Husbands, Love Your Wives

What is an action for feeling feel this amount allowed certain many days I don't feel love Fran. She's there feel that for me. She's always in love with me but I know we both don't always feel is not about a feeling you don't fall in love. You go back to verse one we started the series in chapter 5 is his walk in love, then say fall in love and says walk in love. So love is not a feeling it's an action like today we want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and will send it on Dave Wilson and you can find is it family life today.com or on our family life. This is family life today. This is going to be great. You know I don't live in a day will fit in the house preaching is going to be fun.

Davey gave a message at discovery church.

How did I get a message in Orlando on marriage, on Ephesians 5 yeah I got a citizen of the first times in years I've given message without you is it about marriage you're very sad. I wish you'd been with me but I tried to do the best I could, but the I was a joy to just walk through the passage while the greatest passage in the New Testament about marriage effusion five and by the way, these are the kind of messages that are given at the we can remember the family life merge conference all around the country and actually exciting news. You can go to the we can remember half off what yes I mean that's a great deal in any city you want to go to family life today.com sign up in your messages like this in a lot more than this, that will literally change American and now looking to get here message sites for you since you were going to give you a score see how go you my favorite preacher skeleton a already.

I just want to make sure you don't think that I'm up here talk about Mary because I'm some marriage expert, or that I have the greatest, most perfect marriage in the room, which I probably do but here's the truth I don't if you read our book vertical marriage. You know or if you ever listen to us as a podcast arete. You know that we are very raw and very real outtakes of marriage is the hardest thing over doing the last of my right that here is that you can't go yeah she said right there. He said right there you like what you say right now but it is really hard when he and I got married 41 years ago tomorrow. We got married 41 years ago. Is amazing.

I would've told you on our wedding day. This is going be awesome is going be great. In fact, we went to the weekend to remember marriage conference with family life puts on that we speak for.

We went to it as an engaged couple two weeks for wedding and we literally sat there and thought it can't be that hard wire people taking notes we just saw we love each other more love than anybody else's ever lived. We love Jesus were going in the ministry will be heart. Six months later were driving to our first job is the chaplain of the Nebraska corn huskers were driving from Italy Ohio where we grew up to Lincoln, Nebraska. We are halfway there and we are fighting and screaming in the car. If I ever been there maybe were there an hour ago. On the way to church right now me. We're yelling and we been yelling for months is not going well and she says better forget I'm driving by the wet hair back then I had a ban you know you said you don't believe that I did not driving it. She's over here and she gets to this point.

She says this at the top of her lungs. She says Mary and Dave Wilson was the worst mistake of my life and I'm over here the spiritual leader this you know this incredible godly family, but I think you're exactly right. What we we thinking can we get an annulment. It was like six months. That's where we were. We get to our job at Nebraska. One of the first things that the players we will work with the football team.

There were several married couples. I say will you lead a marriage Bible study relay.

You want somebody else since a good marriage but we did it. By the way, this is a point of the day, but when you lead others out of brokenness, your brokenness starts to get healed. The whole know thing, but we had the worst marriage in the room and were the only people that learned anything on sand, but we're there and other forget one night again. It was so bad I got out of bed at two in the morning when I sleep in a way were just in a fight and I go down and I literally open the Bible to the few want help. Here is right and on the Philippians 1 repulses a live is Christ to die is gain right and I prayed in and walks in the room and she was Haley doing and she's all excited. I'm reading the Bible because he's like this man needs help and he's looking at the Bible. And here's what I say to her like it word for word. I look at her I said why just read Paul's words and I just prayed.

She is what you pray. I said, will literally word for word I said God, I'd rather be dead than married to you, that's what I said she's like we had a mentor before get married is that share every little detail you ever think you shared in your marriage. That advice okay know that that's why was I possible security things I said I'd rather die you. Here's the thing you're laughing right.

It's funny if we got divorced women funny you're only smiling now because while they made it 41 years, but that's where I was and it wasn't a joke at the moment I was so at yell, no peace, no hope. We don't know what were doing. We should've done this and here's a tomorrow as we celebrate 41 years. I'll be here and fly back and will get to go out to dinner tomorrow night under the choice some I am more love with that woman at your 41 that I was the day we got married and I would've said that is impossible, so that can't be true from Tanya. Here's why. The truth in this book were to look at Ephesians 5 verse 25 to 33.

The truth of this word will literally change your life. Now here's what I'm not saying copy the biblical marriages in this book you if you look at the marriages in this book are pretty dysfunctional.

Don't do what they did but you go to a new test when you look what Paul wrote today about marriage. I'm telling you, it is powerful truth that if you apply it is not one thing to hear the words to do the word you all are planning Tanya different marriage in week incredible marriage in a year to again it's on us. Not hearing the word but doing the work sonic and read the whole passage but I am to jump down to verse 25. If you been around church world very long. Many husbands of her.

This and many wives love this verse because it is spoken right to the husband and says this. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for. I may have heard of before you pry a lot of here's the thing.

What does it mean time, I was like okay how I go home and actually live this out. I gotta be honest part of this this message today. A big part of his can be to the men you know why because when you read Ephesians 5, which by the way, is the longest discourse on marriage in the New Testament were looking at Ephesians 5, the longest passage work were God, through Paul says here's what godly Christian marriage should look like.

Most of it is written, not to the wife but to the man and most men stop in verse 22. Notice I didn't put verse 22 in her were says wives be submissive to your husbands. Most men I know it's only by verse I know you know the Bible says this is women submit that's what it says it doesn't even know what the rest says I don't talk about that little bit. Lastly, some I could get into that thing. Gotta get in the rights to get into verse 25 and beyond, where he says husbands love your wives, so here's a new love is an action verb is not a feeling feel this amount of others I answered. Many days I don't feel love Fran. She's there felt that for me. She's always in love with me but I know we both don't always feel is not about a feeling you don't fall in love.

You go back to verse one we started this series in chapter 5 it says walk in love, then say fall in love.

It says walk in love so. Love is not a feeling it's an action verb survey.

Do I know you have notes and fill out little blanks in their song to give you what these are unsafe husbands equals men now. Specifically, Paul is writing to husband's okay this isn't to all men. Song taken the liberty with the text that I'm saying okay if husbands love their wise is when a look at what that means in a second, like Christ loved the church cemetery. Every wife in here would be lit up because her man is loving her like Christ of the church, let me say this.

If man in the church appreciated and supported in love the women in the church.

Every woman in every church would be brought to life your students and I mean if the of discovery treated the women of discovery like they were's special they affirm them and empowered them and protected them and came alongside them and celebrated them as incredible women. What you think would happen to this church. Women from all over would be running the district like a church because in that church. Women are valued and that's the way it should be in this church and enters my right policy and husbands, love your wives and and that is effluent dogma but is also in love the women you church out mean inappropriate way.

I mean protect them shares in the fact I wrote in your notes next blank is loving equals cherish and down verse 29 and 30 actually says the husband's cherish and nourish her very descriptive terms.

Here's the thing I think we as men know what cherish means we don't always understand what love means because love is. This is general term we use for all kind of things I heard your church that loves the Minnesota Vikings.

I don't know why. Why would you love Minnesota Vikings but we sale of the Minnesota Vikings.

I love ice cream. I love Jesus seriously, what's that mean we don't know, but cherish that if you look up the definition of cherish it says to share some is to care for deeply to treasure it to hold dear and even says as the verb cherishes related to the words that mean costly and beloved Thursday. We cherish things that are costly things that cost a lot of money. We sort of protects and we become experts of golf clubs, cars, motorcycles got for five guitars back home. I'm a guitar guy got a minute fire in that room.

They're all humidified to me.

I take care them if you want to play one of my guitars not I can attach it as my baby right and some you know you got a plasma TV or whatever it's like. That's my baby. We cherish it. What if your wife felt like she was your baby like she was protected, and you studied her, and you notified her that I'm saying whatever her needs are. You are like she is the most import sheet you talk about costly. She's the most costly thing. Or I don't mean she cost a lot of money to me. She's precious and a lot of wives do not feel that from their husbands. Lotta women in the church do not feel that from the men in the church so I think when Paul says husbands love your wives descend share his family. Then he says, as Christ loved the church.

How did Christ loved the church. I love football does. And give us a not say otherwise is just lazy does let me give unit specific example you know this what Christ did for the church he died for her.

He gave his life and I put that you can write down your nose her knees over here needs. Why did Christ die for the church because our need was repentance. Our need was forgiveness of sin. We are sinners.

The only way that we can be forgiven is for a sinless person to die in Jesus that I sent you think he felt love at that moment I don't know boys hang in there in agony. I don't think it's about feeling. I think it's about their needs are more important than my needs as I will put my needs aside to meet the needs of the world and he died for our sins. And so when Paul says husbands love your wives like that he is in her needs over your needs that here's interlacing you think about marriage, think about needs.

Okay guys, I told is about the limited eyesore is about women's needs that your needs, your needs. Forget him okay so it's it's your women's age right so do you know what the top needs of your wife are doing. They are have you ever asked her there's nothing there is about the came out on a 20, 30 years ago I got installed his needs her needs, how to affair proof your marriage by Willard F. Harley was a counselor in Minnesota there's a city set on Council 3000 couples. I decided these are the five top needs of a man five top needs of a woman there's 10 chapters in book one on each one. So I pick up this book I had read it yet and I'm looking at the table contents.

I'm looking to cook first. Michael K was number one need of a man.

You know what Harley said it would take a guess number one need of a man sex anything else. Respect. I respect and sex same thing. So I do it. Anyway, here's what Harley said, I'm kidding, but not really so Harley said the number one need of a man is sex. And so I don't know this guy does. But I agree with this guy like this author so but then I like Ocala to see what the top five needs of a woman are, and I look at the top five in sexism mentioned. Forget I would order and with the book that I go, hey, this is interesting. Number one need of a man is sick sexism in your top five. You agree with that she looked down she is all sex is the top three Mike leaving. She was the top three there that sex for woman there's something I memorized those top three. Not just because I want to get lucky. I memorized those top three guys and give it to you right now right needed to write these down or put these away in your brain and then on your drive home today need to turn your wife and say honey, are these your top three because they may be totally different to the thing about women. You know this guy right they change every hour for five minutes. You never really know it was this that not just get but here's the when I looked at that these were Anne's top three is what Harley said number one for a woman is affection. Now I never say they and like what is affection she goes always nonsexual touch of Mike. There's touch this nonsexual eye. What is nonsexual touch is she's like a hugger holding my hand, her work is to me. She wanted to me. I love it when were church. I'm usually going to speak before she submits I miss you and I love in your hands, just that there might my thigh, and it doesn't move just a cherry picker, that that's affection and here's the thing I found about Lotta marriages kissing more as OPEC here pick their Montana kisses in the bedroom that is not what a woman long for my right ladies don't anything okay but it's like they long for affection. That's number one number two with conversation they want their man to talk with them and we center vertical marriage book women don't want to talk. They want to talk about the relationship like three A's in their eye because they love the communicate and so it's like conversation means talk with me in the number three is when we talk. They want honesty and openness to put these on the side to this is honesty and openness. In other words, they want us to open up our heart to them.

Share with them our fears and our weaknesses. The things were strong with man we go there.

Call level V communication not level I was the superficial level, five, and we really share our heart with our woman in my right ladies you feel loved. It's amazing amazing truth and by the way this little footnote guys you never share your heart with another woman. I can tell you number times women at Kensington have said this somebody besides me.

Dave Wilson's little aloof when he comes off the stage with me. Like yeah I don't want any woman get my heart only and Wilson is my heart and only your wife get hurt, but that makes her feel. I'm hoping this story will stick in your brain.

And then we drive home. You can say okay let's talk about the park. If I here's a part of the story happen in our life. 20 some years ago I was teaching on a Sunday morning at one of our campuses and nights came out after the second service with three services that morning and I'm now say hi to people's are pulling in.

It's like a minute before to Ms. for service and I see my wife and went in late, went in our car and there's a parking spot right by the front door she's into that thing jumps out a car with two of our three sons, Austin. Our middle son was like 16 and Cody are you asserting they come walking up and she's all smiling because she said God gave me a parking spot right by the front door and as he said that I said to her, I go move the car and I said under my breath as I'm say hi to people you know my cable to the car. She is on the car Mike no-no move the car she gave me that I think I can give you spot the car and grab the keys and she pushed me away. So here is the pastor's wife or I can. This conflict hey welcome the kid thinking God is good car and I don't preach move the car going. I know you don't know why they were having a conflict on China second but I go in and preach forget I'm up under state that I might preach it. I see her and I keep going.

She told me later she goes. I was sit in the back with my arms full and I was like I don't even like the pastor this church stuff I get home and you know sometimes you have conflicts that are still going so you are one right now right or so going walk in us is a seer. I just are yelling and we don't yell much in our marriage anymore.

When we fight, but I was upset like I cannot believe you parked in that part like you know you should Barnett part of. Here's the thing. When we when we usually teach we do it together. See that would be today, so try to be and okay talk like that but in turn they can female voice that I know that another friend Cody's like 13. He said that the kids table, puts his hand around like what did on just so medicos hey don't you and mom like traveling the country and teach couples how to resolve conflict. What can you do it my just watch so we got so bad she goes upstairs, and I think when she went up there license and like yeah you know you're wrong you show up to now here's the thing you don't know why were fighting. Here's out to fight you know when you are one of the founders of the church you get to create the values of the church. One of our values.

One of our values of our church unless it is to be any other church.

It was just for true for our church were trying to reach people far from God. So we always had the best parking spot by the front door are given to our guests not our members not our staff. Our staff parked across the street nicely guitar carry my hand from across the inside. We don't take those targets as we leave those for people who are going to hell if you take them right to understand what I'm saying here so I see my wife come in and violate a court Kensington principal God always like who are you doing I was like right was better. Jesus was also so bad right so were having a fight and again I'm a center-right I just say that's what was so she goes upstairs sit there alone with Cody. She comes down like 10 minutes later, and again I can't do it like she does that. I wish you could be here.

You can hear how she does this because it conferences its classics but I'll do it. She says so she came walking in the kitchen again I'm sit in table 1 and Cody that they are on their forget.

She walks into the kitchen and she goes okay this is how it is here and Cody are looking over like okay she goes. I do everything around here. I do everything you can give me taking care of the house hunting. The boys are making the meals on doing the laundry yard clean the cars don't wake boarding to be going snowboarding get to be in the church is when she yells to know where to sit there. When she does that I conferences women like stand up and cheer there like everyone's Argyle stand up, down, dude. You can't seer that was funny when she was doing that Cody literally looked no words were spoken 13-year-old son is looks to me like dad your toast you know it was so yes right so she does this little thing to write three or four minutes. I'm not kid. She was intense and so I look at her and I said this I go. Let me ask you a question.

Do you feel like Kensington with a merger if you feel like Kensington is more important to me than you are.

She didn't say anything. She is an right then and there I was like oh my goodness this fight was never about a parking spot.

You probably knew before I did.

It was never about a parking spot. What was about every woman knows she wasn't feeling left. She wasn't feeling cherished note she said with this.

She was send the churches cherished your job is costly to you. I'm just your partner that does everything so that you can do what you cherish but I'm not cherished, and in that moment, I remember thinking all my contacts because here's the thing on the guy that stands on the stage and says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and my wife just looked at me and very sort of strongly said you're not doing it dude if they're saying we hate is preachers who preach one thing and you find out there live in a different my wife was saying yeah we speak of marriage, compasses, and I'm not feeling loved and guess what it does matter what I say on the stage. Is this not happen in my home.

It carries no weight.

My right if it's not happening in your home. I'm just saying to the men the husbands go home.

Cherish your wife she should be the highest priority in your life second to Christ. Your kids are there important are not number one.

She is here. You guys and I know it's a strong word here. We just released our second book. Just last month. No perfect parents because were not but I one thing to send the book is like kids are important, they are not more important than your marriage will last chapter wrote of my top five parenting mistakes and one was I didn't prioritize my marriage from here standing with you men saying I'm a fellow sufferer because I miss this and I knew from that moment on I needed to do what ever it took to make sure my wife felt love and still feels loved in your 41 actually more in love, and 41 than before because I can make her priority and I must say. More important, everything, for the Jesus Jesus is number one, which is right underneath that, whatever that looks like if it's affection, conversation, honesty and openness, or whatever it is I need to figure out a way to lay down my agenda lay down my needs lay down my life to serve her so that she feels love been listening to a message from the host family like today. Dave Wilson talking from Ephesians chapter 5 today about the priority that the marriage relationship should be in our lives if we were married. Our relationship with one another is a significant priority and many of us just move it off to the side and hope it will thrive on its own. It takes work it takes commitment takes prioritization has Davis been telling us today. Dave and Anna course of written a book on marriage called vertical marriage where they address a number of these subjects in his Dave just mentioned. They recently come out with a book called no perfect parents all about parenting principles again. Both of these books are available from us on our website@familylifetoday.com you can also call one 800 FL today to order the books by phone the website again.

Family life today.com or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life than the word today to get copies of the books by Dave and Ann Wilson. You know what the Bible has to say about the marriage relationship is right at the heart of what we talk about at our family life weekend to remember marriage getaways were hosting about 30 of these getaways in cities all across the country this fall and the getaway is a great 2 1/2 day escape for couples where you can relax and refresh and learn more about God's design for marriage this week we are making available to family like today listers a special offer on the fall getaways. You can register this week for an upcoming getaway and you'll save 50% off the regular registration fee. This is for a limited time. It's available to family like today listers you need to register today to take advantage of this, the offer expires on September 13. So go to the website family like today.com find out when and where a getaway is happening near where you live and then register so you can save 50% of the registration fee can do that online or you can call one 800 FL today to register and plan to spend the weekend with us at an upcoming weekend to remember marriage getaway great getaway for couples that tomorrow will hear part two of Dave Wilson's message from Ephesians chapter 5 can join us for that on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob peen back next time for another edition of family life today