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Where are you Christmas?: The Generational Aspects of Long Term Care

Finishing Well / Hans Scheil
The Cross Radio
December 8, 2018 8:30 am

Where are you Christmas?: The Generational Aspects of Long Term Care

Finishing Well / Hans Scheil

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December 8, 2018 8:30 am

Long Term care is not something that just you have to worry about. Your spouse, your children, your siblings, your nieces and nephews, and even your close friends might feel the impact of a long term care crisis. It is better to plan now to make it as easy as them as possible. The holidays, when everyone is together, could be the perfect time to at least start these conversations.


Hans and Robby discuss the intimate conversations we need to have with our family and friends surrounding long term care situations. It is very hard and a lot of people avoid these conversations entirely, which makes it a really difficult situation for everyone involved when it hits.


Robby tells a personal story about how having these intimate conversations with his father recently, while being hard, makes him feel closer to his father now. He also knows what his father's wishes are and will be able to take care of him in the way he wants.


Hans then talks about all the options you have for long term care insurance, including hybrid long term care insurance.


Know what questions to ask this holiday and how to approach the conversation of long term care. Having this conversation can end up being the gift that keeps on giving when it is time to put a plan into action.

Don’t forget to get your copy of “The Complete Cardinal Guide to Planning for and Living in Retirement” on Amazon or on for free!


You can contact Hans and Cardinal by emailing or calling 919-535-8261. Learn more at

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Welcome to finishing well brought you by Cardinal Drive, certified financial planner belongs agile, best-selling author and financial planners helping families finish well for over 40 years of finishing well will examine both biblical and practical knowledge to assist families in finishing well, including discussions on managing Medicare IRA long-term care life insurance and investments and taxes. Now let's get started. Finishing well in this season. I will we help maybe answer that question we help maybe, provoke that question that I know God is asking is where are you Christmas right you remember what that felt like it when you're little kid and Mary Lou Hoover; who I guess you originally coined that is where you Christmas but you know there's a thousand Christmas movies out there right on those movies when you look at America to see if the heart of it is intimacy of some kind. Usually there's a there's a man and a woman that are following 11 people are looking for that Christmas love, they're looking for that intimacy and clearly that's the message of God came down to save us so that he could be.

But then in another way. Jim Valvano put it, it's God, your family and the Green Bay Packers right when we are looking at priorities and so after God comes your family, Vince Lombardi and somebody said it, but Jim Valvano was the coach of NC State, North Carolina, and he took it up and when he became the coach at Villanova he went to the locker room. He said guys it's God your family in the Green Bay Packers so getting back to the subject of intimacy and and and where that comes from is really being able to take off the mask look behind the curtain and and talk about some things that need to be talked about an inside a family sans unfortunately is where a lot of us are most guarded and this lease intimacy going on because nobody's tell the truth.

Well, can we see this all come crashing man. When a person is facing a long-term care crisis when the family gets in crisis. We see it every day in our work or certainly every week where we have somebody who's perhaps around my age. I'm 60 is here and there, coming in with their children and their dealing with dad and dad is just had a stroke and needs home healthcare. They don't know exactly what he needs to go to assisted living and everything financially that they've ever had, comes into question. We gotta find the money we got figure out how to pay this bill. There's a big focus on money.

That's why they're coming to me as a financial planner who works in this business and the thing that I've taken on that is I just see all the avoided conversations over the years the kids a lot of times before they got into this crisis had no idea how much money, dad.

Have really put the size of their assets.

Many times they overestimated the lot of folks spend a lot of money in retirement.

Then they don't know where it's position these people that are 80 and 90 and 95. Now were raised in the depression so they make make financial decisions based upon that they've been very guarded with their money and there's people that haven't. There's people that spend it all down, but my point is with the whole family getting together this crisis is their children coming in to see me with or without mom or dad in a crisis and what I'm thinking about is could the crisis part of this have been avoided or certainly minimized.

If some conversations had taken place and then some actions following those conversations, 10 or 20 years right and literally in my mind, Hans, I think it's like the gift that keeps on giving this Christmas. One of the gifts you gave me you don't know you didn't but you know you said you had to have a healthcare power of attorney and a durable power of attorney. I didn't know what in the world that met but you never hear my dad is 88 and I finally health situations I might add, we have a home. I can pay your bills. If you're incapacitated. Do you have this thing called a durable power of attorney. I have no idea call the attorneys that we call the you don't have all my goodness, you folks I know feel like my dad and I've had an intimate conversation about how he wants that done because inside of that durable power of attorney would we want to do it their all kinds of questions that he and I had the answer on what he wanted me to manage what he didn't want me to manage how we want this done how he didn't want it done in the in the gift was an intimacy between my dad where I can see where he trust me and where I trust him and I and and you end up feeling more loved although it was not the easiest thing to bring out well. It wasn't in your dad. You are in a crisis and were proposing were not suggesting that everybody is listening go home over Christmas and we make this the subject Christmas dinner is perhaps this year is the year were perhaps we are intimate with your spouse and your your your urine an intimate conversation in your driving to the family that you have these discussions really should want to see both families between you and your spouse where you would say okay so where does everybody stand who's going to care for home and where does everybody stand in the assets of really specific like who is going to be the child cares or who's going to care for me.

If I'm the person looking at my children forget yeah you do the care and then you know what leads to that is aunts and uncles who we just went around the room this morning and we found that just about everybody in the room has an aunt and uncle who doesn't have any children and they're not married and who's going to care that and a lot of times there mentioned is the caregiver that they're coming to take care of the parent. Dad's brother or sister so perhaps this is the year where you discuss this with your spouse but you just look at the whole extended family and you start going around, especially the people that are getting up in years and start asking just amongst yourself and your spouses like who's gonna take care which kid is going to take care of his discovery services can be my brother, sister and who they have and then are they prepared for this financial know if you're just tuning in your morning when we talk about today.

This is finishing well is certified planner on style and in the course.

All this information that were talking about is always and available the chapters to the book, the complete cardinal guide to planning for living in retirement against today's chapter would be on long-term care and that's absolutely free to go to the seven worries tab at the at the website but admit that seven worries tab always speaks to me is something that says wow God does not like that he doesn't like worrying when what can we do to replace worries is have the information available like what you would find it cardinal but also have the courage to ask the hard questions of your spouse right because that's another one that you may give you horrific actual conversation with your spouse.

When I was when I got which of our kids to take care of me and a lot of times the spouses is just an assumption that you're going to take care of each other and for starters it is we don't know the order of death because only one of you can take care of the other one when Miller was gone to be want to use. It's going to live on.

Most likely in the which kids can come in be the person to look after which weather were one of us survived sort.

Is it even reasonable to think of your spouse taking. And actually, even if you have long-term care insurance you have that coverage.

The unit, but when the crisis actually happens as you mentioned in your family. Everybody's looking for whose whose run in the Jean Michel is got a different opinion than no reserve. Talk to mom about that. Mom said don't ever put me in one of those places and a lot of times you haven't had a discussion arose go different opinion. Some people think home healthcare. Some people think the go to the best assisted living with all the fancy staff. Other people think about, given all the assets away and go on Medicaid stricken or in their now now and so you know that's that's it conversation that is hard to have, but it would be the gift that kept on giving. Not like you say were saying you say it over Christmas dinner but you begin to assess you know how am I gonna do this in and where, specifically, is the need because how may people even thought that wow, I wonder who is going to take care at Mark. I think if you would get all of them.

A copy of my book, you'd reduce the long-term care chapter.

You can actually get that for free. Describe that chapter both books under the long-term care tab. You can download and read it if you would read that that would spur the thinking.

Not that you can solve the problem for the family. I'm thinking that the conversation doesn't exist with the whole family standing around.

It really is just something that you begin to think about when you're all together with the people that you love who also have a responsibility to care for a child that you would then perhaps have the conversation January or February with mom or dad and you know we reviewed get down to business and we would act upon this and what we haven't even talked about. You mentioned a is just the legal preparation people many times are not financially prepared either having long-term care insurance or knowing what monies going to pay for this before and for ourselves. There also not from a legal document that actually those documents are pretty simple and is significant's of even the healthcare I mean there's a durable power of attorney, but there's a healthcare power of attorney that also come to the plate when you start seeing people go critical. I have an elder law attorney to practice. We do it cardinal, she's right here in our Durham office. We also have an office in Charlotte office in Greensboro. She can make yourself available paralegal assistant can that it is pretty simple stuff as you saw was your dad distressed document, sign and notarize it and boy is that matter especially if mom or dad gets in a situation where they can't make decisions for themselves and you're having to act on their behalf. You gonna find out just how important this it is the gift this keeps on giving. We got more coming up on where are you Christmas and having those may be difficult but intimate conversations that really lead to a sense of wow. I know it can happen. On the other side of this. I know that my parents trust me RFI. I know that I can trust my kids things wonderful conversations always available gift the long-term care tab so much more Thinking. We hope you are enjoying finishing well you by cardinal visit cardinal for free downloads of preview shows including episodes about Social Security and Medicare, IRAs, long-term care, life insurance, investments and taxes as well as Han's best-selling book, the complete cardinal guide to planning for and living in retirement.

Plus the accompanying workbook.

If you want to follow along with today's topic download free PDF had cardinal by going to the seven worries tab of today's show topic to scroll down to useful documents once again for free resources shows go to get Han's book the complete cardinal guide to planning for and living in retirement or the work. Cardinal you have a question, comment or suggestion for future shows.

Click on finishing well radio show and send us a word. Once again, that's cardinal cardinal now finishing well by cardinal welcome back to finishing well certified financial planner, Hotfile today show, where are you Chris. As we wonder about how cool is it God made a way for us to spend eternity finishing well. How can we do that with our families, with our extended families. What what level of intimacy. What what masks do I need to take off or help my parents take off the veil that they've feel like they need to protect. How can I foster that feeling of trust in my family to wake actually love one another, not the mass were wearing on and so this expands even to extended what it does and not suggesting or proposing here is can we said earlier, folks go to Christmas dinner soon. Now we make the whole conversation about preparing for long-term care. How prepared are we were simply suggesting as you get together with your family and your there because a love and part of what's loving your family is you're going to care for them when they can't care for themselves or their and care for you so it depends upon your role in talking to people that are 25 and 30 years old that have 60-year-old parents and so in that situation, you know, this may be happening 2025 years from now, you know, one of the younger children is going to be the caregiver 60-year-old parents can be 85 in there to be receiving. Then I'm talking to the 60-year-old mother who is right now. Caring for her mother and so she's already living through this, or maybe not.

Maybe she's got an 85-year-old mother and 82-year-old mother. We never had this conversation so then we have brothers and sisters, we don't have any children. Many times all of these things come together at Christmas were were were all there for a joyous time and to celebrate the birth of Jesus to get together to share a male and share gifts and share the joy and sounds a bit like the opposite of conversation. And again, I'm not suggesting that we have the conversation during the holidays is that we begin thinking about this in families with that in mind that we would love each other well. Even when were not capable of taking care of ourselves and to have that sense of security of knowing okay. I know my son has my back or I know my dad is expecting me to have his back. Understanding the trust in the love that there is is one side of that but monies another side.

What is, and so if you don't prepare for this I deal with families coming into this office every week and people are in their 50s or 60s.

What is the child and the parent is either here or there, not with their back home in their 85 7590 and there in a crisis and I can tell you right now if they haven't prepared well for this or prepared it all money is to be the overriding concern when the more important concerns are caring for dad. Seeing that he gets cared for properly seeing that he's happy and joyous. You know it, like in your father's case getting his dog to be able to be with him in the rehab facility not that to me is more important than paying the bill unless you're wearing a little work had to go get his his record of immunizations and all that stuff but how cool was that for him because one of his major concerns really was that dog. But talking about you know the money for a second going through this. It made it very clear from both my wife and I that we don't want our kids to have to essentially know how to say this nicely clean up our mess when were not cotton anymore. We want our kids to come in and say hello dad I'm not here I'm here for you, but one that's actually having to do that, you know, I don't know that that's something I really want my children to have to do because I'm not financially taking care of it and not that I didn't love my dad in almost things would go along with it, but there's just something to become very obvious that while this isn't how I want it done in my situation I've ever really change my whole thought process about the concept of long-term care.

It's just what to do is take money off the table. Probably the worst time in your life. Just maybe not off the table is sliding over here to the side and then were going to really be able to focus on what really matters, even if we don't have long-term care insurance, but we've taken the resources the money that we do have and we plan like I'm I can't get long-term care insurance from not buying it because I have this money here in this land, at least in advance.

We got up plan and say okay so if this need comes up for this crisis comes up. How are we going which money are we gonna spend where we can across is that where the tax implications when we can plan all that out in advance so that were not in a situation in a crisis is if you don't plan in advance. That's all you're going to be talking about when you coming to see me is and you're going to be very worried about it. The cool things you brought up and shows before is now.

They've got these hybrids where really eat your protecting your estate at the same time you're protecting your kids yeah it's pretty simple as that. Whether your rich you're moderately well-off here of average means your below average means however you want to describe it in whatever dollar there's some things you can do to plan for long-term care so that it's not as bad of a Christ okay and would you mention one of them is people when they retired or going into retirement are very concerned about taking on additional expense. That's never command like a premium for long-term care so if that kinda scares you more. You're just proposed that perhaps we could go to one of these hybrids and we could take a little piece of your assets that turn it over to the insurance company but yet deposited the insurance company and so you're paying a premium, but you can go back and get it.

So the money still in your name and then what it does is select single premium long-term care insurance so it provides a much larger amount of long-term care about for you and then if you needed and you do have a big long-term care event. Be real glad you bought it because it's going to pay out way more if I could share with our listeners what it's like actually experiences. I never thought so quickly in my life. But anyway you know my dad's health is deteriorating and all of a sudden the social worker calls and she's like okay were sitting up these bad things where they're going to send it out all these different places to see where we can get anybody that will offer your data bad and I'm like oh my goodness. And so you know, here comes this list of places and and you begin to look at these places and you look at their ratings on Google and my dad that this place that they let my mother lay there in her own what you know and all that stuff when you start treatment like yeah I couldn't possibly dream of. For my dad to that place and all that stuff all the sudden you know it's real and it's in-your-face and oh man, I want to know my debts okay yeah and so you know, for the purposes of the show. Let's just let's not dig too much into the weeds about, you know, given a picture for long-term care insurance. Yeah by the way, if you coming to see me or we work on the phone and I can get that either.

I mean it's just it's real simple we can budget for long-term care insurance where we can pay by the month or by the year or we can just take a piece of your assets and transfer them to the insurance company and provide basically similar benefits the little be there happens to or we can do a combination of those that some of these hybrids you can take a smaller chunk of money and then you can have an ongoing smaller premium put those two things together. The important thing is that hybrid hybrid. Yeah the benefit is there for you when your family needs it the most and and you can be real happy you got it in the benefit to hybrids is your knocking, I know. But if you pass away without ever needing it. Then the money plus some gets passed along to your kids. But the thing I really wanted to pass along that I never really what it considered was the love that you're actually showing your kids by making sure that you're taking care of because can you imagine put that on your kids. Which one of these horrible places in my MSN my dad to write and so those kids are going to be making this decision based on the planning that that we've done is the discussion that our kids had it's a wonderful sense of peace at the end of the discussion to know that the insurance policies there bills for now I want to add on the attorney fees are two simple documents that you need specifically around long-term care we really need for documents for your overall estate Talk about two of them you need the durable power of attorney and you need healthcare power of attorney and you got those in the last minute on your father and this is what really made the last I didn't need to pay his bills yet, but I can see it on the writing on the wall and because of my education through their they show you know it was thought was obvious that this is not know were going to need at some point, maybe that's the first place you started the discussion is just getting the facility to be able to do this you don't start a long-term care insurance, but the reality is anybody to gets in touch with me and if you want to read my book 1st. I'll be glad anybody that messages me to send you a free copy of the book the Col. you can buy the book on Amazon is very inexpensive to complete Col. guide to planning for living in retirement.

Plus the workbook addition there's two books you can download chapters for free from our website, and certainly anybody that calls me wants to take me up on this you can you can understand that there's going to be no high-pressure sales pitch here. I got offices in Charlotte, Greensboro, and is well here in Durham Triangle area.

We could certainly meet with you in person if that's what you want to do meet with our attorneys in person. We just want to see that you learn about this and you understand the seriousness of their opportunities here that that in other kind of clout in this look scary but on the other side of it is really how you finish well. I mean you really come into the finishing line, and it can bring your family together or comparable and and know what a neat thing to be able to have some resources to work towards that again Cardinal but complete cardinal guide to planning for living retirement behind silences but would love for you to get there. We are so thankful and we want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas to you know any good time with their families that we Merry Christmas we hope you enjoyed finishing well with you by Cardinal visit Cardinal for free downloads of the show previous shows on topics such as Social Security, Medicare and IRAs, long-term care and life insurance, investments and taxes as well as ponds and best-selling book, the complete cardinal guide to planning for and living in retirement and the workbook once again for dozens of free resources past shows to get Hans book go to Cardinal if you have a question, comment or suggestion for future shows. Click on the finishing well radio show on the website and send us a word. Once again that's Cardinal Cardinal