Spiritual Life Skills For Kids: How Do I Build Habits That Last?

I remember asking our kids one day.

I think they were 811 and 13 and I said hey guys, let me ask you this. You are always asking think the values of our home are like as the Wilson these are the family values of our house. What I actually didn't want to know I was like, this is not going welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life is his family life today. I was actually an accountability group and we all decided let's ask our kids this I said what you think the values of our home are and so here's what they said first son said, our value works and what is wrong with that night my head held down access that connects and said I think are values are God in sports and lifted a little higher and you got a good next time you said church, sports and fun and so I have to tell you that kind of made me think, oh, we might need to change things around here. You can't fix for shots built in summarizes a great question to ask, but you gotta know at that age, especially the answer you get is what you live in exactly there watching mom and the matter what we say yes we will never said sport number one in your to be wanted on those Thursday we would've hoped that sports was not in the top is Jesus. My hope and so we came a little close on some of them, but that was eye-opening to me. Yes. So I bring this up and bring yet because we have a guest with us.

Janelle Brighton Stein. Welcome to family life to a thanks am so excited to be here or excited to have you Janelle because you've written a book called permanent markers. Here's another thing that some people probably don't know you've written a lot of things of life. I don't know if the readers always know that you're the one the rhythm of your mom and dad have been on staff for many years of family. 25 now there sitting out there watching us any time I've mentioned your mom dagger and Cindy not getting it happen again this morning. You mentioned her name and people.

Ralph and Monica have never heard anything but oh my goodness are the greatest people ever and then meeting you today at lunch of Mike while you were right off the block full of life is for the joy really think it was extremely high complement know all your history of family life and your family.

But a little bit about yourself. Yeah tell us some of the projects that you helped write.

Family life has an eye on staff for seven years but my parents moved here when I was 15 and they are now staff Kaplan's email. I think one thing that they're great at doing is listening to people and hearing their stories and receiving their pain. So there are a lot of people who just feel very connected to them because they have deep emotional intelligence and a lot of ability to shepherd people. Thankfully, this book is a lot of their legacy because they are really creative parents in the way that they taught me and that's what they were still growing in grace. My mom even just recently apologized to me for a way that they wish they would've raised me back in the day and to have your parents grow into that grace abundant and apparent someday.

That can come back and circle back with even more repentance and even more of God's kindness and understanding of the gospel with my kids this week for family life.

I'm actually a freelance writer now and I had up there I do every day devotionals that you can get your inbox every day. And so, several of of those are my write articles on a regular basis. I'm in charge of their upcoming online courses and do a lot of marketing copy and things like that. I got my hands on a lot of pots that make me really happy with family life, and I've actually gotten to edit a lot of data in and stuff coming come up with the discussion questions that that's my big contribution. So now I know that maybe and shouldn't be trusted by husband's brother and that I really are. Also obviously a wife and a mom of yeah but sometimes it felt like sex but I think you three boys and a girl, and my oldest is now 17 going down to 12 hand still feel really fall and now looking at the content of cement per minute markers from the perspective of parenting teens. Just give me even more reverence for the work we do with young kids that feel so thankless when written it and feels so fruitless.

One of things that reminds me of. There's a scene in a movie taken with Liam Neeson and his daughters about to be kidnapped, she calls her dad and he's able to give her a few instructions before she's kidnapped by the enemy and sometimes we don't know the battles, our kids will face whether their teenagers are as adults and what were able to input into them in creative and engaging ways when they are young, they will never forget. And that's the permanent markers part every single one of my kids took to a table or wall permanent markers and this is not revenge for all that scrubbing. But it is we want to write spiritual life skills on our kids hearts. And that's a large part of of what were doing were preparing them for what we don't know. Recently I had a friend of mine who just go say before you associate story you just won me over with oleum. These understood what you you go you know why and I know the permanent markers idea. Here's some funny. Our youngest took a stone, which again great parents right we would didn't believe that I was outside so but it was for 10 minutes or so that we were.

That's all it takes hard his name onto the side of her many carbs through the paint to you all through phase where he was putting his name on everything on his bedroom furniture little icy cold its identity. Whether it's a stone or a marker. We are trying as you said Bill life skills into a lipstick right yes I don't know if you remember where you're going with your time with a friend of mine who just lost her husband. She's my age to cancer to be granted cancer.

They have three kids and her mom is also a friend of mine and she said you know what keep looking at my daughter and imagining her running around in footy pajamas and she said I just didn't know I was raising her for this.

The reality is when our kids are eight years old or they're losing their front teeth or the carving endings into the minivan. We don't see what were raising them for, and the story the pain and the triumph that were raising them for ultimately raising them for the kingdom. And that's not to put too much weight on what were doing, so that again were walking around in fear, but instead to ground ourselves so deeply in messaging kindness in Jesus Christ, so our kids will draw from that for the rest of their lives like that tree and someone into now I my heart just resonates with you because what we do matters in the home and you feel like does anything matter. You feel like you don't have a life as a mom you feel like you're just running on empty a lot and the demands of life are just crazy because your packing lunches in your running to practice and you doing lots you're going to work and so there so many things going on, but I think it's really important is your saying to stop and recall like these days in our home they make a difference and to make these deposits in our kids that can be something you never regret you not to do perfectly, but we can do some things that will really help you can help us with that today and I hope so think that the cornerstone that I think you guys would probably come back to with me is ultimately the life that we experience in Christ, ourselves, because we can't rule out what were not extinct Zachary you could do every single one of these today and you could really mess that my message is not try harder moms and dads are exhausted, so tired and they feel so at times fruitless and what they're doing and the reality is if we think that we are more worthy parents because were doing any of this.

We can get into a false gospel ourselves where we are more worthy because of what we do and that's just so different from the message of Jesus Christ. Ultimately, the core verse for me in this entire book is first Corinthians 36 where it says that Paul planted Apollo's watered that God gave the growth its hero as a mom and you as a dad and camp counselors and grandparent and then all those babysitters and all those coaches who are cultivating around us, but ultimately it is only God who creates this in our kids, and it's him were leaning into. As dependent parents looked analysis we started here talk to us about how as a busy mom, you have three boys and a daughter so you crazy busy crazy ratio by the one yeah yeah boys and girls yeah but how with that busy schedule. Do you maintain that vibrant walk with Jesus and your husband as well. You know that's a great question.

I think it was so hard to make time for that when as a young mom because as soon as I got horizontal. I just wanted to say you know it got to the point.

At some times where I just wanted to check off the box and I think I had to get to a point in my relationship with God that he was my get to and he was my me time and to properly look at him to really see him.

I don't have to make time in my particular marriage for my husband because my husband is my get to I want to make time for date night is my get to and I think that's an equivalent as a mom or as a dad can God become our get to. Can we get to a point and sometimes that's really just with very physical cues for me. I started doing things like I'm in a make a latte and I'm gonna put on my lavender lotion and I'm going to soak my feet during my quiet times that I could associate that time with nurture and see God as he really is through my senses.

It's a good idea and you know I think that's important to. I know that I had this woods in the past behind my hat and in the summers. I weighed every night. Go just maybe a lap or two on this little path and it reminded me of Adam and Eve walking with God in the cool of the day. I couldn't wait to get there. It seems like the longer were away from God colder hearts get in. So even if you can just get away for a few minutes, a few Bible verses you know when our kids are really little, but I'm telling you that time in the woods on that path. If people saw me they would think I was crazy. I'm singing me up enough that I had something to give, and by what he would often say you know you I don't want you with me that it wasn't really a bad thing was like I need alone time and I really want you to be with the boys and so it was a moment where I get to be with the boys.

I get my my walking the word which was totally different. I go play golf but it really was to use energy saving my sports graph click on this as we started talking about you know the values, what were trying to instill in our boys when their little and we ask him.

You know what's important in the Wilson house one of those one of the permanent values you're hoping to instill in your kid, you're still doing it. What would they answer when are they going to answer what you're open and I don't care what they can answer owner know what you hope and they would say that's a great question and I feel like. Unfortunately, many get the kind of Sunday school answer to that ultimately help it some form of the gospel mean they're going to naturally be specific ways that my family leans in its subculture because of who my husband and I are your sports.

You know, I mean our versions of that are gonna naturally lean then any time that sports you are okay girls, like most of the time when I'm asking and trying to kid heart probing questions. A lot of times it boils down to first of all, I hope the gospel which I don't want that to become a cliché or something that I can unpack, but I also asked them was this loving unloving with this wise or unwise because I feel like so much as Scripture is. I mean, Jesus says, how we love is summed up in the first two Commandments and how we apply Scripture. I think that wisdom is so much the entire book of Proverbs right so I would hope that those would be my first three values. There is this moment I would work at family life. One day a week when my kids a little just because it did make me a better just to to be known by different identity for one day awaken my mom and would watch the kids and there was one morning when my mom anger at head of problem with mom anger for the majority of lives they can tell you exactly what my sins are, and hopefully it's because I told them what to look out for Riley apologize yeah exactly and I blew up at one of my kids. I'm he was for so I decided to call in from work and I picked up the phone not really ready for that call that my mom put my son on the phone and I just said hey I need to apologize to you again. I lost my temper this morning. It was not like God is slow to anger, I just lost it. I'm so sorry and he said he said that's okay I forgive you and I want to let you know that even when you do bad things. I love you and even when you do bad things. God loves you and I like my for your help. Just tell me that ultimately that's what I'm saying when I think the gospel that's even a four-year-old can tell us that so do now I know that when you write a book.

It really you've poured your blood sweat and tears at your passion, so when you wrote this.

What were you hoping the parents would get out of it there so many different ways that our kids are entertained and engaged in our culture.

Nickelodeon is kind of one of our competitors. You now for a kids attention and whether or it's an iPad or something like that our kids are engaged in every single space in their lives. Now it's a very kid centric environment when they go to school and I realized one day I read a quote by a guy with a lessening of mercy here and he said what we learn in pleasure. We never forget, and I realized that with my young kids. They were self driven to learn whatever they were interested and I had a kid who wanted to be a zoologist while he was stuck had mingling his disease and so we have these thick animal encyclopedias and he knew all the names of the birds in our backyard and this is a kid of four or five and he was self driven to learn what he was excited about and every single one of my kids. If there into dancing. If they're into music or whatever if they're into sports their self-propelled they do most of the work for me and I thought okay thank each and every other part of their lives, but not engaged in that way with Scripture and the associate Scripture with boredom and the associate God with being stiff and we do this grocery list of things and everything is a checkbox. Kids can be self driven to explore their faith and to internalize it and so as a person who's I have a couple of sons with learning disorders and things like that. I realized I had to work smarter not harder in order to engage those kids. This book is about spiritual life skills and how we can write them in a kids hearts in ways that engaging and finding your kids won't even know their learning so that hopefully they get the bug for their excited because the way that we convey him in the associate God with pleasure as you do that God, or even get in the Bible with positive pleasure because you write about it than I ever thought I found it fascinating because often parents don't do that.

The church often commits that it's like read your Bible. It's like a duty. It's like a legalistic thing. If you do this you earn points with God rather than bring some joy to something that should be joyful so is apparent we have the creativity setting to make this side you do that how to make it pleasurable or fun or joyful.

Yeah, I totally see what you're saying.

I think God is sometimes the most boring parts of our kids lives. If were not careful, which is such a travesty.

You know, the greatest wonder in the universe. We've reduced him to the most boring thing in our kids are so funny because Davis only said as a preacher and preaching the gospel he would say if people are boarding your church. It's not because God's word is boring because your preacher is boring though, I really say to people falsely during her sermon wake up the preacher.

It was this the preacher's fault. I'm in the word of God is the most glorious, astounding, fun, incredible, life-giving, and again we do this.

Parents with our kids.

You listen, don't say a word. You can't walk around the gear crawl my neck. You know like none of this would be a joyful moment, even as we open our guts of just zero asking why would that look like in your home. I mean I will say that in permanent markers you will find entire list in each one of these life skills. There are sections of children's book list their sections of resources that you can use there's sections of here games and things like that you can play with your kids to come, make it exciting that I think part of it, just as some overall principles. There are a couple things.

First of all, I think. I'm aware or I I'm increasing in my ability to be students of my kids and how God has made them in their unique workmanship because we want to dovetail with the waist and naturally made so that son who enjoys animals.

We talk about God as creator and we talked about his engineer and architect and how he made each of these animals. He helps them to adapt and all these things we we dovetail with the natural proclivities.

My daughter whose artistic outlets to your quiet time with a bunch of markers in hand. Let's make some posters for Bible verses you know if you love music.

Let's make a worship playlist.

Let's make a courage playlist that we take things that our kids are naturally interested in if there into sports we do games that involve their whole bodies or even just the kid who wrestles with their dad. This is how God loves us all, full-bodied bearhug. Love you now and he's down on the floor on the carpet it's drawing those connections and obviously in your analogy of the preacher with the congregation sleeping if that's happening. I think it's the preacher who needs to look inward about how I see God as something interacting with. So first we start with our own passions that we move out to our kids on passions. I think connected to that if you had a personal trainer who comes alongside you.

Let's say you got two different personal trainers training to get the person who's the couch potato who would rather have their hand and a bag of chips and you got the person who will when you give them 20 push-ups will raise you 20 more and I think based on where your kids are at. We need to keep pace with God in our kids lives. Some of our kids are not going to be the kind of kids who are going to want to do, Scripture memory competitions. Some kids are what are the ways that we naturally work with where they're at in their spiritual fitness in order to creatively come alongside them insensitively rather than treating our kids like they are passed out from an assembly line with that work with their natural bent like Proverbs 22 77. I think that so wise, I think for every parent to give their kids a vision for what God has for them and each of your kids will look a little different. And isn't that beautiful because God is so creative, he has something so unique for each of our kids in their passions in their abilities and their gifts and I've said this before, but when our kids are so little and I we just can't wait to see what God has for you and they really just thought it was a present and it really is a present. When you discover who you are when you discover this is what I was born to do. Or I'm good at this, or I'm passionate about this and that God made me in a unique way to do this thing on the earth that could be an array of things, but it brings glory to him, and bring satisfaction to my soul. And that's a gift we give our kids and something that they can anticipate like God has something more for me bigger than playing video games every day. Not that video games are bad, but the enemy of our soul wants to put our kids in a mold so that there not living out the potential of who God has made them to be that I do think at the end of the day you mentioned this in your book.

It's really going to be an overflow from mom and you can instill in them. Some is not a new, it's Deuteronomy 6 these commandments are to be on your hearts as parent press them under kids and their parents listen right now like I don't know if I can make through today. You'll make it. Your kids will hang on, get on your knees, find your strength and power from God and take another step. All of us are leaving a mark imprint in the lives of our children, for good or for you'll as parents are desire, our hope, our prayer is that we will be training our children in the way they should go according to the Scriptures that were discipling them will I think for so many of us as parents we understand what the goal is to know exactly how to do it to have the tools we need to do it. That's where it can be challenging and that's what Janelle Brighton sign is provided for us in the book that she's written called permanent markers. This is a book that is full of super usually activities and ideas that will point your kids toward God. There are questions to kickstart some meaningful conversations. This is a practical guidebook for moms and dads and that would love to send you a copy were making this book available to any family like today Lister who can help support the ministry of family life to the with the donation.

Simply make your donation on why the family life to the.com or call one 800 FL today and were happy to send you Janelle Brighton Stein's new book permanent markers spiritual life skills to write on your kids hearts again. Our number is one 803 586-329-1800 FL today or you can get in touch with us to donate online@familylifetothe.com note tomorrow.

Janelle Brighton Stein joins us again to hear about how important it is for us as parents to help our children understand where their words and their value comes from that it's not in their performance. It's in their identity, we drive the point home with our children and Wilson will be here tomorrow with Janelle Brighton Stein and hope you could be here as well on behalf of our hosts will some on bottle P see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life, to the use or production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most