Mile Markers

One of the things he did with our boys as they were growing up is you had some played a lot of sports he had heated that you had smile markers, but the boys when they turn significant ages and one of those was at 13. You would take them on a trip and you do some pretty significant things with.

Yeah, I actually read raising a modern-day nightly by Robert Lewis when I was a young father, you know, know what I never had a dad didn't have any mile markers in my life with my dad especially spiritually. I just knew, for I have a chance to change a legacy or I have a chance to start a new path for the Wilson name and for the spiritual heritage of our name and so yeah the book you gave you some markers of the 13-year-old was a big one for me. I can go through what was CJ and then Austin and then Cody that was a pivotal moment for manhood, but especially for my son and part my face down to the next generation.

Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and will send it on Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life. This is family life today so were talking about discipleship in the home. We got getting Von back with us and you have a passion for this topic not only as a pastor of harvest Church of Memphis.

But the president of downline ministries switched again.

You can tell us a little bit about that people miss that. But really more as a dad of five sons you want to do that very thing pass on to the next generation until if anybody missed what we talked about previously. Don't miss it. Go listen to the talk, but the peg in the morning. The peg in the evening to sorta lead your family so catechized is back with us and were excited to have you back with us again thanks and thrilled much to be able to talk about this topic so central to the hardest are all of our lives as parents. I think that does Christian parents, we want to honor the Lord and disciple our children and yet it's a difficult thing to do. It's an intimidating thing to do times it feels overwhelming thousand feel like we know where to start and I've just learned in my 20 years of vocational ministry most good, Jesus loving, God fearing Christian parents would love to raise their children.

The training and instruction of the Lord. As Paul says, but have no game plan right just don't know how to do it. I have been really blessed. I didn't either catheter our the same way we married 15 years are five sons 13 down to three in the ages, and we realized along the way that we didn't have a game plan and it was, like, what I can accidentally stumble into faithfully discipling our children will never do it perfectly, but we sure do want to do it intentionally if there's a few things around do in life. Let's at least go forward on this one. And so, talk about the pegs to start every day in God's word, something very short, very simple. That puts all of our minds on truth earlier and I get, they miss the set on the Mrs. It's messy three are all there is to run around that there's loudness, there's things half the thing right in and we know as our kids got older then you have teenagers that are in times like do we have to do, then you sure don't want you give too idealistic of a picture of that time. It is not faithful worshipers, Bibles, open highlighters in hand. Yes, it's kids that the times are you trying to stay awake or frustrated with your one of us are each other or a kid that spilled milk all over the floor or just general shouting. So again in the midst of the mess that you will catch on to the rhythm of how you were a family that start our day with God's word you want. It's messy even more frustrated. There's disciple to opportunities in all of that, it's rhythm anything here to Ken that with now adult kids. We recognize that our kids may not have grasped at those ages. The principles that were teaching that they're seeing this is something our parents are really passionate about and they're seeing our love for God so they may not remember all the details of the teaching that day. But they know that God's word is significant and they know that were going after God's essay to think about that and that's a great point. I remember in my three years walking closely with Sue Campbell, a godly man discipling me. People ask all the time we teach you, you know I can't pinpoint like a lesson but I can point to a lifestyle hen I know him in his heart and what makes them tick and was passed around his favorite food ocean porkchops and raw onion but you know it just did life with him. That translates in first things through you become like you, you behold and that's why Paul invites the Thessalonians accrued things follow me is a moment price and that's what Jesus and others will follow me. So those kids are following you there follow you into God's word each morning. I remember one of my sons pastored with me for the last seven years, and he wrote a series a good that I went to the series a church I went visiting is called the color of your dishes. I know call your dishes about kitchen where he goes nuts.

Discipleship I go when he talked about he goes, if you disciple somebody they better know the color of your dishes. They need to be in your home like you just mentioned what soup 80 it sounds weird to say super eight but I was in the names of gettable which sounds even to a stranger, but you knew what he ate because you're in his home and obviously our kids are in our home but they got to know the color of our faith. This is all done about the other peg real quick and then we talk about milestones sure yet.

In the evenings there something special for us by getting on our knees to scan his home and ourselves recognizing our need and pray and and and even when my oldest was three I started the tradition I didn't even have some grand plan. I just was praying and he was climbing on me and it was, sweet but we just kept going. So my challenge me once I nearly got 7000 nights without son until you Lord will launch them off at 18, it's a start thing you know there's always a fail but I loved his close as I can pray with him and over him 7000 times, and we kept on boys and I keep adding to the training is just been sweet to watch them become prayers and I get to know them in their hearts through that time and they get to know me in my heart and we walked together and so you start with a little God's word and you and with intimacy in prayer and I'm just promise you'll have a lifestyle that provides opportunities to point them towards Jesus and the gospel all throughout the day and out and one thing you said to remind me. There's an old Jewish maxim of a disciple asking the Rabbi, why did God tell us to put God's word on our hearts and not in our hearts and the rabbi said well we can't.

The way we are cold and callous towards guy. We can't really put it in our hearts, but when life happens in our hearts break open God's word if it's on arch. It'll fall in this event, and so Catherine always keep them. Even if our kids seem disinterested or even rebellious were going. You know what, let's keep shepherding them by putting God's work on their heart and let God break him you know we I don't want that for them, but is going to happen. Blocks can happen and in God's gonna lovingly break their hearts intentionally and we want what falls in to be that word that every day were gently putting on their hard putting before them as best we can. Is great stuff. I'm sure too that your personalities are different home family have a talk Ernie and you just kind of going with that flow. Every time no absolutely that's one of the fun things to talk about held that there's no right or wrong there but to see the uniqueness in God's design and the call out the gifts and see great things and who they are becoming and how God's wired them and you're exactly right this weird teaching like if you have enough to a meal like we will have two like a five so it is a lot of fun to see how God's designed family and I think is you picture that is a listener like you picture your family. Maybe in your every family looks different. Maybe your single mom on you. Now I'm maybe a blended but that whole time just a picture parents on their knees and then the kids in the room on their knees.

They may not want to backing out first but if he say hey we never done this before guys but we need be cool because for mom and I are for me this is really important in my day like this and it could be you might be thinking only sent so complicated.

I don't even pray out loud. Thanks for the day. Thanks for he could name your kid to Be that simple.

Yet just like brushing your teeth. I don't want to brush their teeth at some point they quit fighting on it, you know, they'll day and realize that's a bargain riverbed and yet you have the chance to start fresh with the little one. It's kind of nice because were all scared pray out loud to some degree but you know with a three-year-old is not so intimidating. And then there used to you're used to it. If you start later in the game again just to be simple and honest before the Lord is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child no matter how old they are, how old you are and okay talk about some of the other things you do, you mentioned like these mile markers are yes and rites of passage or whatever you call if you read the same book you read that was helpful for me by Robert Lewis. He's become a friend and just been challenged by some men again Catherine, I say let's try to be as intentional as we can. Knowing Mitch them submits the distraction missed our own failures. We wanted to put down a blueprint that held us accountable. We want to just wake up one thereby says goes by so fast for you with the gone. We said well you know we can come see that beginning to happen though the balls are spent in later spoon and balls to be dropped if we don't have a plan so it's good that some things in stone that we will do that said etched in stone remind me of a simple tradition we have we have Joshua stones any tops of that happens it's a unique working of God. We witnesses of families over praying for someone's salvation and another family and that person comes to Christ, we will write down how God answered that prayer or some way God moves to overcome a real significant struggle in one of our lives in our family were honest about those we pray about these things together.

We take shopping right on Big Stone and have this just every once in a while on Sunday I will pull out the chest and every bioregion there and grab one and then it's really fun though.

Read the date and the regal summary and I'll tell the story again and we just recount God's faithfulness, which gives you so much courage and excitement and hope towards continue to pray for God to move such an example of really easy tradition that his brought grapefruit. I would say in my life and my son's lives of living expectant lives for God to show up in their lives and the lives of those were praying for so little things like that started Mitch unless show will we having five boys rites of passage a good word. We said what are significant ages and significant lessons and ugly alignment.

A special way.

So we chose eight, 10, 13, 16, that I do something on the birthday give them kind of a gift of where I'm going to take them at some point there. I give myself 12 month window, but during that year as a kid turns eight were new and overnighter and that overnighter drill intentionally to get away with that, son, and the goal for me and that overnighter is to tell that son. What is unique about him how to God uniquely creates you. What if we say and what do we delight in what we cherish.

How exciting to think the gods that you together in your mother's womb exactly like you have asked you not have Intel from his brothers from his mother and I just pour into him. His unique design and how much is left that there is no heat and never have to perform for that I want him to live a life of assured that he's one of the greatest joys in our lives. One the most important pieces of our family, so it's really just a naïve him and God knows you forms you loves you is gifted you. We delight in that. Can't wait to call those gifts out and see those play out in your life and let you know how love.

Do you swear Nico. The child does have some input so wanted just turned eight. He lives to fish and so I took him after friend who had little private like if we could go there and we went camping and we fished all afternoon and evening. Then a low campfire and had just more. Those talk you never forget life and camped out and fished all morning the next morning in the year that was his trip simple and honestly if I never planned it though and I just wanted done it. There's five of them am always going and you yeah I gotta put it on the calendar and with the 10-year-old that you're not that far ahead of me, but a little ways and I think these things used to be necessary later but now the earlier just a conversation on gender and sexuality. Biblical manhood's what I call that one that we want to understand how the birds and the bees.

I would be the first one to introduce them to all of what's coming in middle school and again that used to be something we were encouraged to do around 13 now they're encouraging parents do this around 10, 11 and so I begin to open their eyes to God's design than the world's ideas what we believe and why we believe it. And so that one has a bit more of a teaching moment we go somewhere fun that the child chooses so that was usually an out-of-town or in a 13 which I just got my first 13-year-old, but that is one where we do some you tested ceremonially. We invite all of the family over do a big fire and have everybody write down we actually give them some stones of remembrance, and we write down the character quality that each person sees in every every person written a letter to give that son may speak those qualities in their life that they see the potential that they have and then again I try to do a getaway trip or talk about what is it mean to be a noble man of God and so just have character qualities we can talk about that are also kind of family values of ours in a 1600 gotten there yet, but that'll not take each one on a mission trip and say I want you to see the world see what God's doing. Among the nations, and from this moment on your part of that and never turned back. You know it's interesting as you hear that first most beautiful I mean it literally. My mind is listener gone. All I can do that there's markers I can do that but often we get afraid. As parents, I want to I do on the actual trivia so you family life has some great resources passport to purity, passport or identity. It gives you a template. It gives you sort of a game plans like yeah we know it's not some you just so here you go you don't use everything anybody can really do about you just gave a model for looks.

I never thought of the stone thing.

I had a good day, Joshua stones, one of beautiful memories. Yeah, I actually have a place in the woods by our house, where I have prayer stones that I have laid down at this cross that we built but I've never thought like it's a good idea within that a few times at Thanksgiving where you write earlier in the year.

Things are staying them for answered prayers that I like pulling those out and recounting God's faithfulness.

Yes, I'm also thinking about this if you had a daughter. He probably do the same thing the same ages, but when your wife take you on that trip.

Certainly, I can only speak in a limited capacity as a follow son's but absolutely it in again.

The whole deal is and they said that people might be just your pastor, you probably you know know what to say I wouldn't determine yeah that's right. But listen again having these pegs in life. In the morning and evenings will help if you put it on the counter. Though I've learned something folks that feel completely intimidated or will you put that trip on the counter and the kid maybe nine but as you get there you know you'll do that trip coming up. I need to figure out what you say you'll start asking friends. Find a mentor go on your local church pastor going to family life resources. I am not worried about if you put on the calendar and commit to. I will miss something That we will mark these moments, I realized my inadequacies. I never talk to 10-year-old about six in our room was her first one I had to say that we lost at what's appropriate to say how far do I go I needed help and so yet. We look to family life resources for that very talk, the resources won't be your problem. The problem is if those become an excuse yeah put it down and do it in. Yes, mothers with daughters a look if you're single mom invite a man in good graces. If there was a single mom in our church.

I'm even thinking one now.

If she were to ask me to do this with her son who have coached him in baseball before a loving. I wouldn't blink what better can we do than to help point young men towards the gospel and be that surrogate father in the coming instance I would just say choose to be intentional. Traditions are one way to do it pegs the mornings and evenings are one way to do it.

There's no perfect way to do it but I think what I'm susceptible of is not doing it. And so for me it's accountability.

It's a reminder of what's truly important in life.

What's God's called me to do first and foremost Catherine are going to swing and miss a whole lot, but when they are law. We call be launched in our house once they're launched we want to look at back amidst all of the failure and all the missed opportunity and say were really thankful for those pegs were really thankful that would and shortcut those traditions you know God's use those and we believe that we free from that for the rest of their lives. I have to imagine they're probably all anticipating Delmer Ashley can't why you did your either on birthday or offer to you know if you have your to make 1013 16 that's a really exciting year which there's great accountability about what we can do and they can't wait for it so special and adjusted to get just the time that you are taking to speak truth into their minds and hearts will win you the opportunity to point them towards Jesus and the gospel for all the days to come. So don't be afraid to be afraid. But step into that fear, put down and spend some time with the Lord meditating on how to make that time.

That trip special on what you could do for you, could involve what resources you need and just like any project we do for work or anything else that takes a lot of our time and emotional capacity, but we do it because it's important to us. There's nothing more important than this.

So we want to exhaust all the physical, emotional resources, we need to make this a special mile marker defining moment in life you guys talked to the mom it's listening seriousness in just weeks because she thinks my husband will never do that.

He's not a believer or he's not on board with this kind of thing, and she longs for him, especially for her son. How would you encourage her, you know.

First, there is general grace that God's given us that fathers need to pass on the sons and some lasers. We talked about so even that scenario is that woman. I would still invite your husband into a process where I take it that you know it can be hard for me to help him become a man there some things he needs from you. What we would if we did this, you know, what if it ate you just told him his place our family and qualities he has made this and even overtly Christian.

This is a dad in the sun and the what if it 10.

Can you have the birds and bees talk with him. I think that we more effective. He'll need to go to you is a resource. The rest of his life, not just me and I'm gonna pray that God can use that time. I mean you just still can invite him to be an dad through the general grace of what a dad is meant to give us a and only that can give us a if the dads unwilling to even do that. Then again, I would invite you to involved in the local church where there are godly men.

There are pastors that would love to come along and fill a gap I didn't have that specifically in my life. Again, a great dad taught me a lot of things, but a spiritual father did now and there were some men who filled the gaps for me who invited me to their home to be a part of Bible studies because they knew that would be something that I would need, and to this day when I see those men think of one's name is Kim Wilson and he's on the board downline. He's an elder in our church, but doubtless it started when he invited me into his home and to be part of a Bible study. His wife cooked for me and there was another man that led Kim just invited a few of the Gazan and my age into this day, I thank him for that.

So if your mom that's a tough situation but be intentional. There are godly men that God you pray for them, God will provide them to fill that gap and how to really point your son towards Jesus as he becomes a man yet. I had pretty much the same experience single mom know dad and she did the same thing. She would go to coaches she would go to men that she knew in her church and asked them to be sort of a father role model for me in a certain season.

I found out later it I didn't even feel weirded by mirror their house invite me to a different deal and that was the men and my mom was intentional but I would say this, you know, even Anna's U.S. Senate. My heart rate goes to the guys listen to you and say dude, this is your moment to step up and be and I know some you like. I'm just not good you guys are both pastors. It doesn't matter.

You can be intentional, say, guess what, you know, I'm a little older than Canon so we've get grown sons, married with grandkids and when we were young parents. The older purchaser you're blinking.

There can be gonna go launch them and we be like the second half and it's gonna be forever because you know you're in the toddler stage in its chaos. I can tell you you blink your luncheon so I would say seize the day guys get intentional decide to step up even if you don't know what you're doing year effort, God will use because you have a call and make disciples in your home is most important thing to do is a man as a husband as a dad and you and I have this moment.

For this moment so sees it and grab it. That fires me up. Dave and Matilda's dads is good as you think Dave and I might be doing this. Your son doesn't want Dave or me to do that. They want you to do it.

You're the one that's larger-than-life in their eyes. You're the one that's their hero, and so for you in the midst of your inadequacy to trust the Lord with this that you be intentional with that and he might use it for his glory and their good you'll never regret that all of us as moms and dads have a charge from Scripture to raise the next generation point them to God. Teach them the works of God in the ways of God. Not only from what's in the Bible, but from what's in our lives, our own walk with God and what you really care about most is the quality of the relationship with Jesus.

They would and Wilson up in talking with Kevin Vaughn about this today. In the course. Your family life. We have a number of resources designed to help you disciple the next generation. One of the things I'm thinking about is our art on parenting video series which talks about the priority of discipleship among other subjects that we talk about we talk about building character in your kids disciplining your kids.

We talk about helping your kids live on mission there so much covered in that video series. If you've not gone through the art of parenting with a small group or online on your own may encourage you to do that you can find out more when you go to family life to the.com. I also mentioned the ministry that Kevin Vaughn gives leadership to its called downline and there is a downline Institute. We've had a number of people from our church who have gone through this nine-month program.

It's an intensive Bible training program to help you get a better understanding of the Scriptures start to finish.

To help you grow deeper in your faith downline Institute is available. Virtually all around the world and they're about to kick off the fault downline season if you'd like to study at the downline Institute.

You can find out more when you go to family life to.com there's information on a website about how you can save some money off the tuition by letting them know that you heard about the mud on family life to again go to family liked it, a.com for more information about the downline Institute and make this the year that you get serious about your study of Scripture in your walk with the Lord, you know what Dave and Anna have been talking with Kevin Vaughn about today is really our heartbeat here at family life.

Our goal is a ministry is to help effectively develop godly marriages and families to train and equip husbands and wives, moms and dads to live out their faith and to share their faith with others, David Robbins, who is the president of family life is here with us and David. Our hope is that in the months ahead. Family life can accelerate the work of this ministry and reach more people more often. Absolutely.

I mean, our aim what we are all about is connecting more people to Jesus and passing it on their four pillars of our mission that we seek to live out and one of them is families discipling families and it's Jesus way the extraordinary blessing of every follower of Jesus being able to walk with him and then pass who he is in his truth in the beauty of his gospel to other people in their home and in homes around them. We want to do everything we can to reach one more home one home at a time with the principles of marriage and family there found in the Scriptures and the beauty of the gospel and how we can walk with Jesus and experience his presence in our every day. We won't every person on the planet to know that opportunity and experience the joys of walking with him down and we want to ask you to help us extend the reach of family life in the months ahead. Here's how you can do that. We got a team of folks who we refer to as legacy partners.

These are monthly donors. People who support this ministry on a monthly basis. They are the financial backbone of everything we do here at family life and our prayer during the month of August is that in every city were family life today is heard there would be two families who would step forward and say we want to join you and become a new legacy partner. We believe in the ministry.

We benefit from the ministry we want to see it continue in our community and were willing to make a monthly investment to see that happen when you become a legacy partner. Today we want to say thank you by sending you first of all, a copy of David and Wilson's new book, no perfect parents.

Secondly would like to send you access to more than a dozen messages from Dave and I am some have been featured on family life today. Some are brand-new. You'll have access to those messages and we will send you a certificate that you can use for yourself or you can pass on to someone else so that as a couple you can attend an upcoming weekend to remember marriage get away or kicking off the the fall season of getaways very soon and we'd love for you to be our guest at an upcoming getaway as a way of saying thank you for joining us as a new monthly legacy partner. You can find out all the details about this when you go to our website.

Family life to a.com or it's really easy just to call one 800 FL today and say I want to know more about being a legacy partner.

We can take care of everything over the phone with you and we look forward to hearing from you. Please pray that we would see new legacy partners in every city were family life today is heard and pray about whether you should be one of those new families and we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and I hope you can join us back on Monday when working to talk about what moms and dads can do to help adolescent daughters who may be struggling with insecurity fears. That's common among young women. If your daughter is experiencing any of that talk about how to address them on Monday. Sissy Goff will be joining us and we hope you can be back with us as well on behalf of her hosts David and Wilson on Bob Lapine. Have a great week and will see you Monday for another edition of family life today family like to use a production of family life accrued helping you pursue the relationships that matter most