Teaching Your Kids to Think

So one of things you were absolutely not allowed to do in the church I grew up in okay were going here today so anything out of my mind.

You are allowed to laugh you know addresses certain way.

I really couldn't clap risk-free rule-based yeah nice but one of things I distinctly remembers you weren't allowed to ask questions about your faith.

You are allowed to question the faith you were allowed to ever express a doubt is just one allowed you were supposed to believe have faith whether it made sense it did make sense.

If you questions. If it's like you were not only just a nonbeliever.

You were of the devil. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live today.com or on our family life, family life today you question it was like you were not only just a nonbeliever. You were of the devil which was bad for you. Q for 41 years, you have a natural skepticism and you ask a lot of questions that I was asking questions to my single mom and bless her heart. She is an amazing woman, amazing mom. She didn't know the answers, and so all she would say is, why don't know and I don't think you're supposed to ask this kind of question, so I felt like less as a person spiritually spiritually is like one turnout in Christian because real Christians have all the answers and they don't ever question like I do, because their faith is so grounded and so you know, as I become a dad. I'm like the opposite. I want to encourage that with my kids. The source in there today with Hillary for rare in the FamilyLife studio again.

Welcome back from life today. Thank you so much and I am so sorry that that was your I can see you over there. You're right because my binky icon to eat magnet at a church picnic in the one agnostic and the whole park down next to him and start a conversation. But so many of the once you walked away from the faith and became the really passionate atheist come from that background. All churches are like that, and thankfully at the church I grew up. And so the fact that you're walking with the Lord after being told that I just kinda showed the Lord was with you man. Paul and Hilary were in ministry were on staff with crew we been in ministry for a year and were sitting down time were having our devotions Dave is doing something he walks in my Bible on my lap as our first year, first year as a full-time like missionary, he says he think it's true, I said what just know it's true: your thinking Mary full-time is because God called us and now you're questioning all of this is like almost 18 months to years after my conversion, which wasn't to my junior in college in our ministry and give our lives to this thinking probably full-time which you we are 41 years later we still do, but I will be your response because a member.

She looked at me like why don't have those consequences. Just the way she's wired. She said you better find answers good wife, you know that I did. I went on this journey, which, as we've already talked previously with you the questions and going after those answers strengthens your faith is not lessened, so I came out on the other side after reading evidence that demands a verdict in looking at Frank Morelli yeah I feel like I was solid foundation. I was starting to believe, there really isn't a foundation power yet when you have those questions answered and now it's like I remember when Ed like I said I was 12 when apologetics was done from the pulpit that I was introduced to it and it went from, you know, I'd always had very firm belief in Christ and the gospel in Jesus all that all of a sudden I was really excited like it was the first time really owned by faith because I like real straight would not be proud to non-Christians about this and not be scared, and I don't only talk to Christian family empowering feeling when you know the base my life on something that is true. So obviously you become mama bear, yes, which is always in such a great friend understand you want to help mothers and embed as well. I know, but help them build a help lead their kids.

So I'm holding a book in front of me mama bear apologetics empowering your kids to challenge cultural lies.

Let's talk about that a little bit because you did such a good job. You know moms are going to be the ones getting those questions in dad's but we often feel so ill-equipped to know what to do with our kids. So when you think about that you have all these different methods in your book how you write so one of his chew and spit that you and step method. So I grew up in Texas proud Texan and I remember from a young age we had to learn how when you're eaten steak and you get that that you just keep chewing and chewing, she went and ate nothing happening with it how to discreetly spit that out. I think the real like if you've ever had crystal in it like you literally have to discreetly and even if you're in the restaurant. You gotta figure out a way to just cut a cloth napkin spit that thing out because that is not good and I yes this happens and he cowboys bear with me.

We would pull it out of our mouth discreetly wins you.we don't get into the napkin I'm not like I like Christmas but that growth you're eating. Sometimes there's something you don't want to swallow and so I think we were interacting with culture at this idea. People trying to divide everything into safe and dangerous where it's something that a safe Christian category that I can basically just turn my brain off and let my kids watch whatever it is they don't have to think through it.

It's all safe, but all the stuff over here you know when I was growing up. You know, Madonna and somebody other band, you know that's a dangerous spot and so you can start raising kids that have no spiritual immune system because if they've never been exposed to any other kind of idea then they get out into their their teens and early 20s and discovered that some of the things that were forbidden are actually not parted like demon Satan worship with you know whatever going on with them and so at that point, when they discovered there's some good in the things that were told were on. They were told were all bad, who then becomes the liar. The people that told him it was all bad become the liar. Examples of that. Like you think of any TV shows there's not thinking of all the shows I like and that you're not watching that well yeah I don't think we even have the luxury of I guess that sheltering our kids and that right away anymore because even the children's programming you still have to have your antenna up right now because you have no idea what kinds of things from the liberal progressive Christian that are taught in something like. I think we have a podcast episode about this woman, children's pastor who wrote about the trouble with Easter and how this idea that Jesus actually died for our sins leads our kids into this dangerous belief that there is something inherently wrong with them and I like there is exactly know so it's like we don't have the luxury of doing that. We have to teach our kids had insurance but this idea of you kind of evaluate everything I had this little hand. I know it were radio, but this hand gesture we bring them together like if you talk with your kids everything is a mixture of good and bad. We want to cite your cancer class like in prayer that what we do when we engage with culture as we separate the good from the bad number a separate our two hands and embrace the good and reject the bad cells he pulled yeah so what discovered is will one. There is never to be a theologian so awesome that he doesn't teach you something. That's not true.

And there's never been so bad that they never say something true.

You can learn truth from a lot of different sources.

If you have the humility to learn and I've actually found even beauty and a lot of different sources.

Every now and then I have someone email me asked me what movie I'm talking about in the book that there is this one movie that I will never watch again. I'm sad that I watched it the first time I mean it just gives you images in your head that you can see I just say that makes or finds everyone in the Requiem for a dream it was was Requiem for a dream. It's got Jared Lehto and I can't member but I these kids that come to get into drug culture and then the darker and darker it gets, and just the links that they're willing to go in order to get a fix and then it just shows the psychosis in invisible ways, but I remember watching that and I remember after I was done for shopping like what did I just watch, but I dropped to my knees and I think the Lord because I saw how easy that could have been to get into a culture like that, especially not have a history of struggling which is some depression, anxiety, which I think a lot of people do, and that if I hadn't been brought up in the church. If I had been given something that would numb those feelings. How easy would it have been to descend into that culture. And so I basically dropped on my knees and praise God for what he'd saved me from it in this life, at least. Basically you're saying that movie you are chewing your spinning it all out. I was all out in thanking God that that was not my story so I mean that is kind the extreme. I don't think we need to like go for all these you know raunchy things to try to see what good we can find in it, but I remember watching Allstate as there was a Madonna concert that just happened to be on TV and I was watching the house. He is incredibly artistic. The art direction. It was so amazing and just appreciating that beauty. And even if it's coming from a non-Christian, I can appreciate that beauty and we are talking about this over lunch this idea that the Lord gives people convictions based on sometimes the demographic that he wants them to minister to and so being able to interact maybe with a lot of the artistic stuff and I a lot of times in the arts are not can have very many redeeming things. But if you can learn to embrace some of the beautiful things because that's the particular demographic. The Lord has you to minister to me.

There could be someone else to the Lord can be calling them to minister to Muslims are really conservative Christians. He says I don't want you to have any caffeine. No drinking at all. Absolutely teetotaler and that Susie called them to minister to.

So there's all these different convictions. Anyway, it's just this idea of taking everything don't intentionally go after something bad but being able to take whatever EC separate the good from the bad. Embrace the good reject the bad know why you're embracing something and know why you are rejecting something so one beautiful things about.

I think the way I present apologetic than in these books is you don't have to know all the answers, you just need to know how I think about culture and thinking well is something I think we are all capable of doing without having some kind of advanced degree but just knowing how to pick through the messages handed how to recognize what those messages are and discuss them with art. I think that's so wise because us teenagers if we watch something on TV with their kids are going to movie and then just to discount the whole thing like that's trash without even watching that there like a came on I can talk to mom and dad about her. Maybe him to hide what I've seen, or even when I thought so give us an example of the conversation y'all watch this movie and show us what it's like.

Then how do we start that shoe and spit, so what I think is a great way to do this is I love anything with like singing a specially singing competition. There is a movie that they came up with the second one it's got the same problems that the first one had the movie thing that children's cartoon but as I watched, I think on opening weekend. I like the only adult they're not. They were without good. I don't have children and so I noticed that the main character lied his whole way through it. Everything was basically if you look at the God is the art he was able to lie do whatever he need to do whatever unethical thing he needs to do in order to produce his art was kind his God's direct something for the mama bear that I said okay. Proceed with your kids and by thing a popcorn and you might want to get a big one because every time he says a lot happened take a bite of popcorn popcorn ball is can be gone quickly, but that's the kind of thing where they're starting to pick out these different things and you can start talking to him. What was it that he held up as the highest good. What was it that the director and the creators of this were laughing out or denigrating like DC actually motherhood very much being lowered in the eyes of the character that I can't really what animal she is but there's just a line of kids and show I know this is so mundane, so boring you could be special and as if being a mother is not special so you can pick out some of these messages that they're doing or like I remember taking one my little nieces to see the frog Princess. I think it was and be safe and I watching it.

Part of that might do this demonic allows like a conversation about this on the way home I was saying, you know, Darby thought about this. Let's talk about some of the things that were true in this are monsters real, not really. What about you know Princess is Princess or trailer frogs real are talking front-row, probably not. I said what about evil diabetes think evil is real thought shows no and I said let's talk about evil evil Israel and then that course lead into the conversation. How greater is he that is within you than he that is in the world is the first that my mom used to say to me a lot just because I think I was very aware of evil at a young age and I was one of the verses used to comfort me. So it's really just kind of looking at things and looking up at him from different perspectives and especially trying to find the things that you can agree with, like I want a real controversial articles that we did this last year and I can't if we did a podcast or not remains two years ago it was with Amy Joubert the Netflix show cuties leaving now. Amy and I are like. I think we need to take one for the team and we watched and I will tell you this is like an ultimate human spit thing.

I don't recommend a lot of people do it there certain things I can tell if the Lord said no it's okay to do this I pray about it before before watching anything, but it is a very, very, very accurate portrayal of young girls being swept down into the social media dance until they start get raunchier and raunchier. Round-trip is very accurate portrayal. The unfortunate thing is, is there portraying it with girls that are actually 12 and 13 years old so you're actually doing to girls what your warning girls about the controversy came from the fact that we did have these 12 and 13 and 14-year-old girls that are doing these gyrating motions and at the same time as I look. I think I even ended up going back after you know the watch I didn't watch it a second time after Amy and I talked and it was just that in the main character if and when she comes out of it.

It's actually this beautiful moment in the movie ends with her playing jump rope and it's like this, return to childhood source return to innocence. After she realizes I don't want this to be me and said that would be an ultimate human spit kind of thing again. I don't think we should go after something that is mostly spit but at the same time. I guess movies is how the Lord teaches me a lot of things. It's like whenever I'm talking about spiritual things. A lot of times I say oh it's like the scene in the movie earth like that seen in the movie. Like all these little snippets of things that I can use analogies for just a good reminder for us as parents that the culture is discipling our children, whether we like it or not this is happening in shaping their worldviews. That's David and Wilson with Hillary Morgan Ferrer on family life today will hear Hillary's response in just a second. First, as a listener at family life today. You have heard many stories of how God can do amazing work in even the toughest marriages and the amazing thing is that God chooses to use people just like you to help one way you can make an impact for more marriages and families is by financially partnering with family life today all this week is our thanks for your partnership.

We want to send you a copy of Hilary Ferris book is are things it's called mama bear apologetics you can get your copy when you give this week in family life today.com or when you call with your donation at 803 five 832-9800 F peasant family L as in life, and then the word today. Right now, back to Dave and Anne's conversation with Hillary fair and how to develop a Christian worldview for your kids in everyday life. One of the things that has to be discerned is for you and I to know what that shoe and what the spirit we have a biblical worldview and develop what you did with Darby your little niece writing is what we should be doing as parents with music with TV shows anything that's out there. You tell me if I'm right or wrong. It's simple as after it's done, or even positive in the middle and have a conversation. Hey, let's talk about what's true, let's talk about what isn't true see what they respond with because they may say things that are true that they say are true and you go well, I'm glad we caught that. Next thing you know you may not know they may not know your given them a biblical reference and yet worldview that will be developed further later but you're setting those boundaries is foundational. You did with evil valuables, not real. Yes, it is your giver given her worldview. That's our job as parents how quickly they pick up on them because I even remember like that what my mom did. She must've just started a few times would be watching a movie and this is a course when you couldn't cause television but what if it was maybe deposit and my mom would look over me is that you see that Hillary that's a red flag so she taught me how to spot red flags and guys early on and it just took a couple times I meet. I realize you can do certain things about someone's character before they actually show all that character, but Amy's kids now will put stuff on pod and play at night. Did you catch it, or they themselves caught it and so it is what things where since they have these conversations now her sons kids are coming just right now they're bringing her their questions while you what you're defining you is your roar method mama bear got a room. I need all roar like a mother at that. The first book and that so wrong and that we came up with that me and the ladies that were on the team for the first book, and so it stands for. Recognize the message offer discernment working for a healthier approach and reinforce these ideas for discussion, discipleship and prayer. So I had developed some of this back from when I can't member. The research company but they looked at their six reasons why you tended to doubt it into experienced out in church and so what I noticed with each of them was there was these the questions the kids have maybe say about science. This is kind of how the church had intended to address it.

This is where things went all wonky. Basically we didn't reach our intention and this is how we can argue for a healthier approach in psych.

I brought that idea into the so recognizing the message would be what is the base message that is coming from is what worldview is being preached through this after this media, so there is somebody I can't member who it was.

I think she emailed me and said that she will be in a movie and her child will yell out worldview. I love to be in that movie theater is a great mom was the great but so recognizing the message, why are they laughing at what are they treating is the most important thing. What is humorous like one of the things that drives me nuts is really dangerous driving is portrayed as humorous, stuff like that which destroys irresponsibility is portraying dad's being dumb yet dumb dad dumb. So what are they pertain is true, what message is this really coming out with. Now when we going to offer discernment. A lot of times people hear the word discernment and I think pointing out everything that's wrong with something and I think that's a really bad definition of discernment because that just makes us the bad practice because our kids are like whatever you tell me all the things around so discernment is again that the separating the good from the bad accepting the good and rejecting the bad. So I think in order to build bridges. First, we need to know when to build bridges and when to build walls so building that bridge first thing what is good. What can we all agree because the character makes a bad decision. Sometimes they did it with good intentions and not that good intentions make up for bad actions, but we can at least acknowledge we might have had the same goals and then achieve those goals into separate ways.

One, which was a good idea when which was a bad idea so separating the good from the bad acknowledging the good and saying this is the bad snuck in there. Okay, we've now discerned argue for a healthier approach is where we can say what were those good intentions.

What is that good and how is the Bible actually proponent of this with a healthier way to argue for this good to where you're embracing that value and it's coming out in a biblical way and then finally reinforcing the discussion discipleship and prayers. That is to be having the conversation actively activities that reinforce this idea and then prayer praying through these ideas because like Ella talked about before you know we have the ideological realm. I guess that we are waging a war on in battle. Just this cultural battle that's going on, but there's a spiritual battle that's going on in just the idea of praying for your kids to see the lights for what they are paying them for them.

When the things I pray every time I do a talk.

If I have the time I love to go through and just touch all the chairs and pray for scales to fall from the eyes for blindness to be exposed inverter for light to penetrate and so just covering your children from spiritual perspective and teaching them how to pray themselves and not just a large please keep grandma safe and let's have a good trip like those are bad prayers. But how can we be teaching them. Lord I pray that I would be able to see when a lie is been promulgated as the truth.

I'm afraid that if my heart starts to follow something that is not after your heart that I would acknowledge it or that you would bring someone into my life to acknowledge it or one of my favorite prayers.

Just as I think it's a wise prayer. I asked the Lord to humble me without publicly humiliating me, which I think is also good prayer for old number one for any leader position but teach our kids to accept that chastisement when it needs to come and be grateful for your love, your last are roar reinforced through discussion with discipleship and prayer is talking with our kids, especially in middle school, high school again start start early on but is there a news really somewhat profound questions and pushing back in, you know, even as their peers push often is apparent we pull away. We withdraw out of that rather than stepping in an engaging one. I think we think all they want to hear her voice anymore. They do number two instead of like slamming something down their throat is likely to have a discussion, discipleship is discussion and prayer book. Let's talk about this in the hear their thoughts here.

Their pushback let them question, let them doubt and then walk them through this discussion toward the truth because somebody's got to do it. And often we want this Christian school to do it or the pastor in the church and that's all good, but no God calls us to be in that discussion with them and we can become a safe place.

My mom and dad are never going to listen to me or let me never to let me question, but no mom and dad are actually safe there to discuss with me yeah and partner with me toward the goal of truth, yet think we say somewhere that truth is discovered goes a lot deeper than truth that is just presented so you can be presented with the truth and it may not go deep but when you thought you yourself discovered the truth. That's where Chris Dixon so instead of just saying this is what's wrong with that. Disable what is you think about this will do think that might lead to, you know what what you think about the idea that he put art as the highest thing.

What about the one where it's like he neglected his family do you think you should neglect your family for RT think someone is ever regretted.

They spent more time with their family. Then more time you note at work. Have you ever heard someone say that story from their death that I've come for the opposite for my deathbed and Savior asking questions to help them kinda think through this for themselves and get something wrong and if, especially if you can pick up on what it is that they're getting wrong. You know how to ask the question that lovingly help them think through that idea. My dad always said there's a couple things you I said to me because I was a question after big time, and he always said you don't need to have all the answers, you just need to know where to find the answers and basically the way to find the right answers is to know how to ask the right question. I Monday Hilary as we close, we keep pray just for the mom yes you now as their thinking to do this to do it. Absolutely. Father God we thank you so much for this time that we spent coming discussion.

Lord I do pray over the moms that are out there Lord. First off, we just want to recognize what a huge massive job that they have Lord that they are shepherding these little minds, and they are really raising the next generation Loreena talk about the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world Lord. There is no such thing as a mom with a small job. Lord I just pray that you would help them to see in their lives things that are taking their attention that might not need to be in places that you want to plug them in and I prayed it would be a place of no condemnation for those who feel like if they have one more thing put on their shoulders that they're gonna crack that you would just come and lift some of those burdens off of them. And for those who don't know how they can engage Lord I pray that you would give them just the hope that they can understand and they can engage in.

They can know how to ask the right questions. Learn how to steer their children. We just thank you that you are the good father and that Wilde we are being shepherds to to our kids. Lord you are shepherding our hearts, Lord, I pray that you would just train them what it looks like to battle on their knees before you praying over their children, and that you would just give them a sense of peace Lord as they move into maybe new territory as they move into new ideas or just to say I can't do this. This is what the Lord is called me to and you give them a sense of godly empowerment that they can do that which you have called them to do that you have given them every good gift in order to shepherd their children well. Lord I pray that they would just feel your presence as they go through that and as they they work towards raising children to the glory of God in your name I pray you been listening to David and Wilson with Hillary Morgan Ferrer on family life today.

Her book is called mama bear apologetics and you can get your copy when you give this week@familylifetoday.com.

Now I've got the president of family life David Robbins with me here in the studio.

You know sometimes our kids come at us with a question that either stumps us or throws us for a loop and you had that happen to you recently right I think about this whole conversation I go. This is what we were about a family life helping parents includes helping couples helping families experience time together around time was truth because the reality is transformation happens in the trenches of life when real things happen. And recently we were telling our kids we were going to move again.

And as we were doing that was about two years ago my oldest who usually is our most articulate expressive one went really silent and as we walk through that evening and he was headed up the stairs to bed that night I asked. Are you okay what you think and he said that I don't know if I'm mad at you are mad at God, but I know I'm mad at someone and because of family life in my life and because of resources that a been there.

My first response was hope God can handle your anger don't stop it, bring it out. I bring it to him. We can wrestle with our doubts to get her and her anger together. I just was so grateful for the investment of family life in my own life as the president, but in that moment those acute moments in life were able to enter with grace and truth and have time together that shape our kids worldview and world that's beautiful.

I'm so glad that God was gracious with you and that tough moment with your son and that use family life to help you engage well with him tomorrow. Dave and Wilson will continue the conversation with Hillary fair where he'll be joined by her husband John.

They are opening the floodgates on the topic of how to actually listen to your wife. That'll be a good one on behalf of David and Wilson.

I'm Shelby Abbott will see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most