Beauty and Trust: Dealing with Anxiety

I was nine years old when my anxiety first started it was just this feeling of being worried about. It was a worry that I couldn't get rid of and it was a stress that I couldn't get rid of, but to be sitting there and find out like will know like this is an anxiety disorder was so much more frustrating than I could've prepared myself for welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson and Andre Wilson and you can find this@familylifetoday.com or on our family life app. This is family life today guy let's talk about the last time you experience like real anxiety this morning. This morning was anxiety that was anger, however, is both factually glad and tell him okay so you really think this is my fault you are listening to our listeners to like direct message is so you have been sick and even recording the recording outside the studio area window between us and I guess because you know the year when you're sick you get a warranty right and you have not been feeling well and so I was going to bed last night knowing your sick and I had this water beside the sink as I take my vitamins every night. So I take the water and I think if Dave wakes up in the middle night he can drink my water. And then I'm going to get sick if he drinks from my class so I take my cup. It has ice and water and put it in the closet you guys in the closet thinking that he cannot go in the closet and get my water and drink it so next morning I'm drinking on that cop. I take my vitamins again walking around the house of the cup and Dave says to me that's not your cup. Is it like it's always my cup goes all well I drank last night.

The closet was in the closet were Sir Cabo, it's in the closet bring Frederick my trip when I quote why you tell me hey don't I drink from your cup so that I can to get this. This can be terrible to living in the same house were sleeping in the same bed. I don't think a little sip from a little cup that just like with the nail in the coffin and it said, but maybe I will you not been praying like Lord help me not get sick. I should never drink out of a cup in the closet. I did think twice his company closet with eyes like that you put it there for me. Like how considerate of a glass of water to write this up because we got a guest in the studio today. Jimmy graces with the survey. Life today welcome to family today. Jimmy should be a rule that wives can drink from their husbands water behind your wife's water is your wife's will all there, she probably put their answer secret Waterville and teamed up on top. Have you ever seen company closet. All I thought why my fellow burglars coming to steal my nice shoes or something and he must've left his water in the closet you saw a couple water in the closet almost before I was to be considered not go into the bedroom and wake you up. I thought I'll try here. I'll just drink it that I should've told you I should've told you you've walked into the I'm here for.

I'm just now like convinced that is the perfect like lifetime movie intro cup of water in the heart were done with the water in the closet about noise, which is great NOISE.

It is written a book called finding quiet my journey to peace in an anxious world.

That's why I brought up this anxiety thing is like Jim is written. This crazy great book about it. You'll find peace and build anxiety but a lot of our listeners know who you are, Jamie, but I did not know two-time Grammy nominated songwriter singer, actress, you got all going. You have your own podcast with Cass called called the genie case podcast really original podcast at the start listening. I bet you are really fun. I went online last night was on the way back. Can you say it was the way to know if I can just love I know this one lick would love it if it sounded think you sounded amazing. You take my job here in the microphone and you hop on the plane engrossing to the people. If for some reason never been nominated for Grammy what you think honey maybe there's a reason it takes talent.

Dave uses and do it. You know Amy you really are gifted in a lot of ways so it's really fun to have you on because you just here really fun to be around. But what you've written about and it's something we off a lot of us. They simply dealing with Ashley in the day and age with your subtitle.

My journey to peace in an anxious world. And so I talked to Mike you're so positive you're really upbeat you really fun, but this is something that you really struggled with and dealt with. So take us back. We want to hear your story back into where did this all start yeah it's definitely no journey as you said is it commenced on the book I get quite frustrated its attorney.

At times you know I'm I'm a very pro-therapy person. I was literally stuck with my therapist last week she so cool and we are just talking and I mentioned something and she was like well I think this could be you know you might be worried about XYZ input that I was like oh no, I heard every dealt with that without like five years ago some guy which she and I just gotten this kind of like almost comical conversation about just like sometimes we forget that it is a journey. Yeah, I forget that sometimes we might have this anxiety about something and we feel better about it and it's okay. I'll have to do with that anymore. But then something comes up and all of a sudden were thinking about that anxiety again and that started for me as a kid I was nine years old when my anxiety first started it was just this feeling of being worried about. It was a worry that I couldn't get rid of and it was a stress that I couldn't get rid of. I am a pastor's kid, my mom and dad started our church when I was about two years old so we always called the middle child because there's my sister and then two years later was me than two years later with the church so sorry I was the youngest child live not like I'm the middle child, as opposed to the I'm yeah and so I just I grew up in church and I had even at nine years old I had a very significant confidence in Jesus and like my let me start your book you say.

When I was seven decision to love Jesus for the rest of my life.

Yeah. And when I was 11 I was diagnosed with anxiety.

Yeah, it was getting every 11-year-old every 40-year-old every seven-year-old deals with worry and stress. But be sitting there and find out like will know that this is an anxiety disorder was so much more frustrating than I could've prepared myself for because as a follower of Jesus, you kind of a lease. As a kid just the practicality of likely pray for something and got help you with it, or you need something in the Bible gives you the tools to deal with it or how it works.

So having a generalized anxiety disorder is is like literally being almost like.

Given this, like pasta like only here and be panicking about stuff a lot. This is crossed the threshold of an every day awkward and has moved into like know we can actually show you think a chemical imbalance in your brain and worry is up.

Unfortunately, a part of your life look like you say worry so we know it would be you know from my mom would say something like okay they can observe from school right so my moment be like okay so were gonna hop in the car and were going to do a field trip today were going to go to Museum in and learn about XYZ and within 30 seconds like my mind already processed the statistics that can happen of car accidents in the car and process like okay wall. What could happen if we get to the museum.

And I can't remember everything that I learned like in my not smart enough, my not good enough like OMI homeschooled because I can't go to regular school of government yelled because I don't have any friends or nobody likes me because my dad at work because it will have a lot of money, even though I doubt works a whole lot. And my dad can never really work enough to really take care the family, but that's not nice to say because that works really hard like within 3060 seconds like every possible dramatic and awful scenario would you start mentally taking a toll.

Know the where you just said that it felt like we were in your head. Yeah I like that I know is that the noise you talk about all day. It's all day and you know I'm almost 30 now very grown and wise.

So I've learned some really helpful tools to help silence that noise but it's a conscious choice to fight that noise is a conscious choice to allow that quiet to happen, but I think even though I have like generalized anxiety disorder.

I think though I know for a fact that even though people even people without it have anxiety and have worried you have fear you now and we have to consciously choose to like trust in the Lord that the anxiety that's happening in our mind is often times a liar and liked and trusted like the quiet that we are having a hard time procuring is the very thing that we need. So it's a lot of active active reacting on a daily basis for me to combat the anxiety that happens naturally and then you know and in addition to that, I was 11 I was diagnosed with a tic disorder called Tourette's syndrome which is a movement disorder causing uncontrollable movements and sounds.

Call, text, and then also obsessive-compulsive disorder, OCD, which is similar to anxiety but basically causes more actions then thoughts so like repetitive counting of something or tapping or moving repetitive like pursuing of textures like if I see like a texture like I need to fill it like to go figure out with any of or like a texture that I just like cannot touch my God Dave that that blanket comes very out. I what I will probably cry and then also ADHD, which is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder which really just affected all the other and why you know why I was I was 11, and sometimes a look back at them like kid were you okay what I'm thinking of our listeners that have kids that maybe it had some of those diagnosis.

Yeah, or maybe they're dealing with anxiety and depression. And yet, and to look at you on the outside I would never know any plaster super successful you're doing a ton and you're young so as 11. Here you are youth had this been a crazy diagnosis with a lot of different things than what the first thing was relief.

My symptoms really were at their heaviest when I was nine, will between nine and 15, but the onset of them was like nine years old when the tics were really bad. I was constantly squeezing my hands my feet. I have some of some my tics were often times injuring myself so like I would be in the car and hitting my head on like the window the way that my legs and arms would flail what often times I would hit myself for myself in the stomach and again these things are all uncontrollable. It's just the way that if you're nerdy like me like how does it happen you know the neurons in my brain that are supposed to signal to do things that are slow mixup in the wiring you know we live in an imperfect world.

These things happen.

Unfortunately, and so the main thing was that I was like my tics and so hitting that diagnosis was such a relief because it felt like all there's a word you hope there's an understanding there's a reason yeah exactly.

I you know, like a lot of other kids. I mean, statistically, this is just much more, but like looking like asthma as a kid. Pretty common.

You know I have like an inhaler, just in case I needed it wasn't too bad. By the time I was like middle school so getting my diagnosis of everything else was kind of exciting because in my head. I was like get I guess I get inhaler for Tourette like I don't know, like I never heard these words before but I assumed it give me some medication but my relief. I mean it. It dissipated so quickly because I just remember you know my neurologist sitting there and sing to my mama Kate just so you know like there's no cure for any of the stuff.

There's not even medication for it.

There are medications that we can try but nothing, nothing is for sure going to work and then even the medications you are on were rough.

They were horrible. I feel so much for parents that are still going through this today with their children because now don't get me wrong there Vince, there's been so much's research and study that we've grown so much in the medical community. I'm so grateful for all the people that are put in the work but I mean if you are a parent of a child dealing with illness. That's a full-time job and so grateful for my parents because they fought for me relentlessly.

Just like I would try one medication and it would have you know, dealing with things like hallucinations and or sleeping just like day after day after day or not sleeping at all or just complete loss of my personality like I was on a heart monitor at one time because one of the medications was affecting my heart and the payoff just wasn't worth it. You know the benefits of the medication. Rather, it just wasn't worth it. So it was, it was miserable.

I get. It's tough because like you said, you know like lessons and people meeting here. If they seem like nine times out of 10.

My hair is purple or pink like there's always something I know I yeah yeah it's all in. Thank you. It's always elaborate is always something going on and I think I think sometimes I'm currently overcompensating for like that childhood -like situation, but I want to because it was Karen. This you know this 5 to 7 year gap in my life where I was just I was miserable I was. It was awful I was. I was very depressed. Tell us about your mom that was fighting for you. Anything your dad. I love the know you know the day ever lose it where they always patient I'm just thinking if I'm in the car. My son is banging his head on the window.

There might've been to my can you just stop there, but obviously it's a medical condition but is not my pride.

I'm thinking Lord what we can do. I don't know how they did it doll.

I don't know how they do it now. I mean, I still have stuff. Just think about the very stereotypical dynamic of you know, the youngest child that you know married and with their first child in any just like the dynamic in me being like you know like unknowingly come anywhere always come from the forgot to mention your grades three and half years have you hurled yeah yeah prayers are watching right now, right yes praise the Lord. Yet, I don't know how my parents are even still like so gracious and so patient with me and that's just the Lord honestly bit my mom. I struggle to call her a stay at home mom because I think she was like a work on demand homeschool mom is reading really go a lot of money. So my mom was like I'm in the start of cookie business real quick so the like, like that, but she also homeschooled us and so she is the literal person that took the literal paperwork to my neurologist and said it's called Tourette syndrome and my child has it they could not find out what it was is almost 2 years of going to different doctors and all this kind of thing in the mental health community. It is hard to get a diagnosis but it's especially difficult for people of color to get a diagnosis and for women to get a diagnosis just because a lot of the research isn't based off of people of color and so I was told by my neurologist at a very prominent Children's Hospital in the southeast, that there was no way I could have Tourette syndrome because I was not a white male, so she asked. She said that she thought that I had; psychotic eyes and my mom said that is in existence easily. I think that's what it is. My mom is like by some we found me a new neurologist who still didn't know what a wise and fun fact if you go and look at my records. I am actually so bad in my medical records I'm classified as a white female and I think that it was done so that I could get my diagnosis because in the South. I pages would not give me a diagnosis and so my mom was the one that was like hey Mike has Tourette syndrome. I dare you to challenge me and they they looked at it nearly overripe, and she never stopped fighting for me and she still does you know your mom that the two-year-old and we had. It's that mama bear thing in us yeah well I mean it sounds like a ghetto know your mom sounds like she was extremely firm and went after what you did to get, but also tender and gentle with you so true all yeah for sure. I can't remember one time that that she did not email extending the grace that I needed really and she's also a very comical and re-layperson very much a realist as well. Don't get me wrong, like I remember once I was like 12 and there is something that was really obsessing over like OCD wise and was able has to be this way has to be that way and she like and for context of the super nerdy so I was 12 I was already in ninth grade and so I was like planning for college and stuff my mom sat me down and she was like hey let's talk about this real quick. She's like in this house you can be.

You need to be even do what you need to do. I want you to understand something, the world is not going to give you the grace that I'm going to give so she is like I'm never going to tell you not to have OCD because at this how it works but you have to be mindful that if college is something you want.

If moving out of the state by yourself is something you want.

I just need to be mindful the world is not like set up for little black girls with mental health issues so whatever that means you need to go with you. You need to stay with me. You need to stay with me and that like what whatever it is, and so I always appreciate how real she was. Yeah, you know, she definitely wasn't one of those moms that was like. Just be yourself. BB the world will deal with that is not practical. I like that she was like you be you need to be and you do what you gotta do and understanding the world will never give you the kind of anything that you might feel that you deserve or need their give you the confidence you needed to become who you are, I think so.

It helped me feel so comfortable with being different, I think. So often, even now, as a society we always want to talk about. Like all we got only come together and talk about all the things that make us the same end yeah that's a beautiful important thing, but I also like to embrace what makes me different. I also I wasn't born to fit in with everybody else. I wasn't made to be like everybody else. And so when I went to college.

It taught me how to be an advocate for myself as opposed to what I have mental health stuff.

I have severe anxiety they better adapt to it taught me like now I need to learn how to become an advocate for myself whatever full-time job I have.

I'm also going to have to become a full-time volunteer advocate for me in my mental health and yeah I gave me a lot of confidence but also reminding me that I also still, mommy. If I need her because yes, sometimes I do a couple weeks he I called her doctors appointment and I'm not sure what to say about medicine I need for my arm pain missing from the disabled. I'm sitting here and thinking about Philippians 419 even quote this verse in your book where it says my God will meet all your needs.

All of your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus, and I listen to you, and I think you're this little girl who was born I got wasn't surprised at your diagnosis and he wasn't surprised and thinking of someone 39 where it says he knit us together in our mother's womb, and he's looking at you and he celebrating look at my daughter she has so many gifts she has so many talents and yeah she's got some things I know about those.

I'm not surprised by those yet. I'm going to use her. I think that such a good reminder for all of us because sometimes we can look at our brokenness, we can look at our diagnosis, we can look at our kids and we can think hard to see what's happening and he is yeah I see your girl I see you, and I think it's a really good reminder that God is saying I'm with you in with you in it.

You've been a great example and I love hearing the story of you and your mom that she's fighting for you and she speaking truth to you in love and grace. And that's our father.

God does for us is whether in somewhere. That's what we get to do as parents we get to be the voice of God to our kids where they fit in with their buddy or they don't.

They're looking at us to be the voice says this is what Jesus sees and thinks of you write exactly know I'll love that so much, and especially what you're saying about like the Lord to say, not being surprised it takes is incredibly vivid memory I have like a collection of like 34 very vivid memories from childhood.

It's so random but have this one. We are waiting for my mom to. I think come out of like an antique mall or something my dad and I were sitting in the minivan and I was doing some gymnastics in the car and yeah yeah I mean I'm just I'm really talented into his orbit for the eight or nine yeah and at the right of the pastor and so he supposed to know all to my surprise, he does not know is very disappointing, but I asked him once as a means to me. If God is so smart like why doesn't he just tell me everything can happen, or even question that a lot of us ask us to forget the human yeah you just hearing exactly and I really thought I had it all figured out.

As I all got has to do is just fix music tell us everything and my dad. He looked in the rearview mirror might so he so beautifully poetic and dramatic turn around, but I feel like he was doing this for dramatic effect.

He like looked in the rearview mirror and he was like this is not his voice but it has to be for the story. He was like well if he told us we would not have a reason to trust him, then would we just make so much sand like my mind is blown and then I told him lies and he was like now as I come and preach that one day as a retail like not that I preach it and I like to remind him like I'm preaching it out like I am, because I try to make that my life's work of just like I'm trusting the maker here. You know I I could be healed of Tourette syndrome tomorrow. Like yeah I could beg God to just tell me the plan for the next five, 10, 15, 20 years you know I can go there if I want to or I'm just choosing to trust him night.

He's not surprised by any of this.

And so I'm just choosing to say okay Lord, you could be here for a reason you're allowing you to walk through the stuff for whatever reason, that might be and I'm so how is charm. I myself like Job went through were so will design Job so like you allow me to go through all the stuff I'm here present with you, Jesus. I'm just choosing to trust that you have a purpose for all of this you know that is so much much greater than what I can plan for myself when it comes to the topic of mental health. Many of us think. I wish I could just get better. I wish my friend could just get better.

Wish my spouse could just get better and as Steven and Wilson have been talking with Jamie Grace today she's helped us to see that mental health is a journey sometimes when you struggle with things like anxiety, worry, fear, and even deeper things that Jamie has like Tourette syndrome and hallucinations, and ADHD. You want to get to the other side and just be better but discovering that Jesus is with you in that process of the journey, not necessarily just the destination is such an Encouraging Word. You know Jamie Grace has written a book called finding quiet my journey to peace in an anxious world. This is so relevant for our culture and our time right now and we want to make this great resource available to you over@familylifetoa.com request your copy and order one there and searching for peace is something that we kind of renew ourselves with right now in this Lenten season the Lenten season is a time that leads up to our celebration of Christ rising from the dead on Easter and it provides us with an opportunity to focus in ways that we don't ordinarily do during the year and that's why we thought it was so great that David Mathis is going to be on with David and Wilson at the end of the week.

He's written a book called rich wounds, the countless treasures of the life, death and triumph of Jesus is a 30 day devotional that contains reflections to help us pause and meditate on the sacrificial love of Jesus and look into the sacrifice that he made on the cross and then conquer death in the resurrection. If you make a donation all this week in any amount we would love to send you a copy of David Mathis's book rich wounds, the countless treasures of the life, death and triumph of Jesus.

It's our gift to you to say thank you for helping to make this ministry possible at family life to again you could head over to family life to a.com or you can request your copy by calling 1-800-358-6329 the 2000 F is in family L as in life and in the word today. Thanks in advance for your support and we hope you enjoy the book. We think you will know if what Jamie Grace is been talking with David and Wilson about today has been a blessing to you or any of the programs at family life have been helpful for you. We love you to share today's podcast with a friend or family member. And while you're there, it could really advance what were doing at the ministry of family life to if you scroll down and rate and review us while you're there tomorrow.

David and Wilson are to be speaking with Jamie Grace. Once again she can be talking with them about how to handle these issues which we have a tendency to want to do alone but is never a good idea to remain so low as were wrestling with mental health that's coming up tomorrow on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm Shelby Abbott. See you back next time for another edition of family life to day today is a production of a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most