Does God Care Who I Sleep With?

When you gave your life to Christ as a high school girl guess what was like the first question you wanted answers to now that you're a follower Christ. So I was 16 years old and I didn't go to church then because I was brand-new in my faith I didn't grow up in a home that went to church and the question was is it okay to have sex before you get married and I really wanted to know because I wanted to obey Jesus. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson Wilson. You can find us if we live today.com or on our family life is family life today when you gave your life to Christ as a high school girl what was like the first question, is it okay to have sex before you get married you are the only one I know that I like in Grayson College that was one of the questions I had. I think it's still a question. You know the culture's views on sexuality dominate our thinking and you wonder okay what what is God's view care. Yeah it so I mean I had no idea.

There's a book literally called why does God care who I sleep with and we got the author of the book with this today.

Sam Albury.

We are so glad you're going to hear be here to answer our question, Sam. Welcome to family life today. It's good to be with you.

Thanks for having me. I'm guessing you know this as well, but as an author and a speaker and you speak all around the world in written all kinds of different books, but I'm sure this question is something you have heard many times. What does God think about human sexuality in a single sexuality. So obviously the title of your book is those that God care who I sleep with. That's my first question. Does God care who we sleep with it does go is no silence on these things Jesus has things to say on human sexuality and on sexual ethics and we would expect him to care about this issue. If we care about it.

Why would he not be concerned with something that means so much to loss and the good news is that she called because about who we sleep with because he cares about the people doing the sleeping. He has about us because about every aspects of our life and especially something this intimate and personal to us so he's not uninvolved yet. It is easy to think as I know when I came to Christ again. I'm a college student, the guy who led me to Christ sat down with me and again it was like like NSAID. One of my first questions was what does the Bible say about sexuality, especially as a single man and when I heard that the answer was all I heard was God's is no God says no.

I don't know why he says no it didn't serve jibe with me is like somebody has to help me understand why would God say something like that. So help me help our listeners understand, does God say no and why does God say no is there to some things but he doesn't say no to the totality of all whole experiences, sexuality, and you know that having Christian Sunday. Over the years he's given the impression that the only message Scripture has old phone sex is is the message of no so I can understand some people having the impression times that the church is not been to the biblically balanced on this book. Unisex was called so I do not see came up with the idea of it. We didn't discover this behind his back, but it's part of his gifts to us in creation. It's designed to be in the right context is designed to be of a wonderful thing.

So the bottle has a positive vision for human sexuality without positive vision also has important called trials and whenever the Bible says no to something a good good question to ask ourselves is, what is the good thing that prohibition is protecting for us than if it was Chesterton or somebody else who wants it before you pull down the fence.

Find out why it was put there in the first place.

On their various prohibitions of different kinds of sexual behavior, even different kinds of sexual thinking in the Bible and we need to understand the positive vision for human sexuality. The code gives us if we can understand why there are certain things he says that we shouldn't do in the church hasn't done a great job of showing the beauty and the biblical side of this area. I don't think you've talked about that in your book share a little bit about that of just the history of this in the church we've got this wrong thinking you know different ways.

Pendulum swings back and forth. There are times when we come off so probably just celibacy that we should have made people feel unspiritual for getting married that that would be one mistake there other times when we've again we sounded very very prudish and is so even talking about sex in any context is somehow unseemly or improper times. As I said earlier, we we focused on the negatives that really unpacking or even noticing the positives. What is sex design. How is it designed to be a gift to us and how does that designed and make sense of the various restrictions of the Bible does put on it so we do need to be careful of reading about a Christian leader in the Middle Ages for the PNC talks about this in one of his books to basically set the Christian shouldn't have sex on him during the salt of my head, never something like on Sundays because it's the mold study than on Tuesdays out of United memory of Mary on Fridays because Jesus thought of a fraud. I own Thursday's because of some other reason than think you left is okay but again it seems to be one of those things were even within an appropriate biblical context, like marriage, the message still seems to be wellif you really have to than you, but please, please don't silica me if we've kind of times treated it as if well it's a an unfortunate necessity if you can have kids, you do need to have sex but we should've treated it as a system of a bad thing that you kind of have to sell your self with at certain times. If you can it be people you have children, rather than saying it is is a good thing, in and of itself was I thinking it was a different stage now where with the cultural pressures we find it so either to receive of process is not to talk about this a tool for parents not talk about it in which case all the thinking into something is being done by a wolf rather than bother word or else there's a danger that we we kind of accommodate to the cultural pressures and go with the flow in and be permissive.

The things of the Bible actually prohibits say scenario where we need to go as far as the Bible goes and they further and are less but also be mindful of doing so for the reasons the Bible gives us not just that we know where the boundaries are that we know of the purposes as well.

Or maybe you can help us out with the purpose a little bit. One of the things I'm sure you're familiar with family life has no what we call weekend to remember marriage conference all around the country. In fact, I would even say to a listener right now those are back in operation.

We had the sort of closes down because a covert, but this fall and next spring were back and if you want to sign up for. We can remember. Go to family life.com and you can pick your city and go there, but one of the things we talk about in the weekend is God's design for married sexuality and human sexuality. It's interesting that you quote Jo Yancey talking about you know how they could have sex on this day and at day wheat Weser. Have fun in this talk, and usually say you know God's design for a married couple is to have sex on the days that start with the letter T. Tuesday and Thursday and today tomorrow Saturday intended so it's not as fun little jokes. You know what to do about sexy Sarah got have some humor in their but in some sense, that little joke isn't too far from God's design for human sexuality in a married covenant right help our listeners understand Cave God designed this one was his purpose you think will be speaking there are three purposes wheat we see in the Bible for sex with in the right context one is overseeing procreation.

We see that in Genesis 1, Whitsett to multiply and fill the earth and that the reason for that is gold is made us in his image and he wants that image to spread around the world. So the thoughts that the most obvious purpose for sex and in Genesis 2. It talks about the two becoming one flesh. And so that's it. There's a sense of sex being for the deepening of the union, a way of kind of expressing and deepening that sense of unity between husband and wife and then uprooted purpose we see as the Bible unfolds is as we discover that the marriage in general and on. We can presume the dissident.

The joy of sex within that context together .2 the ultimate bliss of all union with with Jesus is pull talks to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5, for example, at one point he said he says this, she talking about Christ and the church. That's what this is ultimately what about how we see that it throughout the whole Bible is this amazing theme that God is not just the all powerful being in the sky but he's actually up husband, Jesus comes to this earth, and among other things, close himself.

The bridegroom and say we realize that God is embedded within kind of human nature and human culture. This idea roof of a covenant relationship between a man and a woman that is that she embedded that reflects the kind of cold he is and what it is he's doing in the universe, which is is making a broad face on Jesus. I marriage has that purpose as well and for all three of those purposes. Therefore, actually it requires marriage to be between one man and one woman, and that becomes the context in which sex is designed to to fulfill its purpose.

It's it's meant to be a form of self giving and therefore needs to be within the context where it's it's safe to give the hold of who you all to somebody else exclusively and am permanently which is why it's reserved for the covenant of marriage so that those to me seems to be that the main purposes and thinking back to myself when I was 16 or 19 bad, I thought, you know, nobody ever talked about that I'm doing my faith and I think a lot of parents are thinking. How do I talk to my kids about this when the culture is bombarding them with saying yes. Why wouldn't you have sex with anyone, especially our cultural say parents leads show this on TV like as long as you love them.

That's when it's okay and so heat. Here we are. As Christian parents wanting to give them biblical mindset worldview. This is what the Bible says so. CM taken us think of Dave and I is 16-year-old and 19-year-old Dave Hyatt here then what would you say like out of love and out of God's word.

How would you teach us you now and I'm thinking of all the parents listening like yes please help us know how to communicate this to our kids yet.

It's such a an important question in this does not one I'm sure it's not the kind of thing with is one magic formula that will work in in every context right.

I also think aspects of this conversation need to happen on their own, but I think we need to get into talking about sex specifically with younger kids but I think we can talk about marriage and why marriage has the particular shape.

It does earlier in life because then that will provide the framework within which some of those sexual dues indicts that we find in Scripture will then make more moral sense.

So I think that this is part of us is ongoing discussion, even from a very young age, about what marriage is and means, and points to what I say to that, the 16-year-old annoyed. I was conversant when I turned 18. So I don't know much later than the new would've been. I think I want to show people the. The corpus designed sex to be a good thing. It's a gift of creation its gold wedding present and it's designed to work beautifully and powerfully within the context of marriage of who came first came up with this, but I've heard sex lichens to file in the right context in the fireplace forest is life-giving, it warms the whole house.

It's just a wonderful joyful thing to have in your presence in the wrong context, it burns the whole place down and and and sex is that powerful that in the right context, it can be a huge blessing life-giving life-affirming even life can creating in the wrong context, it can be incredibly destructive.

Gold has designed it to be that powerful and sought want to talk about how pot of gold's purpose for sex is to bring about that one flesh union. It is designed to unite and knit two people together at the very deepest level, emotionally spiritual, psychologically, physically, and it's a kind of union that is that once created is not designed to be undone and can't be undone without extreme pain without actually ripping part of yourself off as well and therefore it's that there is pain and having to wait for the right context for sure that the pain of experiencing sexual longings at food. You can yet fulfill. But the pain of misusing sex can be far, far greater opinion, postural ministry long enough that a lot of that's on my cultural ministry was with University students and seeing the full outs of you know, hastily entered into sexual relationships.

Unicode knows us. He made us. He knows what works best for us and there's kindness in one of his ways. He's he's not there with the big stick, giving this rules just to see if we can comply or not. These are kind instructions from the creates and we end up damaging ourselves. If we if we disregard what he says so I think the other thing that that that is important to save when I was gonna first convert in.

This was in the 90s. The message I heard wasn't much more than sex is for marriage rang registering, but is all, the whole truth, and if sex outside marriage is a sin.

It doesn't necessarily mean that will sex and any sex within marriage isn't because again I haven't been told to that sex is, is meant to be a form of self giving and therefore even within marriage is possible to have sex. It is about self gratification Rosenbaum self giving, so that there were lots of things here that I hadn't been tools to get me just when talking about this much that time again.

I was never never taught anything beyond the know knows I got says no before marriage outside of marriage and no one it's like the cultures view seem better like it can't be that big a deal. It's not you know, life-threatening. So why is it such a big deal to not have sex. Oh answered that a little bit what are we not knowing or learning are hearing from the culture about why would God say no. Obviously he's trying to protect us from something that we don't understand what is he trying to protect you from I'm I'm in love with this woman, it's no big deal. Whether we get married or not, that's what I hear the culture saying so help us understand if God says no. There must be a big several real purpose is why he says no can help us understand why would God say no yeah that's it such a good question and I think the reason is because if if it's designed to be a way of's of mutual self giving that the most deep level that can happen between two human beings. Then you need to know you're ready for that and that the other person is ready for that because that Dotson irreversible step to take, and part of the issue be having in our culture. Next it's been on this for. I'm sure many many decades is where trying to find a way of experience sexual gratification without having to have the commitment of Montara life being given to somebody else and say what were trying to withhold from some of what is meant to be given to them. Included within the act of sex is designed to be a way of giving the whole of who you want to somebody else. So when we try and have the sex, but without the commitment is hates Ashley if I would say it's a form of theft were trying to use someone else's sexuality for arriving pleasure and gratification, but were not willing to give that person what this x-axis is designed to be a kind of communication of our giving, so we withholding something so you know it.

The question is not to you both love each other but all you is that person worth the rest of your life and if they are tell him that make that covenant make that commitment.

That's why marriages is not just covenantal but it's publicly covenantal because that's the only context in which it is safe to to fully give all that you all to someone else exclusively to try to have a sexual relationship outside of that context is to put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position where a month since you giving your heart to someone without really knowing if that trying to stick around. Will knows there's a really weird Tom Cruise movie about 20 years ago cooled vanilla sky came out nearly 2000's and in the movie Tom Cruise's character has a one night stand with Cameron Diaz's character. Later in the movie she she catches up with him and challenges in and she says to him when you sleep with someone your body makes promises even if you don't now and I love that line and of United secular movie. It speaks a lot of trees when you have sex with someone your body makes promises even if you don't. Sex is designed to express covenant love and covenant commitment and so to try to have it outside of that context is to go against the grain of how it's designed to work in its cools short-term pleasure and long-term pain. Let me know if you put perhaps profoundly for the other person I so relate to that and thinking of Howard Hendricks who is a Dallas prophet and teacher.

After we heard him in his 80s. We are in a question answer time with some friends and somebody asked him Howard what sex like in your 80s and were thinking who will ask this question. I don't really want to know I love Howard Hendricks he really shaped a lot of our thinking without even a second. He said all it's the best ever been in my life. What was so interesting because he thinking now been married over 15 years. You think that sex is all about the physical.

It's just a union of the bodies he said thanks when you grow older. When you understand who God is and why he created sex, you realize it's a union of your soul together.

It's so much more than physical intimacy. It's that union of every part of your soul and never forget.

I kind of sat back in my seat and I thought I still have no idea. I think I was in my 40s. At that time that I was I was recalling and had sexual abuse. Our family wasn't very affectionate in any way.

And so the only type of affection that I had sexual affection and so then I was promiscuous. Later on, and so I felt all this is a way to give my love away and to receive love and yet I felt emptier than I had ever felt in my life and I felt again so used just as sexually abuse made me feel used and I thought before knowing Jesus like what kind of God would stop me from wanting to express my love in a physical way with another person and what I've come to realize with a loving God who wants to protect me. Who wants to protect my heart, my soul, my body and I'm thinking of so many of us have had abuse in some way sexually and there is a father that loves this that wants to restore us and can restore S the world is saying now just to be free. But freedom comes from Jesus more than anywhere else that I have found, yes, the same as you hear that how you respond to the listener that maybe has a similar experience to what and was saying they've been hurt in this area or they give themselves away not knowing what you share.

There is a soul involved here. There is a much more than physical and their wanting to do it God's way. You know from now on, what would you say I would say that you, you are not alone in feeling that way.

Jesus is all of us a broken and all sexuality we roll misused our own sexuality and that of other people and it means that he's come to be good news for sexually broken people. Yes he's come to be good news for people whose misused others unhooked unharmed. Others sexually on his come to be good news for those who've been abused.

Those who've been taken advantage of. And if he's not good news for sexually broken people.

He's not good news for anyone.

So you we need him to be good news in this area of life and it's never too late for us to come to him mess is his speciality may feel that you know there's too many years of sexual mess in our lives too much baggage that we don't even begin to comprehend, but that's his thing. That's what he does just come out mess him you know where Romans five says where sin abounds.

Grace abounds a little more and some of us may feel is I will there's gonna be a limit to quite how much he can deal with, and I'm sure on pulse that limit and Jesus is saying Ashley and the kindest possible way is not that special. He is more than able. There is no grace in him than there is sin in us and is often a sexual sin that feels kind of uniquely shameful again because this is an area that is meant to in the right context is meant to positively involve every area of life as you were saying it's it's is a union of souls, which is why the misuse of sex come home every area of life so he's he's wonderful, good news. I think it's appropriate to say that that there was a sexual dimension to the humiliation and abuse of Christ before he died.

He was stripped naked. He was sexually exposed in order to be humiliated so you know you want to be careful with the language of Jesus being a victim. He wasn't in the victim in the sense this was completely out of his control.

He he voluntarily went through those things for us, but it means and in the language of Hebrews 4. He's not unable to sympathize with those who've been sexually exposed to, humiliated, or in any other way. Kind of abuse. While this is. He knows what the pains of this life along so that that makes him uniquely qualified to understand and on the other thing I love coming back to this is Jesus saying the bruised reed he will not break so we can trust our almost tender bruises to Jesus and we can find in him a Savior, who is both incredibly powerful but also incredibly gentle, so we can we can come to him with a greatest vulnerabilities are greatest hurts and we can know that he will be tender and merciful with us. We come to him at all, almost broken, almost messy, almost needy. We don't need to target ourselves up for us because if we taught ourselves that we would really need him in the first place we live today in a culture that has come to view God's perspective on human sexuality as restrictive and even punitive when in reality God's plan for our sexuality is meant for our thriving and yet all of us are broken people when it comes to the area of sexuality. Many of us have scars that we bring into our relationship with us and author and speaker Sam Albury does a wonderfully helpful job of pointing us back to God's design and the goodness of God's design for sexuality. He's written a book called why does God care who I sleep with that is a book that can be shared with those who are wondering why does it matter, why is it important the culture says who you sleep with it is not a big deal.

God says it should be one person for a lifetime. Let me encourage you if you have questions about this subject, or if you know someone who is wrestling with this order a copy of Sam Albury's book. Why does God care who I sleep with you can order it online@familylifetoday.com or call one 800 FL today. Again, our website family life to the.com number to call is one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in like them in the word today. Sam Albury spoke again is called why does God care who I sleep with no addressing subjects like this and pointing people back to what the Bible teaches about marriage and family relationships, sexuality, gender these kinds of things. This is at the heart of what we are all about. As a ministry family life to the exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriages and your families and there are some of you will listen who share this passion with us and we know that because you have helped make today's program possible through your donations. Some of your monthly legacy partners. We are grateful to you for that. Others of you give from time to time. Thank you for that. If you're able to make a donation today. We'd love to say thank you by sending you Janelle Brighton Stein's new book which is called permanent markers. It's a very practical book to help parents know how we can help shape and mold our sons and daughters and point them toward Jesus. Mark them with the gospel message as we raise them. That book is our thank you gift to you. When you make a donation today to support the ongoing work of family life to the you can do that online@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today to donate. We look forward to hearing from you and we appreciate your and we hope you can join us back tomorrow. Sam Albury will be her again were to continue looking at God's good plan for us when it comes to marriage and sexuality and explore the question why does God care who I sleep. Hope you can be here for that on behalf of her hosts Dave and Ann Wilson about the pain will see you next time for another edition of family life to the family life today is a production of family the crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships matter most