David and Meg Robbins: Marriage when You’re Not Getting Along

There's this analogy of two wells that we go back too often that as you come out the door of your life you been prone to go to this well that's right here in front of your front door. You know, theoretically speaking, and you draw from it for nourishment you draw from it, to make your life work your coping mechanisms you draw from this water that's always been there and it represents our sinful nature of its how we make life work on our own strength but some days some environmental protection guy comes and goes.

Do you not know that this wells completely contaminated. It's killing you, but let me tell you are crossed that he'll know you can't see it there's another well there's well you gotta trusted it takes faith to go over that hill indigo draw from it, but it is a well of living water, and he represents the Holy Spirit. Welcome to family life to day where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life, family life today.

So, do you remember that time you only you are my Holy Spirit you always said you are like the holy but I know you I have your own helping and helper you remember though that I didn't say I have enough of the debris of the video to prove that you said I never said I think is funny to say that she said she was a hose because you know what he does he get so mad at me right out. So a little bit about what that would look like with David and Meg Robbins who are back in the family like today studio you know you just walked right over from your office. Welcome back is so good to be your guide you. I mean he sorta did walk over from your office.

You have an office couple hundred yards from now, Mr. Prothro, football F are so impressed I am so impressed with vigor. Here they come back every once while we love it when you're here, the president of family life and you know talk about the Holy Spirit because it is one of the most powerful in my opinion, talks of the weekend at the family life. We can remember marriage get away and I know you guys been working on that.

Talk yet we have one coming up this weekend and we were talking with you guys of having studio time set apart. We were like, let's bring what we think is most important, the crux of the week.

And remember, you can't live it out without God's power for oneness. Let's talk about together even when we go all the way back to college days when we first were really introduced to the power of the Holy Spirit and why God even gives us the Holy Spirit is a transformational and I think at least seen that plan our marriage. We realize we really do believe and experience that it is the most powerful tool we have to experience oneness and also be honest we really talk to ourselves. This week, why people understand that they here.

Yes, the Holy Spirit lives in me navigating hearing situations that are difficult and were thinking. How do I do this again not always let this be the greatest.

Out of my person you're laying in bed two nights ago. Having one of those conversations were like gosh this is all the days ending. Let's stay awake and do this you know and really recounting the weeks of just life. You know, that adds up. We went from a family life event that had us away from our kids in the Meg went home early and then we were part of the Meg got sick actually but that led to a season of just you know that we were cultivating oneness and in real conversation when you were so tired with that to just come in right now.

Watch my parents are watching and studio there here right now that visiting while we have four different kids sports over four days and there's just a lot going on and there's been a lot of factors and two nights ago we were's, going you know what we need to really submit our hearts to the Holy Spirit to soften just where rat I'm glad that you guys had that revelation because we came off sort of a similar week and that we didn't think that this is always driving. We literally went nine days ago buried instead. So is a wonderful celebration. 92 years old emotional to 12 gravitons 26 grandkids, but we got on a plane Sunday night late. Absolutely exhausted yet. I didn't realize how emotionally and physically because as grandkids and we got little grandkids crying in her bed in her hotel room go speak to an NFL conference all week from Monday to Thursday and then went to marriage conference for one of our family life donor couples row every Sunday here we are back to needing a source of power that we don't have pretty typical for most families don't think he did cry. I think people are sick yeah means the enemy all different stages of lightning week think that it probably later in your stage you think this wins the hardest and exact thing that I don't know that we would look back and say this for the taste of the circumstances will change right mind will always lure us, you know, into the mundane and then to depend upon ourselves really yeah so stuck about the power of the Holy Spirit. Meg, you mentioned it. We had a similar experience. It was my college days I never was pretty new in Christ. I wasn't more than a year and 1/2, but no one ever taught me to understanding with the Holy Spirit's role was the power the Holy Spirit was revolutionary when I went through the blue booklet you know it would have remember it had the feeling of this Holy Spirit and the fruit of the spirit. So, love, joy, peace, patient and go through all those had the opposite.

Remember looking this that which is anxiety. You know, anger, oh, that's all me and I guess I'm walking according to Holy Spirit power, right, how do we get what's it look like in a marriage that I would say first and foremost isn't these grandiose moments. I think a lot of we think of the Holy Spirit. It's these really big highs and sometimes that can happen were God's presence feel so close and overwhelms us. But actually being empowered, day by day with the Holy Spirit actually becomes a moment by moment. Continual conversation of putting him in charge not surrendering to his way, not our way. And when I was growing up I was aware of the Holy Spirit and knew that should have access to think I realized how the Holy Spirit works to convict as our sent when were out of line and I think that's why what we were experiencing other night I was feeling convicted for sure because I was, not living out of the power the Holy Spirit. I was being and frustrated and unsettled. But not only does the Holy Spirit convicts us that if we respond and are quick to repentance and confess those things and she is instead to invite the Holy Spirit to take over it like a surrender.

Now it's like okay this is where I'm out of line, but I can't do this on my own yeah I for a lot of years. In the beginning of my walk with the Lord.

I was driving a lot and trying to be something or they wish to obedience is important, but I think that there's so much more power in making more RAM in our heart and our life for the Holy Spirit to really sit on the throne and truly take over email and do I trust is an active trust and surrender and getting myself more out of the way so there's more RAM for the Holy Spirit said no daily in our lives. In Galatians 516 comes to my mind so I say let the Holy Spirit guide your lives, then you will be doing what your sinful nature craves and what's true is we still have a sinful nature until we get to heaven. For those of us who in Christ, we will not be able to send again someday. But as we sit on this side of eternity.

We still have our sinful nature but a new nature has been put inside of us.

God not only forgives our sin he puts into us his Holy Spirit has righteousness that empowers us to live out this Christian life Tony Evans talks about the Christian life is in a difficult life is an impossible and there's this analogy of two wells that we go back too often that as you come out the door of your life you been prone to go to this well that's right here in front of your front door.

You know, theoretically speaking, and you draw from it for nourishment you draw from it, to make your life work your coping mechanisms you draw from this water that's always been there and it represents our sinful nature of its how we make life work on our own strength. We gotta make life work somehow.

But some days some environmental protection guy comes and goes.

Do you not know that this wells completely contaminated that's killing you may sustain you for a moment, but it's always going to beg for more. There's nothing good in this water for the flourishing of your entire life but let me tell you, across that hill. I know you can't see it there's another well there's well you gotta trusted it takes faith to go over that hill indigo draw from it, but it is a well of living water, and represents the Holy Spirit and that God didn't just give us chlorine to clean up the old well actually he says left to your flesh, the flesh will always be your flesh, your sinful nature. You cannot perfect the flesh like it also really says in Galatians. You started in the spirit but now you're perfecting the flesh, you can never dress up and coordinate the water and bring life you've got to draw from the other. Well that Jesus gives us that when we trust him. He puts the Holy Spirit inside of us and we can draw from his divine resources in order to live this thing out, especially the everyday realities of Mary, just so you don't think they were just part of the well. I don't know if you're on the cruise years ago where I did this visual didn't go well on the cruise. There was 10 years ago made a long story short one things I never understood about the feeling the Holy Spirit when you look at Ephesians 5 where Paul commands us in verse 18. Don't get drunk with wine, it's a waste of time or debauchery, but be filled with the Holy Spirit utilizing college and learn about Phyllis. I didn't understand you said earlier those is because I do know some moment by moment think it was until 70 years ago, I went back as a pastor, and I'm teaching this second list the contacts fusion 518 you know what really I think connects to Ephesians 5 117 versus earlier let me read it to you. He says follow God's example therefore is dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. I'll reach another translation from the ESV uses therefore be imitators of God's beloved children. Nothing about this. I looked it up. Imitators of God means mimic copy got so what is on us in the very beginning of the chapter our lives, our marriages actually should resemble Christ, which is sort of us thought like our neighbors are watching us. They also that's what Christ looks like, and then you know as you walk to the pastors like how in the world could I ever do that. Verse 18. Don't get drunk with wine that's wasted time be filled with the Holy Spirit and again drunk with wine is funny whenever I preach this, I'm not kidding guys would come up to make this happen many times hey couldn't say anything about beer so beer is good though Floyd is don't become trolled by a substance like alcohol to his son, but it's a great analogy is false. And just as alcohol controlled you in a sense, be controlled by the Holy Spirit rabbit was powerful that a lot of us miss is the word be filled is a present participle. If I know that means continue. I as well. What else you gotta keep going back to the well. I literally last night in bed thought it was a terrible analogy but present participle means it happens once, but it keeps happening like you to go to football game and then they would you like to get the huddle and to begin the game go okay here. 65. Place was go to a mall were never going to hunt again. They huddle every moment. It's the same thing we have to do if you keep coming back. So here's the analogy that I'll do as quick as I can, but I did notice, I saw that am I going to copy this and reason to go on a cruise is because when you do this water analogy water spills all over swaying right and went on the stage in the production died because hitting wires that are like scary. Yeah. So bottom line is that everything is now as you retake a glass of water in the pictures water. Like several pictures of Clearwater and you pour the water in this class you say this is our life when we give her life to Christ. The Holy Spirit of God living water fills us to the brim. And that's what we look like it's pure it's awesome. You want to drink it. It's wonderful.

But we sorta think at that moment I'm never going to send again, my life can be totally different. But guess what the reality is, is we still struggle and we still have a nature, that still tends toward sin. And so here's what you know you do take like sometimes it's anger you to catch up and squirted, and there could be empty in this mustard you know what everyone do and you've got temptation and darkness and so you get soy sauce or some really dark and you start throwing relish me through everything and next thing you know you have a clear glass of water that looks like mud that I always say. And by the way, I will drink this new like so how do you clean up your life because all of us get there were like this is not the life I want to live. I have more anger my life I ever thought I would have after Christ. I have temptation to give into an here's what we think, go to church, clean it up.

Read the word again all that's good but it doesn't do it and if you go back to Ephesians 518 say keep being filled its continuum. Like you said David earlier is moment by moment so I never knew this would be with the rally but if you take a picture water and you just pour 123 just keep all water and air it flushes out the point where you drink that water it out but that is what I think we miss. It's like every moment every day I have to keep letting the Holy Spirit of God flush me out because I don't have the powers my marriage to love her to you to love him the way we deserve. Here's the problem, though, Dave.

I hear that yeah yes and even make when you are saying you and David were getting into some staffing you are feeling convicted in this so so my sinfulness. You're listening to David and Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on family life to day here where and was going with that in just a minute, but first you hear us talk often about marriages and how that foundation affects everything else in our lives. One thing we think we all agree on is that great marriages don't just happen there built with intentionality. We are always drifting in marriage either away from each other or together toward God. So here's the great news for your relationship.

Family life's weekend to remember marriage getaway is back with a full schedule of events throughout the country this fall even better right now through Monday, September 19. Registrations are 50% off. So jump on this chance to intentionally pull closer toward each other and God get to registrations for the price of one. Now through september19@familylifetoday.com right now, back to David and with David and Meg Robbins and confession of what she sometimes thinks about Dave. I'm thinking upon yes told me that you're the problem. So what happens when we feel worse. Angry because we think this is my Alice's fault. Do you feel that conviction.

You know I mean, yes, even and in that place where I feel that I'm so frustrated at David and thinking this is all his fault and we have great pride in me think in that moment. I think some, like the woman I think was always true that the Lord goes and I will start with you first. Yeah, that's often moment where I realized okay place. Wanting to start with me but am I willing to humble myself and say first starts with just my little conversation with the Lord. I am obviously in the wrong here too you know. No matter how we got here. What the issues are asking yourself and I feel like I does assess why are you so angry he did.

Now, again, why are you so angry I can point my finger did you hear me think he said that he did.

I think it goes back to that. I like what you started with that repentance and confession. There's a listener to his like I've been there. I I don't know how to why let the Holy Spirit change that hard, hard and prideful horror that yeah okay for me can so relate laughing when you're saying that and it is like I totally was there the other night.

Now I really want the conversation I was still really frustrated think you we got there even realize I was feeling frustrated because everything was so chaotically finally finally out of quarantine and realize especially since I was totally resistant to the fact that I was part of the problem to but I think for me you're asking what you do. What is that really look like and I think for me when I finally get to that point of not necessarily be great if I could start out to David first and say okay I'm sorry I'm the one the Lord Jesus. Everything me just a little prayer in my heart just like letting that like almost visualize myself opening up my hand Lord help me to let go of this that I'm holding on to you and recognize my own sin where I am when I'm holding on to what I'm blame shifting for or do not repay evil for evil, you know I'm totally thinking. We deserve this because you did that and just starting with a little prayer the Lord just okay. I am in the wrong here to you and help me see where I need you and just confessing this thing you now and I think that starts to soften my heart to let's the Holy Spirit, like as I Bill Bright used to say exhale that exhale things that need to be confessed and then you're able to inhale you know the power the Holy Spirit and set in place at this thing and I think what about spiritual breathing or exhaling with repentance. Some of the hardest part of owning your part and then you're inhaling with faith.

Okay this is what's true you know when two nights ago when we were having no going to bed with that. To my mind. Where does it go. It has a choice to spiral right back down into a negative cycle and will we ever get out of this. How long will this take this can grow into a big issue or okay Lord, what is true.

You've given me a life for 20 years consistently repents and owns what she can known as I stick to what I can on the Lord you have given me this gift of a woman that I want to make sure she knows she's cherished and I'm not giving her that right now in the season. Okay Lord, I repent like what we do in order make it really practical as you turn and asked the practical question. A lot of times the sentence prayers aren't just Lord help me yeah the sentence prayers are Lord let me see what's true – tell me, let me respond in faith and actually tell you, Lord. Yep this is what's true. Thanks for reminding me of that. This is what I want to be grateful for. Absolutely. Thank you Lord that we get to have time tomorrow at this time I want to okay I'm sensing you want me to go there tomorrow during this small window. We have without kids in the equation. Although there I'll take the step of faith yet I think we've said, it is sometimes so hard. It's as I listened to both of you, and I thought what is I think it's pride that I was just gonna put that away. I want her to pay.

I think I am right. She's wrong and when the Holy Spirit is just nudging you like you get on your side of this. I think it's hard, but when we do like you just said and we've all done it. We've talked about a lot of the feet but there's a lot of victory is yeah and there's moments I look back and it's like I remember it all just walked to the kitchen. Years ago I was so mad at her and she was so hurting and I could see she was hurting and I still is like I don't care that you're hurting because you're wrong and I'm right in that I can just feel the Holy Spirit is like you're wrong here. Are you gonna put away your pride and humble yourself and let me work and it was hard but I did. And guess what, he worked in the fruit of the spirit became real was like there was love and joy and peace and patience. And here's the one I didn't have kindness. I was not being kind because I was so full of pride. I think there's a husband or wife listing right now in your hold onto that. I wonder if the Holy Spirit is just use this moment to say, do what he said a woman. This is what I you in a loving but firm way the Holy Spirit saying give me your heart I will fill it. I will give you my fruit that you can't produce on your own if you let me watch what I do. You been listening to David and Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on family life the day.

David is the president of family life and even anarchy to be back with them again tomorrow to fill us in on what to do when everything seems to be going wrong in your relationship. That's tomorrow. Family life. We believe God does some of his most amazing work in homes just like yours to make a difference one home at a time and that's why we do radio broadcasts and podcasts and begin to remember marriage getaways small group Bible studies to help strengthen families to make an impact in their corner of the world and you can help make an impact for even more families by financially partnering with family life.

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That's 800 F is in family L as in life, and then the word today on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm Shelby C back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most