Don Everts: Great News About Open Doors

Turns out God knows what he's talking about and he calls his people Old Testament and New Testament to be hospitable. The part of a life well lived in part of being his people is where you love the stranger love the alien be hospitable. The New Testament where the Greek word for show hospitality is Philo Zinnia which means love of the stranger and family life to a where we might help you pursue relationships that matter most and will think that I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live today.com or on our family life and family life over the years we've had quite a few people live with in and out that you your lab because tell the listener wire laughing. Go ahead. I'll just let you express it well.

It was always a wonderful thing to invite somebody they usually love their basement that we finished. It had their own living space, but after a very time I got a little frustrated but just say that I is that you craft my life. I remember doing it so funny though just now. I felt bad for you because what would happen. Generally speaking, we sometimes we had young women young man that kind of needed a place for a time to be and what would happen if I find you up in the bedroom hiding and you are also jealous because you said I come home and talk to you in your sitting there and I lost my wife felt like she was so concerned about the person living with us feeling welcome and love.

She didn't care about me and my heart is always on me like I did not do a great job of I guy would put all my attention on them and you did feel a lot and it's a bad way to introduce a topic that you encourage listeners to do, but we got.Evers back with us.your pastor, your dad, you read this book on research and working to get into what were dogma right now on out 20 books I read how to develop spiritually vibrant homes. So first of all let me say we love last two days here. Welcome back for life today great to be with you.

Likewise, it's fun to think about the things you it is that I want the reasons obviously were bringing this up and you can remind your listeners, but as you studied this spiritually vibrant homes and homes to say what were the commonalities. This made them spiritually vibrant you found three things messy prayers you called loud tables we've Artie talked about those two you don't know what those words mean. Then when I got there you go Alyssa and trust me those two conversations go change your life. But then the third one I didn't see coming. You know open doors is what you call it is sort a little bit what were talking about, but explain what that means that we can see it coming either.

You know when you do research like this. You go in with some hypotheses. We think working to find this unit we did not think we would find that one of the commonalities that corresponds with more vibrant faith is that households extend hospitality for their people in and out of their household on a regular basis. Every month some people to set now I know I know I don't.

Some people you know it because I'm about to get like crazy excited about hospitality, so limited and let me just qualify it by saying sometimes a household is not in a place healthy enough place yeah I like to throw open the door. Sometimes there's dysfunction in a home and you gotta that's what you need to focus on and on about and it also doesn't mean that they come and live in our basement, exactly, exactly. And there are levels about how wide you cracked the door. You can open a little water you just take the door off the hinges. So there's different ways people can do it so I just want to qualify that same time are saying.

Your house doesn't have to be perfect like you have to be the perfect house with the perfect accord with the perfect meal. That's right that's right. This was the surprising one. Friends. This was surprising. Now it made us go back to the Scriptures and then we repented and said we should not of been surprised about that because it turns out, God knows what he's talking about calls his people. Old Testament and New Testament to be hospitable.

The part of a life well lived in part of being his people is where you extend hospitality so we should've been surprised we were and what the research told us is that the more you have people in and out of your household the more vibrant the faces of the people living there and it's not necessarily that you have Christians coming in and out of your house.

Will it be non-Christians are coming and it could be people who are coming in because there a tutor and write you be paying them to come in and tutor your kid or it could be grandparents coming to be boyfriends and girlfriends. The more open your doors, the more hospitality there is the more vibrant the faces and what shocked me in this, because the researchers at Barnum & Bailey never talk about causality. Don't ever say a causes be, they just say there's a correlation between 1/2 this one they talk different one because they said it causes it is about having more people in and out of your household that actually doesn't just correspond with but it affects and increases faith formation okay so what is it I mean, what is it about having leave out of town know they don't know you know you well. I have my thoughts I have my theories about it. So here's an interesting thing. One of things that they found his there's something about the dynamics of a household that has people in and out of it all the time right where sometimes the effect is like.

So you have a strong Christian from churches coming over and they're having a great influence on your family but maybe you have someone needy or non-Christian is coming in, but you're still navigating them as a household, like you're living out your faith in your relationships in a way that your whole household is seeing that and being a part of that together and so like what I expected in the research to be really honest with you, so this'll just show my bias and will be embarrassed. My thought was when it came to household types that having a nuclear household to parents and kids in the household. They'd be getting high scores. It turns out multigenerational households in single-parent households do better in this regard because they have more people in and out of their household. You may have the people coming over, because you need help right. Why need help on this. I need I need my neighbor come over and help me with my plumbing or whatever.

There's something about that interaction. There's something about the world coming in and hanging out and you is a household navigating that in your kids watching you do that that cruiser for it so interesting because we can feel like in this culture, we need to protect absolute our family. I believe we have that under no roof put up the walls protect – especially with non-Christians. Yes it does any non-Christians. This means just yet door is open and people are coming and it's interesting. So in the New Testament. It turns out we were called again and again enter the Old Testament love the stranger love the alien be hospitable. The New Testament where the Greek word for show hospitality is Philo Zeni, which means love of the stranger and I would say xenophobia, fear of the stranger is more what we can be tempted by and I want to close off my kids on the close of my household from the evil world out there and I'm not saying like, don't be mindful obviously about how you interact with culture. That's not what I'm saying but with the research says is that the more insular a household is, the more there's a risk factor for not having vibrant faith meeting is its mean everyone was shocked at this is why women back to Scripture to see what they were saying if you break it down, it's interesting. So some household types struggle with this more so the ones who are doing well with this are like households with kids are doing way better. This is another thing we found the presence of kids in a household increases spiritual activity. In a fascinating yeah because we tend to think like when you having kids you like me to fight my kingdom for a quiet time. You know my house is crazy.

I don't feel but actually having kids present increases get this the research says that houses without kids in and out of them 60% of those households interact in the Bible together, but if you have kids in household goes up to 87% real if you household without kids.

83% of those are doing some kind of prayer together. If your kids present goes up to 95% and then talking about your faith those households without kids.

88% do it.

95% with kids because kids get people in and out of your house when you're interacting you're doing things with each other so there's something about just kind of going live as a household and having other people in. I can tell you so but said he was a dear friend of ours where we lived.

When I was writing this book. She's from Nigeria.

She's a single woman in our church and we just we love her in which she was in and out of our house all the time and I love having meals with her because she is such a different life experience and my kids were hearing about that and we had my mom and stepdad move in with us eight years ago and so we are raising our kids with grandparents in the home and my stepdad is weird and yet to be able to dinner table to be able say he bows will you pray for our dinner tonight.

Here's the deal that was risky, because you never knew, but the kids there, getting to interact with someone else's faith other than just their parents. I can see examples from my own life of how other people have influenced my household because my wife she's just an evangelist and she's magnet and everyone wants to be with her, with lots of non-Christians in our household where we live.

Right now it's regular that we have Muslims and Hindus in our house on a regular basis as were right on the campus. There's always international students.

My son is in high school. It is getting to see us interact with people from different contacts and he's getting to see is just like be really open and like build trust and build bridges of trust to gain a hearing and then when they're curious, he seeing us how we talk about our faith and how we don't talk about our faith that makes me think of first Thessalonians 28 which says so being affectionately desirous of you we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives because you had become very dear to us that is exactly what were talking about since our lives. I remember even when our kids were little, we have the neighbor kids lived at our house yesterday night we knew what was going on with that might let they were struggling and we would be praying for them and then as I got older I remember our sensing i.e. really need to talk to my friend this girl. She's really struggling.

This is going on and she doesn't have anybody so they were even intentional to bring people into our home so that we could pray for them that we could hear them that we can't help them in any way possible that your really thought much about that like that ignited their own faith and King. We can love these people and I would add this it's important that our kids don't see us judging like a singular. Muslims have coming and like why would they believe that, of course, they were raised in that and so to look at them to pray for them to want them to know Jesus but to respect and honor them as well.

We did a whole of the research project on spiritual conversations with non-Christians in an how that goes. And what's helpful what non-Christians like ANOVA and one of things that it shows us is that the first key is gaining here you have to build trust sort kids are seeing us not just you know, why do you pray to thousands of gods. As a Hindu and what makes you think the real wire towels holy. You know they get to see us go. It was good to see you and to love them and talk about life and summerlike modeling that sort of thing. One of the tools we have in this chapter on the hospitality on open doors is a household map. We encourage people to like map out there household their core household like who lives with you and your household and the extended household. So like my kids friends who are over all the time there actually a part of my household. As the Bible understands households.

The average household size in the Old Testament was 5200 people. Yeah, because household for them. They didn't have this idea of a nuclear household. It was us, and then my uncles and cousins and grandparents in the other tradesmen in the travelers coming through town is staying with us in Genesis we have Jacobs household is actually listed 70 people in his household. Now that doesn't mean we need to like living communes and all that sort of thing. But like to understand like a whole household includes your nuclear or your core household people you live with and all these other people when you start thinking about that. So when I was doing research I start think about it and I was like mobile study. She's a part of my extended household and just thinking about that made me more mindful of that relationship. My kids same thing because my wife is a great cook all their fans are coming over right there. Part of my extended household. What's my role to try to influence them and try to love on them and be an encouragement for them.

It changes the game of how your thinking about things to like map out weaving creative cool cartoon video to help people like figure out by will the grandparents live really far away, but they zoom every week. Are they a part of our household like there's ways of thinking about that, but the more mindful we are kind of this larger orbit, the more active were to be with that in the research tells us, it causes her faith to grow what you say that the parent that is hearing this in their group with fear. Often you think and use the analogy of the submarine verse, the rescue ship. We think submarine I want to lock our family down if I want to lock all the hours that level around you, and I got check my kids. There's bad influences out there in they may have to be exposed to them at school or in the public square, but in my home.

I don't control so I'm not letting any of that in my home you're sick and almost yes it will mean again, there may be occasions and there may be context is actuation's work that is the right thing to do and I really want to acknowledge that I think you like were protecting our kids.

I'm thinking exactly totally in terms of like any kind of abuse there, but I will say this the default assumption that insulating our kids or households from the world around us will necessarily grow our faith is false. It's kind of like cul-de-sacs. Cul-de-sacs are great right in the really fun but the image that we have now is that there safer because it's our little pocket right here, my kids, you know what turns out, traffic wise. Cul-de-sacs are statistically more dangerous than regular streets. That doesn't mean don't live on a cul-de-sac. Primaries have to be wise is there different.

That's why they're not quite a safe good people are used to navigating them and all that kind of similar in the sense of we just assume if you circle the wagons. My kids faith will grow or will be stronger. It's just not necessarily true. There's something about hospitality that if your family has occasion I'm trying to get meant to answer your question now qualifying my way to it right so people have fear of that if there's something real to fear than fear. But if the fear is this like general xenophobic like I need to protect my kids purity above all else. Default thought that that's what it means to be a faithful believer than I would challenge that both through what the Scripture calls us to and with the research tells us that actually there's a way I did campus ministry for 18 years and some of the people who struggled most to launch as believers right in and to own their faith and to know how to navigate the world and and be salt and light.

Some of the people have the hardest time with that with the ones who grew up in a little Christian bubble and they had been so protected that their muscles didn't develop and so we want more for kids you know what we want for kids. We want more for them for them to be safe and happy we were talking about, you know what your goals for your kids like I want you to be used and to be a warrior for God and to thrive in this world and all that that protection alone actually will not result in probably sold to someone with fear.

I would say just crack your door little bit even a way of doing that just in the prayer life of your household.

Start praying for people that are outside of your household like that's even safe. You have to really praying is praying for others, but your inviting those in your household to be more mindful of people who are in your orbit. I will add this to Don.

I was thinking about this when we wrote our parenting book to know who you are to know what your passions are to know what you have file because I'm thinking of Dave he may not like Person Come in and Have This Face-To-Face Really Deep Conversation Immediately, but What Dave Is a Genius of Playing yet He Is so Good. Let's Play a Game. Let's Make up This Game I Play Basketball, Football, so He's in Our Front Yard Would Say to. He's the Only Dad outside Yeah the Kids He Is a Magnet When They Can't Even like 10-year-old 12-year-old Boys. They Would Knock on the Door and They Would Say to Mr. Wilson Come out in the Plan Have Any Time Any Spongy :-) and so Maybe If You're a Dad or a Mom and You Think I Don't Feel Comfortable Just Going This Deep Spiritual Conversation Just Who Are You, Maybe Your Gamer Yeah You Know I Think Dave Use Your Gifts As a Magnet.

Use Your Gifts and Here's the Reality. The Research Told Us You Know the Three Things Mr. Perez Loud Tables Open Doors. The Research Also Told Us There Are Two Catalysts That Make All Three of Those Happen More Food and Fun. Those Are the Two Catalysts and and so Having Fun Interacting with People Doing Things Creates an Atmosphere Draws People in, Which Makes Those Other Three Things More Likely to Happen Now Is Are There Things You Say under This Part of Your Book. You Know Cracked the Door Little Bit and Open a Little Wider Is Start a Small Group, You Know May Not Even Have a Bible Say in Your Home. We Did That and so Our Kids and We Warning Think about When There Were Seven, Eight Years Old. There Watching Our Neighbors Walk in Our Doors Sit around Open the Bible and Have Spiritual Conversations and Arguments He Had Disagreements about the Topics That's a Really Good Thing. We Realize a Right but They're Seeing Is Not Just Well My Parents Go to Church. They Must Care about the Bible Because They Even Do It at Home Even Have Friends Were Overdoing It. You Know for for Those Who Are Listening in Her Light so Good at Any of These Things on a New Christian Owner You Know How I Do This Here's a Real Cheater Because on a Grow, to Appear Somewhat Your Church That Your Site Man, to Be like Them Are like a Parent, Kids Man in My Mother Now Have Them over Having Kids at the Table with Them and and Just Tell Him He Tells Your Testimony Here in a Tell Something about Your Faith. Let Them Influence You You I Mean Let Them Rub off on Your Kids. That's Just a Little Cheater. And Guess What There and Rub off on You to so Hey, Here's a Question That I Didn't See Directly Addressed in the Book.

What about Your Marriage. How Important Is a Good Marriage for Your Kids in a Spiritually Vibrant Hell Yeah, I Mean I Wasn't You Know the Focus of the Research so We Don't Have Research on That. But I've Been Married 25 Years Is Great for 30 Years Mean Something so Key Because That's the Furnace of Everything in the Household for Married Help for a Couple Household Right so for a Household Where You Do Have a Husband and Wife.

The Health of That and by Health I Don't Just Mean like It's Pristine and It's Always Hello Honey and Things Are Perfect, but like Those so We at We Have a Saying in Our Marriage in Our Household That My Wife Made up Mess up Fess up. So One of Our like Rules Is a Household.

One of Our like, Virtues Is You Mess up Fess up so for Our Kids to See Wendy and I Reconcile with Each Other Is Huge. So like the Health of the Marriage, but That Doesn't Mean like That Were Perfect, but That They See Is Communicating.

They See Us Mess up Fess up with Each Other Is Huge Is Key for All the Reasons Right and You Just Smiling Because You Are Just a Minute. It's so Key to All of This and so That's Why You Know If Someone's Marriage Is on the Rocks and All That Likely Will Start Hospitality Your Focus on. That's the Next Right Thing Get Good There so It Feels like.

In Some Ways When I Hear You Say That Done.

It's like I Can't Really Lead or Model for My Family.

A Spiritually Vibrant Home All the Things We Talk about Messy Prayers Loud Tables Open Doors… And Overflow My Own Personal Walk. We Got the Same Thing with the Marriage Is like Manna for Not Working on Her Marriage.

First, We Have A Lot to Give to Our Kids Because You're Frustrated and Your Angry and Your but If You're Working on That I Was As Perfect As We Said That Very Well, but Man That's Where My Energies Going First. I'm Going to Meet with God, Myself, and Out Of That and Come Prayers and Conversations in Hospitality, but If This That First Real in Me and in My Marriage.

Good Luck with It Ever Be Extended Your Family Here Listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Don Everts on Family Life to a Hair More in Just a Minute, Including Encouragement. If You Have an Unbelieving Spouse. But First, Dave Was Saying Is so True. Your Marriage Is Foundational to the Health of Your Family Were Excited Here at Family Life Because We've Got Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaways Going on All over the Country This Fall and I Got the President of Family Life David Robbins with Me, David. These Events Are Life-Changing and We've Got an Exciting Deal Going on Right Now. This Is an Exciting Time at Family Live Because This Is Every Year around This Time, We Have 1/2 off Cell That Gives You the Best Price Possible to Come to We Can Remember and Have a Life-Changing Experience As a Couple and Invest in Your Marriage Very Intentionally. I Was Recently at We Can Remember and Had Someone Email Me Afterward. It Was a Couple That's Been Married 16 Years and in Their Email They Said That Friends and Invited Them to Attend. We Can Remember and Told Him It Was a Game Changer for Them and I Quote We Came Thinking Our Marriage Was in a Good Place and Not Sure How It Could Improve, but We Believe That God Had a Vision for Us That Was beyond What We Could See We Came and God Answered Our Prayer and Exceeded Our Expectations.

I'm Surprised but Grateful and Glad That We Also Can Say This Is Been a Game Changer for Us to so Wherever You Are. If You're Married, Megan. I've Gone the Weekends to Remember. Through the Years When We Been Really Struggling and Challenging Times. We've Also Gone to Weekends. Remember during Times of the Been Great in Rome the Same Page but We Want to Tuneup Wherever You Are, God Will Meet You There and It Can Be a Game Changer in the Season of Your Life. I Want You to Go and Take Advantage of This Half off Sale. Yes Please Do. Just Go to Family Life in a.com to Find Your Getaway and Save 50%. That's Family like Today.com Right Now, Back to David and with Don Everett and Some Herdsmen Have an Unbelieving Spouse Is Done We Did Qualitative Research Some Interviews with People so There Are Number People Minutes Not I Can Give a Statistic but You Know Where You Have One Spouse Is a Believer and the Other Is Not.

As a Part of the Research As Well. And Here's the Good News That I Want to Say Is That for the One Who Is a Believer Who Submitted like Maybe There Listening to This Know It Will Be Great for You and My Husband Was a Believer like Cared about His Faith.

The Good News Is the Kind of Spiritual Coaching the Kind of Initiating All That Stuff Even Works You Can Work It Is More Powerful If the Two Are like Lockstep with Each Other, Absolutely, Unquestionably, but There Are People Listening Who Aren't in That Situation, for Whatever Reason I and the Good News Is like They Can Be a Spiritual Coach. They Can Initiate the Things They Can Be Creating a Spiritually Vibrant Household Even If There's like a Holdout in the Household Still Are Having Great Impact, Absolutely. And That's Why It Can Be Messy and That's What That's What We Found. Doesn't Have To Be Pristine, Doesn't Have To Be Husband-Wife Holding Hands, Leaving a Devotion It Be a Messy Thing That Is Happening Even That Helps Growth If They Die, Would You Be Willing to Pray a Messy Prayer. Yes, for the Family.

This Listening Mom or Dad That You Mentioned Earlier Feels like While Were Were Not Vibrant or Dormant You but We Want to Get Out Of That. Would You Prefer You Spray Father, I Thank You for the Ways That Your Word Shines a Light into Every Area of Life, Including Households and I Just Intercede On Behalf Of Those Who Are Listening Father Who Are Maybe Feeling Conviction or Shame or Guilt or Confusion or Excitement but Not Knowing What to Do and Father.

I Just Pray That You Would, That Your Love Would Surround Them That They Would Be Uplifted and Inspired by the Reality That You Care about the Health of Their Household and Everyone in It Even More Than They Do and That You Are a God Who Is Pursuing All of Them and I Pray Father That You Would Use Some of the Scriptures We Talked about Some of the Insights from Research to Call Them to One Small Step Would You Even Right Now Is There Listening Bring an Image to Mind of One Little Thing That They Could Do Out Of Faithfulness. And Even If It's Out Of Fear Is Bold to Ask Father That You Would Even Give Them One Picture Right Now of a Step That They Could Take and Give Them the Courage to Do It.

Father, We Thank You That You Care about Households That One of the Agendas of Your Holy Spirit Is to Be Moving in Our Households and Helping Them Grow Stronger and Heal to Thank You for Your Activity That Precedes Our Activity in the House.

We Pray in Jesus Name, Amen. You Been Listening to Damon and Wilson with Don Everts on Family Life Is Book Is Called the Spiritually Vibrant Home, the Power of Messy Prayers, Loud Tables and Open Doors You Can Get a Copy at Family Life. The Day.com Join Us Tomorrow with the Wilson's and Film Producers Steven and Alex Kendrick to Hear How They Stay in Step with the Lord While Creating New Films and You Hear about the Latest Project They've Been Working on a Film Called Life Market, the True Story of a Woman Who Chose Life Seconds before She Was about to Get an Abortion Is the Story of Julie Life Adoption and Help On Behalf Of Damon and Wilson. I'm Shall Be Added See That Next Time for Another Edition of Family Life Today Life Today Is Production of Family Life Accrued Ministry Helping You Pursue the Relationships That Matter Most