David Robbins: How to Be the Spiritual Leader of Your Family

I think one thing we have to embrace is that the greatest harm we can do when were trying to create a spiritual climate of growth in our home is not participate, quit and push for control. Ultimately, things were to talk about today. Just take a step of faith was the Holy Spirit in a prompting you to don't try to do it all. This could push for control even try to be way too much can a burnout the last few days.

What is it that in this season.

Right now, God seems this is like stepping to this welcome to family life to a plan to help you pursue relationships that matter most and will Dave Wilson and you can find his family life today.com or on our family life, family life to one of my biggest questions.

41 years ago when we got married in order to it wasn't value. It was about me. It was like how do I bring a spiritual climate environment atmosphere to our marriage on a daily basis. Teach class I never said it out loud, but inside I was like I know I want to do this, I feel called by God to do this. How do I do it. No part of it was. I never saw my parents marriage and never sought my home. There is no faith at all and so I had no model course that could be a victim thing like I can't do it, but I knew I want to do this. I want to do it well and I want to end up just be like.

I married the most spiritual amazing apostle Paul man on the planet but you did tell me because you didn't think you marry that guy because I let you down so much.

I just felt like I was not doing a good job of it and I actually think every man that's a follower of Christ has that thought in your mind now that is cool I don't not anatomy what you did have a that senses the wife just thinking this is good to be so fun really do this together we can walk with Jesus working to change the world together that I didn't have the heaviness I didn't even know that you carried that I carried it and I and you might remember I cried on our honeymoon, feeling the weight of that and so we'll talk about that later. Seriously, will I get into discussion.

Good to get David Robbins back in the studio with this, the present family life is back in the studio in Orlando. Glad to have you back. Good to be with you. No doubt David. We love having you with us and make not here this time she's with her mom just had surgery but it's always good to have you met with us. We love teaming up with you guys yesterday.

We talked about sort of the heart of what spiritual leadership looks like I'm home today. Let's talk about practicality and David you probably like me.

It's like the guys is okay I agree, not what I do.

Just tell me what to do something if you had a guy asking you that this doesn't just apply to men. This applies to wives and moms as well were all wanting to bring a spiritual environment climate.

We want to lead our home spiritually. Where would you start if you think practicality what is like step one or one of the steps. Can you just indulge me for second before we dive into practicality has to like like why is it worth the conversation. The fact is, is that were not just trying to be good husbands and dads you as a man I am serving my wife and kids seeking to disciple them and they go be forces for God's kingdom out in the world like us to go.

I I make it to disciple a college student or young couple that were men touring for first season I get 18 years plus some adult kid dynamics. You know, for after that with the kid and and how can we do that and in our own homes with their own spouses. How can I keep honoring the image of God in my wife of who she uniquely is made and how can I be the best student of her and and lift up who she is him and give her the opportunities live that up I don't do that perfectly wearing a crazy busy season where were having to fight for that we get it's worth fighting for and I way, let me add, because you just reminded me.

As you said that often. I think maybe is just me to did this, I found myself trying to make disciples outside my home. Yes, you even as a pastor to spiritual leaders like that's my job.

I'm called by God, the great commission. Matthew 28 on the make disciples and I would just study and go to conferences.

How do you do this and then do it and I think I sometimes forgot what we like the most part disciple and making her in my home, my wife and my children are disciples number one that the others don't matter. They matter, but you talk about priority it should be our home now is a source of contention for us and I mean I said to you that guy that goes out disciples and does all that pours into men.

I want him in our home and that was so you felt the critique of that that me and I watched ED that but I think he felt ill-equipped and you weren't real sure what that looks like about what you just said David you just articulated that that our role as a mom as a wife is a is a husband and dad to love and serve in our home to lead our home to Christ easier said than done.

And I say it so passionately because I need to hear. First, you know like it's hard.

It's they know the full me. They give me 24 seven people out there see me for little segments of time and get to maybe yet I don't impress people get yet if he does better. You know inside the home, like they see it all the dignity and the depravity. What is it harder to have your kids show that's awesome I love that. But you know getting toward the okay.

What steps can we take.

I think one thing we have to embrace is that the greatest harm we can do when were trying to create a spiritual climate of growth in our home is not participate. Quit and push for control.

Ultimately, things were to talk about today. Just take a step of faith was the Holy Spirit in a prompting mute you don't try to do it all. This could push for control. You can try to be way too much going to burn out the last few days. What is it that in this season right now God saying this is like step into this.

I'm praying as we talked through the three of us together some ideas of things that have been good for us to step into that God would actually in the Holy Spirit actually speak to you things that we don't even say but yet he knows your family, and he knows your wiring and who you uniquely been made to be and he's gonna promptings in you that are uniquely crafted for you and your home.

That's what I'm praying happens today with some things that have you perhaps work for us that we've done in seasons, but as a man, which again going back to even wet where you started as you do feel that extra responsibility and a shift for me. That helped was not just focus on all the things I'm not doing or what I hope to be true or not true and just simplify it to what can I go first. At like to simplify it and bullet down to Ida Bauer to take a step of faith to be first, we sometimes super spiritualize which is beautiful to make grand plans, sometimes in busy seasons in a be the first to laugh at yourself, do I have the security and humility and my identity in the source of Jesus to just die out laughing at myself when my sin goes just out. I remember we were moving to Orlando just a year ago and we came in for Mario 10 Hour Dr. and we are home. Let's just call it it's it's not the dream home. It's the home got provided for us and were making it home, but it has these weird like 20 foot ceilings in a weird angle. Lots of echoing with no furniture. We come in and you know I'm just at the end of myself and I go on to raise my voice to the place where I scared myself a certain scared and it echoes threefold out of typical there's no carpet on in your like angry yeah I know I was just Maxim it was moving it. That was stressful sin and anger just comes lashing out at the kids be into crazy and you know ultimately everyone got to go silent moves to different ways and I just start laughing at myself.

Okay that's what's going on inside of me and we had a little ego a gathering together.

Roscoe you guys like I am so sorry. Can we just laugh together at how bad dad send just was like it just came out and my sin came out Elm you and that could hurt you if I can't right now, be humble enough to say I'm not doing well. I'm stressed I this is our home.

Are you kidding me.

You know I'm not doing well and I would invite you into that beautiful bullet weapon, but it is life that really is life and it's just a little piece of what our daily lives and are our yearly lives look like late were playing with hard moments like that. And when you can laugh and here's the thing I've seen our kids are watching as when we respond or we react there watching like young and there's a little fear and then to think of no dad's mad and then for you to flip it into start laughing at yourself.

I bet I would've loved to seen their faces release and the modeling of like well that's not perfect, and he knows it guys that he knows that he's not perfect and you can laugh at himself in really the opposite of that is what we often do we cover.

We feel embarrassed. We don't admit that we saw that we did what we did was wrong. We will make straight we go get space in.

I got you, and we do what you said earlier, we don't participate know you said that we want the worst things you could do is don't participate that I think that's what a lot of us do we just think was it's her job. She's better at it if it's spiritual leadership of the kids and we back out and your wife's heat. When we do that and like you said David.

I think it's one of the worst things you can do is I don't participate even if you're not good even if you don't know what you're doing.

Be in the game you know and like you said, maybe it's going to be younger. I can imagine I can just see within in your family. I've never been there but I can see you laughing at yourself in the whole room is is like what just happened that was so I dug long known: Yahoo drew you back. That's good. Well, if there are many other moments and opportunities to practice it because the fact is everyday life things are to come out sideways.

There was a study done and one of the this is a scary stat and I'm forgetting the exact stat, but the general principle is one of the key indicators for our own kids source of security and safety that leads to thriving long-term is how their parents handle stress and that kind of scary scary. I know a lightweight. There's all sorts of intentional things we can do delete in the home.

How were we talk about a stressful time were all living in one week that layers keep coming that are there adding to complexity and stress in our lives, how are we doing one of the best ways we can leave our families actually lead ourselves in processing and ensuring okay that's coming out sideways on the name it and take it to the Lord and bring it out to the open, even if it means laughing at myself flat finishing angle you just took, like how to lead is be the first to laugh yourself was what was on the first for you Dave I when I heard you say that I literally thought of weekend.

Remember conference and I'll tell you the story before I tell you the point, you'll know. The point is easy here. I'm sitting in the back as my co-speaker Jim Keller actually lives here in Florida was speaking on the on the podium and I'm in the back and was not at that conference with me. So, on the other speaker and may be helpful to Jim Keller's counselor. Yeah, like Pierce into your soul. Yeah yeah it is a good friendly you know known each other for years so I'm sitting at the back table and beside me as his wife Ren�e. Jim says from the podium, I have made a commitment in my marriage every time there's a conflict or a need to reconcile.

I will be the first. I will not wait for Ren�e.

I will always be the first that is it goes.

I've done that for 20 years whatever and I turned to Ren�e because I think it okay seriously shares is he just being speaker talk you know this sounds good. I should say this, I just turned Ren�e and I go. Is that true is he really the first she goes every single time. Jim comes to me, apologizes, said I'm sorry.

How do we make this right. I've never been the first he lives what he just said I'm going home thinking that's leadership. Maybe I wasn't wrong, baby. I'm think I'm right, but we have a broken relation right now I'm gonna make a right that is a great way to model for your kids tomorrow for your wife what it looks like to be Christ in your home as I men come to you and where to make this right. You know where I was thinking like really talk about reflecting Christ to your wife to your kids like being the first to take the initiative to go there. That's what he did for us and came to this earth took the initiative consistently takes the initiative as we keep messing up in life and so your your living out Jesus into your home. Love that.

I also think of the first person I ever heard say something very similar. It was more in a leadership context I was leaving my first ever team I was doing a campus ministry at the University of Georgia and I so respected this guy named Bill who was leading a long-term leader at Auburn University and we were at this you know conference for all the campus leaders and you know I'm getting to come to Asheville questions and I remember asking okay so what's all the typical things I was the best strategy was your team-leading was the best thing to do. The only thing he said was apologize every chance you get.

You will build the trust of your team and it will keep you humble and spiritual vitality will reign in your ministry. If the leader is apologizing every chance he's convicted to do so I'm like oh my goodness, and it rings in my head yet taken it to the home is really good day and I feel like you've done that mean you're way better at that than I am glad you just said I feel like I've learned from you and our kids to you because I think because of my pride and because I came into marriage thinking I had to win a conflict to apologize for saying you didn't win you now and that was my brokenness and insecurity that I had always modeled that you would come and say hey you know I said that I'm so sorry. I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I did this over and over to the point where I finally apologized and you wrote it down narrow down the date of that area is in the first year of our marriage but but I'm really glad that you did because his parents were continually apologizing but he's really letting that for our whole family that like it takes strength to be able to apologize and security.

I think yeah another thing because my mind is we talk about this little bit earlier but being willing before your family to admit fault take ownership from it, and then model for them. What you do with it. I remember what I consider my mind's eye right now I don't know. And if you remember this but sort of confessing to one of my adult sons who is living with this at the time I think before he got married and and just a struggle I was having that he was having. And so were sitting there in family room and we both just sort of shared yeah work were struggle in this area and we all three got on her knees, remember this now will probably happen many times, but we just got our knees and prayed for God strength in that area of our life and again you know you wouldn't pull back and go you let me show you a video of the leadership that was a video of leadership in a way that you don't always think a joist like we said earlier think it's strength sometimes is weakness in Sandman.

I need to lead dependence on Jesus and his power to be the man that he call me to be. I can't do it without him. Sometimes that means I need to say to my wife or my kids or your wife says to her husband or the kids struggle right here and I need to get on my knees and ask God for power you want to join me and often though me like you need help to a different area. I'm enjoying it. That's a home that has spiritual leadership all over it. If you love it like being the first to go to your knees and I'm picturing you guys in that living room getting to your knees together, and nowhere in your mind.

Earlier in the day would we are to be down crying out to the Lord together owner knees I do for like there's a spiritual stronghold, sometimes of the enemy can go and praying together life's getting on your knees. Are you kidding me I'm just do it. Just do it at night in the bed that early if that's sufficient end which is a great place to pray at the end of the day, yet okay look for an opportunity this week to initiate getting on your knees together and that for some of you may feel so weird and so strange, but yet going before your God, the creator to go Willard we need you in this place.

We declare our dependence were finite.

We can't control it. In this area of life working to get on her knees for this yet and I this.

I just saw this. I can write you, spiritual leadership, I watch and do this gotta be a thousand plus times with our little tiny toddler boys car seats, praying in the car as she's driving all the time. Yeah, I mean as simple as that is out loud.

Modeling for these little toddlers. This is one of following Christ does all day long. I never talk to Jesus all day long. I got right me for locating so broken I needed money for a parking spot or anything, you name it, but I remember our oldest Army, our youngest son is on a mission trip in college and he makes this comment about their walking through some street somewhere somebody says hey we need to pray about that. So is her walk on the sidewalk miracle. He said this there praying out loud and after they pray. One of the grosses while never done that my whole life that was so cool and Cody was like thanks mom I lie so that modeled every day in my life and this woman was like I've never seen that done that I thought that was a great moment where you wouldn't say hey I was a great spiritual leader that's that's modeling it so interesting to with adult kids you think I can remember these great things he said when I taught you this, like, now I remember none of that at the thing that they'll remember is that I remember seeing you on your knees. I remember I couldn't even hear your prayers but I remember seeing her face and seen you and your knees are in the word yeah and those are the things that they remember and I think especially from Nan cannot retweet this picture man is strong and they can do it themselves. But when you see a reliance on Jesus. That's a beautiful mark of leadership you're listening to David and Wilson with family life president David Robbins on family life to clear more from David in a minute. The first if this topic is brought about deeper thoughts about fatherhood, or if any of the topics here on family life to have touched you. Would you consider joining in our mission for godly homes.

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This is who you are, like right now she's gonna with the team planning family mission excursions for family life and kinda doing a beta test strip and mortar, and hopefully will be sharing about that sometime soon, but that's who she is she that she is a gift of evangelism and a heart for vandalism and for the world and she is getting the dive into it some and pave the pathway for others to do that with their children for moms and dads to go with their kids and go share Christ together and serve people together around the world. I certainly championed it in some ways back and get so caught up in the world are not truly cheering for her in the ways I want to yeah I would wrap this up saying I think there's two ways to live as a man is a woman, husband, wife, mom, dad, you can live passive. You can live active if Sears every week we would teach us to our kids, but I often would be in a moment, and I would realize in that moment in my home in the kitchen watching something happen. I could be and you said earlier, I could participate or not participate and there were moments where I didn't participate.

I didn't engage. I didn't step in and later I regretted it. Now, grandfather, and I realize those moments come and if you don't jump in there gone and they're gone forever and so you can be passive and let somebody else do the work or you can say no I'm getting gauge on the net step in to say something to pray. I'm gonna laugh what ever I'm not going to miss this moment because I'm telling you world love now to know you can regret if you miss that moment, so don't be the passive man or woman be the active once I got what you want me to do what you want to say how do you want me to respond in a jump in that moment will be caught in eternity. It's worth it. I just here that I go leaders in a home do uncomfortable things they step into 11 and let's not forget we said this earlier, but to pray for our husbands to pray for our kids to pray for our sons and daughters and makes a world of difference that Steven and Wilson with the president of family life David Robbins on family life to if you know of anyone who needs to hear today's conversation you can share it from wherever you get your podcasts and while you're there and really help us out if you'd rate and review us.

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