Overcoming the Obstacles of Infidelity (Part 2 of 2)

Amanda's marriage was a train wreck trying to raise for young kids facing bankruptcy. Constant arguments and then her husband had an affair that everything and like I don't know what I can't stand to look at. I like to be around him when he wanted to deal thankfully God intervened in Amanda's life began to change as she listened to our podcast bill really loved her family gave me hope and gave me a change in perspective now know not every married again and there is hope on Jim Daly. Working together we can rescue more marriages like commanders, especially during this coronavirus pandemic and when you donate today.

Your gift will be double. Learn more focusonthefamily.com/strengthen families or call 880 family finally does nothing about this. It is you watching this is not you.

This is not even larger-you love your children you love your family, love.it is not you screaming stop stop stop. That's Audrey Meisner describing the moral tug-of-war she experienced with the sin of infidelity. Audrey and her husband Bob are back with us on Focus on the Family your hostess focus president and author Jim Daly thanks for tuning in on John Fuller, John. We had a powerful conversationalist.

I would Bob and Audrey, who described Heather picture perfect marriage of 17 years began quickly to crumble because Audrey was involved with another man they were leaving a church involved in full-time ministry. They had three kids and everything seemed to be going well in their relationship, and then that unexpected thing happened, and you might say why are we talking about this. You know why because a miracle occurred in their relationship, and I believe is Focus on the Family we need to talk about these difficulties in our relationships because we need to be healthier in our marriages so that the world can see authentic Christian love for one another and that's what you can hear today. It's not about the mistakes their present and we talked about him last time I often say if you miss the program last time you got a get it and I implore you to get it. If you're having marital difficulties.

This is not a throwaway statement get a copy of what we talked about last time it was so full of God's truth. It will help you and today were to come back to this discussion and I think honor the Lord, and glorify the Lord with what he did in Bob and Audrey's life. That's one of the most powerful stories we've heard all year and of the CD and Meisner's book can both be found by clicking the links in the episode, Bob and Audrey welcome back to the program saying she wanted to be here and I'm honored to have you. I really am, and some people who listen last time. Let's face it, they can have a mixture of emotions. Some will be mad at you Audrey. You broke the covenant. Yes, yes and no salvation or stupid thing I could ever have templates but the story Audrey. You committed that act at last about three weeks.

Your affair with a younger man, Bob, you had that gut feeling that someone was going on a lot of spouses who have gone through that feel that they knew something wasn't right, but did know how to corral it.

How to wrestle it down, how to get the truth and here you are self described as a high truth person that had been gnawing at you and Audrey. You can forward on your own free will to say Bob I've blown it. When I ask that guy had the affair with to leave the city just, you know, we can't have any form of friendship relationship is being cut off completely.

We never can see Ted again – he left the city and I had no intention of ever telling anyone. Sam, are you kidding me I am that girl that loves Jesus, I am that leader that example to everyone. I'm a mom.

No one ever has to know nobody found out.

This can be my secret forever no intention of telling anyone.

And then I found to my knees. I said God I need you I need you I want relationship back. You know it's kind of like David's prayer. Like you mentioned creating me a clean heart of God, and renew a right spirit within me now started my cry God like I did this terrible thing.so creating a clean heart, and I felt in my heart that whisper of God say you need to tell Bob like I will never do this again. No one ever has to feel the extreme pain of this not have to be confessed when I think back I think you know God says, confess your sins to me and I forget about ingenious except confessor seems to one another and that's when he heals you. You know that Scott healed and he loved me enough to say Audrey, you can have to tell Bob take us back Bob to that moment when Audrey is pouring out your heart just issues there and I so appreciated Audrey Meyer who you are really doing. People can judge decisions that you make that everyone makes and be harsh, but God's heart is for you. His heart is for us and Bob, you're in the moment your one representing the heart of God in this marriage and Audrey tells you this. What happens next. In that moment, my mind goes immediately coming. We all know fight or flight and then the third one is freeze and so in my mind, I began to create images of my mind of leaving as I knew it only be a few days before others would begin to question you know where is Bob you know the kids where's daddy, but my whole intent was that then she would be exposed for what she did to me because I knew you don't just of our pattern over 17 years. I'm so sorry. Forgive me.

Let's move on and on like this is bigger than just a little hoops or blip on the map. This is a big deal and we just can't ignore this and so I thought of leaving that was my initial and I wanted her to feel my anger. I wanted her to us, you know. Since my rage and disgust with this you initially I thought well maybe she did something inappropriate but with my interrogating you know words towards her.

I began to find out that note was actually a sexual affair on me. I was enraged, and I think our listeners need to hear that I'm really angry. I went to my office and I stared at a blank wall so you you didn't respond Audrey in that moment.

Or you did just went. I just asked questions, you know, found out that it had actually happened.

This person was now out of town.

I got a deal with her.

So you walk away. I walk away what happens. The only prayer I could get out. Was this your Holy Spirit, what do I do. And immediately I was reminded of a book that was on my bookcase call that Arthur had been a guest on a television program earlier. I called him and he begins to just ask a few questions. The first one was who knows. I said nobody is good. Let's keep it that way. And unlike women, we need to get the elders the deacons the leadership we need to get a committee together as we need to discuss and figure out how are we going to fix her. She's the problem and he says don't tell the children don't tell anyone until we are able to speak together later tonight. That evening we sat together we could hardly be in each other's presence on me. I was that he and I was asking and was staring at a speakerphone and he begins to just challenge me. Speaking truth and I'm a little confused because I was waiting for him to rip into her saying Audrey, what were you thinking, what were you doing, how could you have done this, Bob.

You didn't deserve this. I can't believe she would do something like this to you. Meanwhile, he's challenging me as a man and as a husband and as a father Proverbs 25 verse two was one of the verses he used and was this.

It's God's glory, to conceal a matter but for a king to discover its understanding. He's challenging me with the love of a father, Bob, would you cover your wife, rather than exposing her everything inside of me wanted to expose her everything inside of me wanted to shame her. Look what she did to me but all that would do is puff up my self-righteousness. I'm the innocent one here I'm the victim here. She did this to me and he says that's not the heart of God. Well Bob, I so appreciate that reminder but again it's kind of like Peter in the garden you're generating so much out of the flesh, and that moment because you have all the right to be vengeful to be better and the key thing is how do you bridle yourself and your flesh to say okay I'm in a react in the spirit I God to be Stephen I'm to say Lord forgive her for what she's done to me.

I'm not at that place you on was not at that place. I was too angry so takes time. Garcia but you see I needed a man of God to challenge me using I needed somebody to come alongside me because I knew left to my own demise. I would blow this thing all out of the flesh, I would've I had a victim mentality and I was making it all about me and I had no concept of the pain and the heartache that she was going through so he speaking these words to me and are just words. But what I was choosing to do was I'll obey you, and I'll trust you. I can't trust her. She's betrayed me. She's lying to me. Why did but I'll trust you. Why did you say yes, I'll trust you. What is now I know it's crazy no hidden anger. I needed somebody.

Otherwise, I mean I don't want to hurt my kids. I don't need to hurt other people. I wanted to involve everybody but I needed somebody to just help me and to bring some truth you seek when you are willing to embrace the truth. It's there that you experience grace you. We all want to experience the grace of God absent from truth but I needed his realities truly to become mine. So when you willing to embrace truth no matter how countercultural it might feel, no matter how opposing your present situation is when you're willing to embrace that truth is there that you begin to experience that grace so that very first night before I hung up the phone.

I said I have one more question for you. Where do I sleep tonight I sleep on the couch. You know, do I get a hotel, you know, do I go to her parents house where do I go tonight and he said Bob you can get right back into your marriage bed tonight you and Audrey will not spend one night apart from each other because we will not participate with the spirit of divorce while it was real while and no we went to bed that night. We didn't cuddle I hug the edge of the bed, but what was so surprising to me a call at the darkest night of my life because not only was every hope and dream of the future. He raced, but every happy memory of 17 years was gone and the enemy just began to scream to me, unlovable, undesirable.

She's never cared for you. She never will. Bob that imagery of you and I'm sure Audrey on the other side of the bed, clinging to the edge of the bed with your backs probably turn toward each other, not knowing what to say how many people are going to bed tonight like that. How many couples you are going to bed like that tonight. Further, just don't know what to do.

Survived another day and I'm telling you folks, if you're in that place, or even at the front edge of it were you thinking it's going that way. Would you please get a hold of us. Let us be that help to you.

Let the Lord work through all of us to bring you that truth that Bob is describing that word that brought him a compass in that moment because when you're in the situation.

I'm telling you, your flesh, your humanness can get out of control and you make decisions that you may regret for the rest of your life to bad decisions don't make a right decision and that holds true here and again I just appreciate your vulnerability as a listener really want to hear from you Dave.

You can connect with us and talk to one of our caring Christian counselors will schedule a time for you when you call 800 K in the word family 800-232-6459 or you can find a counselor referral link and other resources and help@focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, let's go ahead and continue on. Now with this episode of Focus on the Family featuring Bob and Audrey my Bob and Audrey were hearing this worsening emotion in your eyes are full of tears, which will probably never leave you in a beautiful way. The scars of love again that's not all. The bad news there is more to come a couple weeks after Audrey. You've told Bob you're working through that you try to get up every morning after staying in the same bed at night, clinging to the edge of the bed you get more news yes because when I told him about the affair was divorced. I didn't think I could face my future.

Just the fact that I caught so much betrayal and pain in our relationship. I didn't know if I could take Annette a David as he said, going to bed every night. But then two weeks later I found out in your both in a doctor's office that I was pregnant as a result of this affair and we knew it was not from Bobby Spady and if first question the doctor said within a split second Wednesday want to continue this pregnancy, he must've seen the devastation on her face and he another story that he could feel like our pain. And God said yes so we walked out of that that doctor's office and I didn't think I could face my life because you see, I'm that girl that happy joyful I love Jesus girl and now I'm carrying a baby and this baby won't look like the other kids. I love my children attend 12 and 15 years old and it place that screamed into my ear like everyone is getting no stupid and selfish thing you've ever done. That's what you got to be known for the rest of your life. This baby will remind David will remind you and your kids are going to be screwed up because if you kids you love so much. You just messed up their world everything is over.

There's no happy ending and you are disqualified from everything you love God. So in the middle of simply trying to get your marriage back together.

Now the at this happening was that discussion selling Bob. There wasn't much of a discussion but when I was in the doctor's office immediately. I knew what I was being asked to do. It was, not even a thought. I have a baby coming in. I have a new responsibility. This baby is innocent. This baby is done nothing wrong in this baby needs a dad take. Man I can't think of a more profound pro-life statement than the one you just met.

This is in your child, your wife has an affair. She's pregnant and you say I will raise this child as soon absolutely. And there was no doubt the biggest ass. And this is not a political statement is a moral statement. Who can contend with you philosophically on that from those that support abortion when you have that heart who can come to you who has the right to come to you to say you're wrong. My motivation isn't to be right. My motivation is to love in this child needs a dad. This child needs a home and that is a responsibility that I have, Audrey, were you in that same spot. See Bob going okay will raise this talk is not thinking I see I was clean. I couldn't walk and I canine teeth and a member feeling the strength and Bob where is it coming from, like, don't you know my mom and dad started to freeze Christian TV show in Canada like we are well known.

Everyone I know our family in this nation and I I am a disk disgrace. Do you get it you understand the message I'm sending to everybody that this is the worst desperation I was alone in my kitchen. Nobody was home and I made a phone call to the abortion clinic and it's not political. It's not my belief system. I did not believe in abortion that I was desperate. I have mercy for those minds could shoot in that moment that there's no way out. I am so scared my mind that this reality, something I'm not strong enough for and I said God I don't want to take that next step of murder. I can't do the next easy because what I was buying my city. I was baking got moving God, if I'm not abortion.

You know I love you God. This is real to me. You been my father, my whole life. You did my best friend and I don't ask for a lot but I'm begging you got take that from me please give me a miscarriage. Take this baby to happen. Please, please, I'm begging you, and I think back that moment like it was just today I can say because God loves me so much. He did not answer my prayer because I was asking God for an evacuation out my current circumstances in his father's life.

He comes to me exactly where I am Audrey were not getting ticket to come to you right where you are and I didn't walk you through this and when you walk through these painful times. You can find me like you've never found me before when you feel like the whole world is against you and judging you for your worst mistake. I'm going to be the one telling you who you are and we are to walk through this and when you get on the other side, you'll never be the same reason that when Jesus assigned us screaming at prescription. Here's the point in Scripture there mostly messed up characters and there was talk and here's here's the neon sign for all of us. We are them. We are messed up to, and we need God's love and his grace in our life and we need to be able to show to others around us quite a deep breath as I will ask you about this child. He's the most handsome he is the one of the greatest gifts. Our family has ever experienced. He's not an outsider. He's my son, and the challenge you know in our journey to wholeness. The biggest challenge that I had as a dad was. Will I be able to love this baby is my own will he forever be a reminder of the betrayal and the rejection I recognize that I had a limited capacity for love, not his problem. My problem and it's detailed in the book. In that journey. But again, going back to the covering that I was being challenged with. That's how we told our children one evening they came and we set as a family on the floor but before I ever spoke a word.

I pulled a large blanket from the bed and with Audrey there on the floor. I took that blanket and I covered her from head to foot, and I wrapped my arms around her and I look deep into my children's eyes and I see kids.

This is what God does when we make a mistake. He comes to us and he covers us, and he wraps his arms around us and he says I will never leave you.

I will never forsake you.

With Audrey covered and held my arms. She's four months pregnant. I'm speaking to my children, my love and my devotion for their mom, my wife, I'm speaking to them that were a family and that we belong together. I'm speaking as much confidence and assurance as I can, but I'm not going anywhere were a family and it was a journey. It was a hard journey, but before that little baby was born, God had worked on me and we had people coming tossing. You don't need to keep this baby, you can adopt this baby out all of those challenges I was facing the biggest thing was my anger and one morning with my pastor I was begging him to answer the question for me. What do I do and he said to me and looked me square in the ice as Bob there's a baby on your doorstep. What do you do when you participate with this fatherless generation or will you become a father to the fatherless, Bob, you've got to grow up so not so in that hospital room and I choose my words carefully when my son was born when our son was born I gave him my name Robert because I don't want him to ever question one day in his life was boy.

He is, he's my son.

His middle name is Theodore it means divine gift. He's not an accident.

He's not a mistake is not the result of a sexual affair. Just like my other three children.

He's born out of the heart of God and entrusted to us, were a family and he belongs powerful. I mean Bob that is so powerful and were all adopted into his family told that's what so beautiful so much. Bob and Audrey. Fantastic story. I can't imagine the pain in the moment and what you both went through what your family went through to heal to restore and the good decisions that you made in the face of I'm sure overwhelming opportunity to walk away and just start over but I can only imagine God is smiling to say this is how it should be, and he knows that you love him. Look at the commitment you both made even in the darkness of such great examples in this. I want people to see. Look at the commitment. God is made to you, but I am emotionally wrong out here but spiritually challenged.

Thank you for doing that to just me. I'm sure you John. I'm sure many many of you know my listing to have the abortion that if it ended in divorce. I just want to speak to that listener and I say it doesn't matter what is happened up to this point you can jot line in the sand and just choose to believe that my Redeemer lives. God hath this incredible exceptional bath where he can turn something in love even that place of paint spots that make a way out, but it's not over, even though your story doesn't have seen ending his eyes. Please hang on to the help that that's what you did, but that is not who you are you. I'm glad you are at Rascher's help and a bright future for you and that is the right place to say thank you thanks for being with us. Hang on to hope that was something that really was a key theme in this conversation.

The past couple of days on Focus on the Family with Drs. Bob and Audrey Meisner or John hope is essential if a marriage is going to survive, but it's not hope in our efforts to forgive or overcome or reconcile its hope in God, believing that he holds the key to our success in future. And that's true whether you're in a marriage crisis are not even healthy loving marriages need hope in Christ in order to stay that way. Now I'm sure there are some listening right now who don't have much if any, hope, and you feel like giving up. If that's the case, please contact us here at Focus on the Family we want to help rescue your marriage and get you to a better place with the Lord. We have our counseling team and we have hope restored were we provide intensive counseling over several days for couples who are on the brink of divorce we call it hope restore for reason because we sing God work miracles and broken marriages that seemed impossible to fix that really is an amazing program with incredible results and we have as well. The misers book marriage undercover which shares much more their story and will encourage you to make a gift of any amount to Focus on the Family today and will send that book right out to you like.

We often say John, I mean if you can afford it.

Your marriage is worth it will get the book. Just let us know and will trust others will cover the cost of that all of these resources can bring hope back into the relationship with your spouse, and if you're willing to let the Lord work in your hearts, but timing is critical. Don't delay, don't think about tomorrow. Do it today. Get the help you need to save your marriage now and if you're in a good place with your spouse. Let me invite you to partner with us to rescue and strengthen other marriages that may be hurting. And again, your gifts provide the fuel to make this happen. So please if you can make a gift today to help us, that would be deeply appreciated.

And right now there's a special matching gift opportunity where any donation you make will be doubled, which means more help and more hope for the families that we serve together so please be as generous as you can today and know that you call us if you need information about hope restored her like that book or if you can donate number again 800 K in the word family 800 232-645-9800 K in the word family and you can also click the link in the episode notes to make that donation online on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for this episode of Focus on the Family. I'm John Fuller inviting you back. As we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ and I knew my marriage was falling apart. I just did not affix. I felt like I would always be alone even if I stayed married at Focus on the Family's hope restored marriage intensively offer hope to couples in crisis so they can have a marriage.

They always dreamed for the first time I felt like my husband truly heard me. I received some great tools from the counselor said of change my life and my marriage to begin the journey of finding health go to hope restored.com today