Carolyn Lacey: How to See People

Snowmachine that everybody needs the same from us in a look around. He seems a bit distracted space vehicle heating a that might be carrying full an elderly parent or special-needs child. So he's gone through a difficult life situation and what will be most helpful to them. What will Mace communicate God's love. Welcome to family life today.

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People that have visited our house for dinner or afternoon or you name it.

Even just if it's an hour when they get to the front door and were saying goodbye, they always say the same thing. What are they say always.

I mean it's all like is not 99/100, it's 100 days later. Dave Wilson had the best football stories ever know that is not what they said they say they usually II guy set 100%. So I give anything to hundred percent but almost every time they say we just had the greatest time with you guys.

We don't know why but it was just great. Thank you Balaban. They leave and I know why.

Come on you know what to say that I've heard you say this before you think it's because we've asked them questions the whole evening know that we you, you ask questions you you just invite I lover's very simple stories. I love to hear what they've done what they've been through how God's work, or maybe their frustration with God. I'm fascinated by the story that I want to sit over the front door. I can tell you why your you love tonight could you talk about yourself the whole night. Everybody wants the dog about themselves. I mean I always chuckle because I'm like the whole time you were here was about them, which is what you designed it to be just great sound like I am good how are you are good at sitting there like okay is it time for them to leave now is just continuing to all the people have been our house or super.

I hear that, well, you might be a good game but I would like about this because we are talk about hospitality today with Carolyn Lacey who wrote a book on this and Artie had a great conversation Carolyn, welcome back to family life today still chicken, and I love the sound of your book extraordinary hospitality for ordinary people that ordinary people that pulls us in for sure. Yeah, because that's who we are and how you know most of us are, and we have a tendency regarding talk about this a little bit. The think people that are really good at hospitality have a gift that we don't have. That's not true at all. Is it it's really something every single person can do in my right knee and interestingly the Kaman's in the Bible to practice hospitality COT for hospitality without bumping been given to master all in a text needed for food fast and have to have a special gifting you didn't have to look that way. He thinks that way we will receive God's welcome and say we can know that he's welcome to others when you say the heart of God is a heart of hospitality. What you mean by that God loves to welcome people into relationship with him. He did not send it help but he's not half hot Tate and quenching it's not like these people messing up like a pet scan trying to do something that he delights in joining people into relationship with him and his heart is full. People think that's how good it reminds me when I was young in my face. I used to come before God. If I hadn't been with him reading the Bible are just praying in a day or two when I was young and my faith. I used to think she was so disappointed in me that I hadn't been there more often in the older I get, the more I've understood his love for me and all I feel when I come before him is so delighted. I'm so excited to be with you today and that self-condemnation think that was from God because he's always delighting in being with us and as we experience that that's helped me to delighting other people and being in their presence. Have you experienced that Carolyn Mori reflects on on the way God delights in me and spices and a strong enough lately to save the file.

Yeah, that he delights in saying that same welcome to this when you're sharing. I was thinking about the story. If that article son and the father runs to him to put his arms around him and that's how God welcomes us, and even I see. Think about that shape it makes you want to run to someone to do the same for them. What you know something you quote first Peter, for which I is a pastor of taught on before which is practice hospitality without complaining and I got Riyaz, there's been times where I've practiced it in complaint you know afterwards or even sometimes, it would be like and is trying to get the house perfect that which means I gotta do a lot of work that I'm the guy walk around like it doesn't matter.

It doesn't have to be absolutely perfect, but we sorta have this idea that we want our house and everything. The meal just to be pristine is that will work on four or should we sorta lay some of that away and say it doesn't have to be perfect. You can do it in ordinary when you connect to do it without complaining. While I'm say Benson that fell off the wagon before hand getting mighty all the whack off to lead recovering and clearing out.

That's what makes that kind of hospitality feel really overwhelming and exhausting and big back then.

And if we kids can relief ourselves the pressure of that. I think that would help with the with the no complaining. I mean, it strikes me that what Peter is saying that is dangerous.

Do you hospitality be the kind of people he loved to make that happen happen in a crumble because you know some of us, myself and Katie can be quite get it.

Doing it and I sleep inside thinking really.

I still had this in in a complaining but I think I can do some of that pressure that affect the clay about really what we want to do is welcome people into our lives and outline some pristine, complicated, and then they say and anything that jumps in the house that need doing, because that's real life and if we want to invite people into real life.

They need to see that and we want a tight budget say fetus and it was fun to see and if inviting people into real life.

They need to see that it's kind of a fake hospitality is a very superficial hospitality about the sad face. What looks good looks impressive. Rather than this is what my life know me like and I'm just fluffy to come and share it with me and that I remember hearing a story of a young woman who was invited to a house where they were believers and she wasn't and she was super skeptical. You know, like, they can share the gospel. This is all about them wanting me to get my life to Jesus and so she had this idea of what her time would be and she said yes I'm to come in so she's dreading every minute of it coming into the front door. I remember her saying I walked in the front door. The house is a wreck. There's a laundry that need to be folded.

There's a laundry basket that sitting there. The kids were all young and they're running around the house and she said it was nothing like I thought I thought she would have everything perfect and then the woman who invited her said hey can you watch the kids first second I need to do this and so they're kind of doing dinner together to have anything made to could you help me make dinner and I don't know or having it. So she said I was brought into this family. I thought it was can be so awkward.

As I sat in the asked questions. She said I was brought into their mass into their realness into their home and it's so funny she said and they prayed and she said they sent him just, you know what was happening, but all I remember thinking I want this. I want to come back to this nasty beautiful real family and this Jesus that they just portrayed because a letter life looks messy, like mine, and yet they allowed me to see that and they allowed me to be in their prayer.

She said it was one of the most intimate things I experienced and she started coming back week after week they would just invite her and some other people and she giving her life to Christ and the main reason is she saw Jesus in them, but they let her into their world. The messiness of it. You know that story is a nonbeliever who have different beliefs about sexuality in different things coming into a Christians home you comment about that as you write about this how we approach the kind of thing you know different beliefs different people coming into our home in terms of hospitality, we just do what Jesus states. I mean, the story in John full of Jesus approaching the woman at the well and striking up a conversation with Pat is somewhat low. She wasn't living up, particularly clean life.

We don't know the details that Sunday that suspicion around and Jesus didn't hotel at arms length and date think he asks us today that hey and I think I think a good thing to remember is the code is not to get somebody convicted on the first Friday night right you know otherwise what happened back to start to see people as they want to love them as they and to pray for opportunities and people constantly quickly they know that just the projects yeah but I think that we we really do love and care for them and I'm interested in them that makes a difference and we've tried to do that without our neighbors and they did come to some things that touch with us but they will say night that it doesn't mess with. They say no way would still like to hang out with them but still not to go out for coffee with them with still happy to help them because we actually really ready like them then and on-site. I think we just thought a Jesus example that analysis spirit to what he well but if we if we don't put ourselves in the place of loving face people he well that's great, and yet I want to dive into some is about seven ways to welcome like Jesus. I want to get your thought of this before we jump in there… When you offer your home or somebody welcome, inviting them in and you're married now. It's a married situation because you have a husband or a wife that may or may think differently about this.

Can you comment on that, like, you know, sometimes I'm complaining when Anne's inviting somebody over. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe once in extrovert ones and introvert. How does it work as a as a couple and you might have kids.

So it's really a family thing. It isn't just maybe in hospital. It's us. Is there tension there to get on the same page with what can it look like you're listening to David and Wilson with Carolyn Lacey on family life today. Carolyn's response in just a minute the first as a listener of family life today. We know you believe God does some of his most amazing work in homes just like yours. Whether that's a small group Bible study or laughing on the floor with your kids or sharing a meal with your neighbors.

The home can be the launching pad for God's work in this world and you can help make an impact for more families and spread that vision by financially partnering with family life all this week is our thanks for your partnership to send you a copy of Carolyn's book is called extraordinary hospitality for ordinary people get your copy when you give this week@familylifetoday.com or when you call with your donation at 800-358-6329, 800 F as in family L is in life and in the word today. I know back to David Anne's conversation with Carolyn Lacey being hospitable as a married couple, especially when you have different personalities pray together with a friend about this because she is a great a extrovert and her husband is off the scale into back and said this is a challenge for them and encourage them to pray together and maybe some realistic expectations is okay if on this night, every other week we maybe have somebody from smoke great grounds and will talk about who's going to be in Houston again.

But that doesn't mean that the extrovert company hospitable the rest of the time, but maybe just in a way that sensitive to the family maybe meet somebody for lunch and what break and maybe invite someone out for coffee and perhaps say to you, and she felt husband you to hire him and get the fetal enough to catch him just for work for half an hour with that person who I still sitting on my writing say McConnell say. Be creative and think of other ways to say welcome that sensitive to the people we live with me. Similarly, if you live with unbelieving family you want to be sensitive about that say you might want to be creative and look for opportunities to say welcome to people outside the home. Sometimes your husband always on the same page and how you're doing this and what it looks like what's he like what he supposed to take and he discusses most of the time because the ready for that on any spouse hello meetings and say you know if you've got one free evening away. Sometimes thinking account and am completely depleted of all land adjacent to what I want to talk about it. Is this the right week and sometimes a sentence and I can see that and sometimes we by staging a way not really up for it, but we need to push on trade and we end up being really encouraged and blessed by the person we have found say we probably base face the same challenges just have to spell each other. When I submit yeah will pick anyone of these are a couple these seven ways to welcome like Jesus and we would go generosity, compassion, humility, persistence, awareness, inclusive and self-sacrifice which one comes your mind first took about the awareness thing that kept us cool tailor-made hospitality in the back and it's about how we can be a wet kiss when Jesus was here. Yeah, it's so interesting that he treated people differently according to that different needs and he welcome people differently and he initiated contact with people differently.

Sometimes he invited himself to someone's head yes. Other times he initiated conversation in the street so by well in the cynical going in the Templeton this wonderful way of seeing people as individuals and Taylor making his welcome to meet the needs and I think we can be very formulaic lightly with same before the house is good to be clean. The fetus got a B. The conversations got a be entertaining. This is Tennessee Scott and if I can take these steps off the checklist and not done a good job that I actually see the earwax to look people as Jesus did, as individuals and think will let that person to experience welcome. What would make them feel seen and its value tends might be. Sometimes a really nice meal that could be a ready great treat for someone it might just be sitting full two hours with a cup of tea and letting them pull out the hull and check the stories it might be a Frank T take them places take them to the doctors take them to whatever appointments they've got and I just think starting T think outside the box unthinkable. What does this person need rather than what do I want to default them. What do I think hospitality for them should look like is the best thing to come for lunch on a Sunday, perhaps not for them that I had a friend he went through a difficult time numbers. He is a guy and I just a guy to me at her place of work for lunch once a week because she just needed somebody to come and remind Ted that a mistake a child she was going to go to skids and he's wise and he's loving and he's with Pat hospitality looked like meeting in the cafeteria and chatting about of state say. I think see be aware of people's needs, rather than what we think we want to do for them is something that's good to think about. Remember, you know, is your sharing that tailor-made my first year in Detroit, which would've been over 40 years ago I was playing pickup basketball with some guys.

I didn't really know because I was new there. There we get done and this young guy who's probably 7010 years, maybe 15 years younger than me, as were taking off our shoes's name was Paul he says hey man what's different about you go what you mean. He goes just notice some your totally different than anybody else ever play best ball with my car you think my three-point shots could we do know your attitude and I literally turned on my go I don't know what you saw but it's probably Jesus in my life of me I went right there with them and he's like, that's interesting. We play again the next week and something between us just bondage like I like to me like me to start talking and that's word hit me is like I want to see if I can have an impact in Paul's life and I could tell by what he did, that the best way to do that would not be. Let's go to lunch. Let's have a conversation about Jesus.

So I said to him, so you work for Stanley door right I need a new front door. You want to help me for the front door of my house. Long story short, he ends up at my house with the door, and so is reporting in this door were having conversations and I'll never forget after he put Dorian were sitting on my couch drinking a Coke and he turns me go site by the way just what you know some I don't believe any of that stuff you believe I go. What that means we have this conversation and I find out that he was sorta homeless.

His dad left he lived on the streets of Detroit never finished high school, but he kept saying there's something about you and your family. I keep wanting to come back here so he kept coming back to her house for little house projects. Paul Enzo given his life to Christ gets married, has kids now. It's one of these amazing stories that is you are Sharon, Carolyn, I thought, wow it all started with a tailor-made invitation that was tailor-made to what would bring him in our life and not us in his life get money to how you think, like all blessed him and do all these things in that being like this incredible gift to us, his personality, his gifts, his strengths, the wisdom that he carried as a young man he was remarkable and I think that often happens is you think I will bless them and I'm cannot bring them in. I'm going to maybe share the gospel.

We think working a pat ourselves on the back, and yet what happens as we gain so much and I think as you just said Carolyn. The whole idea of awareness. What I hear you saying is there's Paul's all around us. There are people that God is bringing into our life in us and others lives that if we have our eyes open and underwear will be like oh my goodness this is just a chance encounter with my neighbor or the even the stranger God's trying to give me eyes to see that I am his wife and their moment of darkness, to be generous to welcome them, just as Jesus welcomed the summary I don't preach in your book. That's really what you're talking about right yeah is saying days even within the attached family and people come to chat in Christians comes attaching in different states that now every weekend seems that everybody needs the same from a look around.

He he seems a bit distracted misspeak all hit day heating a that might be carrying full elderly parent to a special needs child. So he's gone through a difficult life situation and you know what will be most helpful to them. What will nice communicate God's love to them, not something we can all day but it just takes amendment of civil and Pravin being pumped to by the spirit that rather than assuming that everybody needs the same thing from us. I love the idea of our listeners of us taking a moment maybe we been posted on social media, of this week. I'm going to become aware I'm going to be looking and so we we begin looking for people that we can bless, or we can talk to her that tailor-made situation of asking what is it seem like they need right now to step out because it's so easy to get lost in our own world. So many of us are going through pain and worry, anxiety, depression there something about getting our eyes on someone else, even when were hurting ourselves that it really does miraculous things that may be a great way to do it is with your family.

Yeah, I don't have time to go in those times ants taken our boys in the car and picked up people I mean you get some crazy stories but it gave our boys a vision for this is how Jesus wants us to live aware that God has put us in somebody's life or put somebody in our life to do more than say hi to welcome and invite just as Christ is welcome and invited us it's Romans 1213 share with the Lord's people who are in need and practice hospitality. You been listening to Dave and Anne's conversation with Carolyn Lacey on family life to you parent.

Get real for a minute okay three years down the road that preteen of yours won't be a preteen, scary issues will be harder and will be different, so take a weekend with your preteen to make great memories that connect the two of you and talk through some of those difficult topics. In fact, we can help you talk about dating body changes, peer pressure, things like that, though totally awkward, they can make or break.

Teenagers and teens to be you could start talking with family life's passport to purity is now 25% off with the code passport for limited time@familylife.com tomorrow Dave and and Wilson are to be joined by Kim Anthony as she talks with a former drug lord who found true freedom while he was in prison tomorrow on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm Shelby Abbott will see back next time for another edition of family life today. FamilyLife today is the production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most