Dave & Ann Wilson: Parenting Kids When You’re Far From Perfect

So the most important job I'll ever have in my life is guess what, and you two being a parent to have been a mom and dad. Yeah, I mean, you know, I just found out after 30 years of leading this church that I can be replaced in a week I meet a new guy comes in and he's great and people love humans think Wahoo was like I used to be here but let me tell you so you can't replace me or you in our home.

Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and will think Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live today.com or on our family life, family life today were gone. You know you get remarried, or I didn't get our kids had a different dad still would never be there that it's that critical position and yet we often don't consider it the most port thing were doing on our planet.

It's so interesting that you say that because that's a weighty conversation that I feel is apparent like oh no, that's true. That role that God has called us to is so important. And then I feel like I'm messing it up now, but I wrote the book no perfect parents because we were perfect and there are any perfect.

There's only one perfect parent is God and so easy.

Think about what were trying to do as a parent trying to raise as we said earlier warriors who take our legacy and change the world for good, for the kingdom real critical passage that we mentioned earlier is Deuteronomy 6 which really lays out you know how to do this. It's really a vision and a mission of what a parent is, but how actually do it and we mentioned before that it says you know hero, Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might and elicited this parents and these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house when you walk by the way and when you live down and when you rise so you know it we miss this but it's we go right to us talk about him and let sit and you know drive and talk.

It's like if is not in us as parents first.

You can't pass it on.

So we gotta start their spire parents to say okay what's happening me because whatever's happening me is going to be passed on to my legs and working to listen to a message. The second half of the message that we gave together at our church we went back work done now that we went back on parenting this past is you can't give away what you don't.

First, possess as true as a parent strength for your life you're hoping your kids walk with God and you're not just what good luck that can deftly happen as the percentages are a lot higher this year. Mom and dad live in this. There's been studies done because a lot of kids that are involved in church involve the youth group in high school got the college walk with God as a whole growing moment right now gets crockery from evangelicalism because of the group. Great description mega churches and they walk away, not studies and found the kids that don't walk away just what the differences churches have very descriptive cooler music, better speakers know these kids that are involve those youth groups go home to parents.

The hall is modeling what the church's teaching those kids tend to stay walk with the Lord when their dolls compared other, so that if it isn't an overflow of you in your home. I can't tell you number people that reach out to us on Facebook or Instagram or twitter and found us a direct message.

Just consider kids walk drunk away from faith. We ask about their walk there. I glowed.

We sorta have as well. It's just that important. That's why Moses says these words is like. It starts here impress them on yourself and then impress them on your talk and drive, and pray about Jesus.

If it's not in your life. I want to be driving cars… Talk to God right on her gets her vaccine or you will drink a bottle and she's pray and listen worship music. It was not like were trying to get this in our kids. This was the life she and I were living in just over floated perfectly.

Our kids saw that they knew that I would have to confess I'm in the car. You are a lot more than I thought. Even if you don't have God given me anything I spend time with God today. I have something to give someone else like that happen every day when you read that word like something so good when you every day and so it says that God's word is our food you been eating. Ingesting what he has to say and so you tried to capture certain moments in the day, bedtime drivetime, dinnertime, and this sounds crazy. We decided dinner was really important for a family. So we had three boys playing sports. They were crazy sometimes. I was coaching over Adams high school.

We would get home to 8 o'clock at night and we have dinner at 8 o'clock as a family. 9 o'clock. Sometimes we would sit down together and have some dates back to that time just to say hey how is your day going on. I think that's huge. We talked to some friends I have great ideas like carrying one child asked the question every night family. Somebody was in charge of asking a family of question. She said sometimes the blaze would be in Trenton so they say what's your favorite color if you don't because you just want money to get over with. She said that just practice, writing this and understand obviously in this training stage where they're still in your house. Zero 12 zero 1516 is who are you and who are the in other words, who are you his parents and then who are they, who was God uniquely made them to be as you want to tailor how you train and instruct them based on who they are so many parents and we had temptation of this try to make our kids what we want them to be rather stepping back and I think every day approaches that bungle you are so gifted by God so unique in this way is totally different than the way we are and that's a beautiful thing.

One thing we discovered early in our home was that this woman right here is a party animal.

She is a joy bring her laughter. It's just a laugh that brings joy so we decide she wrote a chapter in the book is best chapter she wrote a chapter a call, make your home a haven. It was based on this is who I am is a mom so we want to create a wholeness of magnet what's a magnet. Joy is abandoned whenever people are happy you're drawn to Mrs. Witters of its affect Your repelled by but if it's a real genuine happiness. That's the heart you're drawn to it.

So she made our home haven.

The joy of the Lord is my strength, no matter the circumstances, joy, the father can live in our hearts consult, but I comparing myself a lot young mom to Paula Andrews to Kelly Nelson like he sees her other founders. What Lenny was reading the Bible when she was four years old and my nose is going to get my kids and I felt like I Linda Callie said this to me.

She said I'm confident because God knows who knows the kids live under my roof whether they are biological or not… Kids. I am supposed to raise those kids so I have what it takes. So then the question so got how he made me what you want me to offer our kids and so join with David and transferable. Seven.

Sell everything, like a party so maybe you need and setbacks. Joy no matter who you are, your personality, you can bring joy you can bring yourself into your home to make it so you go back to our bull's-eye. So the first word was trade. Again, we just skim that the second word was trade and launch so a keyword is launch means you're letting go. You're sending that child to the world for that bull's-eye. Hopefully, to do what the rest of our mission, which will go to but this is sort of the teenage stage okay so it's like 12 up to maybe 17, 18, 19 years old, maybe got a teenager whose nine right now six teenagers per your but it's like at that stage. What what we realizes parents is pulling away right there pulling away when I start saying things a middle school like dad can you drop me off like a mile from school to see you with like you hurt your friend is like like you still like you want to be around me, but I get the point. But I just want to be without you even remember I click your last child you trying to hold on and treasure all those moments in our kids would always back in touch with me for little bit before I go to sleep and so it's one night I just did that with Cody.

I can remember how all the guys that I lay County goes what are you doing Mike mom. I walked out in the hallway and I sit on the floor. I just start crying because I know that's part of it, but I also know like there's these eras and and the danger of those teenage years is feeling like they don't need me anymore and so when they push you away just walk away.

Can I tell you and remind you, even with teenagers that are granted your teenagers need you to pursue. They may be pushing you away young teenagers are like going back in and so don't stop pursuing your teenagers or any of your kids no matter how old your adult kids don't stop pursuing.

Yes, really. We see in person and their Paula what you think. They don't want me around and more, which in some ways they don't.

But the truth is what Ian said they long for still a relationship with you. And when we pull away because they pull away relationship tends to end and so I think you need to be created to figure out how can I grab a moment with sales go do something is going to hang with my buddies but if you remember all the CJ was a techie God is best filed by some is in the car you know is just they have certain events and you just want to grab those moments that I had a Tennessee as well when they start pull away for why this is the time were in the book we said parents of teenagers pursue pursue pursue God pursue our granddaughter yesterday 08 with my dad today and she said we went to this restaurant. I could tell like it was one of the greatest things that she had done on time.

We interviewed this guy wrote a book called doughnuts date dates and he said that every time you go out with his kids capital date with his kids take a journal and ask them questions and every time the kids would give them an answer right this journal and now his kids are adults in this daughter said when he would pull out he's read journal and write down what I say.

I thought I must be the most important person on the planet suite.

Your dad would write down what you said it's really simple way of teenagers pursue pursue pursue because here's the truth we put in the book and we heard this decades ago before where parents rules without relationship equals rebellion if all you're doing is giving your teenagers rules and there's no relationship that you're pursuing and developing. It can lead to your roots because there's no relationship is just a better mom. Give me a bunch rules number one complaint of both her parents as they don't listen and guess what the right we don't we just all and serve on this model model model.

In other words, what you say is not what they're going to do what you do is what they're going to follow, so you're not limited guess what you got to be models again. The teachers we just flew by real quick but there are favors. For example, we had that this is beginning getting party bear going to and it was like 25 friends of ours. All the kids were there skating and then we came inside Potlatch. So we come inside our kids for 1412 and nine yeah and so were were about to pray this house and all the foods laid out and this quiet prayer starting and suddenly you hear someone say this food looks like crap and it's our side. You don't even like this. I'm so given this evil. I like where the court and filled the night goes on and were leaving to go outside. Can you put Cody on your back is the only girl brought his ice skate. He came out the car and I give the room is quiet. I have to do everything in this family and so were going out to the car and you know as a mom made bending down to put Cody in the car and I noticed snowdrift right here and I'm still like talking to them and he's kind and I go forward with my shoulder and he falls in this ride home. Dave walks up to the car what's going on. Trying to lie or do anything on parenting again so are those of the reality days of almost everything is very especially one of those because it is Monday at Disney World Monday morning were on the today show and then we drove over with our grandson Cody and Bryce with the Disney World. He only knows Mickey Mouse so we went to Magic Kingdom walked around their I'm just think of the power of our words.

Proverbs 1821 says life and death is in the power zone. You can speak life you can speak death. We all know the reality that we've heard death words maybe 30 years ago would never forgotten and I was walking beside a death in Disney World and he's got 10-year-old maybe with him who obviously is frustrating that Sadie was kid up for sale sign around your neck so now counseling. The rest of his life is strong, but all through the wicked who are like 11 like a frustrated man we need to guard our words, this last part really important because it's so critical. You got to decide what your bull's-eye is, but we decided to train and launch let them go and by the way. You cannot let them go. If you're still parenting them under 25 years old and I understand there's different. There are adults they have to go. That is our job let go mean we don't love them and be involved in her life. We said try to launch no.

Three wars you're listening to David and Wilson on family life today will get back to their message in just a minute, but first I wanted to let you know about how you as one family can make a difference. There is a community of people called family life partners who believe in our message and give financially every month. Thanks to generous champions who have come alongside us right now. If you sign up to give monthly. Not only will receive all the benefits of our partner program but your donation will be matched dollar for dollar for the next 12 months to help strengthen families and their relationship with God and each other. That means if you give $25 a month. The impact is actually a month if you give 50 it becomes hundred math is very simple and this is on top of that when you give all this month as our thanks to you, will send you a bundle of resources including two books, one by Gary Thomas called lifelong love and then one by Kristin Clark and Bethany Beale called, not part of the plan to become a monthly partner have your gift doubled every year impact families of the glory of Jesus and get a bundle of books sounds pretty great to me.

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Right now, back to Dave and and when we look at what Jesus was trying to raise as a disciple is a disciple of God or Christ look like we thought really boil down to, there's much more than this, but restart the core values and virtues was once asked was the most important commandment this teacher and he said to love the Lord your God with all your heart so much. He was quoting Deuteronomy 6 that we just talked about. And then he added to love your neighbor as yourself. So we decided the first core value of a disciple at Kensington was that they would love God and others. That's the first elf love God and others.

The second one is that we are called to do life in community so we call that lock arms and community like that if you're a follower of Christ, and God knows you can't do that alone, you can't do that in isolation you got to get connect with other people is why small groups are critical. This is not a small group this doesn't work one hour and change your life but if you do life with other people, lock arms and community that change your life and the third L was open handily with that means that we take our time are talent in our treasures that God has blessed us with. We don't hold onto them selfishly (we don't do this. We do this God wants to use our time to bless others.

God is use our gifts bless others. God wants us to actually give our money away to the kingdom. So that's open now, so we decided as young parents are three boys when they are been love godmothers or locking arms and community and little family we succeeded. Don't judge how you did as parent winter teenagers in their 20s to save 25 now have a 35 girls evaluate whether there is there also, but it's like you know that was our target on the status of your chart. We decided that we cannot have something that were trying.

So here's the thing.

If you know what your target bull's-eye is used to back from that. That's what were trying to. There's a strategy there's an aim that helps us get there. By the way, if we want our children to love God and others. We got expose them to others.

They don't even like mission trips and going to places in our own community that people look at differently than us we keep our kids away from that know we need to do it and went down to Detroit and picked up a drunk lady.

One day I may just there's so many stories of the things she did as a parent strategically say we need to them about taken our kids a mission trips and they come back there like nobody in the world is like us. In my thank you. You finally realize that everybody even has a glass of water a day.

It just things like that.

Expose your kids to help them. Hopefully I can. There's no guarantees. This is made all we do something now you just basically the biggest thing I would say is get on your knees and pray and pray and that's how I was. I think one of the greatest things that they've done. Man is a father and husband is he is taking every single Friday and fasted for our kids starting when TJ was born. So for 35 years. Every Friday he has fasted for kids and wives, our grandkids, our marriage and down. Sometimes you do that you think Here this work and I look at our lives.

We have messed up so much. But the thing that we've seen is God's faithfulness in the midst of even the hard stuff and I think so much that is our please enter Christ to God on our knees before him think that we can't do it. Apart from you and we don't want to do it. Apart from you because your source of life, your source of strength and your hope our kids can't do it.

Apart from an either or living in a culture that without God is scary and we can impact our culture through our own lives through our walk with God by the light in the love that Jesus gives them the power that lives within us through his Spirit. And as you can imagine, we've really difficult hard conversations with Ardo kids about how we raise it all the stuff. Sounds great. And then when your Wilson boy your race in a home with this, there are some things we really miss.

I really miss made some big mistakes affect the last chapter book is my top five. The six hope in their parents will read it and not do what I did not have heart conversations with my sons about where I live blue let them down. So I sit here acting like we are nowhere near perfect, and our kids are our family. Well it's never too late never too late saying talk. Kids like messed up.

I have been messing up or haven't seen you have been on my phone up and whatever I need to start again and can you forgive me, like those are great words to say the rest of that mission as it was basically this trend and launch L3 warriors already. This is your spiritual battle. There's a war going on for kids is not physical but spiritual. That's why I was on my knees were utterly still, who make a dent where there sent and that was just the simple thought your legacy in Raleigh. The legs single parents were all leave a legacy to question is what kind legacy and are we being intentional about that legacy and that's where they can make a dent. Wherever God takes wherever God sends him is there to make an impact. Some you might remember this.

I'll close with this that I was talking to a woman years ago about her legacy.

She was pretty excited. Tell me about your get married in the 40s and Evan what she called Fort Jackson the Queen, which meant four sons and a daughter and her husband was an airline pilot big home mansion in New York, New York, New Jersey within the city of New York New York and she told me this great story and as you said about your $25 and she goes, I started to suspect that my husband now a captain with the airlines was having an affair. This was back in the late 50s early 60s so there's no way like surveillance cameras. She just made a phone call to the hotel were Capt. Ralph often laid over on the strips to find out if she could find out he's actually having fair and the woman that answered the phone.

The hotel receptionist Jack Capt. Ralph just checked in to his room with his wife not know she was talking to his wife. So when he came home this woman Chinese confronted him, only to find out this is one of affairs divorced in the early 60s when divorce was not there, they moved to where her parents live because now she's a single mom with a seven-year-old boy and a five then she tells me that several months after the movie, find out the little youngest boys is the key media guys. She's in tears, tears, as many of you know some you don't use with my mom, Capt. Ralph was my eye was the seven-year-old boy moved to Findlay, Ohio with my mom to be near her parents and that was my legs so I know dad, dad right when you have boys and I literally looking at the Crips and I no idea what to do.

He never seen have never seen Herzog to God is the God of resurrection, he raises people from the dead. He raises Rose's son from the dead heroes are marriage from the he can create a new legacy for you what God has enabled us to do. I get is not perfect, but man is different legacy the Wilson name carries a different value in what was handed to me and I don't know what you legacy as if it's a great one can do it if is not a great one change because you can make a difference in some you set up on it so I times I can't today shoot and start over right here right now you commit and you surrender say God I can't do this because I know you can but I can give me a chance and I will do something in you. You could never do it. It will impact the world. Father God thank you for who you are Lord Jesus I pray for the parents in the influencers and we all in some ways can influence somebody so I pray you went to in us and through us. Something that glorifies you bring glory back the Lord for parents or really struggling right now. Got a fresh in your piece. I pray for others families in Paris come alongside and walk together lock arms together to follow you for the single cell hard in the O'Leary pray that you would provide you with your presence and your parenting alongside those that are planned just like trying to ease two families together.

Will you give them wisdom and strength and perseverance to follow you to trust you into later life families all of us in your hands. We love you so much.

We pray in your name been listening to a message that and and I gave Kensington church about our book. No perfect parents, and even listening to that now is just so most emotional think God has enabled us to change a legacy. I green then again is not perfect.

We would never say that. But to do the best we could with God's help to send warriors to the world to take the gospel to change the world. Never forget the first time we listen to Dennis and Barbara Rainey, and our staff training for crew talking about what a godly marriage and legacy could look like and I had never heard anything like it. I just recall, desiring that I want I want everything they're talking about and it's amazing to me especially coming from where we've come from and our past. No Christian upbringing that God has been so gracious to answer those prayers yeah I would say to you, don't give up, and it's never too late never to get on your knees right now and ask him to do what he does.

We set it there. He resurrects dead things he can do immeasurably more than anything. You and I imagine or dream. According to the power that is at work within us, that powers the power of God, the power Jesus, the Holy Spirit can do a miracle in some of you want a miracle asking to work and change you and change her legacy. He can and will Estevan Wilson on family life. If you know anyone who needs to hear today's message you hear it from where ever you get your podcasts and why you're there. It really help get the word out about family life. If you'd rate and review us next week. Dave and Ann are going to be talking with Gary Thomas about how to have lasting intimacy, friendship, and purpose and also be talking with Jim Burns about how to live a life with serious fun making each day count.

I hope you have a great weekend.

Were you able to worship in your local church on behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson. I'm Shelby be back next time for another edition of family life today family like today's duction of family life crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter