Finding Quiet on God’s Journey for You

So I actually really want to know the answers. Question two. I think I know what I don't think I know what are the statements you hear most in your head felt like almost on repeat. My husband is so can't. That's what I think it did say anything handsome, but I thought awesome wonderful. I can't believe I got this guy okay now seriously I know I don't know how I dog you never got that one time in our first year marriage. After that, all the time.

Okay interestingly thought to come to my head now are different than what used to come into my head in family life today where we want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find us if it we live today.com or on our family life app family life today. What are the statements you hear most in your head thought to come through my head now are different than what used to come into my head because I feel like my thoughts in the past to been super toxic and ugly and fat need to lose weight. I need to be better. I'm failing I'm not smart enough. I'm not doing it was just constant barrage of that negative self talk, and nobody would've known you think you've been married 41 years, would you have thought those were my thoughts in my head that initially but it didn't take long after we were married to realize you hear that a lot.

I don't anymore.

I think a lot of people here a lot of negative self talk. You are working with pro athletes for 33 years course before thinking will you work with the Detroit Lions. Of course there's a lot of negative self talk, but there is a lot of negative thoughts of guys super successful that that are at the highest level in his leg while in a lineup for a play they are hearing. I'm not good enough. I'm not can build make this player like what in the world. How can that be true. And that's a real thing and I worked with their wives in these women. Some of these women were supermodels or they had 3° or so.

1019 and yet the self talk that they would share with so surprising was I'm ugly and stupid their lives showed everything but the truth is we know this how we think is how we live belief you know me as a preacher belief dictates behavior. So whatever I believe about myself is going to dictate the way I live and the reason I bring this up we get Jamie Grace back in the studio with us. Jamie first for welcome back is good to be back here sit over there :-) looking at us what it what you think is talking about the very day beginning I was like I was. I'm right here is really weird here and all resonates with me when you are asking that initial question, ironically, I do. Often times, like like my pre-flirt with my husband in my head while I try to flirt out loud. He doesn't email is I'm not always very successful say all I practice my flirt word this year for getting your head like oh that's good and I'll say out loud music.

They used to had a busy play by him so awkward like there's like family listenings. I will give an example is but just awkward to know what goes on in your head because you're very successful in terms of like being a pro athlete you've reached that in the center song world time Grammy nominated singers of a hard winter for new artisan 2012 in my right yeah when I learned all your songs on the podcast, Jamie Grace podcast looking like you really are successful. I mean is, the world looks at you they would think of. She's made and you've written a book called finding quiet yeah my journey to peace in an anxious world, but in the book you start talking about this is Dave Silcox and I still have them really like still very similar to yours is the first time on the two-year-old. And especially that postpartum season that 6 to 12 months, but I like some people I'm still postpartum because it's a pandemic, so eating count is still that likely all you need to lose weight like you not successful.

Looking at you could chop like it's Konstantin. It's frustrating.

I've done a lot of work just like personally in therapy church small groups pastor like me. My pastor and stuff like that and so a lot of times what now will start to happen is like a lot of peptalk in any mean and I'm proud of that. So you know, a lot of times I'll have this kind of like my head like you're so dumb like that song is terrible that you wrote my I'll catch myself and kind of like immediately start to be like this on your last week was in the back Jake Asia UL sheet he swept maybe was two weeks ago. But guess what you did and you cook dinner was awesome and your husband like that. I'm going to Slater men definitely like that a lot of my conscious work to like try to override a lot of those negative thoughts and a lot of times I'll get out loud as well. Even like from a spiritual standpoint I think that pictures and yeah it's a journey, and it takes a lot of work. Yes, I catch myself getting mentally like all that gear. The issue that I'll start walking in the house that you are a child of God. Most hiking like some you might.

This is cheesy, but like I mean is genuinely sometimes "like my lyrics out loud in a way of like not like that but because everything I've written is genuinely something that the Lord gave to me in a moment of desperation. Some lyrics like that you would say yeah status was the daughter of the king and says the maker of skies and the maker of C's, the maker of every beautiful thing he made you and the first time I ever said something like that was during the show and there was a girl in the middle of the crowd that was later I process but was kind of the outsider in like the young adult group that she was in and I just like stopped in the middle of my set in the Lord just told me to tell her like the maker of skies in the maker of C's like he made your face so my lyrics are necessarily something red, like going to write something catchy you know it they really do come from moments of like the Lord really speaking, any Scriptures office. He way more powerful than anything I could come up with Saul typology start reading Proverbs out loud right now I have a a proverb up in my bathroom mirror and all. If something else, something from Psalms or Galatians or Habakkuk or whatever it is speaks to me a couple weeks old, put that up there to do and just try to speak out loud like the words of truth speak out loud the words of wisdom because it can be so much powerful than whatever is happening in my head and can kind of just help get me into a habit of hearing those things and sing those things. Instead, something yeah I think even the song are very poppy song. I'm guessing this one was one of your Grammy nominations. I love the way you hold me yeah is Poppy is at is that lyric is in some ways very profound.

Said over and over in the song until we write the whole thing. But then, when used, think through what you're saying and you know the kids are singing us, he thought, since I don't believe you told me right yeah I'm saying it in a song. But I don't believe the thing I'm going through him. He's a guy God is holding me. I love the way you hold me in softer like I don't know if you are right now. Self talk is a Malone stroke my own and that lyric simple lyric is like eBay that knows me knows that like I have some obsession because is not a very healthy word. My Dick sister is my literal hero. I love her so much and we got for her senior year in college I was at the same college and we got an off-campus apartment so I know were really cool is a Bible college that I will agree. We were 16 when we started college, so she was 20 and your senior year and I was like 17, 18. Why certain colleges. 16. She's smarter than I am like to take too much credit for my intelligence, even though I do think make them smart sometimes but the thing is when you're the oldest when I think you're the smartest, she started reading it. Three.

My mom is just an amazing educator and so she had Morgan reading it. Three.

I just I was younger savages like doing whatever she was doing. Yes okay I think I'm a little bit smart but I cried a lot to my mom and my sister because I just showed up and they were arty doing the work is llamas will help them read stuff my sister actually graduated high school 1413 that my mom wasn't ready for her to go to college to she's made a bunch of extra work for her to do for a couple years until she was ready to go to college but we are like living in this off-campus apartment and we were supposed to do that until I was done with college like I was in the BR things I was live in this cool apartment for three years and then he added, let's go back a little bit for the people may have our listeners that may be missed.

Our first episode, which go back and listen. You are given a diagnosis. Yeah, at age 11 and share a little bit just as a reminder, yeah. So I had already been given this diagnosis of Tourette's syndrome, which is a movement disorder, a tic disorder as well as anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder which is just a quick synopsis.

Imagine every day. Worry times 20, but basically because a neurological stuff and obsessive-compulsive disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder which is OCD and ADHD and so I hide all of that that I was dealing with on a daily time when airless personnel, excellent iron college. Yeah, the main situation for college was that I went where my sister went I wasn't as far along mental health wise, as I maybe thought I was going to be to go out of state which I was what I wanted to do but it's okay because I we both graduated from school call point University in southeast we really loved and I love getting to be near her. So that was a huge blessing, but then my sister went off and did the very stereo typical pastor's daughter Bible college thing and got herself a suitor she gets. So now I say that where ever she started dating someone who is now her husband of like 12 years to you all.

So here I am in this apartment that I'm supposedly watching cheetah girls with my sister every night and there sitting on the cow looks like she started watching like superhero movies. All she's like you know I guess what Christian dating so like I'm still in the house like this is done on their own accountability I need to go dribble Tyrell hold me because I was just like this is stupid. You wrote hold me all my songs that sound like I'm in a good mood. I was crying all of them. I was crying my eyes out when I wrote hold me. I was sitting in a room all by myself just like him to be single forever like no one told me I didn't know that about that song because it's so filled with joy and yet you are saying now yeah thing that I find doing what you just said is you do. I think it's your second chapters you call the noise of feelings.

Yeah, it is almost how you stifle and hold feelings and when I read that my goal boy. I do the same thing. Yeah I don't like him and I sort I cried. Movies federal crime life. Yeah so but you just shared how you express your feelings will do have a love-hate relationship with feelings I do love to feel feels you know I love especially when it comes to music is such a safe space for me to feel whether or listening to a heavily emotive song or I'm playing a very emotional songwriting something you know very personal.

I really do enjoy that, but it can often times be difficult around other humans for me to go there emotionally with my family.

Sometimes my mom is so sweet and she'll she's like you know when I'm with your daughter. It reminds me of when you might know mom dozing out like I just can't do it. That shows just how often wedding. I laughed to the entire ceremony and not dissing her. What is his edge that was funny that it is like this is holy areas that I tricked this really hot guy so I just laughing the whole time that I cried. Later, I just like all these people to see me cry like this is so weird. I've always had a really just challenging back-and-forth relationship with feelings, but as I get older I just tried to become more more intentional with choosing to feel and choosing to be okay with feeling the Lord is not mad at me because of my feelings. The Lord is not upset with me for having feelings. You know, and I think for so long.

I just wanted her while I still feel this way sometimes, but I just want everybody to be happy. I sort ready to be okay and so I never want my feelings to interrupt that I just am always trying to be conscious of just like okay like I'm dealing with his medical diagnosis like it's again it's a journey that I still deal with really bad days of like to write stuff or anxiety stuff and so I'm just even when I'm having those days. I'm constantly thinking like is my husband. Okay like is if I feel too much then I can't be conscious if he's okay if I feel too much, then I'm not looking out for my daughter. When reality is that the Lord has given me a spouse for like that's a part of marriage is me being able to be open about how I'm feeling and the challenges that I'm facing, and vice versa, and the reality of parenthood and motherhood is that she needs to see me cry like she needs to know that mommy get sad sometimes and like mommies working through it and it's going to get better.

You know, but just my own relationship with feelings kind of gets in the way of that sometimes and kind of just cause me to shut down a little bit and just only practice feelings when songs are wrong but I think that that's pretty big and David McKee you like you can relate to that because you have run from your feelings in the past.

A lot yeah I think did know it for decades, but it was a defense mechanism to protect myself. I can remember you will be in the father and the pastor doing my son's weddings that I could never stand in the chapel look at my son and his new bride. Feeling like I can't feel I should feel this moment and Barbies like why have a job to do. If the officiate the wedding but I think I was afraid and I know this in for man in our marriage. She wants you to feel ill. I think in some ways you're not fully present when we guard our feelings and so nurturing your book about finding quiet and finding peace sometimes were afraid to step into those feelings and we never get to the other side which is peace, yeah, want to go there and maybe scary, maybe uncomfortable with like anyway for me. I feel I feel like me. I want to make last 30 years.

My life feeling years in a sense of our crime life such as the movie theater and part of that's I got to be willing to go go into it.

One of the things you say in your book. As I started to realize that it wasn't my purpose to bring people joy lot of us, I think, especially as a mom. I could feel that you feel that for my kids for my friend like online to bring them joy in you say instead it was my purpose to live a life full of joy in hopes of directing people to see the source CM every few months I go through this I mean this is a little bit of my personality. This is little bit of my know anxiety is humans little bit of my anxiety disorder but every few months I go through again. I need to fix the world face when I can talk myself out of it within a day now so that's that's a huge step because the first time I tried to fix the world. I was about seven months to realize I'm doing too much, but I will literally like us like brokenness in the world, and it starts from genuine pain that I feel right when I don't do is feel the feelings and go to Jesus, which is what I should do me that's the first thing I should do what I instead do you like God you feel sad about what's happening in the foster care system happening with poverty, racism, injustice, all these things okay lurking opportunity working to fix this. Okay Jesus you set up on your throne. I'm in a get on my phone, to come up with a PDF file for nonprofit seven nonprofits actually 15 nonprofits any 33 interns actually 34 in terms I need to be paid to grant who can give me a grant like I'm just like I'm trying to think that all you restate this sit on your throne will I get a phone I don't think it ever set out a little embarrassed that is so real it's so we have to remind myself that like I'm not called to be all things to all people know I think a lot of times and this is not to be received is like a big theological unraveling anything that I think a lot of times. As believers we get caught up in words like purpose and calling, especially young adults that listen to my podcast.

They ask like what was supposed to do what college was was to go to. I want to make the wrong choice. What career I don't do the wrong dollar want to marry the wrong person. You know the one you know, this kind of grand scale of what is my purpose and what is my calling and sometimes it's like the Lord like you wake up tomorrow and extend grace to everyone you see, that's your purpose for today. You know and just choosing to be more present has allowed me to do that even feelings what you're saying there you go about your son's wedding they can just try and do the job and in a just not field feels instrument complete the task at hand. You know I dealt with a lot of that getting famous at 17 you know with my music, my job was to make a very happy and if I stopped making people happy. I'm not relevant anymore. I'm not famous anymore and then I'm seen as a failure if I stop playing to 300 shows a year, well people see you is not successful, you know, and so that was one of the main things in my life that really took a hit in my mental health and really took a hit at my feelings. I was so much better feelings before I was famously set such a healthy relationship with feelings before I realized that feelings could easily become a currency and that it was just my job to keep all the feelings is high and happy as possible. At whatever expense to myself and that's what happens whether your mom or an artist or a data wedding.

A pastor at a wedding when you're so caught up with like.

Let me just monitor everybody else feelings and create and serve joy on a platter as so it's mine to give you know when were constantly doing that were completely neglecting ourselves.

We completely avoided every aspect of love like God calls us to be and what that purpose looks like. I mean that's really where the book started for me was realizing that by trying to make everybody so happy by literally being one of two of the main musical resources for most Christian families in America for like four years that had no young girls by like kind of just stepping into that role of like being it. I was completely neglecting who God made me nippy and I was completely neglecting any kind of feeling of his doing the job and there is no connection to my own feelings in my own needs and finding quiet became a literal thing walked away from all of it and just sat in a quiet house and healed for a long time but I think that that's important like what you just said I just said in the house and healed him. I think men like hard like this that women maybe it's a different way were fixing were helping were taking care of so many people that a lot of times it feels selfish to focus on our own mental health. CM and I talked to a lot of moms and women who are really struggling and yelling that and so Jamie I think it's really wise to say it's not selfish like you need to plug into Jesus.

I think that you're saying that therapy has really helped, and that can be a great thing and also to have some other people. You, your best friend, your sister and have your mom so you have some other women around you speaking life and really walking you through some of those things. Those things are good to go to Jesus to any says come to me all you who are weary yeah I think that's the first place to go and give us wisdom.

Mental health is such a tricky thing sometimes because we say we want to get better but a lot of times the way that we act to communicate so we actually don't want to get better in one of the ways that Jamie graces talked with David and Wilson today to help us improve in our mental health journey is to lean on other people and discover that as we invite others into our lives.

Jesus can work in and through the people that are around us to help us on our journey is really just a matter of humbling ourselves and saying yes I need community. Jamie Grace has written a book called finding quiet my journey to peace and anxious world and oh my goodness, do we live in an anxious world right now and again you can find her book@familylifetoday.com and request your copy there. Funny. Quiet is something that we search for all the time in this anxious world, and Easter is a time where we can find quiet in unique new ways because were focusing on the quiet Jesus has provided for us in our souls and our spirit by the fact that he died for our sins and was resurrected, which were gonna celebrate at Easter very soon.

This Lenten season. Which of the weeks leading up to Easter our time that we need to find peace. We need to find quiet. We need to refocus our hearts on the truth of who Jesus is and what he's done for us all this week@familylifetoa.com. If you make a donation of any amounts we will help you focus in a very specific way by sending you a copy of Rich wounds the countless treasures of the life, death and triumph of Jesus. This is a 30 day devotional that helps you in this Lenten season. Focus appropriately on what's coming. The celebration of Jesus's resurrection.

We think this is an important book that can act as a devotional for you to help get your heart ready for this Easter season and with a donation of any amount@familylifetoa.com.

We would love to send you a copy of Rich wounds to help you take a deeper look at Jesus's life and sacrificial death. Again, you can make your donation of family life to a.com or you can call and order at 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F's and family L as in life, and then the word today. If this conversation with David and Wilson and Jamie Grace has been encouraging to you or any of the programs have been helpful for you. We'd love for you to share today's podcast with a friend or family member. And while you're there, it could really advance the gospel work of family life to scroll down and rate and review us now. Tomorrow, David and Wilson to be talking with David Mathis, the author of Rich wounds as he helps focus our hearts toward the profound reflections that help us meditate on and marvel at the sacrificial love of Jesus that come up tomorrow on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm shall be added with you back next time for another edition of family life to the production of family life crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most