Why Spiritual Health Matters for your Marriage

I remember sitting two weeks before our wedding in the Chicago ballroom downtown Chicago at the family life weekend. Remember, engage, listen to the president of family life.

Dennis Rainey talk about how important the spiritual part of your marriages. Remember, oh yeah, I thought. Dennis Rainey is the most remarkable speaker. This conference is amazing. You know what I remember is from that day on, you wanted me to be. Dennis Rainey started their target. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson. Then you can find this of family life today.com or on our family life, family life today and again two days from now or get married.

I'm everything in all the spiritual part or marriage. We got easier and I mean it won't even be some you have to work at it with us. Jesus it's so natural and that we got married and what happened. I had no idea number one helmet hard marriage would be number two how hard it would be to connect together spiritually. It was really a struggle for me.

Here we are 41 years later in it's still a struggle voice. I really think that judged your spiritual walk expects to be finished training clean inside like life hashing right now and so I was only thinking all you should do this and you should do that.

I feel like it was more me than anybody good I'm gonna blame you, than to sleep like it was all you know I have. Even though the conference was phenomenal. I will say this is the conferences are still going on family life still does that we can remarry work on bogus warriors in the spring we have 60 books, which is amazing. After we get through covert and here's the good news. You can go to one of our spring conferences for 50% off okay you guys did you hear that that's a do you want to your registration will be half off bathroom. I thought that was really cool. As you can pick any city you want this by one near you. If you want to go to destinations Friday night through Sunday morning and again we went as a gauge couple sitting goes dating engage coupling those newlyweds and gauze couples either 34 years merit.

It literally to navies maybe save your money is not a guarantee it will enhance your marriage to 1/2 days we've had people actually hand us their divorce papers at the conference saying they came as a last-ditch effort in this change their lives and so it's pretty remarkable of how God shows that you hear God's game plan for marriage to go to family life today.com you can sign up there or call family life one 800 FL today and I'm telling you be one of the things you ever do that. Another blessing you ever do is listen to this showed that David Ashley Willis back with us again. Welcome to family life today thinking thank you and want you to be like Dennis Rainey like they will set up so USAir never look like this you get you get good here, dude.

Well, yeah, it does. It's the only reason why I want to go to high school reunions because like I found is that I the only reason a man really wants to utilize the reunion is because he still had his hair is not what you doing for living. It just got my hair is all I know perfectly what is usually electrical to be affirming our dear very handsome you know you have to have high testosterone to lose her here in the first place because you're so much of a man no, it is you knows it's not easy is it day. That is all I know is I'm looking at the latest book, naked and healthy and there's a picture of you guys on the cover. No publishers ever put us on the cover is a you is because of me.

They don't know about you, the have really impacted hundreds of thousands of people like you are helping marriages everywhere around the world. So thank you for what you've been doing even writing books in your ear how many years if you been married 20 2025 book know what happening here and typing fast. My only skills that are not athletic, I can play guitar like David's four sons cast called Megan marriage yet they weave our describe Megan marriage does not mean you sit in a room to get it is all about our ability and they get it on her shape is beautiful and in this book, naked and healthy first fall we've we've talked about a little bit how to even come up with the idea of healthy, mental health, to talk about spiritual health and physical health. Today we get to talk about the spiritual part but words even the concept come we just we just kind of in the couples that we work with over over the many years. Again, marriage ministry, which is how this tendency couples not having health and all of those areas and and how you know really.

Both husband and wife are individuals who have their individual health but also it affects the marriage collectively you know when, when, where one of us is struggling with mental health can affect the other.

And when this is really not feeling it physically can affect the other end so you both are dealing with the things like sentencing.

Both are having health issues or physical issues, and so we talk about what is it look like an individually striving towards better health, but also in our marriage. Having a healthier marriage and I had how we navigate that because sometimes or not on the same page in honor health journey has led to fights, and so we talk about that we talked about how you can grow healthier physically, mentally and spiritually on as an individual but also how in that journey, you can actually grow stronger in your marriage.

So let's talk about the spiritual because I know a lot of couples probably feel like were in different places. You know were not compatible. Spiritually, we may be in physically and mentally and emotionally. But this area others are.

There's a little gap or disconnect what you say. I mean, obviously, reverse it's really really important for your marriage. But what he said a couple feels like I'm not able to connect to the same level or different level than my spouse. What I would say it's first off, it's really worth the effort. I think in our our cultures given us this method is always you got chemistry as long as there's liking of physical connection that's really all you need, and that alone makes is a recipe for a terrible relationship. You only say and if you have a spiritual sense a great bone.

Yeah, it's not at the forefront of their thinking is not, but really it needs to be the foundational part of the three it's the most important.

I mean, Jesus tells the that that the parable of the storm come in and work your life build. You gotta build your life on the rock foundation.

The storms of life are gonna blow you over and within marriage. It's building that house together on the rock, which is your faith in God his word being unified in that because storms of life are going to come in. Sadly, a lot of couples don't realize how spiritually disconnected they are until a storm comes along and really just cannot knock them off the foundation and they realize, I thought we were just doing pretty good, but we were on autopilot and spiritual aspect of our lives, our faith in Christ are you know being routed together in him. It had just not been a priority and so I read that scripture cites one of our family is at the end of the sermon on the Mount in Matthew seven it says this some everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but he did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock and everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand and the rain fell in the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell in great with the fall of CK's ideas, I want you to talk through that you thought you been doing it day but like walk us through the importance and how you've probably seen so many houses fall over the years of ministry and marriage right and I think you know really say to you, like when when cutting your house like you know you can have all that like those winds at your house, and it can even crumble on the rock, but the rocks there to support you. You know is I think even in our health journeys. We can feel that we can be like me and it's like another diagnosis are. It's like another thing with my mental illness is flaring up again in heaven is anxiety unit anxiety attacks again or whatever it is I think even when we go through that when we have spiritual health in our life and were building our house, so to speak on the truth of God's word and in our relationship with him and we can get through anything we really can't and you know I think a lot of times where the spiritual aspect really comes to light. It's one of the big ones is number going through troubles, but also I find this when couples have children because not sure where faith is in a what role think is going to play in raising the children and so many times couples reach out to us and I'll say it now. I know I definitely know I can straight away from the church for a while but II really want to come back to the Lord and I want to raise art our children in the church that my has been on my life or whatever is saying what. Just you and the kids go and it really grieves the spouses heart. He's going to church and a spouse at home is like you're weird like I don't even want to do that. Like I was raised like that didn't seem real to me and when any part of it and see start to see the conflict rise there and you know the reason we kind of you know, wrote this book about health and it especially about the spiritual side of that is that it really is. I believe the most important aspect of our health, because again it's the thing that can get us through all this other times when when were having trouble in the other areas and so on.

You know it when you're going through this. I think it's really important to just talk openly and honestly about really where you are in your spiritual journey and don't be afraid.

You gotta get naked so to speak and be vulnerable about it and if you are doubting God in a don't be afraid to go to your spouse and say like listen I really I long to come to feel the way you do about the Lord that I this thing happen to me or I just had these doubts and I don't know what to do with them.

So let's talk through that and I think that's where you start to see couples really get a better understanding of each other, but also really kinda grow in the Lord when it can be that honest tell me ask you this. So if you're the spouses going to church your wanting to pursue a spiritual walk in your spouse isn't how you talk about it like maybe they're adamant like you are. You go is not my thing is never going to be my thing. Maybe you start a marriage second that we were going to be somewhat compatible here, but you realize why were not how to navigate that we a lot of those messages and if you're listening in your that dynamic.

You know, we pray for you because I think I can be such a lonely place when you're the believing spouse and you feel like you're trying to carry that that alone.

And the most important part of your life, your faith in Christ isn't something that your spouse will share with you and it's so hard to have complete intimacy. When the most important part of your life is something that there they're not willing to participate in the Bible gives us some good practical instruction on here and in Paul's writings in the New Testament and become it in a summarized you know what what he says it's decay. Keep love in them to try to like win them over with.

With your good deeds not know her and there is does it say like, beat him over the head preach. Adam, you know, tell him that their terrible guilt him into it, but it's it's love them, serve them, be kind to them what the know you're praying for them. You know, let them see through your authentic but imperfect examples. None of us are perfect. Your authentic example that you really believe what you say you believe that you're doing your part to live it out and and talk about what the differences make in your life and what you're learning and how you're growing and how you're praying for them and how you know someday you know you love to be able to share share this with them but do it in a way that is it is inviting and that is you know that Bob Bible also says be willing to give, give it to testify. The reason for the hope that you have. But do it with gentleness and respect. That's first Peter that says that an so be willing to say like what your faith is about why you believe what you believe and why you're doing what you're doing to do it with gentleness and respect and not that animosity or anger or frustration of like well if you would do with me, my life would be so much easier. So be kind and sometimes you have to pray while you're praying for your spouse pray.

God give me the right attitude with my spouse and help me be a reflection of your love and grace. Instead of just my own flesh get in the way in my own frustration get in the way like let me really love them weight the way you love them Jesus and let them see that a glimpse of that through roommate. I love what Andy Stanley said about this he said your spouse should bail the know how much God loves them. By the way you treat know it's good that Mike when I first heard that, I thought, wait, wait, what like and he said if your spouse has no idea what Jesus is like they should bail us think like the way my wife or my husband loves me. If Jesus loves me like that then I want to know him, but we tend to be wet and this is me like I tend to be like you should do this and you should be getting in the Lord have done that with our kids to like, especially teenagers. I remember I was like you guys. We should be in the word and let's do this and you know like I pulled out my ball bat like you and I realize like they'd have this glazed look in there. I like how here she goes again on her soapbox, but then as I was praying I felt like this dad was saying exactly what you're saying Dave show them, show them how much you love Jesus don't tell them what they should do. Let them see it in your own life and so I just started saying at the dinner table. Naturally, it wasn't contrived like me tell you what God showing me about how I was in the grocery store and I paid for this lady's groceries today because I felt that say that is does the stories of these God encounters and that's when I remember our kids were like sheep are you crazy mom, you know, like and stop on the side of the road for somebody to need help if it was a woman, are you not just things that I felt like God was stirring in me not to condemn or to think all she's so amazing because I also shared my struggles. I think to as a couple to talk about your faith journeys wedding here.

They look like growing up. Yes, how did you come to believe or not believe what happened in your life. I think that reveals a lot. You guys have you found that to say it is about that vulnerability willing to talk about it.

Yes, but not judging each other right because you know what it is we do come from very different backgrounds and you know me not to say ours like daytrip in a home where he went to church every Sunday, probably a letter Wednesdays was heavily involved in his youth group and I grew up in a home that I would consider faith friendly, but not necessarily a Christian home and we would go we were CEOs week on Christmas and Easter only yes was friendly like him and I could talk about that but once I came to the faith that 12 years old. I'm grateful I had parents who would drop me off at church to go to youth group and you know the way that my parents, I want to say this anybody listening to you they have a spouse. He doesn't yet believe in Jesus.

If you are bringing your kids to church and I get involved in things that charged a great opportunity for your spouse to go and see what that is doing in your child's life and you never know if that's can actually bring them closer to the Lord and that's actually what happened with my parents and also many of my friends parents is they would come in they would see me sing in the in the show choir at church or are they the calm and help me volunteer for whatever activity we were doing and you know don't don't count got out on them.

I think were thinking where the winds it's our responsibility and we do play a role but God loves them more than we even love them right and so just pray for them and know that God knows who started that good working in that little seed in your big part of that little seed. You know he's in it he said to continue to work in them, but I think I love what you said and I think making faith and following Jesus as a real and and just just real you know right before their eyes and not using Christian ease like a language I don't understand that there like that's where they're part of a cult like this being very for heel and talking about what God is doing in your life. It shows them is getting in a little taste and see that the Lord is good. It is pointing it out. Let's see what that is done I was praying for that for us like that financial breakthrough praying for that like you hurt me pay for that unit is pointing it out and saying like that's what is not being weird about it I just say looking at God's work in an and leave it there and the rest yeah so talk about your your spiritually ship in your marriage doing those couples listen like we are both believers, we do go to church together, but sometimes you struggle to connect as a couple.

Spiritually, we call our vertical merge, but going vertical. How do you how do you guys do that there is really intimate about praying together and couples who are doing that.

I feel like they're missing out.

I was reminded of about this how intimate it can be Mike my parents right now who are just kind of faith heroes of modern heroes.

Broadway's lot of reasons unit that might have been through. I just a terrible year and 1/2. You know he had neared a near-death heart incident and then he had cancer diagnosis and he had deal with that and then right out of that he had a staph infection and is needed. Basically his crippled him for the last year when he hasn't it been in terrible pain. Yeah, they will walk and it's just been a really painful process to get mentor to Joyce.

Finally coming out of that. But in kind of the worst part of it were.

He was in this agonizing pain and he be laying on the couch and he had liked whatever pain medication. He could have for the day and there was nothing else he could do, and he's just in agony and in no one. I would hear stories or have them all about them just holding hands and you know it tears about their eyes than just pray in these these heartfelt passionate prayers together for God strengthen them talking about those moments. Now is is painful as they were some of the most intimate moments of any kind. They've ever shared in their marriage and II feel like when a couple will bring whatever they're facing to God that the gratitude in your heart for what's going on, or that the gut wrenching pain and we don't even have the word sword but just organic hold hands and cry together and crawl call out to you sharing that in faith, knowing that Jesus is right there with you in the midst of it it it is some of the most intimate moments. A couple can share and so we try to encourage in our set remind ourselves of that in the average other couples to not get out of the habit of seeking God together.

It's an individual thing we chart on her own have to seek the Lord, but as a married couple. It was unique and beautiful time of to be a cord of three strands were at the husband-and-wife and the Lord to say let's let seek the Lord together and in doing that the closeness we feel, not only with him, but with one another is is really something special and it doesn't have to be like. I think some people are intimidated like I don't have all this deep theological language. I don't know what to say it like listen, just talk to your heavenly fight. He loves you. Your Father in Heaven loves you. Talk to him why he would talk to your best friend in the world and if you just come to him with a heart of faith together.

It's going to do wonders it's gonna take probably one spouse, you know, initiate, initiate, and so if you're the spouse that may be as little more comfortable in that area then be the one to initiate and then just be so supportive of your spouse in that journey. As they pray, like, encourage them and just talk about what it meant to you to hear them talk to God and and and how it brought you closer to the Lord that moment closer to your spouse to and really encourage them and that build that up instead of making your spouse feel bad for not veto bright as much as you are, whatever build each other up in those moments can be really special thank you to for women. I know that I went through a phase of being bitter that they was in initiating and then I would think oh well, he's the leader he supposed to initiate prayer.

Who wins and that my cat has just one so I wouldn't pray and table and pray because he's asleep feeling great about everything over there no feeling better about the whole thing and instead of doing that I remember as I was kind of complaining to God like here, he fell asleep and we are supposed to pray just nudging me psych. My why don't you spray he fell asleep.

Pray and so I feel like… Victory because I just put my hand on Dave prayed out loud and he didn't mean to fall asleep.

You know I fell asleep and so I think it's really important that if God presses it on your heart.

Just initiate and if you have a spouse that's not a praying kind of person. Maybe they don't even have faith still there something so sweet about your spouse putting their hand on your shoulder at night saying Jesus, thank you for my spouse thank you that he's a good man or she's a great wife or whatever your praying positive yards over them something to melt the heart and then he's responsive to God because God is always loving us. I was thinking you know where we started was Matthew seven is really interesting when you look at that passage and think okay what did Jesus say the wisemen those compared to the fool that I've read it church over times and tried to see if people notice. I took some out whatever notice is also a selective say you know Matthew seven's maze and it says you know everyone who hears these words of mine is like a wise man who built his house on the rock and nobody realizes that's all he said to put in practice. He said everyone hears these words of mine and does them up with some of the practice and that's the difference because I think we think the spiritual part of our marriage is go to church get a small group which obviously is awesome and wonderful but then were like okay that's it personal thing we we go to church.

You know want in a month or twice a renewal.

We have kids and the kids program, never thinking where where weight wisdom is ongoing. Apply will matter here of a doer entering your time right now is like no it's put us in a practice list. Pray together. Let's not talk about it.

Listen to it. Let's do it and Dave, you said in a previous program start today I'm a recess or to what a great word because there's a couple listen right now is like, okay, I'll start the next month though.

Start today. Right now maybe be the first time you ever prayed with your spouse to go vertical to good to bring the spiritual part then there's a husband I know going yeah but I don't really even pray out loud on a prayer and I've said many times, here's a prayer grabber grabber him and say hello. You know, you sort of like lights on prayer. Oh yeah, we know that Jesus is rushing to any husband-and-wife we pray, we need your help and that prayer will grow it all it'll morph into some may be longer and who cares if it does or doesn't. But that's laying a foundation sale is to start there.

I gotta say this. Thank you. You guys the last three programs with you are going to help so many people you've Artie helped us. Thanks for benefit my life. It's great to have you here.

Thanks when you talk to somebody couples over the years who neglect or minimize the issue of spiritual intimacy in their marriage and then when they start to experience marriage struggles or challenges their baffled.

How could things have gone wrong in our marriage. I often point back to this issue of spiritual intimacy as the strong foundation that is poured in a healthy marriage that helps the marriage whether all kinds of storms infected goes back to what Jesus said in the sermon on the Mount what he said if you build your house on a rock you build your marriage, the spiritual foundation than when the storms come your house will stay him. Dave and Ashley will submit our guests this week talking with Dave and Ann Wilson about the issue of spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy, emotional intimacy and marriage.

The book, the burden is called make good and healthy and it's a book we got in our family life to the resource Center you can find out more on why the family like today.com order a copy from us if you'd like, or call one 800 FL today to get your copy of the book is called naked and healthy by Dave and Ashley Willis and and don't forget this week is your last opportunity to sign up for one of our upcoming weekend to remember marriage getaways and save 50% off the regular registration fee were making this offer available to family life today listeners this week.

You can go to our website family like today.com and find out when one of our tuna have to getaways is coming to a city near where you live map out a weekend this spring where you can join us and then register now again you'll save 50% off the regular registration fee when you get in touch with us more information on the family life today.com and you can register them on as well or call one 800 FL today. If you have any questions.

Don't miss this opportunity to do something that will strengthen your marriage and disable little money at the same time, go to family like today.com and register for a family life weekend to remember marriage get away tomorrow morning will explore what it would look like for a husband-and-wife to be living life on mission together as a couple, David and Meg Robbins will join us will hear little of their story, hope you can tune in for that on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Lapine will see you back tomorrow for another edition of family life today family like today is a production of family life accrued ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most