Justin & Lindsey Holcomb: Kids and Body Image

The first audience would read Genesis they would've read this and been alone away dazzled that this phrase would've been used that day are representative of some sort to reflect Yahweh. I am who I am that God the one who redeemed us the one who kicked the bus of the Egyptian gods in the planes and then the Red Sea that God welcome to family life to help you pursue the relationship the matter mouth and Wilson Dave Wilson and you can find his daily life today.com or on our family life, family life coaching boys and young men for years and years my joys in life that I love football so it isn't because of football it developing boys and the men coaching is all about and he's been doing it all ages from five years old to 18. Basically, to be with my boys changed in terms of how boys feel about things that I was shocked at what is go to middle school basketball was when I played no school basketball if you want to have a scrimmage is a you guys take your shirts off you guys are certain skins & despite 20 years ago, halos, ghost shirts and skins and they looked at me like what Mike just take your shirt off will have different jerseys, color jerseys and the boys refuse to take off their shirts and I said what's going on here. I just was naïve there like we are not taken off her shirts. I do not want another person to see my body without a shirt on and it hit me right there in the gym like all my goodness they don't feel good about their body and then I can let anybody in on us and we did it back in the day. It was right or wrong I just didn't know was that friend of mine for for 13-year-old boy was they look to me like there is no possible way you will get me to take off my shirt. Just give me another anything but that. That's shifted culturally with boys because now boys and men are feeling that press check like women and girls that felt that for long time now guys are feeling that I was shocked. I just didn't realize it was that big a deal, but it is and so as I went home that night. A member thinking as a dad with three sons, how we teach how we talk about body not just the spiritual Park as we always think about the only spiritual know it's holistic and it's really big how we as parents guide our kids in understanding their body so we got to experts with us because their parents. But there also experts who they written a book on this. Justin owns a Holcomb or with us again back on family life today. Welcome back think it is always good to talk about this with people who are fun.

All I know is you're jealous because I get to speak to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers very good to do that and you know you speak their need to speak to them if I can bring you. I would just hear back. You read a couple books but the Lord of talk about today is God made me in his image, helping children appreciate their bodies and it's interesting your qualifications for this book really RB and parents, but obviously just in your seminary profit read RTS rate here in Orlando. My right yes right there for 21 years yet Episcopalian priest Lindsay you've got used to be a first grade teacher and I dabbled in that for a little that little bit of everything that I look to your bios like you have 12 jobs, you know, just it out of my head like a bunch of job stealing. He does that tell you like to keep busy that you have been doing mostly like victim advocacy work for the last 1520 years, so a lot of the stories and pain-and-suffering have given us great motivation for these bucks to empower and equip parents to then help their children as I picked up this book, you know, I've looked at it and so illustrated so well okay this is a book for children understand what it means to be made in God's image on here you have said about that. But as I read and I realized I was really book for parents little bald but it's really about that model and showing teach parents how you talk about this with your kids but talk about the title because it's like God may be in his image. How do you explain the image of God to a child is something about their illustration we want to make sure these are difficult topics we wanted to write. We wanted them vibrant, easy to see there is if you're talking about issues like this can be really dour and shadowy and dark were like, no bright color gets really fine and beautifully done and how did you find Trish. She was someone who was in our circle a few years ago we started doing children's books and we were happy to answer to the publisher and she's been doing a lot of different illustrating which is a graphic designer in this part of the stories that a children's book is half the content and happy illustrations because it puts the words into action and is been great to work with her, but the title God made me in his image. We're going straight from Genesis 1 we want we want to frame the whole conversation by a doctrine of creation, a doctrine of humanity in the category of the Christian tradition in the Bible as humans are made in God's image and that means something every day that God created God said it is good. Use the word toes POV good. Got to humans on day six and said humans are good, good, very like this is special work, the crown jewel of creation and image of God means that we reflect God in a special way. Like nothing else in creation, but there's really something I want the embargo date is the theological way of talking about the image of God is actually a tool for parents on this topic because the image of God. If you look at the history so Moses writes Genesis. He's writing Genesis to a bunch of people who were slaves in Egypt and in Egypt they knew that the Pharaoh the king and this is common in the ancient near East that they had such a large domain that they couldn't be everywhere all the time to to show their authority and therefore so they would make a statue, and if you dishonored this. The statue was assigned that notice that you way over there.

The northern side, the southern side the Western side the eastern side.

This is all the king's domain and the statue is proof of that. If you dishonored the statue you're dishonoring the Pharaoh. Do not mess around with the statues.

So, when Moses is writing. Humans are created in God's image, inspired by God to write this note, all the doctors scriptures all in order that so God inspires Moses to write. You are made in God's image.

There's a little bit of humility because you're only an image of God. There's a lot of dignity here in image of God. The first audience would've read Genesis they would've read this and then alone away dazzled that this phrase would've been used that day are representative of some sort that reflect the way that I am who I a.m. like that. God, the one who redeemed us the one who kicked the butts of the Egyptian gods and the plagues and then the Red Sea that God were an image of that God. So to be able to take that and we have to have a page will be explain that and give that as a tool to parents be like to tell you you are. You're not just a great quarterback on your team and not just a great volleyball player or not. Just beautiful not just whatever accolade we give them the top identity is you reflect God in a way that nothing else in creation and that some dignity that needs to be repeated, so we wanted to is a good tool to give parents and let them explain it but them unpacked a little bit and apply it how they need to because they know their kid better than anyone else in the world struggle with dead online like that when I was 10. I know some of the stats. 80% of tenure onset started dieting at least once in a life I don't have a strong memory of that time I was in high school and this is before social media is a big thing so I can imagine back then official media had been as prevalent.

It would have been earlier like were seen with the youth now, but I was in high school was dating a guy who is not wonderful and I think that played into it a lot. I was living in Latin America where it's an over sexualized culture and they were just in your face all the time and so I struggled with an eating disorder and high school and a little bit in the college and so now as we were researching into seen the statistics that its earlier and earlier, that girls and boys are starting to have these conversations and questions about their bodies and their size. I think it's even more shocking because it all that there seen what it's on video games on social media and print there just inundated with it constantly and so Jess and I decided we are like we need to equip parents to have these conversations whether it's little conversation that dinner or just by reading this book. How can we get them a foundation to launch from tech then have more.

Hopefully as things come up.

This is across the board for parenting about sex about body image about how to protect your body from sneaky people.

Those have to be frequent, well trodden paths of conversation that start you guys to getting really early and you talk about is not just a one time there's these little pockets where you are instilling and asking questions all along the way… Because so many Christian parents think even the topic of sex with our kids is a one and done right, you know, the birds and the bees at age 11.

12. Whatever predators so what's it look like to continue that it is all the time.honestly, when our girls were babies. Lindsay changing her diaper would just be talking to them and actually just made it normal to talk about proper names for body parts. Of course you do not just make it normal to set the tone, but also she was shaping me so I thought why we say explain why does it that makes a lot of sense. My goodness like I would not of thought about this, it makes sense that most people go well sneaky people know preventing from sexual abuse, body image in how babies are made, not fun conversations as parents feel awkward, but those really important conversations all the more reason to have not just the talk but have numerous talks. And that's what Lindsay's just kind of model to basic start the conversation. Maybe this is a tool for don't have one conversation about this.

This is just sprinkled throughout your conversations.

Be aware of this topic and be sensitive to it and have your eyes open for be looking for an opportunity might not have a open door for a month or two you might have one as soon as you can get close to the subject. Because here's the thing.

If you're not talking to your kids to things somebody else at and they're going to hear things at school from their peers or anything so media see you want to make sure you're checking in and kind of mean them another perspective so they are watching a shower you hear something or that the dinner table you want to be just another message of truth and dignity of honesty so that if something happens. I'm talking whether it something that sexually inappropriate sexual assault or if they are called something at schools that you know your growth. Whatever the word may be, they will understand. Hey, this is something my parents talk about and understand. I can go and talk to them whereas if you don't ever have a conversation. They're not going to talk to you because there and I think my parent doesn't know anything about this.

I'm in a freak them out there not equipped and they won't know what to do, so I'm just gonna stop it or talk to my girlfriend who want to say so I think the more he just kind of leave it throughout. Whether it's talking about predators and sneaky people were talking about. Hey, your body is strong and amazing what you just did out there on the athletic field or ICU.

In this theater class. Memorizing those lines. Like that's amazing like tell me like you do that, the more that you kinda make a part of the conversation is not awkward and weird.

I know that parents just did the one time because until we had our curls and a lot of parents to take their daughters away in fifth grade and go for like a weekend away and have the talk and I was like why you do that so awkward thinking we have the talk every day is like this late age of porn exposures 10. We talk about body image sexual abuse prevention sexuality by 10, hopefully before because they're not just hearing about the topic they're seeing really graphic images that hand 10.1 is the last step that I so when you're talking about the conversations I remember my dad telling me you can talk to me about anything.

I love you unconditionally night actually heard the word first from him toward man asked him is that all the time no matter what you talk to me about anything we said that so much and finally it was probably a few years later I'm thinking OCPs drew on this one so I went to was like hey dad, I got talked about something and you know you said.but anything said yes because I query go. It was normal form and he normalized like I had shame when I talk to them in the way he responded was like almost talk about it.

Oh yeah, I remember him saying I know that feels like just really all he needed was my dad like I know that feels like it was like: like you carried the burden took away in parents also really powerful thing that marriage can do so when you say the parent that's not like your dad that's afraid the mom or dad that matches the scary thing I don't talk to anybody else about this and yeah and I know I got talk to my kids because I would know how to do it. Maybe I'm just too afraid.

How would you coaching a few things.

The first thing I would say is you might be hurt. I don't want to assume that there you might be hurting and I think would be a wise way to address that you need to talk to your spouse, your pastor, counselor.

Maybe there's pain there that should be addressed. If you going hot with like screw this up with your kid like this and that'll crush them. Most parents are feel like failure you like that.

What I don't want to do is put a brick in her backpack first and so want to say was the reason that's happening was that model to you by your parents that they didn't do this, how that work for you and you like that or do you wish they would've been more open like no be thoughtful about yourself.

Be caring and then I would say this is a great opportunity. If you do have pain you can help steer a different direction. You can model it differently to your kids in. It doesn't have to be like this, like this could be a moment that God's going to heal and give you hope and healing and then you get the parent story. My parents were abused as kids, like horrible stuff and they just determined like to be different is staggering when you see what they are light as parents and what their childhood was like that's what God does.

He brings life out of death he can look at your story of suffering and the effects of you feeling awkward about this being emotionally shut down and being shame he can transform that best when he does the season.

The business of that he loves doing that kind of stuff so that question is what God does and go to him in ask transform me, teach me, lead me know. Take away the voice of condemnation remind me who I am like this all the gospel promises that are there just bathed the minute that's what I say Justin is, I think, to even evaluate yourself.

Talk what you're saying to yourself continually. Now, when I was in my 30s I can't remember the book I was reading and had us write down the things that you're saying to yourself, looking at this list in neighbor all negative or not enough, your family, your ugly you're not a good mom, you know, and I was like we this is the self talk. It's going in my head all day and it's opposite of what God would say I didn't even know that actually because I didn't know God well enough to know that he's a God speaks life who we are image bearers and he delights in us and I think even talk about that with other people is so healthy and good thinking. I remember when I was eight is dealing with my own sexual abuse, or feelings. So alone now one to talk to feeling so bad about myself, unworthy, full of shame and I had nowhere to go and I think it's apparent if we can use open those doors, a little crack and just when you say Justin I know it feels like more. How are you doing I remember being a and that was a hard time for me just to open the doors to our kids life of letting them walk.

You know, really. We walked down I think those are just great first step in everything you guys talk about his relationship building that relationship with our kids where the doors open were in constant communication and I'm sitting there wondering what it like right now the Holcomb dinner table 2 daughters rated at 1113 years old there walking right into a pivotal time in their life, so coach I mean what's it like your dinner table. Part of me thinks Lindsay brings us up every night like it's a war zone out there. We watched him survive it with them and so they'll equate some things the survivor of that just going back to one thing we send them a contact at the dinner table is encouraging parents, you know, we do so in safety with our kids.

We have them.

Everybody but Colette properly. We talk about driving safety and crossing the road safety. This is just another piece of that. Whether it's talking about body safety or like he said, checking in with them and is asking questions.

I think that removes the burden of that have this huge speech that had this big conversation asked questions. Questions about who they're sitting with that lines like, you'll get insight into how they're doing and just be ready to listen, but treated like this is just as important as it is the teaching them to swim and teaching them those things but at the dinner table. We were laughing, not a laughing but there is crying to.

I mean it just depends on the way. It depends like yesterday. There is crying for my seventh grader in middle school.

She's is feeling lonely and I was able to Seder like I get it. I had some women in the know in our 40s that just turn on you quickly and there is no rhyme or reason, and said she's experiencing some of that is able to say I understand Mike I get it, like you want to brainstorm and you want to just coming just ahead again like much as cried out like is a great question for you and we can't usually give them like a good 1224 hrs. like you can crime be bombed and then were going to move from there. Like when I can just stay there, but working to make a plan and move from there, but she wasn't ready. She needed just to cry but we do kind of the brownie. :-( Of the day and that gives us insight into how everybody around we found that the leading college that your higher love :-( :-( 70 came up at this year. I think that was the younger one is the reason is it was beyond us because we write books like this. Most people listening think we sit around talking about know what your proper names to private parts image of God. We do those conversations, but was most powerful about her dinner time is that there is real honesty.

We tell stories about her day and sometimes are good sometimes are not good talk about know things that happen sometimes. I'm thrilled sometimes I'm not an honesty is the key and when Lindsay started doing the brownie. :-( Thing like that's an easy way. Suddenly someone they need to talk to let you know the vibe at the table of honesty, laughter and crying is the best when I'm home for dinner. We did that as well and we would have because we had sons we had them put a feeling work with it like that when I get married I want them to be able to tell their wives what they feel and that was difficult as a little boy. You know like I felt I was angry or how is your day fine enough to getting them to express what you feel about your day. Pretty feeling wired with it.

Those are my favorite parenting moments because you really get to know your kids and their fears and their joys and this is what you do and all of your books is to bring Jesus to bring God into the because this the image you know you're made in the image of God and so bringing God into it.

I remember I can't say mom I know you love me and I know God loves me but you know sometimes I feel like nobody else left me honesty that is brilliant to me. I haven't thought about this before my pastor friends has talk to me about his preaching. He does story emotion desire like what what are the facts, how you feel about it and what you want God to do about it.your desire now and so he he said when listen my kids is on this passing this on, and this is what happens naturally, mostly because of Lindsay but I'm aware of it to the dinner table is sometimes you hear a story in the motion and the question I have is okay with the prayer out of that sometimes you hear the desire and the story like what was the motion.

Thus the question just give me a feeling word work will be communicating what they want with emotion. What's the story that happened behind it so I think having parents listening to their children through what's the story was the motion was the desire and see what peace might be missing that gives you a question and a slight soon as you said was the feeling I thought sounds familiar, like my pastor buddy. There's a power in yeah and you talk about identity about the negative self talk is to go back to bed because the words in the Bible that are used for us the image of God is really impressive. And as for everyone best men, women, Christians, non-Christians, every human is an image of God. But if you're in Christ.

The words that are used. If you're in Christ are both served their crazy to remind blood test and remind the righteous the righteousness of God. Sure but that's not a word I'm picking for myself, okay I'm smart pretty good husband and dad good teacher like I'll come up with like some really neat complements your perfect holy, righteous, without spot or blemish or wrinkle, but I'm not going to make those up about myself, but that's what the apostle Paul. He says if you're in Christ your perfect and righteous like that's what people need to hear from you regardless of their story whether they send or been sinned against those of the words people need so that negative self talk. We talk about that mean if you don't have that you don't have the gospel the best you can come up with is to counter the negative self talk that you have come up with something like best and equal like I'm damaged goods know you're not your stupid know you're smart your ugly know your beautiful thing when you can realize it's way better.

Your perfect, righteous and holy in Christ is not coming from you is coming from the creator and redeemer then has authority behind it that has some staying power right then.

If there's anything I've learned from you and I learned a lot in these two programs. One of his huge is what you just said is that whatever we as parents are saying in dealing with them. Believing is passed on. If I'm assessed with my body every single day.

I shouldn't be shocked when my daughter or son start saying the same kind of think that if I'm understanding my my go day image of God. I am literally righteous. I'm sure in Christ and that's how I live. That will be passed on to be very careful what I'm inputting and watching what output because it will pass on to my kids so parents didn't want to look up for your kids for yourself.

If God made me think you guys you been listening to David and Wilson talking with Justin and Lindsay whole, on family life to send you a copy of their children's book, God made me in his image. When you make a donation of any amount this week@familylifetoa.com.

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