Family it will say thank you by sending a copy of Lacey Sturm's book, the reason how I discovered a life worth me also mentioned some powerful resources that we want to help your family better understand and address the risk of teen suicide find our alive to thrive.

Video series on the website along with the new part series called teen suicide.

Knowing the size donate Lisa's book and learn more about these online resources. We got all the details so plan now to join us next time. More voices terms powerful story for now.

I'm John Fuller and on behalf of Jim Daly, and the entire team. Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family join us next time is once more help you and your family thrive. This is Jim Daly from Focus on the Family are you looking for practical ways to contribute to the pro-life cause. Join us for sea life 2020 on September 26 and learn how you can be a voice for the voiceless. For more information, text, heartbeat, to 72,000