Creating A Positive Family Environment That Fosters Kindness And Respect

Today's cultures we need a higher level of intentionality is family policy with NC family Pres. John Weston thanks for joining us this week for family policy matters.

As parents we all strive to raise kind and respectful children and we also desire to develop a pleasing and happy family environment, but far too often these days it seems like there are forces throughout the culture that are working counter to these laudable goal. Our guest today is Dr. Thomas Latona, who has written a new book entitled how to raise kind kids and get respect to gratitude and a happier family in the bargain. A Dr. Latona welcome to family policy matters is great to have you back on the show with great well Dr. Latona you talk about in your book a supporting cast of 10 virtues that are essential to creating a positive family environment that fosters kindness and respect as we begin. If you would list those 10 virtues for our listeners and talk about why they are so important in the development of our young people well the very first virtue, which is actually sometimes overlooked is wisdom which is plain old good judgment on the great master virtue because it guides the application of all the others tells us how to be kind how to exert self-control about the fair given situation through one of her children to take the time to think, what's the best decision or is this writers is wrong with my friends are doing to really stop and think and pull upon their values and resources. Great virtue is justice.

Justice is treating all people with respect for their inherent dignity, rights their work as a person extends through respect for animals and natural environment that is necessary to spend all life and future kids that there are really two kinds of injustice.

Harming another person actually hurting somebody but there's also failing to protect another person from injury from injustice. So we went obligation to avoid hurting but also to extend help on some bills is a victim of bowling present on the schoolyard or any kind of unkindness, justice, third grade virtues fortitude that includes lots of sub virtues is the strength of character that was due its right when it's hard to do so. Perseverance termination resilience follows her part. Courage.

Moral courage, physical courage, all is a part of the virtual fortitude. The big lesson here is that you need fortitude to deal with all the challenges and tests of life. Life is difficult. It's not an easy road going the struggles and setbacks need fortitude so you can keep going is old saying that when the going gets tough the tough get going for purchase self-control. This is the ability to govern our desires is an old saying either. We rule our desires or desires will and self-control of our appetites and emotions are impulses going away to delay gratification all those kinds of things reported great virtue, self-control, legislated global survey show that most people worldwide rank self-control. Their weakest character quality woman find most challenging a good family discussions like that. So how do we resist temptation, how to control our temperance on the fifth grade virtues about which includes kindness and empathy and forgiveness and compassion, generosity, all those are part of the great virtue of love switches different from justice and that it goes beyond the requirements of fairness go go the extra mile.

We do more than fairness commands and log of courses view amenity clusters in the view of many religious writers is the wellspring of all the other versions. It's what motivates us to care about character to want to the best person we can take such rigorous positive attitude realized that our attitude is always a choice that we are in charge or attitude. There's an old saying from Henry Ford what you think you can or think you can, you're right so that our attitude really is to menacing important affects everybody around us. If we have a positive attitude lift others up a negative attitude we drag them hard work in the seventh grade virtue. Nobody accomplishes anything worthwhile. Without it, and their library quotes a caption that Wilma Rudolph set the impossible just takes a little bit longer and so can't overemphasize that too much opportunity to learn to work hard work is always fun but it's essential to accomplish anything. Integrity is in eighth grade pushes his apology to live. Others telling the truth, respect, and are probably not stealing by treating it's also honesty with ourselves when it is dangerous in the moral life. Life character is self-deception relied ourselves rationalize their behavior, make excuses and were capable of doing anything and killing our conscious in order to done. Gratitude is the ninth grade virtue. It's a secret rapid life expressing thanks for benefits received and saying thank you is an act of what we should teach your children that you can never express too much appreciation for the final version which is a sense of honor is the whole quest for characters humility. That's virtue that keeps us wanting to be a better person striving to improve correcting our faults and failings, submitting mistakes.

Basically, being able to apologize for wrongs that we do in this setting things right so the 10 essential virtues. They make up the character. These are from by religions and cultures around the world and find stories children's literature typically exemplifies is purchased for those so and they they serve as a supporting cast kindness. This is Babylon the supporting cast your listening to me so I spent to listen to my radio show online, and someone resources that will be a place of persuasion in your community website family electing one that's great and thank you for that review of those 10 virtues are so important in an really critical and character development not you speak in terms Dr. Latona of parents being a character coach for their children, I think we all recognize that his parents are whether we want to not we set examples for our children in both good and bad ways talk about this concept of being a character coach and how does that differ from parents just kind of living life out at home on a daily basis. Great tendency to go. Saunders versus negative words alone will do the job site have a concept that there are lower average that's activated not to do that and we think that just as long as we repeat the words it's going to somehow instill the virtue of purchaser habits disposal back to Aristotle about Christian tradition virtues are your thoughts there habits we develop by performing virtuous actions again and again can expect recently that Charles R saying please and thank you if you tell that once or twice bring to the other. Tell them hundreds of times the valiance in the wiring that the product is a new route have to anticipate we have grandchildren over for Wednesday night dinner and there's ice cream at the end we revive them before they have just asked whether they want the rocket motor chocolate chip strawberry before they say their choice.

Their preference may I please have not. I watched Robert I want a chocolate but may I please have so it's a matter of practicing, practicing, practicing until becomes second nature to become his natural new have to think about it once it had little habit that are more complex sets of skills. For example, sibling conflict is a huge challenge in every family could fight with each other.

Parents then yelled the kids in the whole house is upset so I really encourage grass and dedicated space in the home for topic resolution. You can call the solution circle the conflict corner talkingand you have the steps posted for how to solve conflict you're having an argument or some part of the problem, sibling, and step one is you can't take three deep breaths, slowly to 10 longer. You need to and then you take turns saying what you think the problem is what your feelings are about it then you show understanding of the other person might housing back with a set that the school called active listening, treatment is important, resolution, and will be of ongoing importance and as you get older your marriage is silent deal to show you have heard that the person the trouble to demonstrate that you understand with saying they have a chance to correct it. If you did get it right then you take turns what you think is fair to say when you think of her solution and file you, great.

What is fair to both parties to the conflict mounted between the parents. At this session. Walking through that and failed to notice that there was this coach them dignity back to sleep when you did you get to hit a ball or shoot a basket.

Do not expect the lecture to produce and skill in sports. You understand it's going to take many tries lots of feedback trying again until they get the skill and Ohio higher level of mastery will to sing with character skills, frustration, fees and continuing practice, encouragement, and so on until becomes part of the repertoire that you can back off watch from a distance and the parents and teachers are both amazing to see children mastering the skills of conflict resolution takes tremendous burden off children and adults with great principals.

I know that my wife actually went three weeks marital counseling early on in our marriage, and much of the counseling center around exactly what you talked about about learning to communicate effectively in to have empathy and sympathy for the other person and really understand well the issues that were being confronted and so forth. I'm in it.

It just it. It sounds like character coaching as is true in many areas of our life is is really an intentional action by the parents to engage children and set the example and natural thing. I know one of the items that you talk about in your book is the children really thrive on a combination of support and challenge give us some tangible examples of how parents can intentionally create discount of environment for their children that helps them even progressed further in their development were intentional and I think that's really key in today's culture, especially we need a higher level of intentionality on the part of parents we need to take very deliberate steps to teach the character his character skills. I think it starts with having a family mission statement. Sitting down together with your children say okay what kind of family do we want to be one of the values and virtues that we care most deeply about. Let's write those down in a series of wee statements as a family present for kids 976 and for when I do this and there are statements that they ended up with four or we commit to being kind, honest and fair we don't lie, cheat, steal or hurt someone on purpose. We don't whine and complain or make excuses only make mistake. Learn from it and move on. Report keep our minds, bodies and souls, healthy, strong computer. We commit to learning and growing in our faith. Christian family or faith very important to them and trust in God's goodness we live with an attitude of gratitude and of the father, admitting this in the kitchen. We reviewed at the start of the week will mostly refer to it when we had a bump in the road sometime during the week and it just as a framework for not starting from scratch got this to draw upon gradually return children learn the language of more thoroughly the beginning of internalizing because part of their conscience and character that you follow through on that in here is really where I think the road is the real challenge was a mission statement can become his words in the wall unless you hold yourself accountable. So I strongly recommend the families that they do a weekly family meeting maybe 20 minutes. 30 minutes on Sunday night back in the week is just happy you start out with a prayer as God help you show love to each other to be grateful for his loving care on the prep you say something you appreciate about what each family member did during the week for you as a phobic feelings and that is okay. What was was last week like what was good. What was not so good and what's the problem that we had that we can maybe work on the cop to identify the problem, they start verbs. There is no blame anybody else to put Lawrence together and try solid venues around the table. Everybody speaks their peace and you listen carefully, active listening, and then you try to put the solutions together the right upper airway sponsor goes on fridges. They went to talk about the outgoing maybe couple days later but certainly have the next family meeting house better. How can we make further improvements and that gives you a sense of co-creating the family, children become sharers and that responsibilities not just the parents job to make a happy peaceful family is everybody's job as a problem and there always will be problems in family life. You're not fishing as well as apparent could sit down for your resources pull together and with the grace to have you been listening. One of the discussion with Dr. Thomas Latona about his new book, race, kind kids and give respect attitude and a happier family in the morgue. I encourage you to tune into family policy matters next week for part two of this discussion.

Thank you for listening family policy matters production of NZ family to listen to a radio show online, and for more resources and information about issues important to families in North Carolina. My website and see family.org and follow us on Twitter and Facebook