Shelby Abbott: They’re Craving More than a Big Mac

Come to me because I want to be a representation of Jesus to you as a kid, so we want to share the gospel with our kids verbally want to share the gospel with our kids in our actions as well. And that's when the most remarkable ways to do that is to enter into their pain.

That is the gospel. Welcome to family life to day where we want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and will and Dave Wilson and you can find his family life today.com or on our family life, family life today. Shall we have it in the studio which is really fun. People were like oh now I know a little bit of the story behind the voice like the voice wrapping up family today every day and so we did to programs with him about his life and really passions of his life and helping our listeners get to know them and then we ended and we just kept talking that we thought the mics were off. Actually, he can tell because keep responding over and over. Bruce kept the mics that is a good audio engineer should do because you never know what you might capture in our conversation with places that was really, I mean it really was a really good conversation, and so we thought. You know what let's our listeners hear what we talked about after we thought we are done talking and were still talking and it's content that I think is life-changing. So the way is narrow.

The way is narrow, and by its very nature of being narrow, they're going to be people who just never can walk the narrow path, but in humility saying this is what it is like being open to our blind spots on people to point that stuff out instead of being right all the time but narrowness of like there can be people who walk away and people who I would label as like never walking away never ever walk yeah or like compromising in certain areas and calling evil good, I discovered all the more, but for the grace of God go I, and Lord Jesus protect me may I never lose my first love yeah because I've seen a lot of people angry and I'm only in my 40s blessing and knowledge with I went on summer missions with share the gospel with lead Bible studies with pitch it for something that's just never anywhere close to his glorious it's a relationship Jesus and go.

I mean I could make those decisions to and I really honestly think that the fact that I've not been successful in the world I've seen in the fact that I've suffered is what happened to me walking with Jesus. And so again while those are bad in some ways I look at them and go those of the greatest things are protected me from saying it's so trivial as you are so needy Duke without him and his celebrity status of Christianity and crop is crumbling out Jack Keller does like to say I think I write my first book until I was like 55 or got published the first time in 45 wow Keller's cancer Paul Tripp kidney failure anywhere good company. Matt Chandler brain cancer highbred cancer. David Platt lost everything and Hurricane Katrina sold everything went overseas like people who are generally not always began really influential for the kingdom their sufferers. I also think I agree. I also think where you're tapping into it that 10 year window for 10 or 15 or 20. That's a pivotal time because so many college kids often are involved in some kind of ministry if there walk which is in college there there connected. They step out of college seen this over and over as like they don't get don't know how I acted at a church or whatever and they just they walk away slowly. Later it don't happen one year but in 5 to 7 years who speak and in their life.

How are they connected so you're tapping into that generation a minute say they walk away 40 or 45, but it might've started started yet a lot sooner and usually is a slow drift. It usually is so video online, of this guy was must been overseas this canal and he had the sheep who was like wedged into this canal. The video starts with him pulling the sheep out and like pushing them up over the hill and she pops out and starts running and he climbs out of the canal. The sheep runs and goes and you turn and literally jumped right back on now so I completely stuck and he just throws up his arms and walks off camera and I'm like, thank God that God doesn't do that with us because literally what we do pick this up prizes out of this canal we run we jump right back and he jumps right back in after us and that's what we need young people going to fail. They just are in there to make stupid decision to why did you do that and go, but that's okay I did the same thing when I was your age. Let me help pry you out of the reminder go back. I place to stay this walk 10 feet north and then they'll meet you there when they jump back in again.

I think another lie. We sort of believe is they don't want moms and dads. They don't want mentors. They are longing they are those of us that are a little older and have life experience to turn around and say how can I help my right. Maybe yes how can I help in theory, but let me help you here specifically asking pointed questions. Are you struggling with this.

Are you struggling with porn addiction because the statistics say that you are and you've got Internet streaming into your pocket at all hours of the day, any time you want to so don't tell me the right answer.

Tell me the real answer and then let me help you by talking to you about the areas where I failed and where I continue to fail and let's see some success together and drag that darkness into the light, but saying let me help you specifically like when you have a friend who loses a loved one, and then I've heard this from people of lost 11 close them a parent or like a child, or friend, they often hear from people in the church community.

Let me know if I can do anything for you, which really puts the weight on Dragon as the mourner the summer when in reality say I'm to bring a meal by tomorrow unless you tell me not to stuff like that so we can do that with young people as well. Hey, I meet with you every Monday at lunch to talk to you about this issue which is been a struggle for me and may not be a struggle for you but working to do that unless you tell me not to force myself on you, but I'm to put myself into your life was in much need of a mentor one point time and someone told me there never again asked to mentor you year and have to go to them early enough I did.

I said will will you be willing to meet with me and he was like yeah, let's do it and that's one of the best decisions I made because I moved in him. What if it was so what if we had older people were constantly approaching younger people and saying how much time do you have this week.

Allow me to graciously insert myself and annoy you enough to care about you and put myself in your life. I think our churches and Christians in general be changed by that is there's wisdom there that is untapped when you talk about the next generation you and it's even in your tagline. Anxiety, talk about that because I know that my generation had anxiety. There seems to be a level that's different yeah, and I'm not sure we all always understand it's a part of your tagline is to help understand and navigate the anxiety of that generation with 70, this is Shelby Abbott and you're listening to my conversation with Dave and and Wilson get right back to what some call the anxiety epidemic that young people are facing in just a second, but first I want to jump in here and say that I joined family life's team because I believe in the mission biblical truth apply to today's family is arguably more important now than ever. If you feel the same way, would you consider supporting family life to a with a donation when you give any amount this week. You want to send you a copy of my book called what's the point asking the right questions about living together in marriage is our way of saying thanks you give this week.

You can do that online a family life to date.com or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-3583 29 can be a one-time gift or recurring monthly gift. Again the number is 800,000 family L is in life and in the word today. Right now, back to my conversation with David and and the anxiety epidemic. Young people are facing. Anxiety is something that people would admit to sporadically and when I work with students. One out of every three would be like.

I'm kinda anxious about this armrest and with significant anxiety about this now. It feels like almost everybody feels like three out of three things. I mean, to varying degrees, is that everybody needs to have.

Yes, and then go see a counselor a lot of people do already. Which is great to try to get on the solutions. Out of that, but there's this sense of looming dark anxiousness over the next generation and that cloud is very heavy on a lot of young people and I think it has to do with a bunch of varying factors but one of them.

Think about this if you lived before the age of social media and cell phones. If you are being bullied at school you would be bullied on school grounds and then will you be able to get away. Maybe you go to like a sports team or something like some extra curricular activity maybe was to happen there but then you can get away. There are kids who are being bullied. 24 seven on the phones or if they ignore their phone and they login the next time then there's all these comments there and people are bitterly cruel and cruel on social media because there's no repercussions if you say something mean to someone you see how they react and you and your natural the weight you made in the image of God. You go that's wrong. I should not have said that but when you're typing with your thumbs on the phone. You could be cruel and there is no filter whatsoever, and we've seen that over the last couple of years a people are just more and more viciously outraged and angry. But if you're being bullied as a young person that's formative because everybody could point back ago. This was the time when this happened in my life and it was horrible but is maybe one maybe two maybe five instances of someone's experience. And then on a continual basis all the time on their phone, they can even do the normal thing of posting a picture on social media without being mocked for what ever reason some sort of physical thing about them or the way they speak, or just because they're not cool enough that something to a young generation, so we naturally try to insulate and protect ourselves.

So were anxious about that happening again. We want to avoid that pain and so there's everybody got their little button that they don't want to be pushed again because it was happening or is happening currently and so they react in certain ways that manifest itself often in I'm afraid it might happen again. And that fear gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and so just hate just trust God like just don't be anxious those of the platitudes that is not going to go anywhere. So I'm all for counseling. I'm all for the chemical aspect of his well if it's something wrong your brain go get medicine. I'm all for that but it's it needs to be a combination of if it's a chemical thing and if it's a counseling thing to pursue those things.

But yes, let's come alongside of you in this process and help you to see that Jesus is the answer to your problem.

It's just not going to be may be as clear-cut and easy as you want to be not be able to take a pill to swallow it and then you'll be better. Jesus loves us too much to let it be that easy because he wants us to rely on him, not just as again as this destination one day to rely on him and arrive rely on him in the process of going through anxiety. I found that in my life when it comes to my friend anxiety.

He's intent, not so much on getting to the solution set us up but on throwing his arm around me and walking me through it so that I can get to the other side. Whatever the MS but look back on it and see that wasn't that big of a deal. Not that that thing is the thing itself.

I need to dwell on. But on the fact that Jesus's arm was around me in that process because it helps me to appreciate my relationship with him instead of dwelling on my circumstances all the time. I wish I would've done a better job as a mom with high schoolers because I'm thinking about when high schoolers are feeling that eggs are there worrying are there anxious or they're struggling as a parent you hate that you hate for your kids to be fearful or anxious. We hate for them to feel any kind of raw emotion where there suffering and hurting and so his parents when we do.

I tried to get them out of that protect me.

I'm trying to protect and what my kids. That said, now is mommy just tried to fix this. Thank you try to put a Band-Aid like. Looking at your phone or just stop me and I had the pot answers that was basically I'm bleeding out and you're putting a little kids Band-Aid on it and it's not working and I remember saying to our kids who are in their 20s like what should I have done because I needed seeing you in that much pain and I just want you out of the pain and they said I just need you to sit it quit trying to fix me just ask me questions now. I don't know if at that point. Even as a 16-year-old 18-year-old they could've expressed what was really going your mind right, of course, but I wish I would've been okay just sitting in empathizing like how I feel really bad weather, not teenagers.

Recognizing that what they're doing is they're asking you to move into something that's uncomfortable and difficult as well.

Where like let the pain stop and I'll do that by trying to help you to let the pain stop. And if were honest it's I would help you to the pizza because I love you but I want the pain to stop with me to so boat it by the nature of the issue itself.

They're inviting us into their pain and were going. I'm not sure I want to do that because we rolled our eyes at teenage drama that can a thing and an coital stupid, but it's real for them is very, very real for them and while we might have the cortical right answers. Stepping into the pain with them coming alongside them. This is what we see with Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus. This is exactly what we see Jesus doesn't say hey Mary, mother, it's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be okay wait for 10 minutes.

Yeah, get your stuff together it's going to be fine. I'm Jesus know he steps into it. He he moves into it and he weeps with them. Why because he's our suffering servant like that's what he does and so our kids are inviting us is an invitation whether or not they recognize their inviting us into it there, inviting us to be a suffering servant alongside of them.

We can be the physical manifestation of Jesus to our kids by suffering along with them and that comes with the measured level of authenticity.

Discernment of course but authenticity realness not trying to fix their problems all the time. I remember one of our son. He had a friend that was running track and he told me super eyes. He said Mrs. Wilson. I have panic attacks before I race and he was really gifted had a scholarship for college and a Big Ten school. He said I'm so anxious and nervous and I can barely function before the race and so so crazy I just took this little flat rock and I wrote a scripture verse nine.

I can't even remember which one, and I never knew this until maybe 15 years later he came to my house away while he shows it to me said I want you to know that I have carried this with me all through college and all through my adult years is gotten me through just one Scripture, very youthful crazies are not even knowing the impact that Scripture in the gospel can as I'm listening to both you talk as you know, earlier, shall be you said your Jesus puts his arm around you and walks you through the suffering that I I'm guessing that usually through a person, a human being that God usually uses that even his and said that about Joe coming back to her house. I just thought I want to be the parent that our kids run to and pain, anxiety, doubt, loneliness, all the things you got about her, but I guess I want them to run to mom and rather than run away to someone else will be out to be the hands and feet. The arm of Jesus in such a way that they feel safe. I know I've struggled with the same things. That's what we want to be is the church that I think even his parents is like that. If we have empathy and were willing to listen and just sit with our children when they go through this there. I want to come to us rather than with a lot of fixes it, and tells him they should be feeling this way and here's what another Bible verse says even though all that can somewhat be true is no.

We will be to place a running torque as people ran to Jesus, not away from me again. They were in pain.

It's a conscious decision that you make to enter into their pain and their sadness. But what's the alternative, the alternatives that they don't come to you and they go to someone else and so not not in a jealous way like don't go to someone else. But come to me because I want to be a representation of Jesus to you as a kid, so we want to share the gospel with our kids verbally but want to share the gospel with our kids in our actions as well. And that's when the most remarkable ways to do that is to enter into their pain. That is the gospel Jesus entering into the pain of humanity good turn off now. Bruce and I feel like for the Verizon oscillators is like we're just talking when I really mean that's what it needs to be yeah I'm Shelley Avila and we've been listening to my conversation with David and Wilson on family life to my upcoming podcast for 18 to 28-year-olds is launching in the next few weeks so I wanted to give you a sample of that right now. So here's a sneak peek of family life's newest podcast called real life today I'm talking with my friend Pastor apologists speaker and author Sam all very semi-friend what you think it would look like for a young person to make themselves uncomfortable for the sake of the gospel, specifically when it comes to kind of threading the needle of standing for the biblical sexual ethic, and then treating others in the LGBT Q plus community with dignity, gentleness and respect. You really don't get to choose between those two things on the frequent one excludes the other. We've understood neither.

So the moment we think our sexual ethics mean that we can demean someone I should. We've not understood the sexual ethic because the very basis by which we might think we can demean someone else as she Jesus puts us all in the same boat. So if whatever were giving them how she's due to us as well. But similarly that the dignity of human people doesn't cancel out some of the challenging things.

Jesus also about sexual ethics in such accounts for it is precisely because we all worth so much to golf is precisely because we all dignified is his image bearers of yes because how we handle sexuality so that means us as Christians, we have to both be those who really do create a sense of safety and compassion and dignity whilst also holding some beliefs that will be very countercultural to most of the people around us and to do things at the same time that is one step into the space that Jesus himself occupied so beautifully go deep today in the best possible way with Paul Tripp talk about the other side of the construction. Yeah, I think, is a way that I should always be deconstructing here's I mean by that, I think that I ought always be humble enough to revisit my system of belief to see if there are personal and cultural corruptions in their if things have been pulled in to my faith that are more American culture than Christianity, more personal preference. Christianity, or more political than Christianity. I should be humble enough to say I have to look for what I need to ferret out all of belief I'm doing. I think that's a positive humble God of deconstruction.

She's an associate teaching Prof. of English with over 25 years experience in the college classroom. Dr. Heather Holloman help me understand what you mean here because you're seated in Christ at your own see this day will look nothing like your best friends, your coworkers or your neighbors galaxy in comparison about waking up and wishing you had a different life. And I know want to talk with all of you guys get out and I come from, well, you know, I have family members to get to enjoy life any. And I read that sentence because I was really teaching me wherever you are. I've ordained for you.

This is part of your seat in Christ you're seated at table.

This is what your seat is in the good works I prepared in advance for you to do at the end of Ephesians 210 that he's designed and ordained your life that day is not anything like not last. You are powerful and so I don't normally struggle to challenge me anymore if I do remember Ephesians 2 let's get into my conversation recap Greg, one of the things I love about up-and-coming believers. They are not okay with theology for theology sake that asked the question like what is this producing and culture power. We make an impact upon those around us, as opposed to just look at and work and it's a beautiful thing about this generation is like this is Jesus's words like he will one day say well done. Yeah, good and faithful servant here, but I do think that though that's what Jesus says were looking forward to what I think we've trained so many not only Christians but pastors is to believe that Jesus will be say well done good and faithful servant who will be saying well articulately good and faithful theologian who and when you get those next. Oh yeah you disciple towards Wilson yeah even who you pick is leaders are will send leaders rather than well-built yeah and I think you know we we really do need to have a shifting of life are well articulated theology is only actually good. If it becomes well done practice and I think we can grow know for sure that's a sample of family life's latest podcast that I'll be hosting called real life loading is about to launch in the next few weeks so keep an eye out for that now.

It might be tempting to believe that abuse only happens in marriages outside the church. Unfortunately, that's not even true at all. Tomorrow will hear from Dr. David Clark on the importance of recognizing abuse and what to do about it. On behalf of David and Wilson.

I'm Shelby. See you back next time for another edition of family life, family life to days of production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most