Heart and Spine for Children

Okay, think back to when our first son CJ was planning maybe not 35 years ago yeah what you think.

I go away as he had no go. We hadn't even really thought about how we can think unit before he was born when I quicken raised these guys to let Jesus our kids. We had that in mind, both definitely we wanted to raise kids that would impact the world for Jesus. That was our goal but then we had no idea how to get there that's Tiger like most difficult parts that we had a dream we heard with the dream should be maybe a church.

We had no concept of how hard it would be and what it would look like and how you get just lost in the daily and I would say that millions of life. Every parent can relate yeah. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most kind and will send it on Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life. This is family life today so that we wrote no perfect parents.

That was the purposes like how can we help parents decide what their goals. I recalled what they're trying to raise in most parents including us when we started really didn't know what they look like. I love family life. The art of parenting because I had that same concept in mind. Like, how can we raise these kids to follow Jesus that we wanted resilient kids kids and their faith was resilient for their entire lifetime. And you know we got a whole group of writers in the in the studio. They wrote a book called resilient, which is all about.

Let me read you your subtitle child discipleship in the fearless future of the church and as I read this you know it was about the church but is also about the family. It's the partnership there and and I'm so excited for today because every parent that I know that wants to raise children of the faith has the same dilemmas like I have this goal. I don't know how to get there and I'm sure how to describe it. The goal is. So we got three authors or help us do this right.

Have Valerie Bell, Matt Marquez and Mike Candler you guys welcome again to family later today and some of our listeners know this name, probably a lot. Do a one is what devours the CEO of the new work with the wanted chief chief strategy Matt over here Mike is chief communications rate with the radio to voice your your amazing team for a want to, but also an amazing team is authors because as we read your book. It was compelling to help families like we just talked about Paris but also the church to understand what were trying to produce that in this is elementary every church should be an answer this question every family should but a lot of us can't. What is it we are trying to raise as parents and his children ministers in the church. What should be the goal we should have our eye on the future church we looked at 2050 and we said this kids and adults in 2050. What are we wanting church to look like. If you want a strong family. If you want strong children you should be very invested in building a strong church because that church children grow in the soil of that rich faith that they find in church so to have this sense future. What is the future goal that were trying to build here so you know we said we want to race kids who will let Jesus for the rest of their lives. There's that passionate identity with Christ, and not just with Christ with his church. With God's people.

There is this sense that our children have the capacity to even in this strong culture did build up running very identity. Our primary allegiance with God and with Jesus and with the Bible and with the church and sell all of these things fall under this category of discipleship. That's the broader heading for all of those things I've been describing. We want to raise disciples of a star that out because everyone listening like of course you unreconciled.

We want our kids to love Jesus for the rest of their lives, but something's changed. Our listeners are probably thinking the culture around us has changed rapidly and we talk about the story in the book about a public official who was going before the Senate to be confirmed for public office, and he's been grilled because of his Orthodox evangelical Bible believing beliefs that I was reading that today.

Flat yeah yeah yeah because of his rootedness in the Scripture in the gospel by one particular senator. He is deemed as being unfit for public service towards us, telling us it's telling us things that were once celebrated about the Christian faith in our culture are becoming increasingly no longer celebrated Christian thinking may in the future be increasingly marginalized. So we have to ask ourselves, are we giving kids a lesser things that will not travel with them into their adult lives.

What can we do to disciple resilient young people who can engage the culture and lead the future of the church the family for a second as the Christian family has changed and we know from our own record keeping that Christian families who say they are church attenders their kids from the church bells actually are only going to be there 1.7 times on average per month is interesting is you're talking about how important the churches.

I think especially coving because we've all been in our own homes, worshiping maybe online or just thinking I can make disciples in my own home. You brought dad and I see a lot of people's they stopped. It's not necessary and you're saying that church is so necessary is a difference between being consumers and builders, the builders, and they minister to each other. They contribute financially.

They contribute in so many ways before called it.

We had become consumer Christians. I'm sorry somebody has to say, this church because I like the music and this is where they had these really great programs and I like section such as preaching weird getting the consumer test whether we need a good housekeeping seal of approval standards for Christian entertainment during culvert. I watched TV and went to church that way. Loved the access to some of the best preaching in the world is very clear to me after having experienced that that is far removed from being involved in a local body of believers, and so here you got kids 1.7 times, you know, that's about 24 hours in a year and listen, you can make disciples with that little amount of time somewhere our priorities and our primary allegiance as parents has shifted and you know we need to shift back to primary allegiance been making sure that our kids have access to everything they need, including the things that are more than edutainment. That will give them strength to be able to deal with 2015.

What would you say talk to the monitored it's listening and going okay. I want to do. Valerie soon. Maybe I have been doing it. What should I do.

I want LSD to raise a resilient disciple. How I do it, which I do know why think the church is the place were life on life discipleship happens.

It's seeing a kid in the eye. It's being mean to me with a child, parent of four kids and I could say something of a teenage son and the soon to be teenage daughter and good night. That just isn't enough there to raise one's faith but I also know that there are other men in my son Griffin's wife who can speak to him will say all the same things I said but will have a listening ear to some of their words that he won't have to mine is crazy. I would say to our kids like to come home and take all this is what Rob said it was amazing.

We look at each other. We go to bed yes they respected as it is, is that you know in Hebrews.

The assembly of the believers right leg that is what were going for here in the church is in a prime spot right now to start dreaming again. We talked about the fact that possibly covert. It certainly accelerated some things in our culture. Businesses that are closed-door or other decisions that had to have been made would probably accelerate some things that were 10, 20, 30 years out, but it also accelerated our ability as a local church to start dreaming again to start saying okay this is a newer reality that were living in them different than what we've lived in before.

So what can we do in this present that will line us up for a better future. Specially as a relates to our kids at the same time you consider with the father had on as well as pastor had just eroded in our book saying is not the church's job to raise your kids is a lurid fusion six forefathers will exasperate your children raise them in the instruction training of the Lord that's on it and would love to say that's on you, Dave. The obviously fathers and mothers. You know the church obviously is a partner in that but a lot of us as parents you say all I don't want to do here church do your job and your one hour week so it's a partnership, but as parents were called to make disciples's well-known children's ministry blogger Dale Hudson logs your recently he consults with lots of churches and he's saying the theme is even in as churches are regathering physically. A lot of families are there just simply not coming back children's ministries of 600 children free covert or children's ministries of about 150 children now. So where are the families what Dale Hudson is saying is what were saying the book resilient children need the presence of a loving caring adult so far talk about the Harvard Center for the developing child has really interesting event. A lot of secular studies on what will get children to their childhoods that have been global when you think about children experience globally. It's war, it's displacement, homelessness, refugee is food shortage disease in other places now in the world that don't have the vaccinations for Covidien and they may never get them in an affluent culture here. It's even the collect neglected. It's all kinds of things they look at all these things that impact children.

They say what will get them through the UN had a study Harvard had been a couple of others that have had independent studies from each other and they all came up with the same solution for kids that will negate anything they will go through this one thing will get children to anything this world can throw at them. Diversity and already said what it is the presence of a loving caring adult when I hear that I see a description of the church of the presence of the loving caring adult. It might be apparent like you sent that maybe it might be other people who have been gifted by the Spirit to get this. I remember when we were going to seminary. We are taking classes we are doing ministry, but I decided to leave the girls on want a group of sixth grade girls.

You remember this day's just thrown it in there because we got one is so interesting. I was not doing this for boys. Apparently he was like this pickup basketball's gone overnight.

You write a retreat at the men's retreat guy was discipling so we had a little sleepover with the sixth-grade girls and rethinking doing I'm I don't have kids yet, but I laughed these girls rethinking. I think getting are they knowing that I love them that I care about them was about one in the morning and we are in the sleeping bags on the floor in this girl out of nowhere says you guys will you pray for me. My parents are going through a divorce and feel lost and alone.

We talk about vulnerable a 12-year-old, which then led another girl to share the fears that she was going through the stress she was going through her grandmother was raising her. I get teary thinking about it because I remember thinking, Lord, what an amazing gift that you've given me that you're allowing these girls to open up with their hearts and their vulnerability, their fears and then we pray for each other will sixth-grade girls just praying for each other and asking God to come in and meet them where they were. That's discipleship where you're walking alongside in the highs and lows carrying their hearts and praying for them. Naturally, have an opportunity to do whether you have kids or you don't like if God puts that on your heart, you can become one of those people that speaks life into a world she got her up so you could be double income no kids right or a grandparent or you can be somebody who you know just got is called to not ever get married and not have kids but you can still be influential in my life of a child or community of kids and that's amazing that stewardship others to practical applications. So for parents looking to the homelands. The first product application is we got up her phone so got up your mobile devices down we have to remember that vision of our talked about earlier. This is about raising a generation that's can engage the culture of the future to shape the future of the church. What's create space to be present with our kids to listen to them asking questions tell about a time when we when we messed up and we needed forgiveness so live the gospel out front of them, but the second application I think is that same parent turning toward the church.

We got have eyes to see other kids in the church that don't have that loving caring Toledo see a family that probably may not be discipling the kids we have this feeling that says I need to reach out to that shop will you say to the parent. It's listening to thinking have time for that. I barely have time to function.

What would your encouragement to them. The time you don't have anything more important to do.

Children who are discipled are leaders. That's another word for disciple. They are leaders. Yes, they followed Jesus, but they don't get led into things that will be self-destructive, like so many of the things that are happening in culture right now very self-destructive. I would really encourage a parent who is feeling that is spread out in life to start editing away, especially during these years when you're raising kids can take up that other stuff later.

Make sure that you are doing the most primary essential part of parenting which is just I would say that about if our lifestyle is so cluttered that we can't find time to disciple our kids that we are living the wrong lifestyle. We are not living the lifestyle that's living out the ways of Jesus, you need to have an M.Div. Bible college or anything like that is apparent it's it's simple conversations.

It's making space in those margins even know it's having conversations in the minivan. Or maybe you have an older child in your you're at the pickup line for younger child at school. Just being able to talk then to listen as well to show up so much of discipleship is showing up the word again. My mind is engage you disengage. I know I'm sure we shared on this program before, and we put it in the book of this day when we were I was a young dad again. You know my story did have a dad so is part of me thinking. I'm not sure how to raise a disciple. I'm not sure how to be a debit how to be a spiritual disciple maker you know of my my three boys and swords playground. They're all plan on the jungle gym. I'm sitting watching in play with our boys and I'm literally having this moment like this is awesome, dad. I've got a legacy now. I never did my dad never did. This upset her and I actually look around to see other dads doing the same thing, and I sort of like the school you know and then comes walking over to Jesus told a story so it's fresh, but she comes walking over and tell him what you think you said what she really said the way I thought I said let's wait healing because this is amazing I'm watching the boys make to be one of those dads that's just sitting observing because she said that we do it like you know Mike and I did. I had no eyes to see what was happening.

This is great shows anyways as a watches look at the art as a unit can engage in. She leaves in a mercenary gone guided you just talk to yeah yeah said is that day. It was a moment for me as a young go. I have an opportunity to engage. Now here's the thing I became that that you know in the front yard and engaging did not perfectly, but when you say to me okay engage spiritually to lead your boys and if you have daughters to become disciples. Then I was like, what is that look like. I think a lot of our listeners are parents are like I can get my kid to church and I agree. I need to do that, but my side of training and instruction in the Lord. I'm not sure I know what that looks like.

So what would you say them because obviously getting another person from the church to influence you. That's a key learning that just huge and as we look back in our sons we had that and you did as well but talk to dad or mom says I'm not sure what I would do what would you tell him to do besides connect to the church to answer that question I would like to just back us up a little bit and look at the context of the culture that were living in. We are living with people who are shattered, we are living with people who foundational beliefs have just gone crazy on them and they're not going to find and they know this find what they want at the country club or the soccer league at the shallowness of the preoccupations pre-COBIT are really very evident right now so I know churches where there was a church I was with last week they had a Christian school with a thousand kids.

They stopped in the middle COBIT.

They started up again. I thought 500 kids that come they got all thousand back plus another 500 and it reminds me of my neighborhood only had terrible situation. We were the only believers in this neighborhood and we tried a new leader in ministry. We didn't have a choice not to be a witness. But we had a night where a girl from the high school was killed in a car accident three days close to graduation.

It shook us all and before we knew it, they started showing up with families from our neighborhood to our house just was the place to come. In this situation we held hands. We were all crying and nobody except our family knew how to pray, but they knew where to come.

They knew that they needed God's people, and they needed God's comfort when they couldn't answer those questions for their children. I think were living in a very similar time.

I think that there is a understanding that our neighbors need God's people. We need the church. They need the church.

We need answers for the questions that we have right now and so I see this is a tremendous opportunity for the church to be the shining light.

I love the scriptures. I was just thinking of you are the light of the world. Yes to everything without grumbling or arguing site you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation, then you will shine among them like lights like stars in the sky. Philippians 2 I think that's a picture of God's dream for us during this covert time that the church would shine like stars frame and that they would know that they can come to us for comfort and understanding and interpretation of what they've just gone to draw direct line between that and how to make this over practical some good handles here talk about the warped and crooked generation, so our children. We got a choice arena build a moat of protection around them, which I think we all know is an illusion writing or do we want to prepare them to thrive.

Like the shining stars and limits of crooked generation circuit sweetheart and spine, right they need heart to be compassionate to engage the culture around them, but they've got to be rooted in the gospel in the spine of truth, so we have to get help our kids have compassion to say I hear you. I'm listening. I love you but to not waiver from the gospel heart and spine. That's virtually yeah, we could also talk about that from being you know having the ability to stand uncompromisingly on truth right that would be that spine, but also to be kind of just unquestionable in your love will know we are Christians by our love that that wasn't just throwing away kind of buffer that are back in the death of Christ that was for us today. His disciples here today. What an opportunity we have in our homes and our better block parties, you know, Mike. There's risk of heart and spine right is riddled like if I communicate love and if I communicate compassion, wavering from we as the church have got to lead a regatta help our kids to lead with hardens and the truth is, you know this hard and spine isn't modeled by mom and dad were single mom or single dad or blended family.

It's very hard for the kids eat our children catch it so the challenge as we wrap up for me is to look men in the eyes and said a man heart radical love for you is that you could do that for the moms but for the parents mental just what I would say man.

What does it look like to radically love God and love your neighbor.

What does it look like to stand strong on the work as a parent as you try to create that in your in your kids starts here you can give away what you don't first possesses starts with us. I think all of us as parents can recognize that we tend to lean in one direction or another either heart or spine truth were full of grace and we need to make sure that we are demonstrating on modeling both of those for our children that that's a part of the reality of who we are as followers of Christ live that out and then call our kids to the same commitment to truth with an equal commitment to grace and mercy and kindness and generosity, but the heart of the gospel great conversation today is Damon and Wilson have been talking to Valerie Bill map markings on my Candler. They are the co-authors of a book called resilient child discipleship fearless future of the church. This is a book not just for church leaders, but it's a book for all of us as parents to be thinking about how we effectively communicate the message of the gospel to our children in a way that penetrates a way that connects with them with copies of the book in our family life today resource Center you can request your copy online family life to the.com in the title of the book is resilient or you can call to order number is one 800 FL today that's 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today.

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