The Differences Between Moms And Dads

Create a bit of confidence in the children where his mom provides and creates a sense of comfort within the children.

This is family policy with NC family Pres. John Preston thank you for joining us for family policy matters.

Our guest today is Glenn Stanton, director of family formation studies of Focus on the Family Glenn is the author of several books including secure daughters, competent songs, and most recently loving my LGBT neighbor Glenn recently wrote an article for Focus on the Family entitled quad dads matter, and while moms don't toss babies and were to be talking with Glenn about some of the important issues he raises about article about the key differences between mom and dad's and father's differences matter to the raising of children went by so much for joining us again on family policy matter to try to have you with us.

Thank you, John. It's good to be with you what were so appreciative of all the great work that you do with Focus on the Family. I know you been studying these issues for years and years and then can speak with a lot of authority on them, not Glenn.

In this article, I know that you talk about a scene but she witnessed in an airport where dad was tossing his baby into the air, much to the child's terror and delight the world familiar with those types of situations. Can you point out that this is actually typically bad behavior wise the simple act by dad so important and why don't we typically see a mother for example engaging in this kind of play with the child will like you said it's it's a universal thing that we recognize I've been to in all over the world.

On one Saturday morning I was in a park in Beijing China and you know there's a grandfather throwing his little granddaughter up in the air and we don't think too much about that but that is actually a very important child development experience for children in an and I'll explain that that's your question, I'm you see the little baby going up in the air and you know the first time they have the look on their face to me, literally, and everybody knows the look and mom is typically freaking out like no don't do that, but gravity acts upon the child and the child comes back down into daddy's arms and what happens they will giggle. If they are verbal at that stage, they will say everybody knows again. Again, you know they they love that what is happening there, though, is again a child development experience that really fathers provide the child is going up in the air and thinking oh my goodness. The world is a scary scary place and then when they start to come down there still scared but it back into dad's arms. There like the world is a safe place and what dads do.

And just in this one example of throwing babies in the air is they teach kids to take chances teach kids to take calculated chances and that there is a reward in doing that. You know when the kids get older, who is more likely to say you know when they're climbing a tree climb a little higher. You can go to that next limo I'll talk you through it you don't moms typically don't do that moms very important are interested in safety and is not the dads are not interested in safety but dads will take the idea of safety but say now you can safely push the limits here and again so dads create a bit of confidence in the children where his mom provides and and and creates a sense of comfort within the children. Which one is more important the answer to that is yes. Both of them are most important.

You also explained that mom and dad each teach self-control to children, but in unique and different ways to explain the different ways the parents teach self-control to children, and while both ways are necessary for kids to thrive. Your first foaming you think about mother's mothers are more likely to hold their children close you know that the orientation is with the child.

Fathers are more likely to get their children to look out to the world.

You know the way I like to explain that is I'm mothers are concerned about those things that could hurt their child and protecting your children from those things no dancer not uninterested in that, but they are more likely to prepare seamounts protect dads prepare their kids for the dangerous out there in the world you know is not a good idea to go out in lightning storms. But if you do find yourself in a lightning storm. These are the top three things that you need to do.

You know moms are just, you know what, just don't go out in the lightning storm, but dad is more likely to, you know, be aware of your surroundings and that is you know those are the two ways that moms and dads teach self-control self-control in your mom's okay hold it within yourself. The other for the dad is self-control of being aware of others. It's interesting. Years ago, you know, our kids go to Chucky cheese to parties and kids are jumping into the ball pit now. Kids love to do that.

It's interesting that I've noticed you see kids that aren't well fathered or don't have fathers, they are more likely just to not be able to control themselves and just jump right into the pit on top of other kids messy. That's because dads are like a be aware of your atmosphere. Be aware of what's happening.

The huge the you know be expressive physically jump into those balls and go for it, but you've gotta watch out for other people moms it's it's not that they fail to do that.

They're just not as inclined to do that kind of thing so they teach sort of self-awareness and self-control in very different ways, and children need both of those if they don't have mom's ways there shortchanged if they don't have dads ways therefore change what you refer to is prosocial behavior. I know that that is a term that you talk about that is an important universal virtue. The dads teach boys it is that what you're talking about or is there more to that concept know what you just described. Well, it's a bit of that amine in the ball pit that's prosocial because your life that works itself out as you know what there's other people in the world that I need to be considerate of some of the other prosocial behaviors is kids boys particularly who are well fathered and affirmed by their fathers. They just simply do not go into gangs. They are not violent. They they don't desire to hurt people because fathers have taken that mail energy of their boys and turned in a prosocial way, you should be strong, you should be assertive, but your strong and assertive in a way to serve and to help other people eat, you know, just like you have a good football coach. He teaches you that that's what fathers do is is they teach their little boys to serve others, and even in a strong and masculine sort of way you know that was way back when the mother's yellow women and and baby's first year. That's what men do is a sacrifice themselves for other people. Kids and gangs are not doing that they're trying to assert their manhood in very violent ways. They're basically saying my dad never affirmed me, but I want you to respect me and I will use guns and violence to make you respect me. The other on girls, girls are not as likely to be engaged in early premarital sexual activity, and far less likely to get pregnant because they are not as likely to fall to the deceptive wiles of you know, enterprising young man guy comes along and he's in a fancy and snazzy and jazzy girl with whose well fathers she's just not going to fall for that she knows what a good man is she has lived under the love and the affirmation in the appreciation of a good man, a girl who hasn't gotten that she is going to seek that out in any way she can and usually that's going to be at the manipulation if you will of you know, entered enterprising teen boys who don't have those girls best interest in mind your listening policy not as a resource to listen to our radio show online resources have a voice of persuasion in your community to our website collecting another. Both parents also have a big influence on a child's language development talk about the unique ways to mom and dad interact verbally with their children. We talked a good bit about how they interact physically, but how they interact verbally with children and in doing so, help them to develop different language to yet. This is very, very interesting.

I noticed this. You know when our kids were young, I'd I'd read it in books, and then I see it at home when my wife and I are both communicating with our children.

Here's the deal is mothers are more likely to moderate their language for the understanding of the child that facilitates quick communication.

You know, they're more likely to use words like, oh it looks like you've got a boo-boo. Or, you know, things like that and it's not that dads don't but dads are more likely to use bigger words.

Oh it looks like you got a nasty contusion there and this is like what is a conclusion I mean that's that's all know exactly, but what that does is in the scholars talk about this is it initiates vocabulary lesson and they find out that kids who spend a lot of times around their dad grow up into their you know later elementary, middle school years high school years with a better vocabulary and vocabulary is are the building blocks of you know, reading ability and things like that. Fathers are not as clued in to speak down to the level of the child but that there's actually an upside of that in it again and that it it teaches them new words and is not at all because she's not smart by any she just she knows how to connect with the child more directly, but dad, you know, not as keen in that area, but again it it it creates a larger variety of words and more sophisticated words are bigger words than you know mom is more likely to do again. Children need both of those that's very interesting, but I think it is particularly important for us to consider these things because we know that we are living in a world where were told that kids don't need both a mom and a dad to thrive, but you call this thinking, delusional, noting that and I quote both the man and woman are required for the creation of a new child and both are equally indispensable for the rearing of that child in a culture that is pushing a gender-neutral viewpoint on our children, including when it comes to marriage and parenting. How do we as Christians respond in both grace and truth. Well the grace and truth thing are are very very important to John what I what I want to say. As Christians, even before that is, we need to understand the spiritual nature behind these things. God says on the very first page of our Bibles. Let us create man in our image, according to our likeness. God is going to create something that shows forth his image and likeness. And then, and this is Genesis chapter 1 verse 26 and 27 he says in the image of God he created them. Hold your breath male and female he created them. Its male and female that show forth the image of God in the world and at the fall. Now we know that Satan got Adam and Eve to doubt the word of God. Now we are being called to doubt the very image of God in the world. And this doesn't mean that all that people behind this in our neighborhoods and communities are satanic, but we need to know me, Satan deceives everyone of us and Satan is deceiving us that oh my goodness, you know, male and female.

The image of God and humanity doesn't really matter.

And that's how we can treat this issue. In truth and grace, but understand that really very few people that are really trying to come to D gender culture don't have evil intent. They mistakingly think this is the best thing for children and things like that. We need to convince them we need to not see them as enemies see them as not quick not getting it quite right, and seek to persuade them. Yet this is what I like to say is you always treat the individual that you're engaging with love and kindness and grace. Just without compromise, but you always deal with the issue itself. The issue at hand with absolute uncompromising truth and so I think those are is a quick rule of thumb, basically how to love individuals, but not compromise on the issue itself and to too often we think loving the individual requires us to compromise on the issue and is just absolutely not true. I think that's a great place for us to end our conversation today. Unfortunately, we are out of Tom but before we go I want to give you an opportunity to let our listeners know where they can go to get a copy of your new article. What matter and why moms don't toss babies and also to learn more about Focus on the Family they can go to focusonthefamily.com and vacant-focused findings. All that is found in various places@focusonthefamily.com with Doug Winston, I want thank you so much for being with us on family policy matters and for your great work at Focus on the Family. Hey, thank you, John been listening to family policy matters production of NZ family to listen to our radio show online, and for more valuable resources and information about issues important to families in North Carolina my website and see family.org and follow us on Twitter and Facebook