Helping Parents Shepherd Children Through Moral Challenges

This is the policy with NC family Pres. John Rustin thank you for joining us for family policy matters parents these days are facing an increasing number of challenging hot button issues they feel they must address with their children if they order to be truly responsible parents, and it seems these conversations are having to take place at younger and younger age oftentimes well-meaning parents feel completely overwhelmed and ill-equipped to help their children not only understand the truth about moral issues and ultimately to them but embrace this truth for themselves and even parents who are committed to having these conversations sometimes fear that they are risking the innocence of their children, which is exactly the thing that they're trying to protect it. Certainly no surprise that parenting can be really difficult. Well, Layla Miller, a mother of eight, a grandmother and a blogger has set out to provide a resource to help today's parents. Shepherd children in age-appropriate ways around town of the biggest moral challenges that are facing our kids in our current culture and these include things like contraception and abortion, sexual activity outside of marriage, divorce, modesty, pornography in transgender is Layla teamed up with apologist Trent Horn to write a new book made this way, how to prepare kids to face today's tough moral issues and we look forward to discussing this with her today in a G rated format. Now, Layla Miller, welcome back to family policy matters. It's great to have you back on the show again. Right now Layla. I think we all have encountered people who subscribe to a belief that parents really should not indoctrinate quote unquote their children in religious or moral matters, but I know that you argue that it's really impossible for parents not to an art indoctrinate their children if there really being effective parents talk about that little bit if you would, ironically, people say that word indoctrinate each and I completely agree secular people and people of all faiths that we teach our children that it in fact whatever altered.

So the question isn't whether or not we will indoctrinate quote about our children what value will we indoctrinate them know what that would indicate that very secular critical progressive parent might indoctrinate their child on how to be compassionate or how to be equal or how to accept certain immoral way that looking at family and marriage, and they indoctrinate, they teach their children out like that that's really all were talking about children. It's just what are the values and energy that we are getting teach some of the primary differences between being a permissive parent versus authoritarian parent versus an authoritative parent and I know that you argue the authoritative parent really is the best approach. 27 down to hell for about 27 years now.

I think parenting and an effective approach is not permissive parenting, which of course can be really disastrous and that sort of the cool mom and I might ever want them to think I'm mean or let the child treatment shall not a good idea. Of course, understand, and then if the authoritarian parent wishes more than a parent who would laying down the rules. You don't really explain why we believe it and then the fear-based discipline where you just want the child to obey you and they have back to.

So the middle ground, which we think is the better way which is what we can call the authoritative or what I call the friendly.

And they are only if the parent first but you can also be only you can be someone who has a really good relationship with your child, your parents, not your child know that your accessible that you love… Child but that you're always at the boundaries that are healthy for the child well felt that the friendly parent model would you think that really the best approach.

Some of the topics you discuss in your book made this way or difficult sometimes even for adults to understand and discuss how can parents educate themselves on these topics in preparation for having conversations about sensitive matters with her children. Well, it's difficult because I'm in Generation X. The next level down really got a lot of good teaching a lot of good formation in my own faith and so we're kind of thrown to the wolves. Now with the culture changing so quickly that even parents don't explain or even understand for themselves what is going on with all these strange moral issues that keep coming up especially surrounding human sexuality and marriage and so part of what we did with the block is to give each of the 10 subjective difficult moral issues that we talk about we start out by giving the reasonable understanding and teaching the Christian and natural lot teaching for each one of those moral issues and help the parents understand the issue that they can educate themselves before then they go to their children and try to keep that weight we make sure that we educate the parent very simply and very easy way and natural lot using reasoning and putting together how God made sense and how you something, according to its nature then then things tend to flourish you things against their nature. Things tend to go bad. And so we we go three to the topics first educating the parents and then they can go into dialogue with the kids about the subject was listening to a resource to listen to our radio show online resources that will voice of persuasion in your community to our website and see family.org looks great. Now speaking of dialogue with the children. I know that one aspect of made this way is that within each chapter you provide specific, developmentally in age-appropriate scripts that parents can use to help jumpstart discussions with their children, even if those children are of different ages, so how can parents counterbalance protecting their children's innocence with providing honest and meaningful answers on these sensitive topics right back. Younger children. It is simply that eight cents between about 845 through puberty and so at this time. You never want to disturb child innocence with unwelcome run I needed with the information on human sexuality and course. The culture sometimes on board with our hand these days on that, unfortunately, but as far as we can. We try to keep them protected from this kind of discussion and then teaching at that age would be more of an indirect teaching they would understand that all mommy and daddy are having a new baby and is not beautiful and let marriages for indirectly. They're starting to see how God is laid out, but you wouldn't if they brought you something. Maybe that they heard Albert even on a TV show. Unfortunately, Dave.

You wouldn't go further with them than what they bring to you, you might ask about a certain term or certain something that came up. You might say where did you hear about that.

You can't buy a little time. Make sure you know what they're talking about before you anticipated more than it really was and then gently finesse the situation that way and never get the more information that you need to, or that they bring to you each cases can be a little bit different, but all with the aim of protecting that innocence at those ages that they want to get to be teams.

You can go into things a little more deeply in and explain things more more clearly gives an example of the difference in how you would address the topic and save modesty.

For example, with a younger child, compared to a teenager, so something like my know you from the beginning.

Children are very trusting their parents.

That's how God made them so they trust that when you're going shopping when you're kids are little elementary school not resistance in the younger years there. 5678 resist when you try to find a cute outfit maybe for your daughter that is not there to trust you. But if you build that up from a young age and say you know if they say bring you something, I want to buy and it might be a little too much exposure you could just say gently.

That's really what you pattern. But you know what we want to make sure that are private so let's look at that and we can redirect and so they could just get back in her head that okay like you can't.

But there are certain things that we need to remember and I trust my mom and then you won't have the right as you get into the years because you've already shown them against you against you looking attractive, but we use the word pray that, for example, I think you can use that medical terms for any of the pipers, but we also like to really call the parts only to show the child.

The other something that really that to happen, and that the good thing and so that's been on it, you let them know that from early on, to get into the teen years.

You can talk more about important to keep certain chiropractic parts private because were ashamed of the body that God gave us but it's because it's a Reverential Way, God wants us to be holy and godly and we don't want to show private things that should be kept private because we are fading virtue virtue. The good thing is designed to protect what what should be protected. We only reveal things when it's the right to reveal things and so we can talk her boys and girls about the differences between boys and girls and how they perceive each other and back in time to come in later as they are teenagers that winter little. It's more likely with the boys and a little more like potty talk. My speech also reminded of her teeth.

At the very good thing that God gave how can parents really cultivate an atmosphere that encourages open communication with your kids will a few times this is happened over the course of my kids are adults now and the first three are married, have some grandkids to butts. Over the course of the year that had plenty of teenagers and sometimes come to me with shocking questions think that they have heard and I only say the most important thing is not to react with some kind of shocked. You know strange faith recently make our faith in our you run out of the room like I always keep like a very calm faith. I know I keep my countenance is very calm and I look him straight now tonight I give them the right answer and I put it in the context of God's design for love and why this is best for us and why design works the best of all, in the context that we never ever. We've never wanted our children to be afraid to approach us on even the difficult issues because if they can't approach other than they feel uncomfortable, but if you like to be shamed or judged or whatever they will come to anymore. The go to their peers into the Internet and only now we want so that they been shot a few times or someone to come up with determine if it were me mama about this and I want to die inside.

Perhaps they just want to start what they're hearing and so after job after job.

We are responsible for forming the children so don't freak out dcom and answer the question, and they will trust you. Then the next time to come back to you again. Will you also say that it's important for parents to please God will reasons and logical arguments that are based not only in scriptural answers the Bible but also in natural law, talk about that just a little bit as we conclude our conversation right something that is letter from Birmingham Jail talk about why he opposed certain unjust lot did Abraham Lincoln talk to keep, which is what is the nature of a thing. How did God make human beings and what we do, not what can we do what we deal he can figure this out. Reason everything important is because the culture that your child is going to encounter really care much anymore about if your child can say oh this is what Scripture says what the church teaches because they will be mocked and laughed at by people with grounding in such things really have the conversation and your faith.

You give a reason for the hope that is within you to be able to get people through natural law argument which is logical reason.

How to ascertain the moral law with reason alone at St. Paul said Hagan can understand things that are written on her heart that the approach we need to go back to their grounded in something that even the secular world can understand without use of Scripture which they might immediately pooh-pooh cell important will's book made this way, how to prepare kids to face today's tough steel issues is just chock-full is not only great advice, but foundation is a natural law and also in biblical principles soak working our listeners go loyal to get a copy of the new book by Go to shop.catholic.com you can get copies there are in bulk rate as low as five dollars a copy a lot of moms groups in church using them to discuss together and also build on Amazon and hopefully I will call Miller. I want to thank you so much for being with us on family policy matters and for helping parents across our nation tackle some of these are challenging issues in a loving and responsible way with my you've been listening to family policy matters of production and to listen to our radio show online for more valuable resources and information about issues important to families in North Carolina go to our website and see family.org and follow us on Twitter and Facebook