Vital Life Skills for Kids

You were all toiling for something as a parent and the question is, is that the right thing and is it going to get us towards that end goal, but the end of the day of her kids don't love Christ, man, that hurts, is the parent really does.

So that's really where are our aim is with our kids and I think we can weather a lot if there's a love for Christ. There welcome to family life to a plan to help you pursue relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find his daily life today.com or on our family life, family life could go back in time and redo your parenting. Let's just one thing he would do differently my burner you're providing you today.

The first one because my mind is seize the day, meaning sees moments. I read somewhere you have 936 weeks from the time your son or daughters born until they hit 18. I think I've been more intentional with each week you were intentionally or saying consistently how I just feel what would you say you asked me about your 20 in my list. I wish I would've responded more to their situations instead of reacting. I think I reacted in fear often instead of responding, and had more of a questioning view of what makes you say that or what makes you tempted to do that or when he struggling with.

I wish I would've gotten into the core of who they are as young men. That's one of mine have had something like a dog and get some help today we got Josh and Jen Mulvihill back in the studio. They are not only parents but their yell in my mind.

Your short experts on this home learning thing so welcome back for my life today is that I say experts with a smile because you know you're looking at me like we have the five kids at home and by the way our listeners almost your oldest is actually watching that scene. We hope we have five when we come back. Great job. He's very responsive all and I left LB's checklist of things to do when and would leave and I was home with the boys. She would literally make every meal for us because she knew I wouldn't feed him now is the time that I left and I said like you guys.

He today had been given as a dog but I guess I meant to do earlier that our oldest son. We found out years later with your money only gave him like 1616 He Could Dr. when we left them to go do a weekend to remember Mary to get away and he was responsible, but we found just a few years ago that we leave is back in the day so 50 bucks for food for that weekend and we were all sitting around and the younger brother said did you know every time you guys would leave seeking relief. CJ said guys get in the car were going to go buy a new videogame with that and the younger one think mom we had no food all weekend were scrounging rounding through the looking for food and the older one said that you guys we had fun playing you can see why I said I should've been more intentional in some ways we had no idea, but it was a wonderful wonderful life. But here's the thing you know, as we talk to you earlier you've written a book about 50 things that you want your kids to know before they leave home so talk about intentionality. I might come up with three or four. You have 50 and you list in your book, but let me ask you this will start here.

Do you have one thing you wish you could redo. I love that question. That's a tough one.

Is there something you wish.

Josh would have done that.

I think I I think in the way I respond. I tend to be. I'm a type A person subtasks are you reacting I think so yeah so I tend to get angry when kids like I've got no got to get this done and if things are loud at home or things start going in a direction that you know that's not kinda how I envision this so mine mine is probably the Lord give me patients.

Give me grace give me kindness and you know I find myself often times apologizing to our kids or sometimes the Jen just on the way that I interact with them.

Yeah, that's my vision would be to say yes more. I think sometimes as mom and I have my day got things the way I think that they should be going to saying yes more instead of know and being willing to go with the flow and let things play seven, I could definitely better. It's fun to see how you mellow out a little bit as you get older as a parent, it's Jared reacher you know the way we raise our firstborn when they were just notes like Putman bubblewrap now is there are all these things just aren't as big as they were on the other thing that we've learned us as there is relational health there and when the foundation is strong. You can weather a lot and you know so much is out of our control is parents use and there is a trust factor with your children is there's a trust factor with the Lord that comes into play. But there also is an element that these kids aren't ours. They share our name or last name for a little time but there given to us on the loan by the Lord and we really want to be good to what he has given us and I think this is part of that like our Lord you've entrusted us what more.

Have you entrusted to us of great importance between a soul that will last for eternity. It means think about this child will stand potentially in eternity next to us as a brother or sister in Christ is like, will they recognize us as mom and dad. I'd like to think they would put primarily his brother and sister in Christ, what a privilege to be able to have that kind of impact on people on this world. We talked earlier about your sort of the goal of what you're trying to raise just remind us that is in again. I don't know if I met more intentional parents in my life. You know that have 50 things were getting a few of those. But as you step back from okay begin with the end in mind what what was it, you're trying to raise what was can you give us some words is sort of a picture like this is what our goal is. I look at Psalm hundred and 27 which talks about children are arrows in the hands of a warrior which Sonny Webb were the warrior kids of the arrows. This kind of an interesting metaphor, the Bible chosen that implies a number of things with an arrow. Arrows have a target and that means were kinda aiming for something with the arrows that God's given us, and the question is what is it that that target is. I think the Bible speaks to that to pretty good precision. Why come back to a couple passages, some that are just bigger in view of Christianity in our kids are a microcosm of that and some that are parenting specific. I want to read Colossians 128 and 29 which gets at the end of the this is what God wants for Christian, a person in general. And then of course that applies to us with parenting. It says him we proclaim that's Christ I warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom. Here's kind of the bull's-eye. The target that we may present everyone mature in Christ, so that maturity in Christ is our priority and then Paul says this. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy, which is an interesting way of putting it in parenting is a struggle at times for honest and but notice that struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works in me. You know, there's this whole divine human partnership thing happen in that God is working but I love that phrase. For this I toil and you know were all toiling for something else apparent in the question is, is that the right thing and is it going to get us towards that end goal and I think Paul starts to get out here presenting everyone mature in Christ. Kinda what that end goal is maturity Christlike character is kind of what were aiming at with our kids's passage in Psalms that I really love it. Psalm 78, seven which talks about how the goal in this passage of telling one generation after another generation so that it says in verse seven that there may be hope in God, and obedience to his ways and so you hope is salvation and obedience is walking with the Lord so you'll that's really what were getting out with our kids and when they leave will encourage them to obey the Lord every man want a what marching order to walk with the Lord in our goal is Christlike character with our kids and there's a lot of other supplemental things that are important, but the end of the day of her kids don't love Christ, man, that hurts, is the parent really does. So that's really where are our aim is with our kids and I think we can weather a lot if there's a love for Christ. There, you know, as I said I thing on our first day if our daily activity choices and energy is going to things that are really taking us away from that, then we probably need to think about reprioritizing some things that are happening in our home so that that end goal can be accomplished and many can be educational choices. It can be sports on the calendar. It can be the way we correct a child in the home. It could be a whole host of many things that we do that really either help or hurt towards that end, I'm thinking we share this before but I think our kids were elementary school and middle school and we asked the question what you guys think is most important family condo, share that. That is not go well and I haven't got time, but the consensus was sports sports are what matters the most in our home. They'll all get there from an inmate said that he is a close second. The great question to ask you when you think matters the most to me and get them that teenagers will be brutally honest and so to be honest I think that's a great question to ask you guys are saying the world and our culture is gonna sweep our kids away and if we aren't intentional. The culture is discipling kids and so we have to step in to be intentional to guide them in the things biblically that matter, one of the things you talk about is developing biblical worldview with your kids like we have to do this but most of us are saying I have no idea how to do that you guys do that. I think with worldview. I think it comes down to water the inputs and influences happening in our kids lives and so thinking through major influences were thinking about education were thinking about screens or thinking about the peers that they have were thinking about how they spend their time parents, grandparents, even the church that they're going to all of those combined begin to shape the heart and mind of a child and you know as parents we want to be intentional were not trying to isolate or get our kids into a little Christian bubble, but there's a balance between keeping out those things that are very damaging to a child and there are we to think about what they are in our culture right now and putting some protective measures are also allowing them to be exposed to the right kinds of people. The Bible talks a lot about, especially Proverbs a book written for young people about the kinds of relationships and influences that they have and we are wise as parents to, especially in the early years be very intentional about those kinds of influences and then as they get older they can can interact with the world from a position of strength is not a position of weakness, and so is our kids are have gotten older. They are engaged with the world on big issues you know that are happening. If you were seeing in our culture and in politically and you know that are just kind of there the issues of our day and we have the opportunity then as parents just to talk through those in our home and to help them to navigate that from a scriptural perspective.

Can your homeschool mom so you probably having those conversations all the time or having those conversations all day long. In fact, I was in the car with our nine-year-old and her nine-year-old said to me he's sweet sweet tender by we had been watching the Olympics and he's mom mean to be trans versus two PK email and cell conversations even from a very young age because there seeing it. The world is front and center in front of our kids and so we need to be teaching them the truth all day long, or having conversations about what is the Bible say about the things are interacting with and also just the act of reading the battle out loud to your family to your children, you know, in light conversation. It invites us to apply those words to what's going on around you guys do because I think so my parents when they hear what I want to raise a son or daughter who is a biblical worldview who loves God, who loves others. You said earlier even Psalm 127 Psalm 78. So there like that's my vision that's our goal here is how we do it again.

The church given the youth group get around Christian kids going to Christian school and again all those are great, but it sounds like you're talking even bigger then your pastor for 20 years so I know you your pro church and you want your families part of the church, but you're talking a different model yet about parents being involved in living that out right that look like in your own that's David and Wilson with Josh and Jen Mulvihill on family life to hear their response in just a minute, listening to family life today. You know how important it is to be a family on a mission. We believe that God calls us into community and to serve each other with the abundance of resources that he's blessed us with. Right now there are two ways you can partner with family life to impact lives for his kingdom. First, you can lead a small group study in your home or your church right now you can get a discount on all leader materials with the code 25 off. That's 250F. F.

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Find your people. I now you want your kids to have a biblical worldview. To love God and to love others, but what is it look like to cultivate that in the home is generally home it looks like our family worshiping together at different times in the day. So in the mornings we start together and I read the Bible out loud to our kids, and I'm not giving a sermon.

And you know I'm not asking them to like you know look up the Greek or the Hebrew. It looks like me sitting everyone down and were very cozy and I just read out loud when you read any certain Scripture like right now are reading through the book of Proverbs we read to first Kings first and second Kings this fall I tell you what the Bible is exciting, exciting, and so when what your children actually realized that the Bible is not just something I'll take book that sits on the shop like a you can't think your Bible is boring for your teaching boring. My other times where one could crawl on top of the other meat is perfectly mornings and evenings is dinner time. Josh will read to our family. We also use a book called the first book of questions and answers the little book. It's very easy and approachable. Just ask questions of your children about the Bible and it has Scripture that follows up with it the questions like who you an answer would be made. You Genesis 1 and cell. We do use tools like that to encourage our family to be in the word together and you know it's practical discipleship and sell. We saying we get creative with how we are learning hands and are we singing prayers and varies throughout the year and the season but usually I'll read in the mornings international rate and the guy I am for three times a week is a week what that were reading at night like a rock start out if I had three but the combination and the consistency. I think the I don't want anybody to beat themselves up about frequency but I do think what matters is that our kids are seeing us in the Bible and they're getting this what it communicates to them as this is important for home. My mom and dad read it and it shapes our home and it saturates our lives and that in and of itself will carry great weight with our kids that mom and dad prioritizes and they made it a part of our regular family life and up and hopefully that that value and elevation of God's word translates into a value for kids in the area have you seen other families do. This is a wonderful picture. I just don't know how many families do this.

Do you see this happening.

I manually pry have a vision for the probably teaching it at your turn. Do you family. This is unusual, something that can be commonplace. I had a family that came up to me you would train them on family worship, family devotions at home and a mom came up this one as pastor and she had her phone was waving it at me and looked pastor Josh family sat around and read the Bible together for the first time that she showed me this picture they're all on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn in the middle and she was so excited as a mom and I just want to say this you know if this is the norm in your home, don't beat yourself up. It doesn't mean anything bad about you as a parent, but I will encourage you that the Bible is this life giving, there's nothing like it that can bring some health to our home and some hope to our kids and you not God knows what our kids need to hear it feels like our world's gone crazy today. There's nothing new that were experiencing that God is not surprising to him and he is we read through the Bible, God knows what our kids need to hear and so we come across the subject matters that speak to the kinds of things were navigating today either relationally or culturally, and the Bible is so so relevant and so's we read that for us it's just a little snippets you know are talking 5 to 10 minutes and sometimes maybe a little bit longer.

Sometimes it's like you as you said, it's like did anything and you want other times the cycle that actually generated some good conversations. I didn't anticipate it will go that direction, but it's amazing to me what our kids are thinking so we were talking about dating the other day with our 12 and 15-year-old sons and my 12-year-old just started fire in questions so we were reading through the book of Ephesians Ephesians 5. This was on marriage, and he as well as asking questions like, can you date to girls that wants you not like Dongguan. And you know how you hold should I be when I start dating and how do I know it's the right one you have. This is in our 12-year-olds are kids are thinking these things and just as we were starting to read through Scripture. It like gave them the freedom to start asking the things they are thinking about it. Then they're going.

Our kids are going to go and look for the answers. And if it's not us as parents. It's going to be Google. It's going to be somebody else.

And so we want to create an open and inviting attitude and environment ask if you have questions. And this just invite some of that and just having the freedom there think it really starts with us if you said like now that our kids are older so often now as men. They've come to me in your Bibles always out with had your Bible with you. Your Bible is all marked up and I would've told you. My kids have never noticed that ever because they never said much of anything.

Although I be reading my Bible in the morning they come and climb in bed with me and I'm underlining so they want a piece of paper to underline to, but that's where it starts because when I am learning something in the word and God's work is amazing.

So when I learn something new what's my next step. I can't wait to tell them about it like you guys listen to what I read today what he does this all what you guys think of this discussions around the table or at bedtime or breakfast. That's our spiritual duty as parents and it's not something we have to do something. We get to do and when we walk with God and the power the Holy Spirit. We then exhibit the fruit of the spirit. And so our homes are filled with love and joy and peace patients, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. That's different from the world and what I'm hearing you say is if we have a goal that our children will one day be men and women who love God and love others and were not. It's like how do we expect that to happen if they don't see it again. We can't do it perfectly, but what I hear you saying is if this this is an overflow that you guys are devouring the Bible with our kids because were supposed to, you know, we wrote a book about it and it's a good thing.

No, it's overflow and if anybody can sniff that out our kids. They know it's real or mom and dad are doing process. They were told to do. But when it's real. So I think for some of us listening today it's like you know where you start right here in the mirror. Start with me is like wow is the word of God alive in my life why Sherry should and love is Jesus alive in my life and if he isn't expected to be passed down to the next generation if they don't student me so I guess there with me. I think I love about you guys to youth given us the tools because maybe some of us aren't as diligent in writing out the plan for us and so this gives us a way think what are those things that I need to leave. I can't entrain and so thanks for doing you been listening to Damien Wilson with Josh and Ken Mulvihill on family life to the book is called 50 things every child needs to know before leaving home.

You can order a copy@familylifetoa.com.

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You can use the code 25 office 250 FF to save on all leader materials and a lot of us experienced the tragedy of not having a father in our lives.

Next week David and will be joined by Blair and shy land to talk about God's providence in the same situation. We hope you can join us on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm Shelby Abbott will see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life in a is section of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most