50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home

Lord Jesus, thank you for today in this incredible topic can we get to talk about what a privilege, but really I have a responsibility to be parents that are seeking to raise a godly legacy that honors you knows you expand your kingdom. So Lord give us wisdom and direction as we talk about this. That would really really hope people operate would change homes in the way families are doing what they're doing. I afraid it would inspire parents with a new grander vision of who they are and what they're about to really create godly legacies that would change the world. So we give this to you and ask you to leave this in Jesus name, amen. Welcome to family life to where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and will and I Dave Wilson and you can find us if they would like today.com or on our family life. Family life today.

I have asked I would guess hundreds of parents as a pastor. They come up after a service or so men were talking and I've asked them like what you what your goal what your plan is apparent what are you hoping to raise as your sons or daughters become adults. Guess how many give me a percentage. I'm asking you people a percentage parents said I have a plan. 10. I think it's three really yeah I don't know what the actual percentage in there. I was asking you for the plan. I'm thinking of a young parents, where barely surviving the day, let alone having a plan D think it's important to have a plan and when I was asking them. They look at you like having little or they just get a frown like when you talk about were just trying to survive. You know, we will what you come out of a plan but, I mean, you know, as we said them when we're young parents. It was crazy. We did decide we have to have an idea what were trying to do right that we needed help got over the studio today.

We got a couple who wrote a book about this and you know when you write a book that major expert right, Josh and Jen Mulvihill in the studio wrote a book about this and I'm looking on their smiling is your price smiled at us because you think were clueless about this.

You guys wrote a book about this about having a parenting plan which will get into a second, but let me ask you the same question. Have you ask other parents and do you find it. Parents have a plan I have is a pastor similar to you was shocked when found out that many did not end nothing against them, but many just weren't raised with that as a role model and so just I went into their parenting doing what they were raised with the and and I I had a very good role model of parents who had great intentionality and so I thought that was the norm, only to learn that it was that partially is what many years ago launched my desire to put a resource like this in people's hands, recognizing that it wasn't something that many had implemented in their homes that idea and that quote if you aim at nothing you will hit every time he has been on family life to for even several times. Actually, you've written several books you've even written a grandparent in book 7.

Now I know, but obviously you had a vision and a passion for family and parenting and this one is really galore. It's just a beautiful book 50 things every child needs to know before leaving home raising children to godly adults and you wrote it together is also a bit about yourself you got a few kids yet we live in Minnesota we have five kids and yeah it's been a joy to raise them and work with and within married for 21 years. Then, by the grace of God.

Hopefully many, many more.

That very excited to minister to families and to our first priorities minister to our own family just walking alongside them discipling them but doing it in a way that is intentional and in with the plan I served with the ministry called renew nation which exists to help children develop a biblical worldview and that simply means we want our young people to think and live according to the Bible and what more important places there than in the home to help shape their hearts and their minds and then launch them into the world for Christ to make a huge difference for him and that's the end goal at the end of the day that's what we really want to see as our kids, you know, we operating in the areas that God has called them to and living for him in a course you know when that doesn't happen for us as parents. There's a lot of heartache there and there's a lot that we can do today on the preventative and the intentional side to help our kids love Jesus Christ and serve him and so that's our heart be.

That's our passion in this book is one of the tools towards that and hopefully some ways it sounds like your passion you you sure again that from your parenting. You mentioned earlier they're very intentional. I was shocked by your story of when you went to lunch.

I think or something when you're 17 years old, so my parents were in full-time ministry 37 years with crew and many of my friends they are walking with the Lord today so I think it's testimony to my parents.

All four of us kids that I'm the oldest of four. We all are walking with the Lord today and that's God's grace, but it was also part of their intentionality. So when I was 17 in between my junior and senior year, my parents invited us out for breakfast or actually me out for breakfast and see this little piece of paper across the table to me and said you know you're leaving in about nine months for college and we want to make sure that we have accomplished some specific things in your life, and I looked at this piece of paper and on it, were all kinds of things from my childhood in my teen years. I've never seen it before and it was things like spiritual habits and character traits and life skills and just the things that some of them were scriptural commandment submit, but many of them were just parenting preferences but they had checkmarks and dates next to them as they had worked through them over the years with me and I remember looking at it think in all manner. I remember when we did that manners thing like how to set a table how to sit at a table how to shake a hand look somebody in the eyes how to enter a room how to even do laundry and how to study the Bible and some of them were just practical life kinds of things and they asked Joyce, is there anything on this list that you don't think we've accomplished and it was essentially kind of their asking me to assess their parenting and I remember looking over the list and there was one it was small engine repair. I remember saying that's not happening.

And that's that's I'm not wired that way so they cross that off the list and you know it really goes to show just how they were working on that over the years with us as kids and so the last nine months.

They put some finishing touches on it launched us. They did the same with my siblings and I members. I went back to my dad not too long ago and I said you still have that because I got speak on this and people are like, I'd love to see that list that he doesn't. He's like is probably the file somewhere. But I can't find it.

I just thought that was the norm for families that parents were intentional to some degree like that only realizing as a pastor that's not often the case, and so I'm sitting here smiling like I don't think I ever met a parent that is that intentional Jen were your parents a way very intentional. I grew up in a Christian home.

I have two brothers were all walking with the Lord.

They were very intentional, not to the extreme degree of Josh's parents and I can even say you know my parents prepared me well well for launching but there right like I remember going to college. I did not know how to do really simple things I do laundry and I may just right. It's right if you don't have a plan to touch on every single thing that my parents did a great job part of his leg that's inspiring the other parties like that scary as I slid over a piece of paper #and thinking what would I have put in. We were intentional of some things, but I do remember going to visit our oldest son in college and he was rooming with some guys in the house and I walking like this place. I go home and I say to the younger brothers that are a house you chores growing up like you are cleaning your rooms you are changing the heat you are cleaning the bathroom.

I need to see that you can clean the toilet and do it really well and they hated it. I did feel like oh not equip them for something as simple as knowing how to clean something like well yeah and so is it possible for parents like us but were not as intentional as your parents or me that great planner dad in my my mind is like while that's the top that's a high bar you will slide over piece paper with dates and checkmarks which is awesome but I'm I'm sure there's a lot of parents listen.

Like why don't think I could ever do it like that, but I could do it differently. So if you're not wired quite like that.

How would you work this out as a parent that Stephen a Wilson with Josh and Jen Mulvihill on family life to a response in just a minute if you ever found yourself doing scrolling you know anywhere you just keep seeing post after post of the world basically losing its mind is frustrating is start to feel like someone needs to do something well when you partner financially with family life, you're doing something your helping parents and families grow in God's word and his plan for their lot doing something by making a difference one home time and today when you give it family life as our thanks will send you a copy of Jenny Allen's book. Find your people. It's our gift to you when you give it family life today.com or by calling 800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today.

Right now, back to Dave and Anne's conversation with Josh and Jen Mulvihill and what you can do to prepare your kids for life. Even if you're not exactly as intentional or as organized as the Mulvihill.

I think many times we don't have a plan when it comes to an area that matters the most, and whatever area of life that is were probably going to suffer for it. So let's just use a different area of life. To compare if it's in our finances and we don't have a budget you know we can get by, but were going to be more impactful, more effective if we have an ideal plan for our money a same with retirement. None of us want to get to the day when we are ready to move into that retirement age and go all man I didn't think about this at all. And now I've got a world of problems that I now need to sort through or even building a home you I'm sure you could build a house without any kind of blueprint or architectural plan, but you're going to have some form of chaos and the same would be true for raising our kids that do you need that level of intentionality, probably not, but it is helpful to have some goals, some plan, some clarity about what were aiming at and some way to get at that and goal in so many of us were on a path, but are we on the right path and is what were doing on a daily basis actually helping us get to the end goal that we think we want or hope. We want it. One of the things that I think I've seen this many times we have these misplaced priorities that we say one thing is really important and we want our kids to know love and serve Jesus.

I bet everyone listening any Christian listening would say that's kind of the heart of what were getting at, but then we look at our calendar on a daily basis and the things that were doing. Do they help us actually accomplish that in many times there's just a mess there and so we've put things on our calendar that you know they get our affection.

They get her time to get our energy and more yeah and that you are not bad things do take us down the path and they communicate something to our kids about what we think is most important and they have the potential to become an idol in our home or in our kids lifestyle we could list a lot of them and so we need to be careful as parents that what were doing on a daily basis the neck. This gets into the planning stuff do they actually help us at the end of the day accomplish what we think from Scripture, God's calling us to accomplish his parents. So knowledge of any clarity on that.

We also want to match that to the home and that's why think there's sometimes amiss on both of those sides of things misplaced priorities and then the intentionality the planning at home have a plan.

I think you write it out. How did that come about that, he thought, okay, we need to have a plan in place we did.

We did so we started writing our own parenting plan when our oldest was one-year-old. I want to say please even more parents house and we took a weekend and we know money and we were very very poorly stated like this little cow then I'm the bathroom we stayed there for a couple night you said a cabinet with no bad girl Mrs. Sarah and I want to keep getting a weekend to be together into the big picture and who are these young people that we are raising you know we had had this little one-year-old guy who such a blessing in such a July but we couple days to just throw it all out there and to make sure on the same page and talk about these young people like what we want to see at the end. And so we stayed up late and talk to me. We wrote out his pages and pages and pages you know what is it look like what we want our children to know spiritually how do we want them to interact with others relationally and what skills we want them to now to fly the coop right into the skills to live on their own so we started we started the hairy big picture and just throw it out there and what what would we do on a yearly basis. So we started and then now every year. What we do is we take a weekend day depending on the schedule. You know we've had seasons where we have five children so it takes a special person to be able to come and to watch five children per eye weekend for some years will go away and we find that cozy spot and we talk to or doing with our kids they are and sometimes we take a day until practically what that looks like is. We spent time assessing the prior year and we discussed our children as individuals. Each time you go through each child sell will talk about each want and what is their year looked like and what are we observing and that what we see the Lord doing in their life and what are some spiritual timescales and things that we wanted to develop in them in the coming year ever have tried to think one of the things that we talk about when we encourage families, couples to do this is that you're on the same team. Yeah I just say our weapons yet. It's really easy to criticize is really easy to attack the other person, especially if there's a challenge going on in the home or with any child individually and that's a good reminder because it doesn't take much on these weekends you make a snarky comment or you say something that really it just hurts the other person and will change the entire dynamic. I'm even thinking of the spouses married to someone that maybe isn't quite on the same level spiritually maturity why and so I think it can be easy to think. I know so much more and so we can be almost condescending or belittling. Even though that could be true. Each spouse carries a level of expertise and passion and maybe they didn't have a perfect growing up because they didn't have it perfect, they still had this dream of what could have been, and I think it's really good that you are listening to one another in your hearing each other because your different you need both the mom and dad as early paradigm you will will see we were 20/28, 20 had our first child. We still don't know a lot we didn't know I was 28-year-old, so the nice thing is you know it's helping us get on the same page has couple and many times we have different priorities, different visions for what were working with with our children and I found that to be one of the most valuable things with Jen. Not only that we we want to have fun.

These times mean this isn't all like sitdown. Not all fun and build our relationship and strengthen our marriage but also just to get on the same page as far as a parenting philosophy because we could be all over the board and then if were if we have two separate views of what were working for in the home with our kids and our kids are smart. They know which parents play and if were not on the same page as one in our parenting that becomes problematic. Down the road so that I found is one of the most valuable pieces what the assessment piece. How are we doing his parents many times we don't stop and truly look under the hood and you know if there are issues going on with any specific children. This is a good opportunity to say what do we need to do from a problem-solving standpoint, for hopefully it blows up into something that really is big and then just to say know what one or two things are we gonna really focus on this next year, with each child and for us, then coming out of those times we had some intentionality and plan then for the rest of the year to say all right with Kate were going to be working on biblical womanhood, which is what Jones working on with Kate this year or with our older boys.

We have a 15 and 12-year-old working on.

We want them to develop their own study habits with Scripture and so of course we've done that in the earlier years, but that the point now where they need to start owning this stuff and so we put some things in place with them this year on a weekly basis. There were trying to work with at home so we bought a Bible dictionary and concordance in a commentary and we want them to learn those tools also were studying through the book of Ephesians. A group of fathers and sons and that came out of our planning times. That's where were at with those two. There's other things that were doing usually aim to come out of our time of planning, together with those resources so we will say working to be working on biblical womanhood. Let's use that as the example with Kate so at the end of our weekend. We will have ordered those resources and we looked at our calendar and we are trying to make sure on the same page in all facets of what does it take to implement what were planning with their younger kids.

Sometimes it's as simple as were working on reinforcing obedience or memorizing some basic core Scriptures with them or you know it looks different and more in-depth as our kids get older, but the goal is to come away from that weekend being on the same page and having those resources in hand or showing up at the house when we get back so that we can implement what we've advised single parent or minded family.

Now you've got a couple households under your roof IED that I'm from a somewhat of a blended family. My mom died of ALS and my dad remarried I actually have the joy of officiating.

When I was a little older, so I was obsessing adults a little different but I'm I've lived to that. Personally for the last decade plus. And it's not easy you just takes time and a blended family scenario to mesh and I think grace is huge in a blended family scenario and obviously there are multiple factors happening in multiple homes and you know you can't control what's happening in the different home and I think there has to be a willingness to just release that and focus on what you can focus on what you can control and with our home in our situation and our blended families. It really focused on relationships first and that was a huge priority with the establishment of our family and obviously letting the parent take the lead right in that planning process as I'm sitting here listening to and reading through your book cures was striking me to works priority intentionality. Again, you've used sort of those words but just when you're sent earlier men. You have a plan. If you build a house or manage money is what hit me us the command of all the things we do in life. This is at the top of the list you know as married husband and wife you want to make your marriage. Honor God. But as a parent. It's at the top of all the things I do is at the end my life. Amino Stephen Covey's seven habits of highly effective people.

He says begin with the end in mind right picture your funeral what you want people to say I don't care about almost anything else.

I want people stand up. I want my sons to stand up and say dad was a man of God, and he led us to be men of God. I didn't have daughters.

But you know I want my granddaughters will say so sick and you even when you're sent earlier. Just you guys are trying to get away to develop a plan, I thought, how many times have I got all excited about a golf weekend. You know like a great thing wrong with that, I would still want to do that but I tell you what. Here's one thing to a dad or a mom and maybe get little kids and so you have time maybe teenagers in matter of all the things you do this year.

Are you listen I'm telling Renaud put it on the calendar maybe to get away for we can maybe get a night and you start there you say honey or you say your husband could we sit down and talk about what we want to do is parents with our kids. And again you might not be the most intentional person world. But that's priority. That means all the stuff I'm doing in my life and I must in your job the matter your job does matter is very important, but it matters much is the legacy you hope to leave.

One day when you leave and we you were older. Now we have grandkids arm, saying the only thing that really matters. As we look back is how did we do as a parent raising men of God and so I would challenge the listeners so you know today's the day I can start because I got a lot of doing what we did was like while we we blew it with. But you know it's like new creation.

You guys give me a new chance right here right now so you know what, that's the past, they would have done a great job.

You know what I can to be as great as you know, you guys, but it is greatly now and I would say maybe just get on your knees okay got we got a bill plan and we need to talk a little bit more about what that would look like as you give us some great handles, but I think today is day one you been listening to David and with Josh and Jen Mulvihill on family life to their book is called 50 things every child needs to know before leaving home raising children to godly adults. You can order a copy@familylifetoday.com maybe the summary you've glimpsed some character in your kids that needs some help. I know I have but how do you tackle that kind of stuff.

I love this quote about family life's art of parenting small group study says this we had a very diverse study group from six different countries. It was an amazing experience of evaluating how culture and upbringing impacts our parenting styles. Sometimes in opposition to the truth of God's word. We all agreed that this course was instrumental in reorienting our beliefs and practices toward Christ centered parenting beautiful. Maybe the art of parenting could sharpen your awareness and tactics to right now you can save on all our small group studies with the code 25 office 250 FF.

Learn more@familylifetoa.com tomorrow. David Abelson will continue their conversation with Josh and Jen Mulvihill and help us to refocus our attention on what is most important with our kids on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm shall be added will see you back next time for another edition of family life family like today's a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most