Bill Hendricks: Your Child is Different. Here’s Why it Matters

The child has a certain word which means a certain bill by virtue of how does zombie and the child was trying to express that bet go in that way and so train that child up according to their bent so that when there older, they will live into that. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationship the matter mouth. I'm in Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live today.com or on our family life, family life, a field I give you a season of parenting. I give you one word you give me your first thought baby stage tired toddler training grade school fun really middle school questions teenager love loved it. High school, college sad they're gone now adults awesome this grandkids amazing that we just spent four days five days six days with four of our granddad's enemy, just that I could have had so many more words like each one of those stages is beautiful and brilliant and incredibly hard all at the time but when you said fun during the teenage years. Yeah, I knew you had boys really yes is that pretty room of the parents were traveling with girl here where to bend and yell.

I learned yeah by the way, do you just jump in Riggs Godby is with this with her brother Bill Hendrix who wrote a book called, so how do I pair this child. We actually talked about yesterday it's fabulous. Written in this book and just your help and coach us how to see the giftedness and not just our kids, but in every person. So, welcome back today to thank him today so I mean, obviously you know were dark about our own kids. But as you think about your kids, and even the different stages that we just talk about anything come to your mind when you're thinking of you know from babyhood, all with adulthood and let me add Bev and Bill both have three daughters three daughters. Yeah right. But there's a difference in the dad and the mom I'm sorry but have girls okay because the monument the backyard it's for the dad.

You know that the father was perfect and they love him to pieces that mom the girls react if yes but it's hard when they get into those teenage years and there being their own person and someone did tell me that I'm holding onto it that it may be true is the stronger you are. Some mom, the more they have to re-act to you because they have to be who they are and then one day they'll come back when they have their own children so that kind of is proving true so I'm I'm with you on amazing with the grandkids.

I have a friend with three daughters and we've raised our kids at the same time she would say those exact same words. Where as I was delighting the teenage years with boys like it was so fun. She was like it was a wrestling for her a little bit more, absolutely.

And now, her girls are all adults and they really have all just come back. He is the hero. There is a monument for her at this point as well as the dad, yes, but I think that it's so tough in those years. If someone could just say it's gonna be different when they get a little bit farther down the road till it was like for you and let's say two youth had a unique experience because you lost your wife, mother of your three girls when they were how old my first work this way when they were 1513 and eight so it was right at the stage. There were both talking about lease for the two older ones were there entering the contentious. But because the mother was ill. You know the dollar back I think is much as they could and she passed, and now it's my job to raise them and girls don't seem to do that with Debbie's know and so we didn't have those knockdown drag out fight someone else so bad. There was a monument in his back there. Absolutely his girls especially now became the father and the mother for those girls go. Somehow we survived their doing ponded still sign so the grace of God. You know we mentioned yesterday, you directed the global center for giftedness which is seeing the wonders yell seeing the gift in this in your children, and others, and we spent all day talking about how to parent. That way you talk in your book about as a parent you're a steward you've been given a stewardship what you mean by that will first of all you don't own these children don't own this child. The child belongs to God because God made that child and then for mysteries. I don't understand handed over to you or to me and so you you been given a trust and stewardship means that you you take that trust in you want ultimately him that trust back to the person I gave it to you.

It's a very utilitarian term transactional term but with a return on investment, which means that trust has a certain potential of what God purposed into that individual that person God wants to see that person thrive and flourish and make a contribution to the world and the best way that happens is that you as a parent help the child begin to wake up to who they are, which really means in large part there giftedness that which God has given them by which to cause the world and its people to flourish and you celebrate that you help them celebrate those strengths and begin the lean in the soda by the time they leave at 18 or whenever they've got a sense of confidence about their strengths and who they are. The got a sense of direction about how they can contribute to the world and we play a vital part in this with our kids of seeing as you said yesterday where they find their energy right past and that those are things we should be observing. I love the story told about your dad and the teacher talk about Mrs. Nellie when he told the story he totally lit up and I say your dad is Howard Hendricks and a lot of our listeners probably know that he was a seminary professor at Dallas theological seminary, known he was gifted to the task of teaching heat. If you look in the dictionary under teacher would find his name because he was born to teach you and love that I he said I live to teach really this is a great story for me because he was in his 57th year of seminary at that point just starting and I was asked to speak to a group of teachers and the topic I was for secure how do we make this just not another year and I remember the look on his face of puzzlement, almost when I said that to him because he said my goodness, no years ever. Like any other year mean these guys. They're all different and have all new questions and he just came even alive in that moment, but he told me the story of Mr. no way because he had a teacher, Ms. Simpkins and I think it was fifth grade and she hated him and he hated her just equally.

He was the worst kid in the room. He did everything that you're not supposed to do. It was always, he said. I knew every corner in that room.

I instead and I'm and so he a terrible year.

The kids loved them he'd get everybody Gowen and everyone would be doing throwing spit wives and stuff like that and she knew exactly who it wasn't that he was always in trouble. He said, and then I got released from jail. Summer came and he's having a great time, but then he has to come back any cinnamon six grade and I'm thinking, here we go, so he walks into his sixth grade teachers and she calls role and she gets to Howard Hendricks and she said oh, I've heard of you and he has here we go here we go. And now she said I don't believe a word of it. She said I think you're exactly who we need in this room this year. He just was floored and he that will this won't last that it did and he said I became like her favorite person and I would do anything for this woman and he said we were lined up in the hall.

One day Ms. Simpkins walked by and gave us really dirty look and then said something to her.

I'm sure that was derogatory. He heard her say oh no he is my best student he is a model student and the lady was just that and she said I was just nasty enough that I turned around and just shot her a lot about that, based on our discussion, you think how could this be giftedness like so bad in one room and so good and the other but you see, his giftedness is about getting a response and Ms. Simpkins would not give him anything but a negative response and he's like okay bring it on. He's getting a positive response from all his classmates.

They think he is everything. And so that's what he does. The next year Miss know he had somehow would wish he was still living. I would love to ask her what did you see in him because she saw something in him and thought I can turn that around. So she said here's who you are here so I believe you are, and he lived up to it. So how does it work as a parent. If you've got a son of that sort acting out right, for whatever reason, instigated Weston's motion or ~many samples of the least of which is to channel the giftedness of a positive action instead of shaming, which is often the parents first response right Jamie guys we just talked yesterday and I'm thinking there talk about video games I was recollecting how many times I walked into the room when our son was playing video games. I said this is the biggest waste of time. You amount to nothing if you do this all day and then I'm like oh I really think that wrong we say develop a positive language for what it is that they do what it is that they love to do more inclined toward, and I say this with a lot of regret that one of my twins was very, very quiet and I used to refer to it as slow to warm up.

Which is kind of negative. If I had only been able to say she takes the time she needs to feel comfortable. Now I've described her in a positive way and I have really affirmed. She knows the time she needs in order to feel comfortable and those are the kinds of things. A child with a lot of power.

For instance, packed into him can get a lot of nicknames that are not positive it didn't feel positive when there completely blowing through your house and they are on their 15th tantrum for today but there is something about that power that has been packed in that little body that they can handle yet they don't know how. And so to channel it into some alternative thing I have my oldest grandson has a heart of energy.

I remember watching one time and I thought this house is going to explode. It is, and I said sweetie you can have to go out and run around the block. I said we just need that right now. Got I don't think we can really I don't think the house can take is yeah and he went out okay and on and he went out. He ran all the way around the block. He came to I need to go around again. I said I think we need that you know he loved it. We have a son that was very much like that, growing up lots of energy.

A leader he'd cry he'd yell and I think the first time he preached our church. He was 19 and he was doing all those things on the stake just crying. He's passionate yelling. I had tears in my eyes and I turned to Dave like you go and that's what you're saying you are looking were discovering were watching it senses it and I think I remembering this in your book. Proverbs 22 six train up a child the way you should go and when he is older he will not depart from it. That is often been taught in a very different way you're describing Arena explained that the verse if you get it through the Hebrew. The idea is opening up the child's way the child has a certain way, which means a certain by virtue of how does zombie and the troubles trying to express that buildup go in that way. And so you train the child up according to the so that when they're older, they will move into Julie. Almost like a farmer that's got a plant or tree that they're trying to slowly over time groom to be what it was meant to flourish so that it will bear the fruit that it was meant to bear Bill talk about making a cake at five years old I was made by this.

Actually she actually read it out loud to make dinner that night and what in the world there, and may I say that the editor of the book did not believe this was a true story and yet no not Dylan Skinner believed that and I will tell you that he didn't do that okay think it's possible you had Bill tells the story is that when I was five. My mom was going out one day I was to be home for the afternoon out to be bored or said is something I can do while you're gone and I've been watching mom cook since I was born so I actually already knew my way around the kitchen and she said well you're built seven part of them.

We need to become angel food cake so want you know mix it up and put in the oven so she leaves about your five which means your reading. I guess they will go over both of us go out to the kitchen them, and I pulled down my mom's mother's home companion cookbook and I look up angel food cake and I get the exiled and the flower out of my supper is a worried someone beat him up, mix all the stuff together, put it in the pan put in the oven. You know when the time's up.

I pull it out in those days with Coke bottles and put the pan on top the coke bottle. Let it cool and so my mom comes home and I'm back in my reply.

Am about three minutes after coming home she comes into my room going delete how did you make this cake and she's holding a box of Duncan Hines angel food cake mix which had barely been in the cupboard and I just did notice and in retrospect we looked at.

That is kind of an example my own giftedness trying to express itself, but it's important to say that he gave her daughter to grow up to be about what what in him, that could do it like white with the gift. When you think Beth being control be in charge. He was going to do it.

So if you have a responsibility he's like well yes, but it was an idea that he had in his head, and he's going to make it happen and he is very good at doing that and he'll own it and kind of figure out how to do it. He doesn't ask a lot of questions. He's very independent in terms of how he works and so he just he didn't ask anybody just did that say angel yes, they're not easy. They are not easy because you have to with those egg whites to the point where their stiff and almost nobody would know that unless they have baked for a while while in retrospect I would point out, this was in the days before what beaters do so you can but I am most and we don't really remember how it turned out either. Just saying wasn't sitting on sure was the best credible USSR you think you would become Wolfgang Puck, but it wasn't about that right was part of it was bigger than that. It was giftedness is not in the activity. It's in the person. Yes, so you can do a wide variety of activities that many of which bear no relation whatsoever to each other and yet when you look at what's driving the behavior fond of her consistent pattern, which is why when we tell parents to observe which is really about being mindful and aware of what kids are choosing to do and what they love to do what they prefer to do and that is what you're paying attention to.

But don't make conclusions about that.

Just observe it may take note of it to great idea if it's an unusual thing to write it down because it'll probably occur again and then you can over time.

They'll have more language in more ways to help you see what that giftedness could be about what happens to a child when the parents or the judges or shames it or critiques. It could be a simple, less a stupid thing to waste your time doing no when you're making the observation, but you make the judgment that it's not what I like or what you know they're not becoming like I thought they would you judge it in shame at what happens to that child you're listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Bill Hendrix and Bev Hendrix Godby on family life today will hear the response.

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Now back to David and with Bill and Beth know what happens to a child when the parents were judges or shames it or critiques. It could be a simple, stupid thing to waste your time doing nothing good. I'll give you the illustration was a kind of a giftedness we see of a person who wants to be part of a team really do want to do it together to join hands here and collaborate right so this little boy is like the team is born into the family of very rugged self-made individualist father okay you pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You can almost see the train wreck. That's about ready to happen right team does this kid want to join more than anybody else's right daddy's yeah she keeps coming up in trying to join up with and daddy with the best of intentions, says some to do it on your own, never to get any work were in this world than what you can do it on your own will help you make your own way and keeps pushing the kid away we go.

That cycle happen several hundred thousand times by the time the kids 20 like an annuity for psychologist right because the kid always thinks while I'm never going to be the man might failure, failure, and the truth is, no you not to be the man your dad is because you made to be something quite different but has a sense of shame about that and he cannot not do that behavior because that's who is but now every time he wants to team up with people there's something wrong with me. Why can't I just do it on my own know what we decide is apparent because I'm sooner thinking I've done the sure will. We all have maybe made way more than even know what is the parent that realizes I blew some errors with my son or daughter. What I do how do I rectify that. Or can you go and you asked for forgiveness, you help them see that I am the person in power and I can ask for forgiveness.

I can come to you and say I did this really badly and kids will forgive you if you love them. They know they are being loved, and they will readily almost forgive you. They may not get over it quite as fast, but I think for you not only to say it to them but then love that out and go a different direction with them. I think it's never too late for a cat. It is never too late. I think parents need to hear that you do that one of you have absolute absolutely very nice forgiveness you so you know I just didn't recognize the wrong thing there. This gets into important layer for parents before you can help your child discover their giftedness you really want to start working on discovering your own giftedness because if you don't. At some point your kids going to go well. Thanks for helping me discover my giftedness by the way, what's yours you want to go right. I think that's really important because if you understand your own giftedness.

You have a framework of peers once again affect my own parenting and euros of the basis of comparison and contrast well my child those things really differently and it's okay beautiful thing that Stephen and Wilson talking with Bill Hendrix and Bev Hendrix Godby on family life to you can get a copy of Bill and Bev's book@familylifetodate.com it's called, so how do I parent this child discovering the wisdom and the wonder of who your child was meant to be. Again, you find that it family life to a.com or by calling 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today.

If you know anyone who needs to hear today's conversation you can share it from where ever you get your podcasts and while you're there. It really help us out if you rate and review us. God cares much more about our fruitfulness. Then our success. Our finances are what job were doing and tomorrow. David and Wilson are to be wrestling through that idea with Bill Hendrix and Bev Hendrix Godby along with the important realization that you can't parent kids towards their giftedness. If you haven't discovered your own that's come up tomorrow.

Hope you can join us on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm Shelby Abbott will see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life, the days of production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most