Living a Life of Authenticity

So we've been married 41 years and when and not my favorite thing is about you. When you think I'm an essay body well just use my body more welcome to family life today. We want to help the relationship that matter most in Wilson in our day will so that you can find us if we like today.com or on our family life like today I favorite about 41 years. I get teary is your word match your life like what you say what you preach what you talk about I live with you and I see your life.

I see how you're living out your faith and what you talk about matches your life. That is my favorite thing and I think I get so teary about it because I know that our sons would say the same thing that you have always lived what you've preach that perfectly by any means perfectly but matches and there's something really powerful and magnetic owing the all-male you can give me. I think I could say something but you question and it's an important topic that we have about today. Character integrity really really matters and we've got a manner studio that I I know is a man of character and integrity as well. James Meredith with this welcome Abimelech today just like you so much.

We never met him. He never heard so much about you and so many different areas, pastor, author presents us about his conventionality years ago.

All Outlook 2000 2011 yeah and obviously written many many books out how many automotive it will keep up with that but this latest one about character. Character still counts is obviously something that's passionate in your life amusement and was just talking about it is what defines a man defines a woman defines a person also talked to us about why did you decide to write about character.

Will you also begin first of all, of the one of you and this is not slavery. My mentor was Adrian Rogers and Dr. Rogers lost with Hillman Wells, a young pastor and were more often open our mobile passion preach in a day that I did seven years. Similar drugs uselessly. Flattery is what you will slay to a man's face was you mostly behind his back. Praise what you will slay domain slaves were usually about his Becker lossless is not flattery at all. Probably the wife could say anything greater about her husband what you just said. Or vice versa. And I'll just touch to your audience.

We never met but you know yourself up around the block like I and for the very time we just said that I talked just in my heart us about these two people aboard the real and some already be on your program. All of that said book that I wrote your crystal calluses is really fascinating me. For this reason, Bob and partnering with harvest House publishers for long time and I've submitted a couple of the projects they like. You will came back to me this before the election.

They came back to me. Listen we will propose a biblical character will to be honest I didn't do the book. This is why this is will preacher and subsequent your pastor so you know this. Most preachers books or sermons sermon this by text service but I never preached on your list.

So really they all started from scratch little starting from scratch until people except for my dissertation when I did about the seminary never work hard on anything my life and I did this book got little starting from scratch, and even building the outline of the book of everything. So what I did this Timeslips script where I did my research and then my sermons so struggle know where well but most rewarding things I've ever done because I was speaking to large church mega church staff yesterday. The heaven retreat, Atlanta, and I decided to do one about the church of Christ, which is faithfulness to talk about what I said that the pastors were my best buddies who is a great guy PQ case of James is preach what you talk about you, but will talk about leadership something like that one just invalid told the staff yesterday that LEADERSHIP Journal after you got John Max will score the market know the people like that so about this yesterday is very interesting. Jesus was a thick ball tells the greatest leader who ever lived on greatest everything, but when you read the Gospels and he never said a word about leadership. He modeled it what it always talk about character and I just think that we're living in a day and age when more more people think that character counts list list I think is wrong. I think the number one thing will look for in not just the pastor but a president or governor on the sea, overcome your anywhere. I think most important things should look at his character. How you define character what you mean my question because I have a Christian worldview.

To me, the ultimate character from a human being is when you're modeling the life of Christ in every aspect is matter fact I went and jumped to the conclusion.

My favorite chapter in the book is the last chapter, because what I do is point out how all these character traits Jesus displayed in his ministry. Every single one. He was the better the files yeah menu list 12 different carrier sites Internet last chapter by labor shortage chapter, but yeah so enlightening to say everything we just read about the character traits all of her and Jesus will write exactly so you know you can divide character all you all kinds of ways but again being a Christian. I think this is really modeling the life of Christ, and I think it really is living out the spirit of God's righteousness in you. I think that is character so you know a person can have good character and not know the Lord, you could be a good person but I think I have the kind of character that God wills.

Everyone of us to have. He has to produce that character in us and through us.

That's why just believe you'll always fall short of what you could've been should abandon as a man, a woman as a father as a husband, whatever. You're always fall short. If you don't have that person? Christ, I like your story, James Tellis, like where you always a man of character is not always been something that's important wellright nano my mom and dad grew up in a Christian home on this interesting character for your listers. If I remember all of the family, that he was a slave.

Archie Bunker today and he did love the Lord, but he was just very opinionated and very blunt. That kind of thing, and in all but my dad really started started drinking when he was about 13 drank almost became alcoholic to lease 28 and so much of the gospel Monday at four I was born somehow debiting a believer my debiting a waiver for 55 years and easily give up alcohol the day gives life to Tri-City and sold from the day that he gave his life, Christ. We died at 83.

Never trust another drop of alcohol for the time I came along I was raised in a home where my damn church every Sunday and we went Sunday morning, Sunday, not Wednesday night will not know if I did read your Bible mama under the Bible everyday so you know my dad just told me growing up that there are just certain things you do you keep your word. You do what you say you will do.

You don't steal your honest and you treat people right but it wasn't a humanistic characteristic was more pictures.

This is what Christians do this. What godly people so you know when you say you've always been a person of character. I think that the time I was born I begin to learn character. I think as you grow and mature in your faith. You realize how your character does need to grow when you never do you ever reach the pinnacle of perfection. Obviously you know when I wrote the book and I went to go back to my edits. There were certain of those character traits. The blood just got convicted off message know I'm not there yet more or less just not quite, and I know I need to do work on the thing that troubles me again is that people today it's more about results is more about image. It's more about the little soundbite in character, seems to fall by the by the wayside.

Talk about the difference between character and integrity again. Maybe the same thing. Maybe not. But when you hear the word character. I often think you tell me if I'm right or wrong.

I read what you wrote.

It's very similar, but I think integrity is what you said earlier yeah even what aunt said you a man or woman's life matches their words, there is not a X energy are right there is.

It's a whole number. There's not a division there is that what characteristics you put it this way. By the way, when I told about like the book. I said the one of the authorial things I wanted was a lot the first SQ what or rest the chapters are blessed will first have to be integrity because your I believe integrity is the foundation church begins and ends with integrity. If you have a.I told the boys growing up by three sons if you don't have integrity guys, but was you got nothing so well.

We put labels this way.

If you don't have integrity, but what else you have. You don't have real character, but character is more than just integrity so but the reason I started with that very chapter is because everything rises and falls on integrity as a matter fact you will find that you'll be hard-pressed to find where if a person doesn't have integrity. He has a lot of those of the traits most the time he walked for example, if you're not a person integrity. You will be faithful if you're not person integrity will be honest if you know a person integrity. You will be home you will be authentic. So what you know it really is the bedrock. It is the foundation I think of what church is all about your mentor. Our listeners know I've maybe have said a couple times there was the Detroit Lions chaplain for 33 seasons which means one playoff win 33 seasons one playoff point but one of the first coaches I sat under was a guy named Frank Ganz he was our special teams coach in the 80s and on their fear he would stand up from the team many times uses hands as an illustration and take one hand and say what a man says what a man does a putting together you know like this is what you say is what you gotta match up any goes. If this doesn't match up you can't play for me. In other words, in the football around me soon if you say or gap a you can be a gap that you can send there be there not show up in it would always be. I never forget that visual and I remember you slapping your hand out together like that because I care Frank. You are now his son coaches in the league but it was like such a good visual to say is what I'm saying with your badging up you know to my life. I say to my wife I'm faithful and my faithful in a hotel room when nobody's looking, I said my church or to a buddy of mine that I I give you my word there was a day a handshake sort of felt like I could trust that shake I feel like we live in a culture now. It's like if it's not written down to the contract. I'm not sure. Susan has integrity lost its foundation in our culture were the things my dental below slang words your ball you my dental bed used to say son a man's handshake better than ink on paper if you need ink on paper that you say you'll do it on much of a man I just totally review and we can do those ports will begin about is your something about these guys you use on a contract, you will note renegotiate his muscles get paid more weight of it when you you agree to pay for this was a fair day's wage for a fair days work okay. I kept my of the bargain. You keep yours. So even in those kind of things we see, you know, integrity, seemingly go by the wayside and we see so much in everyday life and when integrity goes down. Trust in your fellow man goes goes down because trust is built on integrity doing what you say you're the one of the things you appreciate and of zig Ziglar.

If you ever Sarah Glazier have very best friends.

In fact, they just called me a copy of the Bible answer man call me every Saturday with a Bible question every stereoscope about 9 o'clock and he zigs this is stinking thinking.

Thank you real think and think and I'm never ready but I love the ground more than zigzag success. Something to trigger something in my mind they put this in his book, about 25 years ago I started doing was. He made 45 years. Every night before I go to bed I will say to her. I've always been faithful to you and I want to let everyday I love telling you that I want to know that every I want her to know that you know I've always been faithful to her as such a foundation. Also, the staff retreat yesterday about marriage would talk about marriage. I used to believe the most important thing that she could give you, you could give her with love and of course love. Obviously, with those together left change my mind. I think the most important thing you must have from her. She must have missed trust because the man I met you love each other.

If you don't trust each of you not know how much of a marriage and you gotta know that that he's always faithful she's he's got a know you know you're always faithful and so I just I started doing that like is about 25 years ago and I've had some people like fun and laugh and all that stuff but it is a joy for me that this is about character. You know this. This is the sad thing people don't realize that the joy that comes in life when your personal character and you don't have to worry about what you say. If you're still the truth. If you like metalwork you make a call, but if you enjoy, so the tree got work every part of the church, all the church replacing that book you could look at a new site colleague Pete, if I if I would do all that I may not be straightlaced and I can't have fun just the opposite. The people who have true godly character have more fun than anybody on the planet because you know you're never going to the wrong thing. I told Bob oyster with apostate boys. If you never get in the wrong place at the wrong time with the one person you can't do the wrong thing when you always would you do your best to be the right person doing the right thing in the right place. There's a joy and a piece of conscious and a good night sleep because that are that you just can't but money yeah since it is I hear you say that I think to be a man or woman of character, integrity as well.

You have to pre-decide you have to make decisions before moments in other words what you just said to be in the right place right people right you get a pre-decide before you walk out of your house, or even in your house I'm not gonna hang out and I can go right. It's a pre-decision then have it in the moment. It's like I decide before I leave like you're going home tonight. You say your wife have been faithful.

You made a decision before even left the house today to make sure that you're going to go home faithful and I write a great example that is against something else. I told the boys we tend to complicate the simple Jesus simplify the comp to the Pharisees and the rabbis came up with 613 different commands that they drew out of the Old Testament so Jesus comes along. This is boys like to get them to the woods got all your heart, so measuring the measure so as you love yourself is really short. I will that was called love.

Okay, so we we complicate the simple Jesus simplify you know the complicated and good thing about living a godly life and being a person of character if you will early only two or three big decisions rest decision just fall like dominoes. Too many people making decisions too late in life that may come up on the flight. You can't make great decisions on the fly. You cannot do youth or services you like so for example, early oh I decided thing that I did outside to follow Billy Graham rule, so I don't I don't Councilwoman alone. I don't lead with a little low if I could delectable pastor and I understand not conflict with the business world. I'm not judging anyone out there that your job may require some,but for me I just done. Teresa knows I'm just not going to put myself in any weather asked know whatever I'm is like to put myself in a situation that big decision has saved me so many times. So for example I'm on TV so I get made up every Sunday morning before the web preach my makeup lady knows the doors open. If I'm in that green room alone will buy that green envelope.

This is like there's a forcefully she cannot cross that threshold in that room from a sound guy comes into my bike in the upper my production Garson somebody's been that room with. That's a big decision I made paid off for ever in my ministry. I'm guessing our listeners might remember the story but it's so apropos to what you're saying is what's it been now 32, 33 years ago, family life, called us in and I and ask us to consider being a speaker for the weekend. Remember marriage getaways that we do that we actually went to as an engaged couple in this is 10 years later now been married 10 years and they have speakers to present the we can remember so mean when we get the call first father like they want us to consider. Are you kidding me this would be an of phenomenal ministry.

Phenomenal weekend like I can imagine. So part of the interview process was fly down to the headquarters, which at that time was in Little Rock and have a meeting with Dennis Rainey, the president found her family life. So were on this plane flying down there. A few weeks later and we are literally role-playing with you and ask you know with UNESCO where like you might SS will answer this will work because we want this job so bad like we ought to assist this interview we get to headquarters.

We walk around the building we get into Dennis's office never many before I just know who he is. He actually spoke at the marriage conference.

We went to 10 years before, and we are. I mean were nervous like literally nervous, like I want to make sure I answer these questions right so we get this job.

Never forget it and be James. I'm looking request, it was just like this. He's at his desk and sit where you are. He looks across the table he goes just have one question we looking to just one question just have one question and he looked straight at me and I'm staring at you because he would not take his eyes off my eyes and he goes are you clean.

I knew what clean men sexually pornography integrity, financial, you name it, are you a man of character is what he was asking me and I look right back at him and I say yes. It goes like this.

He turns and looks rated Annie goes as he tell me the truth.

She goes yes he goes okay your good urine, where like Geico when he when he mean were any ghosts you're on the team. I don't want Mike MI Goodenough speaker this year we sent them cassette tapes. There were those of freaking out.

Okay because I never forget I thought was all about ability. You know, skill center stage in delivering the goods.

He looked at me and he goes, this is not about speaking this is about character.

I need people stand on that stage who are living the truth we are presented about marriage and if you're not clean. You can't be in this ministry and I thought that's what this was all about character and that's what you're just saying it's like oh my goodness I mean life is not about the outside and I think in first Samuel 16 man looks at the external looks at the outset outward appearance, God looks at the heart characters about heart rate know you will remember this, there's a tennis player name Andre Agassi Andre Agassi did a series of commercials that receive Kodak on the camera companies was almost successful ad campaigns of it and the slogan is still used today. Image is everything that is so anti-biblical right is so ungodly, image is nothing in the house of God.he was that you will have no graven image before me image is not everything character is everything is what is inside that counts, but we are living in a culture and were living in a day and age, and just you know this every person that ever run for president. The number one thing they cultivate is that image that will fit perfect fish with a flag in the background. It's all about image or the making promises they know they can't keep. Are they saying things they know are not your nobody note you love people know that okay or piece of this party raises parties on both of this and character never enters into it and we pay the price. There isn't a character element that just indispensable to the leadership with us in the church or whether it's you know whatever it is and this is a very sensitive topic. I will be be very careful how you walk around but you know it. It is disheartening and I'm clean and I can look you in the not blink until young clean, but it is disheartening and discouraging because well get hard with the same brush. When pastors do fall and when you find out you mean you did this on Saturday night. You got up and preached on Sunday morning, you you do that I can do that. David could fall.

I could fall that you could fall fretting David Menefee don't talk we talk involves what you know, let him stay. He stands take heed lest he fall that I must set up but that's why guard myself but to do that and then to do this son is mind-boggling to them. So I think that you know one of the things it is the church, unfortunately, is the very place people you would look for and just assumed sure they're clean sure they're there. Sure their words in their life. Don't so many Christians, myself included, know how to give the right answers know how to talk a big game when it comes to living the Christian life sometimes our actual private life when nobody else is looking. When only God can see doesn't match what we talk about and that includes anybody who's a Christian all the way up to pastors and spiritual leaders. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart character is the heart character matters. James Merritt has written a book called character still counts is time to restore our lasting value swing is stop protecting our reputation and start building a life of character. This book that James Merritt has written is available in our family life resource Center if you wanted to pick up a copy. You can go to family life today.com to order your copy online or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today.

Character counts obviously in in our lives but also counts in the way that we pour into our children our guests coming up later this week is John Tyson and he's written a book called the intentional father short practical book on how to help men raise their sons as men of character. This will be our gift to you. If you log on to family life today.com and make a donation of any amount when you do request John Tyson's the intentional father will send you that copy. Again, any amount that you donate@familylifetoday.com or you can pick up the phone. Give us a call at 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today. Thanks in advance for your support and we hope you enjoy the book coming up tomorrow we are going to hear once again from James Merritt to talk about the value of loyalty in your marriage. It brings us a whole new level of love with our stuff. Steven and Melissa will be talking with James Merritt tomorrow on behalf of Dave and Wilson. I'm Shelby and see back next time for another edition of family life today of family life accrued ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most