Terence Chatmon: Challenges of Today’s Families (3 C’S)

So here's a stat for you.

I just saw it was nice to hear we go see if you agree with this 78% of Christian parents leave the spiritual development of their children to the church and/or the Christian school 70% what you think. That's actually lower than I thought. That's because I just made it up. Welcome to family life we want to help you pursue the relationship.

Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylife.com for on our family life may not pay based on the reality of you don't talk appears to be a pastor 30 years, you think it's higher that the you know, sort of leave it to the church to feel overwhelmed. They don't want to do.

The schedules are so busy work schedules are crazy and so I think as parents we think, what's the best thing we can do. We think the church can do it. Schools can know what, what's this that I have no idea why think we have someone in the studio we got their shipment back in the studio family today. I don't know how many times you been on FamilyLife it. Welcome back for the record. You guys keep inviting me back on coming back for the food and of course for an yellow last time we had you on, you know you're talking about this moment in your life.let me give a little bit of background, or you can tell us little bit. I don't know exactly what you did with Coke and Johnson & Johnson. We had quite a career in the business world talk about that a little bit.

Yeah I was in the just blessed enough to have opportunities with Coca-Cola, Johnson & Johnson, Citibank and flesh 22 years been in Atlanta and will brought me there was the Coca-Cola Company and basically if you think about Coca-Cola.

There's different divisions. One is the fountain company. So anytime you go to a quick service restaurant or anything like that. This fountain drink dispenser why I oversaw all of that for quick service restaurants, McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, etc., which is about two thirds of Coca-Cola business at that time the $50 billion. Hello your kids when he moved to Atlanta. They were probably between seven and 10 years of age and you had been married how long now you're testing like your wife about it right so married and 82 when we moved there and not 95 so will need some math geniuses to do that, but it's somewhere around that time climbing the corporate ladder climbing the corporate ladder and in fact you know there's a time where you can't reach this moment in life that you feel like you've accomplished everything that you desire to do in corporate America. Why was at that moment I was in that phase of my career as a young man of 36 years old, leaving the Coca-Cola Company number one beverage company in the world $50 billion it was just a dream come true with the Lord had all the plan yet, if I remember you go on little retreat with your wife somewhere around the 15 year mark yeah and back there. Some are listeners that are really avid listeners will remember this but she said some that change the future of your family dingy will come to tell should be careful with little retreat.

Our anniversary trip we decide to go away and just have a conversation know what would been where are we today will were heading to will going out thinking about our kids, our life, and so forth and do a lot of discussions a lot of things.

What a great time but it was question came up. They really challenged our life and really scut to set this in motion even for today and that is all the kids prepared to defend their faith after high school, we heard all the stats you know 75% of our youth with faith flight and leave the church up high school and so forth and so on.

In the stat you talked about earlier is actually $0.95, is low while little 95% of parents are really abdicating their responsibility to disciple their children to the church camps Christian camps or Christian schools. We were in that 95%. Although I was a youth director church. I was very active in the church. I was training up a lot kids but we will leave that up to the church and to my wife and so what we decide as we look at that question. The response was no, they're not prepared to defend your faith after high school he will between eight and 15 years of age. At that time, so her response was just so perfect for what you can do about about what you could do about it was the church go to do about it right. This is notice you're responsible you, but you the spiritual leader.

This home is time for you to step in the reflection was really you know what I need to take that step forward and be intentional is not that we want doing the things that most parents would say, or intentional laughter can mean you're leading a group so you Lord.

But the question is always been intentional in raising them up to deal with certain questions and certain issues so as they go through circumstances in their life weathers good bad or whatever, that they run back to the cross and they know how to do that so that's the responsibility we took on and began to be very intentional in our discipling of our kids tell what. So with that look like because it sounds like before you are like most will 95% of us get your kids in church. Maybe Christian score camps, you develop a plan dated did you start a whole different family thing mean you just added that honor. What happened was learned that practicing Christians if there intentional that 75% faith flight reduces down to 30% is a significant reduction so we started with basic right eye, knew how to plan from places like Coca-Cola Company and Citibank affect the Coca-Cola we had a thing called the blue sheet process by Miller Hyman and they taught us how to write billion dollar programs fully funded, fully staffed, fully operational in 45 minutes, I made the components with which they are right. So I start to think about those type of things do I have a vision for my family.

While Michael and Wilma taken with the Lord leading us right because see the Lord doesn't want our best.

He wants his best for my family. 1020 think most families, their goal would be that my kids would be what a lot of what we do in terms of distractions for performance right so want our kids to go to the best schools get the best jobs etc. right. Secondly, we want our kids to be the be some type of athlete or some type of great success, successful right it's only think about success and what satisfies us we think about what I call worldly things that make us assess and we brag about it right because our kids are doing well in school.

Our kids are succeeding at sports or whatever, but their failing is the spiritual person in the household and are struggling and I don't know what to do more to go yet and I think you just described almost every family, whether it's in the church or not. So they need a greater vision, which is obviously what happened in your life as well. How about now because even if you think about family you know when you are doing that in the 90s were a different world right now. There's all kinds of pressures on families and especially analysis parents. So what's that look like for family in 2200 families facing David hasn't changed. In fact, the beauties were seeing the fruit of our labor now because our kids now in the 20s and 30s and their having kids rice in our grandparents will watching them parent and washing the fruit of that labor to be intentional. It doesn't change whether it's in the 90s of weathers in the 2000 we still need to be purposeful and intentional in interacting and engaging with our children. How do we pray what our kids how do we teach them and assess reporter how do we read God's word and study it together just as basic you how we worship together and have conversations, etc. that doesn't change it never will change because his word is always faithful and true, what were seen as our kids go through struggles today were just parenting today there reflecting back on our devotional sessions that Maeve taken place over the last five, 10, 15 years we've been doing this by the way, for 21 years in which I remember the last time you anything. You are still doing it remotely is still doing it remotely. You know, we hello thing called Sony of virtually every other Sunday because you know we don't all seem at home and you are all out of house. Thank God for that. I know home and food. I do raptor refrigerator from time to time when I visit, but now every other Sunday 8 o'clock we have in our family devotional sessions we haven't missed in 21 years and as you may recall we are on the theme, with each year Wilma thing looks called the three C's. The first years about connection. We study what we believe in the foundations of our faith in the tenets of our faith, etc. the second year is all about commitment how we live out what we say we believe in the 30 years around commission is not just about us. How do we serve, how do we teach them how to share the gospel message about the great commission and so this year were back into the your connection and this is our seventh rotation of connection, commitment, commission and unit section connection in a world is disconnected right now. So what a perfect theme for him obviously done by connection with God. But talk about connection with one another. We are probably in this most disconnected place in society today.

Here's the here's a stat from the latest Bonner study, 77% of our youth are dealing with some type of mental anxiety, depression, etc. what the really doing is searching for meaning, identity, and they don't they'll know to find and are looking at all the wrong places, i.e. social media world, etc., when the Lord is already defined.

It given us that purpose and meaning is to glorify him how we do that we never been taught as a parent I do I want to do the right thing. If I'm not equipped to know how to do that and I'm dealing with kids who were filling depressed and can't get out of bed and can't go through situations how I begin to have conversations with them now when they're dealing with such anxiety. I have so many friends that their kids are struggling right now with those issues and their praying like crazy there, laying there trying to get help in thinking of the listeners that are facing that in there on the edge of the CIPS.

Tell me what should I do well you know the answer is always Jesus right to go deeper than that. Yeah, it's real and we need to face that is real does not depict you with some type of parent good bad or indifferent or not capable.

You didn't do your job. No, not at all. The mind is a very powerful thing. It's a very powerful to that we have in the mind.

In some cases can tell a child that they're not worthy whether not capable or the print brings them into some with a depressive state that sometimes chemicals have to deal with that. But on other times is not chemical imbalance is to submit to depression that people have to be awakened out of so for me as we talk to parents around the country. Be intentional to affirm your child to speak with them to give them positive feedback also to give a real feedback in the have conversations so relocation aerial. My son was unfortunately a victim of the pandemic.

He faced a situation where he was laid off due to his company consolidated and as the company was bought out he had done a fantastic job for them for four years and he felt like he was betrayed, he felt like the company did not honor their side of the agreement, and so they sold the company which is normal in the company moved to another state, so they released everyone in Atlanta.

That's normal. But all of a sudden he falls into this deep level of depression and is subtle and all of a sudden he can't get out of bed, he can begin to do is resume because every time he does is resume or attempts to, it triggers a state of depression and that he can't get out and so what happens we need to come around him and of course pray for him, but I love the way the family has come around and had a conversation and encouragement even help some but is resume and then say hey let's connect you with people that get you out there and going again so we can't do the job for him. But what we can do is encourage him hearing them on to charitable thought it how to go with while he's in the process right now. Really. And the idea is he's coming out of it and he's beginning to have conversations.

He's beginning to get his confidence back. He's beginning to believe in himself again because the skills of their he's an amazing design communication director but yet he struggling is how I get started. Yeah, you know, here's what hits me. It's interesting to think that a Sunday came out of your home where you as parents were intentional about we want to spiritually develop our kids still they'll struggle it doesn't ensure perfect candidates not to go through our time and end up having a hard time getting out of out of bed and I mean sometimes I think we think we do everything right there just conjured up her forgiving skin refine. He still needs people in his life connection but at times needs that other scenes that connection you guys and surrounded him and imagine if we hadn't been intentional over the last 21 years. We may not ever know of his situation.

But now, what is done is unite us in the spirit so we can have these trusted conversations that it's okay to show weakness. It's okay to say I'm not capable of fat I believe he's in a great place in me tell you why because there's a difference in brokenness and being wound and I believe he's in the state of brokenness, which is a great position the piano he may not agree with that right now yeah but when you broken. There's only one place to really find true healing in that place is at the crossing.

Because at the cross we see an amazing picture in image of Christ hanging there suffering due to nothing.

He was really guilty yet he suffered, he bore our sins on the cross and as a result, we find hope because now we understand he sits at the right hand of the father interceding on our behalf, so we always say were praying for you with thinking about you, etc. those are good Christian things to say book to be present to help them reflect on God's word. What he's saying now is that God is truly faithful and is true. So as much as we see it because it parent you.

We want to jump in and save them right. We want to jump in and make a difference but I is I said to my wife sometime. We just need to let God do his work cell hiring Dave and our kids because I love them so much I hate being in pain and I want to fix fix. I want to get out of it so many situations where you hate for your kids to go through pain you're praying that God will use it that's for you guys are is exactly where we are is a good place in many will say all wars may, but divorce yeah yeah right because were seen him work. Now here's the thing I'm saying to my son. Make sure your journaling. During this time because what I wanted to see is the mighty finger of God moving and acting and really he's becoming real to you in a way you've never experienced them before say I believe we go through these phases of maturity because I don't think you can give it to us all that one can we start out at the space in Christ were on fire. We've just been saved in a Holy Spirit I Larry that right materially married, you know your last. The feelings are high, fillers are high with feeling good about it. We've just walk down the islands that I do know this is it, and then life gets in the way those little guys start running around in your life becomes a whole different but then we's and here we see some amazing love of Christ Jesus ways real. You've taken us from having this conversation with your wife as a successful businessman you decide I'm in a pouring in my candy start discipling and being very intentional, plaintiff can't, and then you took an even further in your career, share that what you ended up feeling that Steven and Wilson with Terrence Chapman on family life today will hear how he changed his prayer in just a minute, but first, have you ever found yourself doom scrolling you know we just keep seeing post after post of the world, oozing its mind you feel frustrating, to feel like someone needs to do something well when you partner financially with family life, you're doing something you're joining the mission your helping parents and families grow and God's word and his plan for their lives doing something by making a difference one home at a time. And today when you give to family life as our thanks will send you a copy of Jenny Allen's book. Find your people is our gift to you when you give@familylifetoday.com or by calling 803 586-329-2000 F peasant family L as in life, and then the word today right back to Damien's conversation with Terrence Chapman and how he needed to make a slight significant change to his prayer will never ends right is the process right thing for Christmas is processed so one of my prayers early on was God. How can you use me in a mighty way and I will prayer it is. But you know, and I've learned that I need to change a word in there because the healers in the me at all so steadily say how can you use me in a mighty way of change that's likely to say God how can you trust me and how can I trust you in a mighty way for me to just change of thinking because right now were trusting God with our children what our life with our ministry etc. and that next phase is how do we come alongside parents who want to do the right thing. I'm an optimist now, so they want to do the right thing, but sometimes I just don't know how they feel helpless. They feel hopeless. We have the answer in front of us, but it's hard to grasp it is you're going through these situations. Right. So now were coming alongside parents would a new discipleship process to help them deal with the struggles and to let them know they're not alone and that is call our master family Champion program.

Parents there's help for you. You don't have to go through this alone. We have people that can come into your life because I believe that one on one discipleship is the answer for many of the parents who are struggling with these type of situations and in every situation.

So how do you come alongside with a look like you know about our workshops or workshops with parents come in and they learn about this written planning process and they begin to be intentional, but we found it.

Once they complete that planning is not about the plan will about 36% of those parents which is really a great number implement the plan will years ago, we discover something when you put a disciple along with a parent and coach them along the way that 30% number goes to 96%. So now were seen on the hundred thousand parents that's been trained 96% are implementing the plan at home.

So now discipleship is truly taken place. However, they need something more. So each month we come alongside and provide a virtual coaching opportunity for them where they now can ask the questions.

I can hear different scenarios from different parents and they know they're not alone, basically a virtual parenting coach character exactly on going but this around the years of connection, commitment and commission so the progression is happening maturity, if you will, is happening in real time in a real way, with real parents and real coaches, but the solution is biblically based, I am sitting here thinking every parent has kids under their roof should do. That's why when they do that and how did they do it every parent who loves their child should do this actually a large group of the parents to come through our workshops or grandparents.

Really they are concerned about the spiritual legacy and their children may have fallen short. Or maybe they just need that extra help and support, and so everyone who has a child we want to see every home godly home with her focus is really at the cross and let me make sure this is not a checklist you I need to do these things to be a good Christian. I need to worship and pray God's word.

That's great. What this is about is the life experience will work every day were living. This type of life were going to the cross. And that's the difference in what were doing. Instead of that helpless to Christ in our our self-righteousness type… This is the Christ righteousness lists so every day were saying.

I'm not capable.

I am broke but at the cross, I find my strength. Some online programs about 2030 hrs., we recertify them and then they can become trainers and coaches for parents that we spoke about to make a difference in your life you're talking about an impactful ministry best generational that's what this ministry is about, you know, one of the things we've lost. As our patriarchs in the church and this is a way to reactivate those patriots in the church to make a difference because they're not done yet. Yeah, they're just getting started and in pastors you and I know that I'm been a pastor we can do it all. It can't fall on the right help we need support. We need to produce leaders and multiply those leaders and this is an opportunity to multiply the leadership in your church, but more importantly, parents is an opportunity for you to be that spiritual leader in your home. Thanks to answer how you're doing. What an impact you're making.

Thank you even listening to David and Wilson with Terrence Chapman on family life today. We got a link to Terrence's website victorious family@familylifetoday.com you can find it there. Ever wonder about where that line is between what's constructive criticism. And what's actually tearing someone down and Wilson's words seem so relatable to me. She says how many times have I use my words to tear Dave down and to destroy him. Thinking I was helping him and doing good when all the time I had this power to influence to be able to speak life into him so good. Could you relationship. Use a shift toward using words to respect and cherish each other, check out our marriage studies@familylifetoday.com and use the code 25 off. That's 250 FF to save today and beef up your communication so your marriage becomes more life-giving for both of you again@thatfamilylifetoday.com tomorrow.

David and Wilson will be talking with Josh and Jan Mulvihill about the true value of being intentional with your kids the things that they need to know before leaving the home on behalf of Haven and Wilson.

I'm Shelby Abbott. See you back next time for another edition of family life today.

Family life today is a production of Emily accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most