Breaking Down And Building Up

Family policy matters in engaging and informative weekly radio show and podcast produced by the North Carolina family policy Council hi this is John Ralston, presidency, family, and were grateful to have you with us for this week's program is our prayer that you will be informed, encouraged and inspired by what you hear on family policy matters and that she will flow better equipped to be a voice of persuasion for family values in your community, state and nation, and now here's our house to family policy matters Tracy to Yvette Griggs thank you for joining us for family policy matters what the sad realities. Too many young people face today is that they have suffered abuse at the hands of a loved one. These experiences, whether physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual leave deep, often lifelong wounds that are difficult to overcome. Today we are joined by Krista Lena Evert, founder of women made new ministries and cofounder with her husband, Jason of chastity project together. Krista Lena and Jason have spoken to more than 1 million teens on five continents, answering the tough questions about dating relationships and sexual purity of particular interest to for our conversation today. Krista Lena is also a survivor of abuse. She is a new publication entitled made new healing and hope for abuse survivors, which is designed to help people find healing from abuse. Krista Lena ever welcome to family policy matters greatly. Thank me today. Krista Lena, I noticed that your book focuses primarily on women who are survivors of abuse and of course we know that that men often are as well. Why did you choose to address this book mainly to women well because of my own and what I went through as a woman I equip a certain amount of authority of my own healing process. So I related more to women and such a heart for women and just the struggle that they do work on a day-to-day basis. And I know that men are subject to it with clout, but as of right now I'd felt comfortable just seeking out the women from my heart. Do you feel like the message that will be given to man is probably going to be another book is that this can be slightly different. Do you think for them yet absolutely I was actually happy with not long ago, probably coming down the road will definitely be in the work because I think they men are under attack in their own way. I think that's absolutely a project that Kathy Craddock will be coming out with down the road. Let's start with an observation that you open your book with you say that women are particularly good at stuffing our stuff. That's a quote and having a put together exterior while numbing internal suffering with false constellations. So why do you think so many women focus on putting on a brave face in the midst of their deep suffering in my generation growing up that I was taught I would never talk actually deal with the problem I have a strong second out and move on and outer had to look as good as possible to know if it actually was going on inside.

And I think women need paperback will be perfected that and it's easier to go on with life and not really have to build a heart issue. Your book addresses many of the sayings that women say to themselves. This self talk. What you find are the biggest lies that prevent abuse survivors from finding the healing and the future that they need and want in many of these lies. They say to themselves, don't lay. Oh hi, you know, and I felt pain little phrases here and I truly believe that one top is the most important. She hears throughout her day and in her life had it really kind of shape the direction that we actually go and I like and I realized that I was actually holding myself back with the things that I would think to myself when those are things that we did have to overcome.

We have to bring into the light because one thing that I found in all of this is that here they have a secret that we carry the Elamites to keep everything in the dark when we bring those things to the right and bring them to Jesus. The devil Got to go. He cannot candlelight and then back we truly enveloping the leak in confronting the lake and look at the things that are past that we were scared to or we want overcome the applicant didn't happen because I really believe that oh so much easier for women. At least they think that this is me. That was huge like that myself because lowly things just are coming up and coming up and then they start affecting your marriage, your mother, your relationship how you actually start living out of that one. You don't realize how you handicap your help over time. What about people who say they feel they are unworthy of love can't envision a better and happier future because of past abuse.

What kinds of things would you say to them, really a stronghold on someone's life.

Everybody have any to give love and to risky lab and so the most important thing I think you want to join process is confronting those why you can't eat yourself to what else are you getting yourself where you going in your life. And so with that. One of the main reason I wrote it because I select the lies that were perpetually telling ourselves as women handicap it in our relationship in moving forward in becoming the woman that God truly is calling eat all of the guests and all of the grace of our thinking asking about. We can't fully complete that we come into that overcoming threat handicap with all the brokenness in all the wound. So with all of this destructive, often destructive self talk and then trying to keep it all a secret. I would imagine seeking outside help is probably a good first step discussed that a little bit you know is a hard hard topic and earth I want. I needed Anything to countering how my family talk about that for someone either really have psychological issues but it's really not true and it was humbling and very difficult, but I knew I went farther put my prayer life. Far they could do my own and I really felt God calling it that was the direction he would ask me to go and so I was obedient and I followed that inclination and only thank God that I did because in that moment I realized that I actually used as a child I need so much tension I felt for the first time in my life. All the pieces click all of the things just started connecting hearted that was it was really great in my life did you feel like you went through a time of cleansing was really difficult at first, was there a lot of cut having to dredge up old and difficult things before you started to feel a sense that you are making progress. How did that go for you.

I felt like all of the things that were built up that were on why my wife started breaking everything down and I felt like I was so broken and I had to start from scratch but I felt like both the kind hearted that was God was also rebuilding what had to be broken down within me that he take something away by Julie within the counseling with me going to my creature reading the Bible in journaling and in finding that group.

Good group of people that could support me and all of this he was taking the bad away that he was replacing it.

What I felt was always not completed with the good grace with the strength and I just started feeling so alive and to gather and not always angry and always just this.

Something wasn't right and I was tired of living that way and it's hard to confront all of the finger to go to counseling is recognized in my own family, which is very difficult.

I'm out of that now and you look back and I can talk about this. I can write about it. I'm not ashamed anymore.

You don't have that guilt you don't have that kind of document wording. If you're constantly walking around with these unhealthy things that I was doing on Melbourne because that's what happened that you going to politely let him kill you with his love and his mercy, and especially the people around you that you let in better healthy for you. Okay so let's talk a little bit about that seeking a professional counselor who has experience dealing with people that have suffered from abuse. You clearly think that's important that you mentioned a few times the other people that are in your life. So are those some hard choices that you have to make as well about who you allowed to stay in your life and who you decide is not good to have in your life any longer. You know they're there for major thing that I want to getting rid of the toxic people in our lives.

I feel like they're the bad cycle and with these people that are just not good in order to do that in the healing process had to go through. I really pray about and I knew there were just certain people that did not belong in my life and I had to get rid of them. In the book I'm going to concentrate now and for the time I get need to step back and this is about me not you alienated about me to make it easier. Some of them were family members and it was very difficult, and it was really hard, but at the same time I knew I was really sorry about my feeling I had to get my life at that time because I just needed healthy boundaries like that something has to be real.

Learn after you go to something like this while you're going through something like that.

You really live but not in your life because something they try to decide that for you and it's not something to feel bad about that good you're doing something good for yourself may not be a forever thing but it's a temporary thing that will help you become strong need to maybe bring the people back to life method that should he have to pray about your stronger get you there with them in the proper way versus getting manipulated or just being unhealthy again. You also mention that once your shield and you becoming more willing to admit that you have been hurt in this way that it can actually be a help to other people who are suffering the same end and fighting the same battles.

Can you actually encourage people who have suffered from abuse to be a person. This could help others through the process of healing people would have been you that I know in my own mind you, you're the only one because the shame that that is wrapped up in that it is something that you just want to change you want to hide anyone ever wanted.

To daylight.

You understand that by doing that and gleaning it out there to rank them active in empowerment and courage is contagious and I think in my own life and I think other people that it affected me that it didn't encourage actually step out and do what it is I'm doing and not be afraid because that's just not God no matter what you've been through no matter what is happening person can be killed and they can overcome that they can be strong in making the whole nation be everything God is calling them to be all they have to do is show up to their own site and a bottle but the end of the day we just go to God and pray. We know in our hearts that we need to do something not working no matter what it is the matter with no matter what type of abuse that it happened that they can over, and that they are not alone in any way shape or form that their other women out there just like them with faith.

With only little bit and not be afraid. So how can those of us who have not experienced this kind of abuse. How can we keep our eyes open for that is how can we avoid may be making the hurt worse. What what can we do to help one encourage the money can do. Now the interview Jim love just on conditional lot because the person that really walked in and saw that they can't bring those things out or bring them to the light or even talk about them or want to address them.

They really just made that person and that love and also pray for that person is such a powerful thing that we as Christians haven't happened have great power of prayer for the people know many abuse women out there, and children when the power of prayer can do so much and then just to get things like my small booklet or other resources that are out there to get to eventually encourage them to come for it because I want to do great things with them.

Pray thank you for sharing all that were just about out of time for the week. But before we go, Krista, Lena, where can our listeners go if they want to get a copy of your new book and learn more about your ministries, women made, no doubt, and also chastity project.com Krista Lena thank you so much for sharing your experience and being with us today to discuss this very important topic on family policy matters joy you been listening to family policy matters. We hope you enjoyed the program implanted to them again next week to listen to the show all lawn and to learn more about into families want to inform, encourage and inspire families across been through a lot of our website and see family.ward that's into family.org books again for listening and may God bless you and your family