Creating a Healthy Culture for Our Kids

Family policy matters in engaging and informative weekly radio show and podcast produced by the North Carolina family policy Council hi this is John Ralston, presidency, family, and were grateful to have you with us for this week's program is our prayer that you will be informed, encouraged and inspired by what you hear on family policy matters and that you will fold better equipped to be a voice of persuasion for family values in your community, state and nation, and now here's our house to family policy matters Tracy to Griggs, thanks for joining us this week for family policy matter as parents and grandparents. We may be up alarmed at the prospect of raising children in this current cultural environment. Despite our best efforts, culture does matter. According to Dr. Leonard sax, who recently published an article explaining why culture matters we see with us today to talk about that and Dr. Sachs is a practicing physician in Chester County, Pennsylvania, and a prolific author, having written four books and numerous articles about child and adolescent development's most recent book, the collapse of parenting became a New York Times bestseller.

Dr. Leonard sax. Welcome to family policy matters. So let's start off with when you say culture matters what you mean by culture in the cultured young people experience culture. The most popular YouTube videos to talk videos most popular songs and some of the top in your decades as a physician working specifically with families and adolescents. What shifts have you seen in the perspectives and life goals of young people will summarize pretty well by recent survey were.

Researchers asked 12-year-old United States and inside him. What would you like to be when you grow up they gave them multiple choices like professional athletes, commercial musician, social media influencer astronaut. The most popular choice of Chinese 12-year-olds with astronaut's popular choice of Chinese 12-year-old social media influences the number one choice of American kids by a wide margin is to be a YouTube influence in the last choice of American churches to be an hour? That's not just one of many recent studies of this country suggesting that young people their number one goal for many American kids is to be seen change from 20 or 30 years ago when that was clearly not the case. Okay, that's a scary change as well. This question right during your medical exams. Why do you think that's an important question for you asked individually.

I think it's useful to ask open ended questions so ask questions like what your favorite thing to do in your free time where you see yourself in 10 years and just put to the answer anyway they like and what is that give you insight into why is that a good question for you as a doctor you tell me what you prefer to do in your free time and you told me a lot.

You told me how you choose to entertain yourself what you think is important and I have found a key of only two minutes to get to know someone well as well as you can. The best question to ask is what you for the thing to do in your free time, so just give you insights into things like depression and the potential for drug use. Are you seeing any correlations like that was sure some of the answers are the red flags that the person says everything you think about hunger kill myself.

That's happened or actually the most common answer I get now which I would've really gotten as recently as 10 years ago. His sleep American kids increasingly are sleep deprived and when you what you for everything you do in your free time, both to take a nap because this voice thing a person with a clean videogame is coasting up this night watching to talk videos and their exhausted, you mentioned music also in your in your opening statement. How important is music informing some of these beliefs and attitudes and behaviors that make up this whole culture that's influencing our kids. We have good research from the RAND Corporation and other scholars how kids choose to entertain themselves. What kind of music you choose to listen to does influence their beliefs, their perspective on a wide range of topics, and yet the kids usually don't have any insight.

They insist that the news it does not even know clearly does that sound so similar to like movies and video games are you thinking that those things are also influencing our children as far as their aspirations without any doubt how you choose to entertain yourself influences the kind of person you are becoming a great line of the book of Proverbs chapter 4 verse 23 about everything else, guard your heart because everything you do) but if you choose to spend your free time playing video games where you kill people. That's can influence the kind of person you become.

If you choose to spend your free time reading a book, you can become a different kind of person or playing a musical instrument or shooting baskets should become a better basketball player what you choose to spend your free time doing has a big impact. This is especially true for children and teens. You and I cannot change the culture but we can change the culture in our own home and we tend to limit how much of this toxic culture comes into her home as parents we need to do that.

You also mentioned reading books and I think you written that you don't think young people are reading for pleasure very often at all.

How important is this you don't have to guess. We have scholars. The national adult guards who have served the American kids and find. Indeed, American boys had pretty much stopped reading altogether. It's a big change over the last 30 years and it's a problem because reading you and I know can open up your mind to different worlds and experiences and you're creating a world in your head.

Reading is a creative experience as opposed to watching TV show or watching a video on YouTube where you're not creating your merely consuming more passively so to think we need to encourage our kids to read need to model that read to them. My daughter 16 so read to her every night.

If it that's a pretty important point right there that you still read to your daughter who 16. How does that go with her and what kinds of things are you reading with her. We are reading the original Harry Potter books again, which I read years ago.

It takes about a year and 1/2 to get through all seven and yet she has requested that we do the tell us how that works, because I think some parents might be surprised to hear how you do that well in our home.

It's a tradition. My daughter looks forward to it and the request for you need to create these rituals in your home that are about you spending time with your kids. I don't have a TV in my bedroom. My daughter doesn't have a TV in her bedroom. The time is for us.

We say prayer together and then we read a book together. It's a lot of parents will do this with their children when their little but they somehow along the way they drop that thinking that it's just for little kids.

But what a great idea. Good for you talk about some other things. She talked about the rituals that families can create that will help them to have a more positive influence. What are some other things that parents and even grandparents. For those of us that are older can start to instill in our children's lives routable called the collapse of parenting and one chapter the book is enjoy enjoy and appointment making beers you must prioritize. You must make time to do something every certainly several times a week. Ideally, every day, something fun with your kid driving them to school doesn't count helping them with homework doesn't count.

It needs to be something fun. Whether it's going for a bike ride together or walk in the park together or singing songs together. You need to do fun things together.

That's got to be the foundation of the parent-child relationship is one things that you do together and that makes everything else easy.

If your kid loves you because of all the fun things you do together and they want to please you and they don't want to disappoint you.

And parenting is easy if you could hate you because you always nagging intentions very difficult. I think most parents, especially in this culture. We put so much emphasis on getting ahead and our children progressing get in the best schools and impressing the other parents on the block that the advice to have fun would be surprising why we lost sight of the importance of having fun together. American parents are very confused.

They think that their kid has to be amazing to get into the top college and so they picked him up from school and drive them to computer coding and then on to travel to soccer and they're eating a sandwich on the way from computer go to class to travel team soccer class that's a big mistake appear to sending the unintended message that being amazing and doing all these activities is more important than having a meal at home with family cancel computer coding class prioritize supper a sitdown meal at home with your kid is the single most important thing you can do each day and I defend that statement. There's actually a lot of scholarly research on this point, which I presented my book, the collapse of parenting advertising time to have a meal at home with your kid each evening is the simplest and most important thing you can do to restore the parent-child bond and we have very good research on this point and yet what's happened over the last 30 years, the proportion of kids who have a deep yellow home thought with a parent has dropped by more than half because parents think and accept this societal assumption that it's more important to be amazing if you all these activities rather than have a meal at home with family cancel computer coding class have supper at home instead.

It's nice eating an evening meal together and having fun could be a release.

I would think to parents who worked, trying to keep up with the culture these days. So thank you for that.

So talk a little bit about you. Discuss the difference between greatness and goodness sees Riff reference this little bit why is that important. Again we have good research on what the culture has prioritized over the last 30 years and how that influences kids. So, for example, researchers at UCLA look at the most popular TV shows in United States from 7 to 2000 1757 through 1997 shows were teaching is the most important thing is to do the right thing to be a good friend to tell the truth even if it hurts, but in the last 20 years have shifted completely and not the most important thing the TV show to teach the most important things to be famous ponchos like to survive lower American Idol.

It's all about winning and doing the right thing. You get voted off the island and that shift is really harmful because anyone can be a good person. Anyone can tell the truth that anyone can be a good friend but not everyone can win American Idol. Not everyone can be famous and if the researchers concluded that our culture is no cult of faith and being famous is now the standard by which we going to judge yourself most is going to be frustrated and disappointed because most kids are not to be famous and they could try his hardest. They want to give the culture tells them. If you work hard enough it'll come true. Your dream will come true. That's just not true.

It's not a true statement. I seen this firsthand kids who are way more talented, you know, I talked to"… He watches as he was a 70-year-old woman who at age 12, did this video boomerang which went viral at Oakwood 9 million views and she's now you'll famous but to be blunt.

She's not a very contents are she's not very pretty. If I'm allowed to say that. So this other girl says him way prettier than Joseph. You are them way better D'Angelo videos we have her as all those statements are true. The girls video fizzle didn't go viral. She's not famous and she's angry and resentful and life is in fair and it's not but the culture doesn't teach them.

This culture teaches them just the opposite. The culture now promotes ally which is that you two can be famous if you just put in a little extra effort you two could be famous. That's not a true statement. It's a very harmful public thing else that you would like to leave with our parents and grandparents as far as how they can counteract some of these negative aspects of the cultural around us. Somebody answer and that's what my book, the collapse of parenting is about the original title that book with the collapse of American parenting and the subtitle was why most kids would not be the place outside America. Noncelebrity authors and get to choose their title, but there are many aspects of American culture that is now uniquely toxic to kids and I've seen this firsthand, because our culture is different in the many ways more toxic than the culture that I encounter when I meet with kids and families in Germany, Switzerland, Australia, New Zealand, also not spoken to families in all those venues on many many occasions. So have the courage to do things differently prioritize the family, don't hesitate to cancel the play date make a family date instead. Dr. Leonard sax where listeners go if they want to learn more read your article. Why culture matters and follow your other work, but hope you'll visit my website. Later, Chuck stopped sexist, but as a X and a center for my newsletter there.

I'll never share your email to set up a newsletter about once a month with links to whatever I'm writing or things I think would be of interest to the concerned parents wanted sex.com Dr. Leonard sax, author of the recent article. Why culture matters and the best-selling book, the collapse of parenting.

Thank you so much for being with us today on family even listening to family policy matters. We hope you enjoy the program and plenitude in again next week to listen to the show online into one more about NC families work to inform, encourage and inspire families across both a lot of our website it NC family.award that's NC family.org.

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