Larry Fowler & Tim Kimmel: Get Serious about Grandparenting

Never sacrifice the permanent on the altar.

The immediate, the grandkids are permanent Vichy teachers how long their go live the good to live forever, and because they are actually eternal people. I think we need to grandparent them without my act I think we do so much better in life.

If we always keep an eternal backdrop welcome the family life that they were. We want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Dave Wilson and nothing you can find a family like today.com or on family life.

This is family life today. If you would list in order the people have the greatest impact on children number one would obviously be parents with summer to I arty know this because you cannot parents which surprised me. The first time I heard it. I'm shocked at you because I thought it would be culture that would be friends, movie stars, athletes, and its grandparent guy read is most definitely grandparents and yet I know for us the least amount of training is offered to grandparents about how to have a godly Christian impact on our grandkids. There's I'm a member say this Pastor Richard for 30 years.

It became a very large church, no grandparent ministry in 30 years that's embarrassing to say out loud that I've found a lot of churches that way that's going to change today Dr. Jim Campbell and Larry Fowler in the studio in order to talk about intentionally training grandparents that have the impact that were called to have on our grandkids so will convey left today like you laughing already. Well, it's already changing when we started our ministry is why leaving because no because God's doing the work he's doing work in the heart of a lot of people in and were just one. Of those, but there was not a single church in America that was doing a grandparent ministry day so you don't need to feel bad when we start about one that we can fight regular was we didn't know where the wasn't any interesting when I endorse and decide write this book on grandparenting I'd written several books at that point and so never any trouble getting a publisher excited about my next they want to write about.

When I went them didn't want to do it it said in her argument was. There's nothing out there on that and I'm thinking to be first, and I said, you understand that in the next few years millions of people becoming grandparent. The average age of a first-time grandparents 47 years old is a real But they didn't want to do it so we did our video study. First, we would always evolve.

I will do this in churches started devouring this and then a publisher came with the way we saw this is really good stuff and I reminded them the five years earlier.

I know how you let me underscore how rare Tim's vision was. He was real visionary for this because there are 30 million Christian grandparents in the United States. When we started our ministry we were looking for where the resources that were out there. 2000. What 2016 hi and Tim and Darcy's book extreme. Grandparenting was the only book that had been written that on Paxil role of a grantor only book that been written between the year 2000 and 2016. So 16 year.

30 million people and only one book published by publisher on the top and now what's happening well publishers are catching on and and ministries are catching on you, Larry.

Tell us about your ministry legacy coalition, we see that there are many, many Christian grandparents are just missing opportunities to impact her grandchildren because they don't have a vision and so we exist to equip them and give them a vision for their potential. You started by talking about grandparents, our second, we want them to really see their potential for spiritual impact not only to see their potential, but also to see their biblical responsibility for spiritual impact, and to do everything we can to equip them when we do that through physical resources. Things I can hold in our hands but we also do it through webinars in the conference call the legacy grandparenting summit go to legacy coalition.com and you'll see all the old information are now as you think about not just a conference but what you do is a ministry you're trying to help grandparents like us go from, I would pray for my grandkids to intentionally you called intentional Christian grandparenting intentionally impacting them for the kingdom.

We don't realize not only the impact we have on our grandkids when were intentional but the impact we have on them were not intentional. We wrote this book extreme grandparenting.

What we were surprised that is when we started getting emails from mom's and dad's young couples. I got this book and I read it and I exited to my parents. I don't get it. They live in the same town with us a few miles away, but they just don't have hardly any involvement in our kids lives and the only time they they want to come by is when is convenient to them and in person why they don't want to be involved. What will some night we addressed this in the book is is a really messed up idea of retirement and some people think you know I paid my dues and I've done all that and it's not my turn anymore and my turned to just relax, enjoy likely retirement is some not.some kind of a personal take out time like it just means you don't go to the place where you're making a living, but you're still have a life to live in a difference. To make and so just trying to equip them to say there's a deliberateness to it and when you write face the difficulties that many grandparents face in this relationship with her kids or grandkids. There's hope for that. There's ways that you can get through this thing through the power of God's grace and make that them because it might grandkids think that is far as I'm concerned, there are barely a footnote that help frame a very false impression about the God who made them what you and Darcy started gray space families easy writing books year traveling around the country you're speaking.

And yet, I think some grandparents and I am super busy but you guys are making it a priority. How well this like anything that you take on in life. Do you realize this is the big reason why I am here is that you make the other be priorities now to be a priority to talk with you guys before, on air about this one principle that is so come to my rescue have to make hard choices never sacrifice the permanent on the altar. The immediate grandkids are permanent. He secures how long they're gonna live the gonna live forever. They have a expiration date under human life, but not on your life and because there actually eternal people.

I think we need to grandparent them without my deck I think we do so much better in life. If we always keep an eternal backdrop screensaver behind what were doing and I think it gives us much more of a chance.

I think to bring God's heart to the middle. I think the thing I love about you Tim is every time I talk to you about your grandkids, you end up somewhere along the line crying so passionate about and you love them so much.

I didn't go up in the church. I had great parents that I came from a family that never kissed and hugged and never said affirming words. I knew they loved me, but all of that was absent but when I walked in the door to see my grandmother, I was named after I get teary thinking of it because I is happened throughout my entire childhood I blocking the door, she grabbed me by the shoulders and the youngest of four CE. Can you feel forgotten. Anyway, she grabbed me by the shoulders and she looked me in the eye. She kissed me on the lips. She said something this evening she went hugged me, hold me, and then she would ask me this question.

How are you doing I was important person in the world is not that I didn't have good parenting is either trying to do their thing. But just put in Jesus with the deal change it's a life changer. There's a verse in the Bible. I want to change that probably sounds to third John four.

According to Larry day notice.

Here I is for the verse that says I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth, so there's I will change it no greater joy than to hear that my grandchildren walk because that's another generation out. In fact, there's nothing in this world that I want more than my grandkids to be and have nothing nothing nothing nothing and I'm sure that those are listing or grandparents would agree with that and so why wouldn't that drive us and give us such a sense of purpose in this stage of life and that sense of purpose can carry us to our deathbed. Really, it can be the last significant purpose. I might speak for some the think when a grandparent hears that well that's some Mars kids are going to do for grandkids, not us saying it's like they're on their lives were just a little part. But even that conversation with you guys is reminded me of the vision of a vision over here like it and inspired which every grandparent needs to be inspired because we can all of us can fall into paid my price I worked hard. These are the years I sort of coast and I'll be loving to my grandkids, but I'm not on mission anymore WHAT you are on mission. It is your grandchildren who are to walk in the truth, not just your kids, your sons may not even be walking in the truth but you said earlier, this is Mulligan time I get a chance to correct what I may have done wrong. Like anything I have on the lake using the next balls better as I don't do what I did and you get a chance now to say I need a vision. You guys are creating a vision that is so need all of our families are messy is just that right out there. We all have missing us and our families are no perfect families. There's also many families are not intact families and by intact. I mean ones that have a mom and the dad and grandpa and grandma on one side and grandpa and grandma on the other side but is still helpful for all of us to understand what the biblical ideal your my background is Christian education and I've known for many years that an ideal situation in a church if you're going to disciple kids in the church context. You need a ratio of at least 1 to 6. In other words, one leader for six kids. If you have more than that, then it's a real struggle.

You know what God's ratio is this 1 to 6 and 61 teacher children and your children's children think about a family for that actually happened. You know what that would mean it would mean that mom and dad and grandpa and grandma on the side and grandpa and grandma on the other side are all devoted to doing everything they can to influence that child for Christ.

All the childhood long. To me that's just this powerful powerful vision of what God has for our family and so often when we think of God's vision for family. We just think of parents and the kids, but grandparents are very, very much a part of it to be blended him and you could be a single grandma grandpa out there. It still has a huge amount of influence in your life you know that there is a story we tell the book about you sometime to parents just to get beside himself with a kid. They just don't know what to do in this one couple.

They had daughter that just gotten gender confused and frustrated and was started acting out and so she started representing yourself is a different gender and changer looks and she got tougher and and the parent just to know when they were scared and he did.

He really didn't know what to do. It was a grandfather who love that girl and he decided he's gonna just be in her life will he had these couple guys that were they always had breakfast together to diner this town when these guys are other Christian guys and he said look, my granddaughters have this problem when I got to spend some time with her.

I wouldn't mind you guys join us as we always have.

We have a lot of fun. We talk about stuff, but if you have a problem with her in your invoice that you to put her down and you're going to react. Then just have breakfast there and I'm done with you guys and a dealbreaker on it. When she came in and she's tough and she just found out that she's just trying just to push and every button on them to try and get them to take the bait justified heard that nobody gets me but that grandpa just a right on point with her and she got through that very confusing time in her life that he found that he sent me to keep in mind is guys like my agent came from a generation. It would usually handle that differently. And frankly poorly but God gives us a chance to every sales. Obviously, again, the power in the role of a grandpa power in the hospital is our grace in one of the things we talk about a lot in our ministry is the importance of balancing grace and truth. We base that on of what is said about Jesus that he was full of grace and truth. And we need to be Jesus to our families. You know what I think our generations got wrong.

We don't balance up very well and we hope we hold truth really high so that's why we get so frustrated with many of the constant sermon eaters so and we want them to know the truth but we don't place the same value on grace.

That's why Tim's ministry is so important and it's important for grandparents here. In fact, I think we need a coin in the work and we can work.

What is grace parents and grandparents. Maybe when you're a parent, you really train your kids to know the word and you want them to do that, but the role of a grandparent needs to be one in which we lead with grace first in your stories and perfect perfect illustration of that. That's a single neat when you mention grace parents.

I thought if we lead with grace. You can bring truth. Yes, if you only leave the truth they usually are around for the grace part. Well I think if you buy truth and you can lead with grace, but you let people think you know they always go to get to know you I can be a very truthful person and I very ungracious. I do not think you could be a gracious person and not be truthful to grandma come to me at a seminar and she said my son has declared himself to be an atheist, and she says I've been praying about it and talking about with the ladies in my Bible study group, a nurse there saying just keep giving them the gospel to give them the gospel because there's power in the gospel and wheeled out there right right there is power in the gospel but she's pushing truth on him and so I said, how's it working. She said not so well this is just he's just closing me off shutting me off more and more and I said so you been trying to lead with truth.

How about and how long have you been doing that she says is been going on about 10 years so I said so why don't you think about leaving with grace for the next 10 years and see what got my gym and it blew her away because that is a completely different approach than what our generation normally taken grandparents need to be ones who lead with grace. I know that and I never thought about this till this very moment is a little boy. I don't even know how I navigated two alcoholic parents best friend and brother died and his mom that go through divorce while my brother died right after the divorce removed from my hometown of New Jersey, whereas born to Ohio why I didn't know then only one reason for my grandparents were doing grandparents. I know I never knew my dad's grandparents but my mom's parents were in Ohio we moved there because she's now single mom in the early 60s which is pretty rare then and all I can remember when, and was shared about her grandma.

I thought I had Hallie Krause in my life and I was in chaos and I felt unloved and I do every time I walked in her kitchen. She bear hug me. She knew I his crime is lighthouse. I am the foundation of his life because he didn't have it and I never understood it until this moment saying thank you for Hallie Krause been my life and now we get to be that for our grandkids, who fortunately have great parents and the legacies been Perfect but change that we can be that showing be not only lighthouse we can be Jesus to those kids for the legacies can impact the world. And so a really important message for all the grandparents that have some sort of barrier to the grand jury is to listen to what you just said and understand that intentional unconditional love is the most important thing that they can possibly do have another grandma come up to me at a seminar and said my son is an atheist. I can talk to my daughter about God or I can see her but I can never do both because a minute that I mention God to my granddaughter will never be allowed to see her again in this grandma was feeling like what can I do you know what's possible.

She can pray for and she can love that granddaughter she need to honor what the father said to not say anything about God, but that doesn't keep her from doing that.

The other things and and those can be incredibly incredibly powerful but maybe we won't see it yeah you know when I think that the first and second century church. That's when the church grew the fastest. What's interesting course when you have any church anything is a pretty fast move, but they they grew fast and it never grew was proportionally faster than it did the first two centuries. Now think about though they didn't even have a Bible they didn't have a seminary. There were no churches coming out of the ground. What they had was a transformed life that God had done something amazing for them. That changed everything in the who and when they realize a Jesus hung on the cross to take all their junk in their shame and their medicine everything and he paid it all and he loves him and he's received any skip, and he wrote roasted did to validate and and that it just got so next thing you know there was a different view on slaves or slavery different view on women different view on medicine on the poor on the SICU, you name it. Suddenly in people to sin. This is running counter to everything we know, like during the big plagues everybody plea town.

The Christians would move in the middle just written by this passion, kindness towards people will when people whine and complain about how bad things are.

To date be nice if grandkids no matter, I'm fine because you know I have a grandma who always give me that there are I have this granddad who just won't give up on you and I gospel spread through employee costs never really got households write this letter. The family that's the same risk as per the day they were given the gospel return to somber clearing Scripture or anything like that. They were just caring and loving them, and no one was shocked at how messed up everybody was because every fight to start with you anyway. We we have a chance we can do something amazing are our passion is to mobilize 30 million Christian grantor, let me just give a big enough vision where you cannot.

Tim already said the average person in America becomes a grandparent age 47 right now the average grandparent has four grandchildren. But when their kids are done having kids they'll have an average of six so six grandkids is average. If you take 30 million Christian grandparents. We know there's some overlap and then flip the numbers around. There are probably 100 million of the youngest Americans that have a Christian grantor hundred million now if those Christian grandparents are sitting on their hands and their retiring and thinking all my job is just to play with Elmer help support the learner or maybe just enjoy life in the retirement narcissism we will get very far, but that is a huge army turn this country around the 500 million rounds of this country just those hundred million kids just had their Christian grandparents stepped into the role and be as intentional as they could possibly be Larry will you just pray, pray for us. Grandparents you're listening to Dave and a Wilson with Larry Fowler and Tim Kimmell on family life to a you have no doubt that Larry is the real deal. When you hear his prayer in just a second. The first sure to find out more about the legacy grandparenting summit that's coming up October 21 and 22nd in Jacksonville, Florida. He got a family like today.com to learn more and if Jacksonville is too far for you. You can find one of the more than 100 locations will be live streaming the event again, go to family like today.com for all the details.

And while you're there, you can also get Larry Fowler's e-book called overcoming grandparent barriers, not today's conversation about godly grandparenting is all about legacy. What kind of legacy are you leaving family life where passionate about helping families leave a godly legacy through the power of the gospel. So when you partner financially with family life here helping not just families today families generations from now if that's exciting to you. I would ask you partner financially with us and is our thanks when you give today will send you a copy of Michael and Melissa Kruger's book 5 things to pray for your spouse and get your copy when you give it family life to a.com or by calling 800-358-6329 to 2000 F as in family Al as in life and in the word today. Right now, here's Larry Fowler with a touching prayer for grandparents hello heavenly father, thank you that you're not done with me. Thank you that as I get toward the later decades of life that I can still be filled with purpose and father a purpose that it involves those that I love the most. My children and my grandchildren and those generations it will follow them. Thank you that you're not done with all the grandparents that are listening in the Christian grandparents in America and the countries beyond father we pray that you will give us a new sense of purpose that you will help us to be intentional. Help us to see our potential for impact and father may you use us to accomplish great things in our families, and in this country and we pray this in Jesus name, amen. You know it's easy to sprint to God at 100 miles an hour when were in pain or when things are going wrong but other times we might just straight up not feel like praying for even reading to be honest. So what can it look like to have full dependence on God all the time about David and Wilson are to talk about that tomorrow with Jeff Noris on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm shall be added. See back next time for another edition of family life to family life. Today's a production of family life accrued ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most