Jen Oshman: Cultural Counterfeits

We cannot be self-made people. We were not meant to be. We have a God who is our creator and who also died to save us, and so who we are, has everything to do with whose we are and is so important that we lay the foundation that we would acknowledge that we have a God who made us and make us and how did he make us to thrive. We got be asking that question. Welcome to family life today. We want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson. You can find his life today.com or on our family life, family life today so about the social event in this stranger who had just found out that I'm a marriage author in a radio broadcast marriage.

Cohost comes over because she heard this and says some of my second marriage I one question for you. What's the problem with marriage when I got like 15 seconds. The answer that I remember well she did ask use. Yes I know what you say while years ago. I said oh I know the answer. It's my husband. I think a lot of women would say that there's one problem in our marriage is my husband but that's not true that's not what he said either is it will sorta get that what I said I me I was like scrambling, but I look back at her and I said, selfishness in the funny thing was I could not a scripted this.

She looks back at me.

She was, you are so right.

My first husband was soaks up by rivers. Those with a dog what you that I said I'm Doug about me.

I think what I said I'm selfish to you gave me an audience. She's like oh was talk, but I think that is at the core of all of our problems, whether be marriage or not. And so today we get to talk a little bit about that with Jim Osmond who is been with us before, but Jen welcome back for my life today. Thanks you guys. It's so good to be here have any back. I think the last time you were here we are in a pandemic.

We sure were few months and we still are now working toward a few years and but here we are. Yeah. And obviously you live where our son lives. Parker Young Colorado yes tell us about about your life. I know you're a pastor's wife and an author and got four kids missionary for years.

Yes I'm coming up on our 23rd wedding anniversary and we were married for about a year before we went overseas and served as missionaries in Japan and the Czech Republic and raise our children overseas and we came back to the US to care for my father about six years ago and God graciously allowed us to plant a church, and one year later so we have a five-year-old church celebrating our fifth birthday right about now, and in our five years back here in the US cottages allowed me to do some writing and speaking and that has been in surprise and joy. And we also have four beautiful daughters. They range so the youngest is 14 and then 16, 18 and 24 and 24… Or is also married and has two children, so we are grandparents while, and you know what I started with about selfishness. Was it your first book. Enough about me. That's right.

Two years ago yeah and so you've written about that an hour to talk today about another book that is just-released cultural counterfeits confronting five empty promises of our age and how we were made for so much more.

So were obviously going to get into some of these empty promises, but where is selfishness or the enough about me. The center of I am the center of the universe. How does that lay a foundation for the world we live in.

Yeah, we really are living in the age of self. I mean, it's all about self help you. Do you imagine whatever you want to be whoever you want to be reach for the stars and dig deep try hard and you can be whoever you want to be. Some people just heard them thought what, exactly, actually, I just thought that we are swimming in those waters. We are deep in those waters and so we don't even recognize what they are. But honestly, when you live by that lie just call it what it is right off the bat when you live by that line and you have to be self-made, and we cannot be self-made people. We were not meant to be. We have a God who is our creator and who also died to save us, and so who we are, has everything to do with whose we are and it's so important that we lay the foundation that we would acknowledge that we have a God who made us, and how did he make us and how did he make us to thrive. We got be asking that question. Have you gone on that journey. Was there a time in your life where you found the end of yourself absolutely. I mean 12 times today. This is something that I have to keep relearning the daily, hourly, minute by minute, but the Lord was gracious to me in college as a college freshman I write about it and I'm enough about me where really found myself on the floor of my dorm room just broken and crying out to the Lord.

I can't do it anymore.

I can no longer perform for the acceptance and approval of others. I'm not enough.

And Jesus said you're right. You're not. But I am and I'm here and I stand ready to heal you and restore you and resurrected by his grace, he did and I'm so thankful for that.

But of course it wasn't one and done, I walk in my own pride and selfishness and strength every day and he has to remind me I am here you are not enough.

But I am thinking about my own life. I'm guessing almost every listener has gotten to that point where they've tried to attain you know that you can be all you can make it. You can beat the greatest was striving for that my whole life gets weary, even if it comes down to looks, or your job there. Someone always a little bit better age happens. Time happens in our lives are shifting all the time and changing so it becomes this weary carousel just can't be on it very long without feeling the effects of I can never make it. Yeah. And I think were not only are expanding a covert pandemic but were expecting a pandemic of women and men but mostly speaks of women coming to the end of themselves and realizing well to be self-made and I have to be an endless resource an endless source of energy and approval and empowerment for myself and we just weren't made to run on our own fuel that's not true because I got up this morning I put on my pants and I was like these pants are way too tight. What happened now I'm just totally you look awesome involves the growth of government, and I thought wow, I have experience. I almost have women as well. Even as a pastor for 30 years. I knew this when somebody attended our church for the first time never been there maybe was not going to any church for decades and surrogates at what you wrote about Jen is. I thought they have either experienced everything they hope for life there successful. They got the house. The money the cars the life they wanted and their empty that's maybe one part of their story before they gone through something that's been very, very hard, and broke them in their the bottom because they're just looking up like I don't know where to turn.

I'm going to try God's will to either or, again, there's probably multiple but you just wrote about in cultural counterfeits is all about your after this thing that you think this promise will deliver and it doesn't and I don't know what to do. Is that where your dog yeah that's absolutely right. You really just summarize the book really well, there's idols out there. We were made for more. What's in idle sure there's many definitions that we could go after, but an idol is something that we put our identity and it's something that we say have got to arrive at that destination.

If I don't have that they don't have the significance that I long for you know Tim Keller does a great job teaching about this and so many of his writings and sermons. I really just appreciate his wisdom, but it's something you look at and say I've got to have that and if I can't have it. I cannot be satisfied. So we do this with good things all the time we do this with our careers with our skills, our gifts, our bodies, our abilities, we do with relationships with our spouses with our children. We do with the comfort status safety. I could go on all day long, but it's we put our hope in that and we are defeated when we don't receive it. Okay, let's have confession time. Yeah, there's three of us in the studio. Oh let's start with Jen think it was thoroughly and deftly not start with me. Confess an idle. Is there an idol you Jason.

Maybe even still rises up in your mind.

Even today I can happily go first. I got him on the tip of my tongue's I've been thinking about all that so much but I would say for me I combat the title of ability all the time. I align myself with what I can produce with my productivity. I feel worthless. If I haven't taken care of my to do list if I haven't delivered the product that I told myself I told somebody else that I could deliver. And I feel like my life doesn't have value that I have failed because I then believe I am what I do so I make what I do. My idle time in your next I would say now in this stage of my life. That's mine, Jen, I think now it's like that surrender of failure and one time speaking I remember praying like I feel like I could make a fool of myself and my heart.

I had the sense of God saying we can be full for me.

We just do it and I was like okay I don't care what people think Angus can share the things that the word says that you put on my heart and because I really didn't care about what people think, yeah, and that can determine how I feel about myself, but in our early days, my marriage was my idol and my kids were my idle for a long time and I can still battle with that yeah okay Mr. Wilson if I've ever preached anything that probably became the theme of sermons over 30 years of the rest of our congregation, but I think it's idols never deliver idols. You think they will say never isn't something they never really deliver. And so the two years are but is never really come through them in their times were all felt good, but you end up because it's an idol that were made to let you know it in my there's so many, but I think you know success. Success is usually in my mind, represented by money. I can remember it just in my mind, which is so funny coming from the pastor whose really never made any motto is why you're always like will then if I did have, then you will be in in the NFL as a chaplain for all those years I was around a lot of money and it should be on literally get my carved and go well they would be the first to tell you that I didn't do it. I member bringing this up.

I member.

One of my best friends on the team is just signed a new contract. He's like his third contract.

So when you fell. If you get the first contract that's like wow but if you get to the second and third. It just gets bigger and bigger because that means you've proven they are a veteran, so they're all after the second when he gets his third and it's the highest contract anybody at deposition has been paid and you know in the league of my notes. It's public knowledge and I remember walking up to him. Maybe at the end of that week.

I like to use a strong believer. One of the strongest guys in our locker room and I subdued you gotta be so grateful. Look what God did he bless you with that contract. He goes you see what happened yesterday, it was bad but he was like sort of snarky and Mike when he goes another guy.

My position signed for another million more minded. Oh my you kidding me goes I should be saying this, satisfied I could get more money if I just held out another week. I'm like we all yeah you.I again two weeks later, like dude, I'm so sorry. I should just be thankful to God, but it is an idol that doesn't look I can remember looking at my driveway. The garage door was up and we had one car number rethinking literally had this thought when we have two cars. I will be successful and happy.

Then we got a second car, her brother gave us a car because we are like missionaries everything in May. We need three that's the cultural counterfeit Jen, how do we know when it's an idol because we have these desires is it wrong to have those desires are to work really hard toward something that such a good question.

It is not wrong to have these desires, but there is a subtle difference between stewarding that which God has given me and wanting to strive after it for my own glory and for myself so I can look at my body and say okay it is able.

I am healthy. God has given me an opportunity to write and to speak and to delve into these truths with women if I put my identity and then when I fail when maybe you have a moral feeling or my body feels and I can no longer write or speak then who am I have lost everything because that was my identity, but for the season of life God has given me these gifts, skills and passions to steward for his glory. And it's about him than I am a tool in his hand, and my only job is to be faithful to him and to shine the light on him and then no matter what happens to my body and even if I fail if I make a fool of myself, as you said, even if I fail hard and I lose the respect of my entire community and every reader I've ever had. Still hidden in Christ and that's where we find safety and peace and security. Nowhere else have found it. He found this to if I'm not with him. If I'm not in the word if I'm not in fellowship with him and other believers. I can lose sight of that because it's like there is a river of culture that sweeping me along.

You think that's happening for all of us so absolutely I think especially with the you know I'm the presence of social media. I find myself getting really nervous frequently thinking. I haven't thought deeply about certain issues and effort. I haven't done the work and never haven't produced enough.

I need to do more.

I need to try harder and strive harder to be better at who I am and what I DO and this is a very different perspective than saying, Lord, I receive the calling that you've given me, and I'm going to steward it for your glory. This is a message about you not about me and that those are worlds apart, worlds apart what you've already mentioned are you hinted at one of the empty promises of this age and I'm thinking of obsession with our body's ability you call it body's beauty and ability. Part of me hears that goes all that's a woman's thing you know men don't struggle with that. But we do all yeah you know when we were dating and I was certain to lose my hear me now I'm completely for decades ball but it was ready to try to be nice to me because I just said to me, I would every mirrored walk buyer be like your check and how much of a so it's a guy thing is much as a woman thing, but how is that an empty promise of our age will hear Jen's response in just a minute. The first note talking about cultural counterfeits today. It reminds me that there are a lot of counterfeits in our culture when it comes to family. Family life is committed to bringing the clarity of God's word to a confused culture and we really do need your help.

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All this week is our thanks for your partnership. We want to send you a copy of Carolyn Lacey's book called extraordinary hospitality. Ordinary people you can take action@familylifetoday.com or by calling 800-358-6329 that's one 800 F is in family L as in life, and then the word today. I know back to David Anne's conversation with Jen Oshman in the idol of fantasy the human condition as you just said we want to be beautiful.

We want people to look at us and to admire us. We want to be known. We want to be able to look at each other. They do I look okay. Do I look pretty and we want to be appreciated for how we appear same with ability. You know can I do the things that can I earn my place in society and so we want the approval we want to be known and appreciated and applauded by others, and the unfortunate thing is that these bodies are finite, you know, we are wasting away. Paul says thankfully inwardly by the spirit were being renewed day by day. He also says but if we put our hope in these physical bodies we will be disappointed, because they will fail.

They will falter and so we can't put our hope in that and I think we see this idol play out in a really dark and sinister and pervasive way in just the culture of death that we have in our minutes.

I took a really deep really quick. There we see it in abortion and assisted suicide and just sort of the throwaway culture that we live in where we feel like people in bodies are useless if they cannot be supremely healthy in this moment, and we do away with them. That's where this idol ends up if you keep living for it. That's where it ends up yet as you think about being a parent you got for daughters so I'm guessing is a mom you had to deal with this obsession with beauty and body hundred percent not that isn't true for sons yeah deftly for daughters how you help them navigate through that yacht mean this is a daily thing for myself to.

I'm as vain as the next man or woman I see after this idol myself and so it is a daily conversation in our household, and I think what's important for Christians to remember is that beauty is not wrong you know God is the creator of beauty and God himself is beautiful. He created gorgeous sunsets and awe-inspiring mountains and oceans on purpose so that we might look to him such a pursuit, beauty, and even to be wearing makeup or doing your hair whatever beautiful clothes.

Those things are not wrong, but Peter and Paul in their writings remind us that what matters is the inner beauty. The beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that does not fade. So let's not trust in our outward adornment we see women in Scripture who do have outward adornment. It's not wrong to have that but let's not trust in that. Let's not put our hope in that our hope should be in the inner beauty that God gives by the renewal of his spirit. I remember my friend with three daughters.

She would tell her daughters about your inward beauty that matters. And I remember one of her daughter saying that mom the world and my friends in high school. They don't care about my inner beauty. They care about my outward beauty, and so that matters to me to what you do when your daughters are in. That is the heart I know right and I have to say myself to like you have to talk to them and say yeah I get it. You know I am in my mid-40s now. I don't look away, looked 10 years ago and if I like that better than it's too late it's gone. So this is not something that I'm just teaching to them at something that I'm teaching to myself as well. I think a big part of the battle that we have right now is social media. Again, I know, I'm tired.

He said it, but I'm in. It probably saved again during this conversation because it is so pervasive and so everybody's posting their best photos right there posting their best moments are most beautiful filtered edited images and so we scroll is there in our hands we get our phones were the grocery start line or pumping gas you every time we have five seconds of boredom were looking at these pictures and were ingesting them in social media really is discipling its shaping how we think about ourselves and how we think about each other and so we can't break free from that and put it down and go you know what reels are real. This is not real. This is not true life and again take our eyes off of ourselves off of the cultural landscape and lift them up to Jesus and ask him who are we and you have you made me to be. I remember I think I was maybe in my 40s and I was sitting down to be with Jesus and my schedule was that I would always work out first thing in the morning. Always before. I would spend time with him and so if there was anything that I missed. It was my time and I remember this one time sitting down and I had this feeling of why do I always get my workout in, but I will miss my time with God. Just reading and reflecting a little bit and journaling and I had this feeling like why developing my soul strengthening first and realizing it's because I care so much what other people are about the outward and so I went on this journey of even realizing like if people could see my inward soul.

What would they think you know I think that's interesting if we can actually see each other of what's going on in our hearts we would care a lot more about our time with Jesus in some ways, but that was a really good reminder of me, like what is more important is my time and attention to think you know is we are parents were leading with three sons you for daughters were leading them probably saying that to them. Hey set about beauty is not about ability. That's important, but not most importance about who you are in Christ and yet if when I live in that right. I mean, I've done it as a preacher. I mean I would get in the car on Sunday after three or four sermons and I would evaluate how I did. Based on what did the people say I really did like it and would say how to go to my guy don't look very good honey why I felt great, but nobody said anything and so you're like, it's like you're walking around the lobby like somebody please say you are good you know is such a idol yeah because you think you're good or not based on what people think and it's not true at all. So how do we break that I mean I think what and that is actually right. We have to prioritize time in the word because we are swimming in these cultural waters that are going to tell us what you just said is what matters.

What other people have to say is what matters.

That is so fickle and frail and always changing so we have to be rooted in what's true and we forget what's true so quickly.

I mean five minutes later right so we do have to be in the word remembering the character and the goodness and the kindness and mercy of our Lord and how he invited us to abide in him faster route us will be lost without it. I think this could be a great homework question for tonight. If you're single, do this with a friend. If you're married if you blended if you have kids is to be a good conversation at some point this week. Talk about what your idols are things that you're tempted toward more and you could name some of these five in the book that Jen has written, but maybe each person just can share what he struggle with have culturally you're pulled toward more then anything you want to really have courage S good friend yeah I merely joked about earlier like I could tell you what yours are you know me ask your spouse or voidable if you want to have guts and you get teenage kids in your home that you they've seen your idols kids what they think you are.

I really don't know when there is are what would happen if you said hey you seen thing that you think I'm trying to find my my happiness from and then don't get defensive stats. The key it because they're probably going to be used by God to see the point something out and then get back on your knees, your eyes on the real creator of of who you are and find life in him, you know conversation I recently had with my 16-year-old really points this out.

So I pray with my girls on the way to school every morning is just a five-minute drive and so it's a very brief prayer. Also it tends to sort of be wrote, you know, not on purpose but I often praying the same thing.

You know I did that every time we go to school and so maybe not verbatim but the same things are coming up and I asked the Lord every day to protect them from this idol that they would not put their hope in their ability that they would not identify with their grades with whether or not they made the play or they meet the team or they have the right friend group asked the father to protect them from these sorts of things so you know you never know for thinking and right but I went ahead and went back to seminary to finish my degree last semester and when I was getting ready to take my very first midterm. You know I haven't been in school for like 20 years, so getting ready to take my first midterm. The brain is not what it used to be the memory's not in strict histories of a lot of numbers and I was so stressed I like pacing in the kitchen. You know, just avoiding this test and my 16 ounces. To me, mom, you're not defined by your grades up.

You are so right, and praise the Lord heard the sound and just rehearse the truth back to me. Thank you. You been listening to Dave Anand Wilson with Jen Oshman on family life today is called cultural counterfeits confronting five empty promises of our age and how we were made for so much more you can get a copy@familylifetoday.com or you can call at 800-358-6329. That's 800 F peasant family L as in life and in the word today. Have you looked at your book lately from when you were about 15 do you remember what life was like then it's a time when you can really struggle with figuring out just who you are and as a parent, it can be pretty tricky knowing how to help. Let me just say getting a copy of family life's passport to identity is a good place to start, a chance to get some quality time away together one on one with your teenager.

You listen together to biblical teaching on what it means to be a young man or young woman. It's quality time this just absolutely priceless. Now you can get passport to identity young men's addition or young woman's addition for 25% off with the code passport. Just go to family life today.com or call 800-358-6329. That's 800 F peasant family L as in life and in the word today and tomorrow Dave Anand Wilson will continue their conversation with Jen Oshman as she unpacks the fact that there's always more going on behind your actions to Nancy why you do the things you do. That's tomorrow on behalf of Dave Anand Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott will see back next time for another edition of family life today.

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