Trading Hustle for Happy

So I think every marriage has gap the gap between what we expect and what we get right was the gap they get there. While I would say this when we got married. I honestly thought you'd run around the house and laundry the rest of I will do that for maybe an hour and became flannel know what can you expect me I you would be having your Bible out all the time we be talking about God's words. I did for a while replace that it was this remote controlling ESPN okay I'm going to have kids. It would be obedient and sleep through the night all man that didn't happen and I was like in their defiant and honestly we could do. We could do this all the whole program because there's so many throughout even like I never thought hard welcome to family life today. We want to help Dave Wilson. You can find us in family life today.com or family life. So the question is, with the gap when life doesn't match your expectations that we don't know what to do. So it actually feels good. Back to Moscow sees live this life and wrote a book about welcome back for today so fun to be here your own laugh every time he hears stories just hit very close now I get it. Well, probably because your pastor's wife you have your doctorate and you have to work with me to some were smart like you can solve our problem is that we get into us as I know your your mom, your fork is your husband is a church planter. We did the church play anything so we know a little bit of your life book.

A spacious life trading hustle and hurry for the goodness of limits. But here's what I know about you little bit to do a little research and I'm supposed to ask you this. So how do you do your laundry or laundromat. Yes, I guess on the finally podcast to what their laundered tenet, I saw that I like, what is that about why I asked that question yes or what my why do you ask, I asked the question really comes from Kathy Noris.

She's a spiritual writer and she writes a lot about how we need actually God in the mundane and he wrote this lecture a few decades ago about. She came back to the Christian faith because she saw the priest like washing out the dishes and she's like concerned about the dishes okay. Like maybe I should give this got a chance and so I love asking people about their laundry routines because I'm convinced we meet God in our everydayness to not just like the retreats are the vacation and you know are in the business trip, but that we actually meet him in our chores.

That's really beautiful and I feel like as a mom.

I remember those days when our kids were little. I called in the desert years and I felt like it's dry and in the desert. I'm looking for water.

I'm looking for that away. Set your laundry room all day laundry all the time but I found God in the dozen and I found that he is the oasis and I learned how to bring God all those different phases of life where I may not have an hour with him on my chair on the deck or whatever, but all day long. I would commune and talk to Miss as Paul said to pray without ceasing, I learned how to do that in those desert years because I couldn't survive without him out. What's your laundry was my husband is her laundry because he's very particular about laundry and I'm not rest your husband hello and we made all of her children do their own laundry. And so it's usually me bugging everybody to do the laundry.

I just do the sheets and towels with your podcast again with the finally podcast at the great title and your topic is about my trying to help.

Talk with folks often writers and pastors and professors who are trying to help connect the dots between issues that we see out in culture in the world and then what is that look like a kind of any practical spiritual formation day-to-day sense, as you heard us talk about the gap. Yes what your gap what you remember what even experience now in the gap between what you thought of what reality you yeah you know I think there's so many gaps in my life.

I would say there's definitely the gap of expectation after graduate school really kind of thought we would change the world that would be kind of headed towards this. You know, really significant gospel ministry and yet we found ourselves at various times, jobless, or interning or moving to a place we can expect and so all of those kind of moves in different chapters of our lives. This fella gaps like when his life really can start and were disappointed in the gap exactly we are and I think it's okay to be disappointed if we can bring that disappointment right you know if we can oppress and you are still better and you're still life and I'm still get practice these household tasks of faith or if organ adjusts that you haven't given me what I want God and really treating you like a genie so some of those gaps. I think really just evidence in those desert spaces are we can oppress then we can actually choose to find Jesus as our oasis.

Are we just going to throw up her hands and expect him to serve us what you what you do in the weight. I know you wrote about the waiting period in the waiting room. I guess it's like we were good for a while. Okay. My reality is not much of my expectation right by next year by next my pandemic will be over 18 days of academic and here we are in life. Sure feel like that it's never it's rarely immediate. How do we deal with the weight because it's a long wait. Sometimes it's a good question to continue. Ask ourselves, are we serving and loving Jesus for what he will do for us what he might give us or how we might feel or are we serving and loving Jesus for him alone. Is that what you mean by instant pot once when I talk about the spiritual life is not an instant pot. I think I don't have one because I would probably think it was awesome and then not you said, but the instant pot you can put everything and and then all of a sudden something that should take five hours takes like 40 and I think we think our spiritual life is little bit should be like an instant pot like all the sudden thing I should put it in and it should all come out like Rosie on the Jetsons and instead unites it slow and regular and it meanders and why God why are you taking so long. I don't understand why am I still struggling with SN or how come you feel so far away and we can't conjure up change anything culturally speaking that's happening more because you have instant gratification.

Yeah, I think about Amazon. I'm thinking about Christmas specials that we get on T-1 is a couple is a microwave I'm right in front of my microwave going to Korea I'm microwave you use the least awake and now there we don't wait for the night. I think of our kids who so often now want to be influencers because we have instant pain and we do that through our posts on YouTube that friendly.

You know, went viral right we don't realize the extent that all of these things. Of course they make life convenient and easy, how much they form us spiritually as well because then we get use to that speed of asking Syria? We don't know you know you are using are microwaves that those form us. You and so when we have to wait on God.

We ultimately are out of control and that makes us feel nervous and scared and worried and so a lot of us just on Jesus and start instead of traveling through the hard space with God. So Ashley, how do you do it as a mom of four. How are you great and you just you again. Yeah I said so how are you teaching this year kids and how do you not give up on Jesus when it's been so long. Maybe you've prayed the same prayer for so long. I think I'm just learning continually at the point of life is not like some yellow brick road to some beautiful place and experience at the point of life is Jesus himself, and so, in those days you know if were not where we want to be financially oriented toward dealing with parenting struggles or the job situation isn't what we expected it to be whatever it is given. We've all had those desert years but we have learned to can oppress into Jesus that that's the point, and so really he gets to tell me what my life is about. And I don't get to be the one to fashion and carried it so that looks like 19 a lot of that looks like we are trying to practice is like a family.

Discipline and self even though it's a work day for my husband when he's preaching that we do stuff like we watch a family show together we go on a hike are we choose to eat dessert first because I love how the Hebrew children were woken up with honey on their tongues they would know that the Lord's day is sweet and we want our kids as pastors get not resent the church you know and that this was actually something beautiful is a moment where time kind of stopped and we can savor the good gifts that God is given to us and we practice, waiting instead of like returning email and keep working harder and harder on a Sunday, so some things that we hope will shape our family life and you know for me personally. A lot of it looks just like rhythms of prayer throughout the day because I still don't have loads of time to spend that just because a few times a day and prayer in the Psalms and to reorient my vision on what is actually the points instead of okay well if I can just check everything off my due list and I've had a successful day and how if you found you were saying earlier go so different tonight than you said about think is what your sense like Jesus is enough and we agree and I think Ebola listeners would say oh yes, that's theologically true.

He is all we need, but I've often felt and even heard from other men.

Jesus is enough.

But I don't know him well enough for him to be enough. It's like why do I keep going to these other things success.

Whatever he my marriage if Jesus is enough. What's I don't really know him intimately in such a way that he is all I need to talk about that as I listen to them. I command you, you sensed a depth of relationship with Christ that satisfies and fulfills you how does that happen.

You know, I don't think it happens with just like us by ourselves either.

I think it really happens in our local churches with people like that. We are the hands and feet of the church of Christ and you know I love the idea that God calls his people. Salt and I was watching Netflix documentary based mean nose rat salt fastening heat and she goes and she travels around each like amazing tacos and soy sauce and she has a whole episode on salt and she talked about how salt makes food taste, how it should taste and I love that because that's one of the Jesus's words he used the church like that we can help make the world taste like it should take and I think that's just such a beautiful mission. You need lots of salt right to make a difference like one little salt crystal by office and can I do anything and you need you To let us all get us can overpower your desk and so I just think that such a beautiful image for us to remember it like we do need each other and so is much as we can experience individually. The presence of Christ, the Holy Spirit working in our lives as we gather for worship as were encouraging one another is working around tables together that actually we began to note here how what's God doing in your life that's amazing. And like you know your reaching out to this person.

Can you bring me with you because that feels scary. We actually are the hands and feet of Christ not only to watch the world but also to each other since she got cancer yet because I you know you sort of expect that courses can be answered with weaker loan right on with God which we say we should discipline our practice but there are some of us that are were like the way you answered those gentle that's how I often hear God see God is in community you know it is really hurt that it has we been pulled away from it and were watching church even on the screen were not sitting in a room table and you can feel God made us for community yeah about what we often don't understand is we experience God in community, since solitude about think it's right beautiful thing is awesome and some people that is really powerful but others are words when is like wow I can experience a Jesus is enough and the people of God learn and discover notice was what just just two nights ago I was with 120 women wear God's word was spoken. We worship together. We prayed together and then we prayed over each other and we told our stories just a few women told their stories and women were crying so hard because there's something about all I'm not alone. I'm not the only one that feels like this. I'm not the only one struggling there is hope in Jesus and the gospel and he is enough. But I also need my sisters to her locking arms with me and I love that that's necessary because I can't do it alone and when I'm in my own thoughts I can go to places where like I'm just feeling so sorry for myself or I'm belittling myself and I'm in shame, but there's something when you're with Jesus and a friend where they both lift up your head if you center on Christ as I thought it was interesting to because as I was thinking about this. You talked about how we go into this cycle of production and escape. And I was reading this I was so convicted I got all this is exactly what we do.

Where were overscheduled and overworked and then we collapsed in exhaustion and we want chocolate right and yeah for sure and I feel like that's what most of us do have like this crazy schedule, and follow part right. Are you saying you like to give up that late. But I am saying where do we actually go to comfort for to comfort and where do we go to rest and I think what so beautiful about like the Hebrew Scriptures is like the day actually starts the night rate starts and we start numbering the hours for the night and what that means, then, is that we don't start into like the production of the day and then rest which is what we tend to do or not even rest probably were just falling into exhaustion like it is actually rest is the first word establish exactly arts in the evening and so is rest when we're vulnerable and it's dark and we can't control things is how the world starts and how grace starts.

How revolutionary would that be for us to feel like I'm the rest first because I know God is in control and I don't hold the world and I don't mean to keep it any and then my work can be read in response to that rest that Jesus is given to me as a son swing when I hear that I think are most natural responses.

I don't have time to rest and then moms are like I who has time rat right and part of that lease from a non-mom guy you know nothing about the kids in part on thinking and I don't have time to rest because I need to work – or provide right and what I'm really saying is I can't trust God enough to take a day or taken our right or an evening and say you know I don't have to make a phone call. I don't have to work around make money right now, trust God and obey. We know this.

One of the 10 Commandments big. It was the God rest because I think you say what you do productive work comes out arrest not rest should be afterwords Russ set you up right to work in a productive way and he'll take care of the rest.

Right. I think that's exactly right that we can easily confuse the order and when we confuse the order we set ourselves up to be little gods instead of under God's authority and I will just do this for one last thought.

And this is the pastor becoming a writer. Husband Bryce's same thing is we do sending the money is like I can't give to God until I know all the bills are paid yeah and whatever leftover male give him a little bit. Rather than wanting to give at times what 10% at the beginning trust that God will make it work, and he does as we done that. But it's hard to comes back to his Jesus enough what we talked about earlier or you should alter your book your every chapters an invitation to limits in your life can be restricting ornamentation yeah 10 we have talked about that. I think we have done so with an invitation to delight. What is that all about what is right is about as we consider spacious life is that it's really helping us remember, like in our bodies and our bones. Was it look like to be a child of God and as self made kind of individuals that can be really hard to return to that kind of sense of childlike faith and what is so beautiful about delight and play right that something that children do. And if we are children of God. That means we have the invitation to practice things like delight and play instead of saying basically are our real identity is like working machines now thinking of ourselves, like RI funds that we plug in every night to recharge to keep working but it's really at self-confident children who can risk and play in the light. It is interesting.

I don't know exactly from goodness that right but the average child laughs to know it's over 100 times a day. The average adult laughs less than 50 wow a day is is your you. You often hear adults and to grow up is what happens when you grow up you lose, delight, and you tend to become more serious which offices are some benefits. Read but I think there's something that would help almost every marriage in this woman.

My wife brings it in dormers play just play is something that brings life back to a marriage when you just so you know what we were just to play whatever that looks like just enjoy one another in animal model (changes of marriage totally and I think when you bring joy into your home and laughter and I'm gonna say to there certain times that I don't feel like his left play right. I can remember thinking how much I have to do because that's what we all have so much to do and so I think it's a choice to be intentional of creating moments and memories. Where were just cannot relax working on play or don't laugh at them and try to remember from goodness right where you said you were doing the dishes and Cody or somebody. While the boys wanted to come on to sunset.

Now I was they wanted me to come out and play with them and Dave was out of town and I'm doing the dishes thinking I just want them to get in the house and get their Baz and get in bed so that I can rest and recharge to get all my work that red telephone instead of making it please please come out and capture the flag and I remember saying I had so much to do a left and I remember thinking how many more times will they come in and asked me to play with, so I put the towel down. I did not want to like sometimes I yeah and I went out there and we laughed so hard I fell down you came off.

We won the game thought it was amazing with this great memory, and I thought that's what our life is about. We choose to walk with Jesus and we have to choose to engage in and create joy and laughter in our homes and that creates this setting of the spacious life that I was going to say your metaphor of the patient's life really from Scripture and all the specials life but that some come in and was yeah and often we don't realize God's in the temptation. There was a son running in the kitchen. You don't realize he invited you and guess whatever invitations a yes or no if you say no sometimes you miss the spacious live or something just say no but often it is a you know what I don't realize what I'm saying yes to read.

Now this is the life God's call us to live right so yeah you can live in your given life. Are you gonna pine for what you haven't had you know or you can adjust say oh that life is way off yet so I would just as we close. Open your eyes today.

Open years. Today, look for the invitation.

I think I can say there's can be want to maybe surf every day, the spacious line you can say yes John is worse. Yes, the apostle Paul spent a lot of time in prison talk about the opposite of the spacious life being a member to imprisonment in Rome was completely different and yet he said in Philippians chapter 4. I've learned the secret of being content he had found the spacious life even in a prison cell. Ashley's book, spacious life is all about how we can find God's goodness in the midst of whatever circumstance William the book we got copies of our family life to the resource Center you can go online to order, or you can call one 800 FL today in the book is called the spacious life. Our website is family life today.com, someone@familylifetoday.com or call to order at 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and the word today though we talked about this already this week, but I wanted to make sure you're all aware next week as you listen to family life to the things will sound a little different at the end of the program and that's because my friend Shelby Abbott is good to be stepping him to take over the responsibilities of being here each day and wrapping up the program shall be here with us today. I'm excited shall be about this new role. Your stepping into and the assignment that God has for you here. Yeah, I'm excited to don't have too much experience with radio, but I have been doing stage emceeing for over 20 years and I'm excited to see how guys gonna translate that into this. You have the start of the new podcast teller listers about the it's a podcast called real life loading for 18 to 28-year-olds and is coming out very very soon from family life, you're an author teller listers about the books you've written a couple books for the campus ministry of crew a dating book and of devotional on evangelism with the latest two books that have written one was about out the subject of doubt seeing so many of these deconstruction stories handled poorly amongst many many Christians I wanted to write about that and then I also wrote about cohabitation versus marriage for family life and how long have you been married I've been married for 15 years and my wife is on staff with the campus ministry of crew's graphic designer children that we have two daughters, a 10-year-old about to enter into six grade. God help me and a second-grader eight-year-old in their delightful well I'm excited that our listers or to give opportunity to get to know you in the weeks ahead.

The I'm glad to have you stepping into this assignment. Yeah me too and we hope that our listeners have a great weekend that you're able to worship at your local church. What what what what what what what will step on your toes or last one. Go ahead, we do hope you have a great week and we were able to worship together in your local churches we can join us back on Monday.

David McGraw here to talk about the steps necessary to get ready to say I do, what does it look like you have available on Bob Payne family life