Kevin DeYoung: Why Gender Matters

God does not call us to follow him as androgynous human beings. And yet my calling to follow Jesus is always is a calling to follow him as a man and woman is a calling to follow Christ as a woman.

That's how he made us he didn't have to make is that me.

Could've you made some other kind of world. But that's the way he wanted to do it, and it must be that there's something in there that shows forth the image of God, the shows for the creativity of the glory of God and then in marriage in particular men and women fulfilling that creation mandate. This sexual differentiation is God's idea, yes, it gets messed up against stereotype you get, but we keep coming back to the sexual differentiation is God's idea is good is beautiful is for his glory.

Welcome to family life today or we want to help you pursue the relationship that matter and nothing Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com on our family life, family life today. One of things I would do every football season when I was coaching high school football talk about football you start of a cover to know what I would do chapel you know it Rochester Adams, a public high school so I get the every Thursday night before our team meal have 5060 young boys in her classroom and I get to talk to about the gospel. It was like wow, what an opportunity, but every season early in the season. I would ask the boys let's talk about what a man is who in here can tell me what a mantis and I literally asked for hardly ever did they give me an answer. They would look at me like, and I stumbled around and you realize none of these boys know nobody's really ever defined it and it was a perfect open-door source and you know it that's forensic but for the next several weeks. Let's walk through what God designed men to be and I think I would guess it could be a similar question for women. I'm thinking back on those days.

In the years that you've had young men and now men, teens say Mr. Wilson like those chapels changed me, not just on how to become a man you're making me feel good to become a godly man like they didn't know that God was in that equation yet.

I think the question of what a man or woman is from the creators a question we all need to know not only how to answer how to live it. So is culture good guy Kevin DeYoung back in the studio with this the day of anybody can talk about this topic, Kevin. You're the guy. Well, that's a lot of pressure you written a book called men and women in the church a short biblical practical introduction to this very topic of minutes if it's about in the church but is also a definition of manhood and womanhood of the Mongol understanding of that as a pastor as a father of nine kids. You've got boys and girls living in your home. So I mean obviously this is a major issue for you as a man but as a pastoral leader of men and women where you start when you say okay let's help people understand what God the Creator designed when he uniquely designed male and female differently. It is such an important question you see it from the very beginning were so used to the story with a step back and think about why did God make it this way he could've made a whole sea of people Lori could've made a bunch of men a much women we would've had to make sex gender at all, but he did because it shows forth his design, his glory, his beauty in making male and female. From the very beginning and I don't think it's an exaggeration to say there's probably never been a time in our history where we've been more confused in this country and all over the Western world about what manhood womanhood are in are they even think should we even be talking about those things in the question.

I was come back to is a very practical one. What do we say for my boys comes to me as his daddy what does it mean to be a man or girl comes to Vermont mommy what does it mean for me to grow up and to be a woman and our world has glosses that have no answers actually have an answer which is that's nothing, nothing, or whatever your expressive individuals and tells you but we can't just fall back on stereotypes that well to be a man. You're going to have the you know Stetson hat you're going to go out and hunt and fish things in know and to be a woman is get a look a certain way and have a certain way of carrying yourself, but there are patterns in Scripture that have to do with how we present ourselves with the bodies God has given to us. The fact that to be a man is to be the being who can sell your children and to be a woman is to be the being that God created to incubate human life.

So if we start calling birthing persons. We are in trouble because to be a woman is to be something precious that God has made you nurture human life. So to be a man and a woman is first of all to have those unique biological realities that when a man and a woman uniquely come together in one flesh. Union is the sort of union from which children can be produced. That's really important to say from the outset, so we realize that sex and gender are inextricably linked in God's eyes are world says no sex is you know just the biology thing you get assigned and gender is whatever you choose to be. You want to be God's word tells us know those two things inextricably are links not of course there be people listening to this is say yeah what I love my daughter and she loves Jesus and she wears a baseball hat and she loves to go and play outside with the boys and I got a son and he's happy to play house with his sister and so they're going to be different ways that Boys and Girls Club show their masculinity and femininity. We want to be careful not to fall to rigid stereotypes and yet at the same time there is something in the Bible that's pointing us in the direction just give one example to let you guys correct me if I'm wrong, but in first Thessalonians. Paul uses these two analogies in one chapter. First he says about himself and his companions gospel workers that we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother so that's interesting because Paul is not afraid to use the feminine metaphor for him, say, gentleness is not just a mom thing, but telling that in his mind he thinks what's the picture of tender gentleness. It's a mom with an infant and edited later in the same chapter he says we exhorted you like a father and so in his mind to think of direction, exhortation, discipline is to think of something that is masculine again.

It's not that a woman can do one a demand letter to the other, but in God's mind as he inspired Paul to write that there is something distinctively feminine and distinctively masculine about those two roles about those what we lean into and what were trying to show with our life that will show itself most plainly in marriage, but even the rest of life. There is a way to be a man to be woman so you father, both sons and daughters have five boys, four girls, which I cannot sleep I can't imagine your house. This is why we said he's the one that can email it is crazy is that you you should check back in years was a somebody said I once had no kids and six parenting theories, and I have six kids and no theories exactly yet that's us exactly well. As you think about okay there different not just your email mail but there different even as girls and boys as they are being raised by you.

What are you saying to them about what a man looks like in a woman looks like yeah so my oldest daughter is a strong 14-year-old young woman and she will make her opinions known to the leader yeah yeah she really is. She has a gaggle of friends are around her and she's happy to direct the younger siblings.

What or maybe even her older siblings what to do and I don't want to take any thing away for weeks I've had that talk with her. I said you are strong and that's good. Now how do we use this and so part of being growing up into a godly young woman is most portly, following Christ, being made in God's image, wanting to grow in godliness is all of us do, but it also means there's a certain what she striving after part of that is an openness to marriage and two children. Many years later. We hope many years later the boys stay away for now. But you know the sort of way that she would want to love and support her husband as I see in the in the Scriptures. This is just generalizing summarizing a lot of biblical truth, but I put it like this that the Bible is directed towards women as wanting to pursue a true beauty and the Bible speaks to men pursuing a true strength know when I get that from. I get that. Think about all the places where it's giving women instructional on what to wear on. Don't let your adoring be with you to fancy clothes and let it be the godly spirit speaking to something that generally women are wired for sensitive beauty and God doesn't say shame on you for wanting to be beautiful in effect, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, all of these matriarchs were all noted for their beauty. That's good. Oh God, this is redirect that and say I know you want to be beautiful. What does godly beauty look like for a woman is this character. It's his demeanor and on the other hand, Paul says in first printing 16 act like men and leases it to the whole church but he uses that strong language and drink so much in the in the Greek act like men because that's a to have courage and strength is a particularly masculine virtue and why is it that many men not all that many men are want to watch different movies or following sports that are competitive because they want to show strength they want to show accomplishment. And God doesn't say shame on you for wanting that. That's all bad. How could you like war movies.

How could you like sports says okay let's take that your desire and let me direct that to a true godly strength. So that's where I start with my let's talk about what true beauty, let's talk about gastronomy. Many go back to that because I mean I like attempting yes I'm thinking of myself.

Growing up thinking, yeah, I loved that aspect of beauty and the character but my favorite movie is gladiator now and so I think some women are thinking how I want to change the world. I want to set this world on fire for Jesus right and maybe there's a young woman, it's thinking, and I'm not looking into marriage right now can I do that and will God bless that in my okay if I pursue Jesus and I'm not married or have children. Well, we certainly we serve a Savior who was never married and never had sex so contrary to what our world says, which is your sexuality is your identity. We see what true humanity looks like in Christ and Paul famously said that he was committed to serving the Lord with such singular passion that he was, set aside marriage so yes we want to say to all singles you are not second-class citizens. The church does struggle sometimes to be geared for single sometimes we do family and couple stuff kids stuff and we can forget about singles, so that's to our detriment. If Jesus was single, then it is a high calling. So yes, at the same time, most people at some point will be married if they are as Christians believe they should be open before the Lord to having children.

Children are always seen as a blessing in Scripture. You never find where somebody is having children in my life is over, even if it's the ninth one. Yes, I reverting it is hard as hard yeah, but there's an openness and the desire and willingness to see it as a blessing.

The Bible is wiser than we think and it gives us prescriptions in some areas like Ephesians 5 it says wives submit to your husbands and husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church that are specific commands but the minister certain patterns and that means that the Bible is not going to give us 50 rules to live by. There's lots of more than 50 commands but is not going tell us here's exactly what it looks like and what your next episode to the godly woman out there who says yeah if I'm open to being married in, but then I got passions and I got dreams and I'm not waiting around for Mr. Wright to come. Amen we want we want men and women who are passionate to serve Jesus so following these patterns of these prescriptions in Scripture does not tell us to give another P word that you have to have us a specific personality to do it. You can have a different personality can still embrace this as your expression of godly men will your listening to Damon and Wilson with Kevin DeYoung on family life to where more in just a minute, including what to do when a child is used about his or her own gender.

But first family life. We believe God's design for marriage and family isn't some silly old fashion or fund killing rulebook that it's good true and beautiful design. If you're passionate about more people catching that kind of vision for family, would you consider partnering with family life to all this week with your donation of any amount we want to send you Kevin DeYoung's book, men and women in the church.

That's our thanks to you when you give this week@familylifetoa.com when you call with your donation at 800-3583 29, 800 F peasant family L as in life and in the word today. Right now, back to Damien's conversation with Kevin DeYoung and how to respond to a child is confused about his or her gender.

Okay so talk about this. You mentioned it earlier, gender, sex. Yeah, we live in a world I'm sure there's some parents listening that say my daughter says she's a boy or my son says he's a girl while you say that parent, how do they walk with their dog son or daughter through that one. We need to realize that there is something of a copycat effects that sounds pejorative but I mean is I forget the exact number but the number of young people identifying as transgender has increasingly like 2000% in the last 10 years. I mean it's just astronomical, which means it's not. In most cases, driven by some physiological when you go through puberty. You're confused about a lot of things in our world gives us certain ways that you can be confused and so here's one that has been very uncommon not unheard of, but uncommon, which is become much more common. So any parents out there in the first thing is, don't freak out your surprise, God wasn't surprised something to the world is not the end of your relationship is not the end of your child's walk with the Lord, and this may be something that is a real multi-year long struggle or it could be something that is hey am sort of experimenting and I see that people get attention for this and I got a friend who does it.

It looks kind of interesting to me is so you need to be patient and talk through it know when you you do all of that good loving parenting thing and you get to talk about how the Bible shapes us we see that from the very beginning. There is a binary there is theirs male and female. Sometimes people say what about this thing called intersex, which is a very rare condition and I'm not a medical doctor. But here's the important distinction that is a diagnosable medical biological condition, transgender gender dysphoria is an internal subjective sense of one's identity so not talking about something in the chromosomes something in the biology or talk about a sent so presuming you you're talking to the friend or a child who has this sense of their identity. You want to say, will God gave to genders, male and female, and he gave us these bodies for reason and he says one of the most countercultural verses in all the Bible I think is when Paul says a glorify God with your bodies in our bodies are not incidental to who we are. We know that because God invented bodies God came to earth.

It took on the human body, so bodies are good and God gives them to us for reason and last thing of giving a sermon when you asked the question, but for Paul in first Corinthians 11. Does this complicated argument about head coverings. Okay, you're going to go there so there's some culture at play there because had coverings signified certain thing about you were a loose woman or some which did it doesn't in our day. But the important point in first rantings 11 is Paul says it's a disgrace when a man dresses as a woman or a woman dresses as a man. Why, because God has made us with a certain design and it's his design and it's a good design and is meant to be lived out for his beauty and his glory.

And when we confuse those things that we may be confused and that's okay God walks with us and we need patient people to walk with us were confused, but if we were to embrace that confusion is a good thing God says is that that's not a good thing I didn't give you your body by accident and so we need to bring it back to a question about God and his word and whether we trust in him. If you can answer.

I'll give you more than one word when a man is flourishing. He is what it is sailing with limits okay when a man is flourishing. He is following hard after Christ is laying down his life for other people and he is finding strength and joy in the Lord. Same thing for a woman, a woman is flourishing, you give me three your preacher. I have yeah when a woman is flourishing.

She is following hard after Christ.

She is flourishing in an atmosphere in the circle of protection and blessing, and she is serving others that they might know Jesus better and see him reflected in her life and her relationships with others that as interesting as you hear that the similarities only right that comes over years ago at our church. I created this whole man sort of code definition of what a real man was taken. The word Re: AL and say we always say I would be a real man. We don't know the real man is so I created for four pillars and I preacher for years we did men's retreats and men became this like movement now would be a real INR Yale. Initially I didn't realize it but about five or six years later, Mike everyone of those pillars are true about women. They were different, but also women were called, because most of them were about walking with Jesus at night and showing strength and you but I thought there similarities, but there's definitely a distinct calling of men: women it's I guess unique is the word God is designed us to be men and women into flourish and when we flourish in a and we complement one another as partnership and that the gospel is seen because God made us this way. Keep going back to that God does not call us to follow him as androgynous human beings. Now I'm more than a man or the man is more than woman and yet my calling to follow Jesus is always is a calling to follow him as a man and woman is a calling to follow Christ as a woman. That's how he made us he didn't have to make is that me.

Could've you made some other kind of world. But that's the way he wanted to do it, and it must be that there's something in there that shows forth the image of God, the shows for the creativity, the glory of God and then in marriage in particular men and women fulfilling that creation mandate. This sexual differentiation is God's idea, yes, it gets messed up against stereotype you get, but we keep coming back to this sexual differentiation is God's idea is good, it's beautiful. As for his glory.

I believe that your son or daughter that is watching us as husbands, wives, mom and dad. They are learning what a man is a woman is not by what we say that's right by how we live there.

They are watching dad show what a man is watching mom show a woman of God, looks like may have. That makes me look Amerigo am I showing them a godly view of what God decided men and women should be. I hope so you been listening to Dave and Anne's conversation with Kevin DeYoung on family life to his book is called men and women in the church and will send you a copy when you give any amount today@familylifetodate.com. If you know anyone who needs to hear important conversations like today's. Be sure to share it from wherever you get your podcasts and why you're there.

It really help us out if you rate and review us tomorrow. Dave and Ann Wilson will continue their conversation with Kevin DeYoung as they work through the distinct differences between submission and the submission stereotypes.

That's tomorrow on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm Shelby Abbott will see that next time for another edition of family life life today is a production of family accrue ministry helping you pursue the really