How to Slow Down

How long was that we got married that you realize that not the amazing guy you thought I was like an hour actually really asking me now messy news. I mean, I know in our lives. There's no at the six-month mark he said married you is the biggest mistake my life so I know what happened. Okay, I am sensing that it did like I welcome to family life today.

Help Dave Wilson and you can find a like today.com for life family life today, we're writing Training were driving across country in our car old sod had broken down three times.

We got the subs in the first few times when I call Jesus you will take care of us. We trust you and then we had spent the night somewhere, and nowhere to breath that I supposedly fix her car in the next day.

It breaks down again and I my turn today. We just married maybe three weeks my cane. I did not think you can tell the story that she reprinted articles here know what's going on, get out of the car he takes off the highway we were cut nowhere anywhere and he takes a short underwear walked. I put on my jeans but I treasure like a long way yelling guy hello Simone, I'm sitting in the car. I'm 19 years old and I'm thinking is this really the man I married, while reserving to go there all about the married couple has a story that I want some. They were pretty good but yeah I was thinking every not just married couple. Every person or thing in life has a an expectation about what life will be what their marriage will be there job you can put anything you want that blank and usually if not always.

It doesn't match up to the expectations and you like what I do now. That's universal yet so we got the woman in the studio today to help us with universal problems you've written a book about me back and cares about the book you live this out in your life. So I would just say welcome to family life today Ashley Hill, thank you for being here. Thank you. It's such a pleasure you want to get and you're over there laughing.

I the whole thing is that similar to a story or two in your life will we had a story my husband and I went to a rebel with like our honeymoon that we got miles from seven one side of the family and the family gave us place to stay so we can make and honeymoon work at 20 Taylor and we had this cool jeep and then the seatbelt and work appropriately and so the next day I date of our honeymoon we get there and he's like I'm getting you know I'm husband take care of this might go do business you know in there and try to get an upgrade and then he came back and he was feeling really proud of himself in such a jerk like yeah here's the thing that a lot of people don't know about you longer, was a member. We have almost been married 20 years, 24 kids later. Yes, you got one of your your your oldest is hers on the strip with you.

You have a doctorate. I call you Dr. Ashley sure did not want a PhD in English letter. Wow, I was good to be a professor and do that whole thing and then lots of babies and lots moves with my husband's ministry position and he's a pastor. Yes, he's a pastor in Colorado and yet God tends to give us different things than we planned in Wendell Berry's as we live the given life and not the planned life and I've held onto that because it gives me some hope in the midst of when we have all these expectations and they are dashed often jealous.

Talk about that you have written a book called the spacious life treating hustle and hurry for the goodness of limits and you start the book with sort your story of what you hoped and expected and what you got and how you deal with that. So tell us the story because it has somebody with limits and as I read it I thought. We've all experienced this and it's hard. I only related to I'm writing the book like yes yeah yeah so scared Scott yes so your aftermath is and I were married after we got to the seatbelt incident while we went on to grad school to Edinburgh, Scotland. He did seminary there and I started a PhD program in English literature and would like we are amazing Americans were like cool enough to live outside of America and were obviously smart enough to get into these programs that we can travel around very cheaply and we have friends from all of the world. And so even though we were eating like raw man we just you know the kind of like okay life is about to go up into the right and you dream like you know there's an ancient castle, like on a volcanic crap like on your what you're eating with dinner every night. They were having. We had like 25 folks over that we hosted for an American Thanksgiving FL like the good life going to start and then we moved back home and we found ourselves pregnant with Ezra and that which was a delight but also not exactly my plan is that we try to figure out how are we going to live this kind of adventure. Some gospel oriented life with. We ended up having four children in pretty quick succession and I just was hit again and again with my limits.

The limits of my body pregnant children to nurse the limits of my time and you and I had always succeeded intellectually and here I am like not able to string words together as a new mom and I know so many different things. God uses not necessarily parenting but it could be marriage, it can be a place to live or career.

So many things bring us to the end of ourselves and the question is whether we can intuit that is not a doorway into a more spacious life. Are we gonna blame God. I was right there with you. Dave and I were married six years before we had kids. We are doing ministry together were thinking we are can change the world working impact this world for Jesus and where I can having babies will just do it with our babies just like doing it left at home and I love that I was a mom I am so grateful that God is given us these kids that I remember, I start having this mantra in my head of I have no life anymore. I have no life and I think a lot of us can get to points in our journey where were so disappointed. I was disappointed in who I was becoming. Even in my head right in the thoughts that were going on in my head like I'm not doing anything now here I am raising these kids like it's it's an amazing gift from God and I kept looking outside right. I wish it could have looked like. I thought it was going to love like I didn't just come a mom really naturally it was hard for me yeah and I think a lot of people as you said, maybe it's their job.

This is not what they thought their career path. Maybe it's friends are really maybe women thought finding married by now and so there's so many things that are disappointing and when you say spacious life. What is that mean I live. When the psalmist in Psalm 18 talks about he is brought me out into a spacious place you rescued me because he delighted me and I just love that verse because really what it it it communicates that there is the sense of spaciousness that is born from God's rescue and it's not something that we create often. You know when we think about service, spacious life. We can tend to think a little will happen if I ever get to go to Fiji you know one of those cuts about 100 spacious life are no when I get this promotion or when my kids leave the house start when my marriage is really thriving and flourishing. I think what is so beautiful about the gospel is that it's actually in our limits as we press and Jesus says, and we are connected to God that we can experience that spaciousness. I love actually in the cover of my book, spacious life.

If you look pretty closely. There's actually like an apartment building in the middle so it is curtains and there's a sunrise, and it you know.

But there's actually a sense that there's a city there and what does. I loved that the designer did that because it reminds us that we can find a spacious life and real life, not just by escaping from her life never question would be how because when limits come in, but Arnold is universal but I think it is no person I know once limits we sorrow we rebel against like give me give me freedom to accomplish everything you guys call me to do and yet life limits pain limits. We talked about kids, you name it, which are our gift from God, but you feel like sort of person. It isn't spacious right so how do you find a spacious life in the middle of a limiting life. Yeah, I think there's lots of different ways that we tend to deal with our limits, we can kind try to control them or we can ignore them and escape from them we can try to hustle past that we can fall into shame often if we hit a limit like something is deeply wrong with us right blame other people in our circumstances and those are all really like unhealthy ways of dealing with our limits really started in the garden right garden of Eden. But what is so beautiful is that our limits are actually built Inc. two creations of before sin entered the world, there were limits right that planets have orbits I can just like go wherever they wanted. Indeed, and that the ground had cycles of fallow and flourishing like these were natural good God-given limits for creation and that they were to attend a particular spot of land and so I think part of how we learned actually live with our limits while his first thing to realize they're good that they're part of God's good creation. He said it was, which is a great point because a lot of people would say God's limitations are because he's not a good guy. Yeah, what kind of God would give us limits right yeah that really it's so fascinating like the word transgression that sometimes we use for sin actually means to go beyond two to move past something to bypass limits and so one of the first sentence really Adam and Eve there bypassing the transgressing their limits because instead of choosing to submit to God's authority they're taking into their own hands all the time every day and so I think we first have to realize that our God-given limits are good at their intended for us to flourish and their out of his love to give us good yeah so I think we have to remember that limits are good and that also Jesus, being both God and man that was limits and so as we look at the life of Christ we can look at the way that he embraces limit as a pattern for our own lives to what he mean by that.

What kind of limits did Jesus have well he was human. He is leaving heavenly glory and is born into flash and so he is made right with the body and what like living in a place and among particular people in a particular historical moment of time. So he shows us how to do that and then he obeyed perfectly.

Exactly half like when he's tempted by Satan goes into the wilderness like yourself.

Turn these down the bread and he's like not actually choose to wait on God right that because that is who I trust not myself like her in hustle past and I think there's just so many lessons in life of Christ that just remind us that if we actually live God's way. We will live much more free much more joyful and having so much more purpose, even when those limits potential to why is it that we maybe I'm just on for me, but I think I'm done for most of us, we resist limits as we affect one of my struggles with give my life to Christ and to do it was a junior in college so I was almost 20 years old was all I ever heard about the Christian life was what it was elimination right. I only heard what you gotta stop doing to give up. I don't think I really understood and really never heard all about what you get is unbelievable. I just was like oh man I can do the same. Who would what the hell I is visited are in our DNA or our soul is as though limits are not good yet.

I think since Adam and Eve.

We have been rebelling against God's good limits. We want the power and control rightly want to orchestrate our own lives. We want to be the sovereign masters and monarchs around lives but we know that that always leads to exhaustion.

It leads to destruction Reno addiction addiction. I mean a million different things. Even if we have a quote on quote good life or where you now happily married and things seem to be successful on this moving walkway at the airport that just keeps going right.

You can never get to the saying that you think will satisfy you of the goalposts always continually move back until we really find ourselves in God's story with God's good guardrails have heaviness and we won't begin to really experience that kind of joy and peace. I thought it was interesting that you say. I wish someone had told me to begin to pay careful attention to my limits that there was a spacious life in there to and so take us back to your mom, you have four kids you have your doctorate but you are feeling so limited. What happened to make you realize all wait. Maybe this isn't a limited like you know I think like you were saying earlier had so much attachment to what kind of our 21st century American life.

Says his life right like that. You're productive that you're contributing to society by you know in an really visible and measurable way is you don't like your earning money and here I was earning money. I was staying home with our four ghettos not doing the things that I thought I was supposed to be doing and that in those years, particularly God was inviting me into communion with himself and so all of those times where I would be praying with her girlfriends tearful prayers about what are we doing are we messed up on parenting or we can't seem to get our house clean like those were formative years to remind me that Jesus is enough in his church is enough and I will never really solve my identity problems by like being productive or more efficient or not having certain letters after my name that really all of our limits are an invitation to know God and to make him known. And that's the point. One point early in the book I was reading this paragraph and I saw so many people relate to this feeling. You said the questions you're asking where have the good life. Gone. Where had I gone. Sometimes I reeled it got about why the. The options had dried up, but more often I just ignored him to go to church but not read my Bible.

My perfunctory prayers were more out of duty than interest in God's response.

I felt constrained boxed into new roles. Man, I really don't like that sounds like all majority of us are majority people in the church. It just feels like neither manic or maybe have you gotten beyond that, I'm just I'm just I'm numb. I'm ignoring him because I feel like this is all his fault. Yeah, I think, particularly being that we don't tend to value things like caregiving whether it's from young moms are Fortino caring for elderly parents like teaching or other professions where people are offering care to the same extent as you know, maybe the executive in the corner office is jet setting around the world. To the extent that were not actually valuing those sort that type of work those people especially can feel invisible in society and we don't have, unfortunately, don't think that maybe she's our busy lifestyles, but the church is not provided. We haven't done a great job as the church to provide that sort of safety net and kind of sick community that would allow people to feel seen, so I think maybe not senile of the call of the church is to be that sticker tighter will the net to begin to value those things that our culture might not value so that we can at least begin to see one another.

So then we don't feel seen by God to be a beautiful movement for that I would add that I think when were were you were saying we will be there in the future brighter days and there could be months or seasons are life or just feels like were be limited again or around the valley and he's not there yet. I think even in your experience on our experience, he often shows up in people in a person to remind us all here. Many of these limits. I actually know about him and there's a spacious life actually innovate out turn out the way you think. But I'm here. You know it's really stupid if you go back to Highway in Colorado yet when I'm ripping off my shorts and screaming to God. Literally I start walking down this desert road. Nobody, carefully night, we actually thought the car sick so we'll just take shortcuts. We get off the main drive. Choose the courses is breaks down again and I look back at Ann's literally sitting in the car looking at her newlywed husband whose screaming I got as I walk away pleased to hear me anyway yeah. Long story short, and it's a long story is I started to call down again.

I'm up there by myself and then I pray my okay good I know you're here. I don't know what is going on, were supposed to be here at a certain time or will space late fee and a Mr. tightwad saw my okay I will trust you.

Somehow you show up in the car.

We were very limited or no potholes so there's overdrive no stroke so so okay so we have to just start walking in a car comes by birth hitchhiking 30 minutes between every car also has one car comes by and we prayed I walked several miles 100°. This guy pulls over and gets out.

Go say is that your saw back there it off like he bested like yeah he goes. What's up with you will know the cars broken. We get will start where you going like were going Fort Collins, Colorado's to three hours away from going really because were you going for because you go with go student union at Colorado State University as were all going to like your on staff with crew as Ray Stephanie's unity goes number Prof. colors to university and he stopped there to get another car because I got a tow rope how I just tell you to the student union borrows the University really are you serious long story short, he told us there. The best thing about his money was for you, are hoses in this parking and we show fibers before the deadline.

You look back in a moment, and again I must say it every job storing your life every limit, every value in God doesn't like this, but I would say day, but hinted that it was just a reminder, God was there. He's got us it was a great reminder to me because I was looking at my husband thinking this Mary and yet that's where we go. A lot of times when we feel like were limited. I'm limited by the spouse that I married or this job that I have. But when you change your gaze go vertical and you look to guide you go vertical. All of a sudden you see everything in a different light is the spacious life yeah where God is saying I am your provider. I am your Redeemer. I am your comforter. I am the one who offers great I show you who I am.

Yeah right here went right when I got that way. Then I looked at Dave and I look at my circumstances, he is a guide for consumer life from God's perspective rather than from our perspective to as much as were able see God's hand in what it is were going through one of the things we talked about regularly at the family life. We can remember marriage get away is that our spouse is God's perfect gift to us. We don't always feel that way a marriage. We can think that our spouses are enemy, but in fact God has given us a gift in her husband or wife and we need to embrace that gift and see God's goodness in that gift. This is a subject that Ashley Hales has dived into in her book, a spacious life. The subtitle is trading hustle and hurry for the goodness of limits in the book that we got our family life to the resource Center you can go online. The family life today.com to request a copy or you can call one 800 FL today. Again, the title of the book is a spacious life by Ashley Hales. Order your copy from someone@familylifetoday.com or call 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today.

Now I will get you ready for a change that is coming next week and to do that. I want to reduce a friend to you who's here with us, shall be up at hello Shelby hi Bob how are you shall because build a guest on family life to the with us in the past. He is an author, a speaker, he has been on staff with crew.

Formerly campus Crusade for Christ, for how many years.

22 1/2. That's a long time. That is a long time. You are connected now with the ministry of family life and are doing a podcast.

What's the title of the podcast called a real life loading and it's for young people for 18 to 28-year-olds and that is with family life and in the weeks ahead you are to be the one who is taking over the responsibility of wrapping up this daily program this podcast and talking with listeners about what we just heard in providing whatever show notes we need to provide for the program. That's right. You're passing the baton into my metaphorically sweaty palm so hopefully I will not blow it. Well I hope blisters will get a chance to get to know you. In fact, you and I took a few minutes recently just visited them and got a little bit of the background of the details your history so blisters are interested in math. There's a link on our website@familylifetoday.com where they can hear our conversation and when they hear you next week and don't hear me that's normal. That's the new normal right. I'm excited to be part of what God is doing here on this program and I'm curious though, just for anyone who might be wondering what will you be doing from here on out now that you're leaving family life to.

I have been done.

The La-Z-Boy store and have just made a purchase. Though I believe her listeners know that in addition to the work of Dylan family life to the ability by vocational pastor for more than a decade now.

Also I will be spending more time in the ministry of our local church where I am the one who does preaching regularly still writing, still speaking, we will see one another year and in other places in the years to come. So I'm sure we will. But I'm happy to have this off to you and look forward to taking things so glad to have you here.

Thank you so much and I really appreciate tomorrow. We hope you can be back with us. Ashley Hales will be here again, wait, I will be doing this. I'm happy to try sure what you might tell everyone what's coming up tomorrow, not tomorrow. Ashley Hales will be with us again talking about the expectations we have in life never really matching up with reality.

How do we meet God. Monday because he's their presence just as much exciting on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm shall be back next time for another edition of family life like I can leave now