Words DO Matter

So do you remember something somebody said to you that change your life good or bad yet stunning. The first thing it comes to mind is on my list probably three or four probably for welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find his family life today.com or on our family life. His family life today.

So, do you remember something somebody said to you that change your life. I was probably four and my mom said to me you know you are an accident. We really didn't mean to have you, which was kind of this terrible moment, but then she said, but I always thought God must want you to be born. For some reason, which is so interesting is we really didn't go to church. We didn't talk about God very much, but those words always stuck with me like I wonder what he had in any anything I remember is I only ask for one talk. I like your little one you think is the Army I was just I want us to do that because it brings up the point that the Scripture makes it very clear that our words have power. And so, you think about your marriage and parenting that what you say your spouse what you say to your kids what what you say to your parents of me goes both ways is powerful because it sticks words stick you know there's a phrase you know sticks and stones a break my bones, words will never hurt me. It's the biggest lie ever. Words can really really hurt and bring damaged really to a soul if they're negative.

And yet the office is true as well when there's positive there life-giving words they can literally shape a life for good.

So it's almost like your mom said something that sounded negative.

Your mistake that she turned it to some that ended up giving you. Hope even though I wasn't a believer until I was in my teen years I always wondered is can't really know me was I born on purpose for a purpose. I always wondered that when I was growing up.

What are some words that stick with you. Well I mean I was so fortunate to be raised by a single mom who I don't think you could quote a Bible verse about the tongue like Proverbs 1821 says life and death is in the power of the tongue. You know, we have the power of life and death is in the tongue and she probably didn't know that verse, but she spoke life. I honestly can't remember her ever saying a negative thing to me. I'm sickening. She was hard on me and she disciplined me. You know I mean she I've made some major mistakes, especially as a teenager and so she laid down the law. But even then, she never condemn me. She never said I'm a loser. All I can remember. She believed to me she spoke life to me she affirmed me. She said God's going to do great things in and through me. But even when it look like there's no chance of that happening our family. We didn't really praise one another very much in our family growing up was very performance oriented but I did have a gym teacher in the eighth grade. I'll never forget this. Mrs. Brown, because I'll never forget this one day she took me by the shoulders and I was on all her sports team. She was a coach and she looked at me and she said and bearing my mate maiden name. She said I want you to know this before you get out of my school here greatly area not only good athlete that you're a great leader. No one had ever told me that before. It was amazing it felt like this gold that she had given me because no one ever complemented in our family and I realize I can't. I'm so hungry to hear any positive words.

She was right. I don't know if she's right, but I remember thinking at my leader that your great leader. She saw something called it out and so I think of the really important today to talk about the power of our words and our marriage and the power of our words as parents about this a little bit before this is something that we love to talk about him is something that I think you can talk about enough because we spew words in our marriages all the time and we need to understand man. There are words that build up and bring life in our marriage and in with our children and their words that tear down and bring death. You notes is what Proverbs says I Proverbs 1218 says the words of the reckless Pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing Connecticut line about Proverbs 1624, kind words are like honey sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Then we sort of just talked about the first one bullets but stated that I'm hoping you make notes because these are three ways to leverage the power of your words in a relationship. Obviously, again, marriage and parenting first want to say it and it's simple but it's like when you think something good, speak it out because it can be life changing for them, it can bring life to your marriage. You can bring life, you know, to your kids and if you think something bad. I would say so to keep it examining our listeners refer to say you know the things we said in the first year marriage. There were horrible things I wish I'd never married you as you head to me. I did say that to you and you said to me I would rather be dead married to you years to get those out of our heads didn't mean those are words that you know so when we say say it. It's like those words.

Some words you don't say never say I had that thought I didn't need this expressive just because some premarital counselor said say every little thought ever comes in your mind. That's bad counseling that's bad wisdom. I mean, there are some things that you know you think it's like you know what, that's not can be helpful. I mean there's other things that are truthful, that need to be said that maybe not be, you know, feel like there life-giving if it's helpful. They need to say about some like that that didn't help us all.

Yeah, I really regret even with our teens I was saying negative things. I didn't think they were negative in terms of their character, but I was constantly critiquing them like you need to work harder that you need to study more.

You need not go to these parties. I remember saying to one of our sons one time just so proud of you Dena how proud I am of you and he said no I don't. I went to bed that night thinking I tell him enough and I don't think I did tell them enough was so busy critiquing them and worried about what they would become that I wasn't speaking the good things that I was thinking I would sit there and say that's the opposite. I remember you with our kids. You spoke life constantly told her I did your like you're the one that created this is the Wilson birthday procedure. You know it's like every birthday you made us sit down. We had a birthday meal and everybody at the table had to say something they loved about the birthday boy or something that they had seen them grow in that year or something. They appreciated about them and I loved it because I love the sense like hold. This is so awesome and it was I would always tell them how exciting it was their birth story like I would go through.

This is what was going on when you were born. This is what we were feeling. This is what happened after. This is where God was in it and then we would all give a birthday blessing. We called it to the birthday person and I wish I had kept it going that they got older, I think they were in high school or middle school, and they'd roll their eyes. I know that it you never stopped. It never stop it and I gotta say this one. It's my birthday and you start that because I'm sooner day when you go hey did you guys were going. I just sit there like no not going to do this, but then when you do it. All I can say is it brings life. My chest pops out. I feel filled up.

I mean, again, it's the power of life words. Again, I'm not kidding. Every time I roll my eyes. Like when I can do the stupid thing again and then when I'm the one receiving the blessing of the power of blessing words. It's ALSO know that you like it you always roll your hi Steve, I'm so glad we're on radio talking about this today and podcast delivered your word by saying it, and I've never said that.

Ever know what here's what happened to change me when my sister died. She was 45 years old and I was 39 and at the funeral I'll never forget all these people standing up and speaking so highly they had stories about her stories of who she was like she had done in their lives to impact them. I mean they were amazing beautiful words and I remember thinking I hope he shared all these with her. You have actually performed so many funerals for people and haven't you seen the same thing if the family will allow. I always try to encourage them to do an open mic and let people share and it's beautiful.

And the sad thing is, often they say they never set him until the person is gone there forget one time with the Detroit Lions. We were traveling to Cleveland to play the Browns. We stayed in a hotel with the Riverside. The Cleveland clinic. I don't even know if you know the story and somehow somebody came to the team and asked for the team chaplain and I got a call my room to come downstairs and the mic what's up, and they said there's a family here to Cleveland clinic. Their grandmother is about to die.

They want to do a live mean funeral, a living memorial and they wondered if you come in and officiated.

How if I never heard this story there. Forget this and so I end up in this room with this family and there were 15 people there grandkids and the whole family and this woman sit in a wheelchair and she's going to die within the next days or weeks and they literally went around the room and I got the gist I was supposed to lead it but I basically watch your blessed by it and they just spoke life into her before she dies, the kind of things you would say after they said it while she was still alive in November thinking that is it so important to say that.

Just think, say out loud to the person to your spouse to your kids to your parents to your grandparents.

Words of life. Don't let a day go by without them you need to incorporate the Wilson birthday blessing into your birthday tradition all water whatever it is or stop. You know this, we can say let's do a Friday night dinner and let's say out loud and and and there's rules. There's nothing negative allowed to be said yeah and I doubt there is negative things you thinking maybe there's a things that should be said someday, but this day is not that you speak out. Only positive I like that. That's one way to leverage word say it right in a single one would be right. It was at Midland I've talked to so many people over the years that it said words are very difficult for me to express I'm not very good at expressing it. I feel so much about my spouse or my kids now say that you should ride and I will say that about you Dave, you are amazing at this because you do say it with your words but not as eloquently as you would writing when you hand me a note I going to the other room. I sit in a chair and just read it by myself because you're so good with expressing yourself through the written word that their treasures for me and I know for our sons as well. When you've written them letters. It's one of the most powerful things of conveying love, respect, hope, and even future into them and I can say from my side. I know that when you write me notes or even cards of again not love notes but respect notes again. I can't remember any love notes like I love you. Okay, whatever. But when you matter but I sort of know you love me. But when you write affirmations of what you believe in me, trusted me a firm in me see in me greatness in me. You know, if you know this, but in my middle drawer in my desk at home. I have a little stack of cards the Detroit Lions players over the years have written to me after they left the team saying thank you for the ministry I had in their lives.

Why do I have those all hidden somewhere because I appreciate whatever once while pull them out will follow now is when you're thinking you know your struggle better of him is is anything I'm doing impact and anybody you know a read one of those in over my and in the ones you read me that's the power of the words written. I mean even an email or text that's powerful as well. I even got some voicemail saved on my phone again that say it were guys saying thank you for your impact in my life and I didn't delete those that are still there just closely so when you say it and then you when you write it. Think about this when you write some like that to a son or daughter text if name you're not in a pullout paper and pen that you could pull out your phone and do a text yet. I just last year was going through some of my office and found a letter that my dad wrote to me when I was a little boy. It was stacked away.

I'd never seen this morning sure what I was when I started reading Michael my goodness this is my dad and some of what was history of his life I have ever ridden a told me he wrote to me. I was probably 10 years old. I never read it, then read and now and Marie said he decided to become a pilot. When he saw Charles Lindbergh fly over. He was in Ohio on the spirit of St. Louis. He looked up in the sky big that I want to become a curling pilot, which he ended up becoming an early pilot and he walked me through his life and then he sort of said how valuable was to have a son like me again is a treasure you know because it was written down one of my favorite memories with you was a surprise birthday party. I pulled off when you had turned 50 says is like a year ago I had all of your closest friends. Write a letter to you why you said bring a gag gift yeah and like a letter V yeah and so we had the party.

It was a surprise.

It was only men that I went down just to video some of that kind of secretly stashed away and I would record it and all these men read letters of how you had impacted their lives. And I could tell that you loved it and then I had three more letters.

None of our sons were home and they couldn't come to the party, but they had all written letters to you, and I got to read those to you and I have never seen you cry in my whole life like you cried when I read those letters to you why like what was that I'm ever feeling as you read CJ Austin and Cody's letter of a member think I could die now and I be a satisfied man who was like everything I hope to do in my life.

They were affirming you know the legacy that I was handed had been changed was being gonna be a different legacy going forward. Again, not a perfect legacy but I got a less legacy was become a godly legacy they were thanking me for being the man and husband and dad in her life, so I yeah get you surprise me. I had no idea then. Not only were the other 10 or 12 guys letters powerful because you know is like.

Thank you for your impact in their life. But when you read the sons I me I was like why Prince not all never seen you cried hard in my life yet. I'm just they can boil boy, there's a man listening that needs to hear somebody say thank you.

So if you're his wife or his son or daughter this is the day to say dad or honey, here's what I sees good in you and I know some you like. I don't see anything good there's something there that you could write down again saying it is one thing and that's powerful. It's one way levers for the Segway.

If you write it.

It's timeless to say the same thing you might be really struggling to see the good in your kids the good and your spouse, your parents, but when you start writing down the good things got kind of remind you all there are good things, and then you see the person a little bit different. You see them the way God sees them. I think it's a great exercise to do. I even remember decades ago writing a tribute to my mom because of Dennis Rainey's book about writing a tribute to your parents and so I wrote right. One of my mom and as I'm right and I'm like oh my goodness she was a single mom.

So I thanked her all yeah thing that's in her hallway refrain was from Dennis Rainey talked about writing tributes and I will say this as well when my parents had their 60th wedding anniversary.

I had a scrapbook put together of pictures of them over the years and so my brothers and I all wrote letters to them. All the spouses wrote letters to them.

The in-laws and then 12 grand sons and their wives. The boys who were married, wrote in this book. My parents sat remember that so they sat for probably two hours and all they did was read these words and read these letters and weep. It was beautiful.

Yeah so talk about three ways delivered your words and your marriage and in your family first one said cycle. We just talked about was righted.

Here's 1/3 one. It's sort of the same, but is difference choose it and choose it means choose specific words for specific people in specific times. So in other words, this very important is as a mom or dad when looking at your son or daughter speak words of life that apply directly to who they are a great kid break it specific to who they are. Man, I see that God's really gifted you as a leader.

I see that God's really gifted you in your writing abilities. I see that God's gifted young thinking of each of our sons. Your amazingly gifted in the area of any IT work or engineering kind of things digressing yeah yeah I can remember driving with him was a teenager and specifically send CJ got use that technical gift you have. I don't have it you got it in a powerful way. Someday you know because it's easy to think some gifts are going to be alert on the stage not preaching that are writing and yet you're speaking life in that way. One of the books I read years ago talked about.

Start with these phrases in this a good way to like what what what what I say start with. I remember when I speak some specific memory or I have noticed what or I hope you know this because there's a thing you find out they pry don't know because you maybe never said or written down or I'm really glad that or I've been thinking. I mean, these are just great ways to start a conversation. It gets really specific and you can just write us short specific note that will literally possibly change your life.

I'll never forget when I was a little boy second grade I while actually first grade, we moved my family went to a divorce we move from New Jersey to Ohio.

Now it's a single mom and dad's out of the picture.

My two older brothers and older sister, 10 years older, sort of the picture. It just myself. I'm in first grade and my little brother saw him what seven years old 6 1/2, seven years old. My little brother dies of leukemia. So now looking back you talk about trauma how yeah major drama going through so I'm in first grade at a new school and I'm not there a month when they came in and said were going to hold you back, you're not going to go to second grade you can repeat first grade because the school year in the dirt. New Jersey wasn't as advanced as what I had to for little boy all, especially one whose competitive and then they put me in speech therapy, and the only thing I was good at. Back in those days was recess I dominate it on the playground I could win at sports in speech therapy class was when the class went out the recess. He couldn't do it. If he said it was the worst. So anyway, I'm in the speech therapy class which made me feel dumb. You know all the smart kids didn't have to be in here only a few not advance not as smart kids at their forget.

I wish I could tell your name. I think it was Mrs. Humphries, if I'm remembering her name right looked at me one day in speech class and said these words David Wilson someday you will speak to thousands on the stage while dad of course you know I just looked at her like no I won't. Not me you got the wrong kid speech therapy has to suck to be me and I'm again I'm in trauma.

At that point but out here.

I am remembering the power of her saying it. She sorta wrote it and it was specific sheet shows us the third way to delivered your words is choose it. She chose to be very specific and I did know there's a thing called prophecy and she sort of was an emphatic ass and see in the future. But think about how powerful those words were.

I remember with each of our kids we would do something special with them on their birthdays and Austin are second born she loved literature.

He loved books so by the time he was in high school is likely when a DJ. Let's just do something really special that would be unique for you and I said I have an idea.

I found this super old the oldest bookstore in downtown Detroit has the oldest books ever.

And let's just go there and try to find some first edition books. I know this sounds weird to some people, but this was his thing and he loved it and I remember driving home from that we had gotten these old books that he always wanted to have a library which is so unusual for a 16-year-old, and I remember saying to him like man Austin. This is pretty unique.

Your love for literature your love for books your love for writing you been like this since you are little boy I can't wait to see what that does with that. I think it'll be something in this area and so now he has his own literary agency and he's doing his dream but that first came from someone identifying it, and then saying it in choosing and writing. It really all the things he said then so I would hope we would hope that today would be a day that you as a spouse or you as a parent, or even as a child to a parent would choose the words you say say it or write it or both. This could Lucchese was life you have the power of life in your tongue speak it.

Use it wisely and I was thinking even as an application or homework. What would this look like for your dinner table sometime this week to sit down and talk about this topic of the power of our words and even asking your kids if they're in your home or maybe eat your grandkids what had been some of the most positive words.

Someone has said to you that would be a great conversation and then ask had there been any negative words that people have said to you that have been really hard to take you guys a chance is a family to be really super vulnerable.

But then with those negative words take those and say man I'm really sorry that was said to you. This is what I see in you I can be really fun as a family to walk through and speak life to one another. Some great application ideas from David and Wilson as we've heard about the power of words and I think any of us can think back in our own lives to things our parents may have said some of those things that may have left scars but other things that may have encouraged us or spurred us on. Or maybe there's the absence of things said maybe you never have a parent who said I love you I'm proud of you believe in you as parents today. We can make those deposits in our children's lives, we can use our words as they Wilson just said to speak life into our children.

This is a subject that David and touch on in their new book, no perfect parents.

It's a book that we have available our family life to the resource Center you can go online a family like today.com to request your copy or call one 800 FL today again the website is family life today.com or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today to request your copy of the book.

No perfect parents from Dave and and Wilson and we want to take a minute today just to say how grateful we are to those of you who are not only longtime listers to family life today, but there's a small select group of you in every community were family like today is heard a group that makes this program possible for you and your fellow listers it's those of you who donate financially to the ministry of family life today and help us expand the reach of this ministry to more people more often. We especially are grateful for those of you who are monthly legacy partners your investment in this ministry is actually an investment in the lives and marriages and families of the hundreds of thousands of people who were tuning in every day or listing the family like today via podcast tanks for making this possible through your financial support and we hope you can join us again tomorrow when working to talk about what we can do as parents to be better listeners. The kind of listeners who make it easier and more comfortable for our children to open up to us.

Becky Harling joins us for that. We hope you can join us as well on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson on Bob Lapine. We will see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most