Being a Man in Your Marriage

Means you get a little amped up when you have been known to represent a Gallagher cancer were people with bags over the front row because spit gets all over. Yes, sometimes I get a little of the front of the known to actually jump off the stage, especially when I'm talking about being a man.

Have you ever listen to yourself. Preach no and you convict yourself. Yes, I do not like listening to my Selfridge I just don't want to do it but I know there's times I get so amped up I am convicted well then buckle up because I think that might happen today. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and will someday will soon as you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life. This is family life today. I preach about a lot of things in 30 years.

But the topic I could preach on every day is always becoming men men becoming godly men is your passion for share yeah, and that we get the listen today to a message I gave in 2015 and I am a little scared because I remember getting pretty fired up. Yeah, you were in it as we listen previously to the first part of this message, in which you know we we listen that a vertical man. Another words I do find out as a man who finds his life vertically in Christ. A vertical husband who finds his life. What's he look like what's he doing my first point was he sexy as a play on words because it's like when he sexy well you have told me from decades of the sexiest thing I ever do is walk with God. Right makes you want to follow me.

It's romantic right it's so attractive when a man walks with God we trust you. We want to follow you. We can depend on you. We know that you'll serve our family done so that was the first part of the message and then it was.

It was fun for me because the second part we are here today is a vertical man is sensitive to his wife's needs and the question for most of us men is what are her needs and so I'm like why would I tell men what a woman's need is your there. You want he said not so excited for our listeners. Today they could to hear and Wilson come up and say this is what a woman really wants to add this to men, every woman is different and so you need to become an expert of what needs your wife what I think about a man be in a vertical man and be in a sexy fact if you are down sexy guys write this down across or put beside it/with this one submitted submitted to the authority of God and his word.

That's what a vertical really makes that's what you're woman's long for. She longs that you with some merit to the authority of God and the authority of his words. You guys, we are really good at this submit word for women here so I tell your wife to submit to God and to you and your I can you hear that guys, even in this church probably know one verse in the Bible know nothing else is at first the Bible.

Your word is or who wrote it, but he says wife's post movie.

That's when you know. Guess what the rest of the Bible says men submit vertically to me first and live under the authority of my word you found off I grew there with his word.

It doesn't matter. Do you agree with the one a wrote then you submit to a comfortable, what makes you feel like really I can't protect you for something greater. Vertical marriage and vertical husband and a vertical wife in the vertical mission as we finish this thing is all about this amazing passage in your marriage or men or women.

It has to do with titles. Jeremiah the prophet spoke the words of God to the people of God, the nation of Israel. He said this on review of this is what it means to go vertical has a nation ever changes God yet they are not gods at all.

Worshiping false because he says but my people gotta say this to nation visual my people exchange have exchange their glorious God for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, you heavens and shutter with great horror, he can't believe this, declares the Lord, my people committed two sins that forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water, not talking to either pregnant or uncertainty. These audit of the church people is as following I can't believe this. I'm appalled they know me. They know my character they see miracle after miracle they seen literally the glory of God, and those people committed to says number one, forsaken abandon me to turn their back on the source of their life living water that will through them so much of the overflow into others for forsaken.

They pick up a shovel is that I will find life somewhere on the find it in my marriage. I find it my job in a woman or in a man is like getting it's a broken system will never work for you guys we done that and I'm telling you today I'm calling you today become a vertical man, husband here. You guys today is your day. The legacy of your family depends on the legacy of this church depends on the legacy of this community depends on men stepping up early and she will show you how this will affect your family. You know the divorce rate is in the church compared to the divorce rate in the world are outside the church by not.

Most people say the same 50%, 60% world 5060% church wrong reasons, and for success never been the case surveys out of something fill our booklet we we do series eyelashes present secrets of haply highly marriage is. She said she was a foreign dog in the research that were discovered as I don't know what to talk about for years and is true. They said the survey said they they serve a people… Just go to churches that will find your active in your church in your faith was divorce so they asked you go to church regularly not show up or 120 go to church regularly menu what that means you get your family up and you get on here and you go to a small group sleep is one they go to church but nothing really happens just the church. You gotta get smaller connection with about all time here get small groups I said are you ready as part of yes are you giving a tithe 10% or above. That means matter serious starting 10% or above.

In a lot of ways right so survey data set was divorce rate among them. Guess what it is 23%, almost 30% lower than the national you think being a vertical man submitted to God's word is not can have affect your family is in change. Absolutely everything so vertical man is sexy vertical man is submitted to God.

Here's a second one of vertical husband or or man is sensitive to the needs of his wife, his daughters, his sons, he is sensitive to the needs that God is called him to lead and care for your Ephesians 5 I read this many times the men here Paul speaks to men about being husband's decision will be a vertical man here vertical man does vertical husband does just in the area marriage.

He says is husband's I love this and the message good and very descriptive husband's go all out in your love for your wife simply stop right there guys we know about going all out. Talk about sports. We talk about business will take that energy and put it toward your family and toward your wife go all out in your love your wife exactly as Christ did for the church a lot more by giving not getting arrested was take men give, he said, are hereby ways can use Christ in the churches and images and what Christ does for the church and how it affects the church is what a husband should do for his wife and affect the wife the same way he says, not giving, not getting Christ's love makes the church whole his words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says his design to bring out the best out of her Matthew Chisum does your wife better because she marriage should be.

She should be blooming as a woman because of the man you are in the way you are sensitive to your data says. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives are there really doing themselves a favor sister already wanted marriage. No one abuses his own body. Does he know he feeds and pampers that that's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body and this is why a man leaves his father, mother, and cherishes his wife no longer to the become one flesh.

By the way a boy stays home. A man leaves and becomes a man and cherishes his wife hampers his wife doesn't abuse.

By the way footnote. I always have say this. We talk about this topic. If you are a woman in an abusive relationship with a man who is hurting you get out and get out now.

I'm not saying divorce. On seeing kids safe need to tell somebody. God is not saying you gotta stay and get BTC and get safe and those work on this thing so stop now is talk about what is a woman really need. How can a man be sensitive to a woman's knees.

I thought 10 I know I'm a guy has. I said honey you come up here for a couple minutes to talk to the men about what a woman is so clever then you guys are to buy way you look really hot. I just think you're awesome as it is get a taxi. It's a couple minutes to talk to the men really about what women these are this is every woman but this is generally true 21st of all say I feel a little bit sorry for you because you're very complicated as women and every woman is so different in all of our needs are different, so you need to be an expert at what makes your wife feel left and tightest you. It changes all the time because like every five minutes when he first married. I would tell me to be more romantic about romance to help me around the house and help me with the kids, you know, so I think you really need to be an expert at your woman, one of the things we need as women free is a section and it did. I think when it what is that even mean no idea doing. She says affect semi sex says that sounds like a right now. Let me say this way, you were when you data you notice that you paid into SU questions and topics you held are you look in the eye.

We still long for that very same thing and we as women want you still to notice that we want you to regard as an affection for me. It is when Dave holds my hand when I feel like he said how are you doing what's going on when he is affectionate with me when he noticed when he said you hang out with me. We had an active year will just do it because that is the godly man that is vertical communicate so much to do that is over dances and dives pursue guys write it down. I can put in your nose. Whatever pursue is like you pursue me with a passion were ordained and now you get married like you're pursuing your job in those days like that's good but it's like this and and just pursuing and beer and like you said you pursue things like heat. He knows it's happening you really love to hear where he spent 20 he knows was injured.

Who's playing like today did you know what you see is right we do that women don't don't do it do it we do that and socializing with is really quick, but we read a book early in our marriage on his needs her needs by Willard Harley as a counselor in Minnesota is that I've counseled thousands of couples and here's what I learned here. The top five needs of a man are the top five needs of a woman is. We had a chapter each one and he basically said you don't know guys listen if you don't know what her needs are and you're not meet know and guess what, the subtitle of the book is how to affair proof your marriage if you're not meeting those needs and some dude comes along and does.

She's pulled me there's a fair she's drawn on it. If you're driving your car in a tastefully good I guess I should even look full I guess is what we are after you look at every decision is like me when I read this book.

I went and literatures, it okay he says the top five are this are the ratios yet the true for every woman. But I tell you guys, here's the top three ready to write this down will be hidden, but he better write this down and then here's what you do after the service get the car today. Go honey leisure needs. She's another little difference in what are the VM for Margaret assessing his answer.

Those are pretty much me faint when you need from me and Winnie don't do Martin to think because going and going to be really helpful.

Affection was number one nonsexual touch, whatever that is nonsexual.again it is holding hands video submitted just to gravity for your hand. My knee was in a church just keep it right there just like that is just you notice me here with me. Work were together that was number one affection number two is conversation tall not talk talk is only one was the number for his honesty and openness be involved to be an authentic share your heart, your woman in all three of those can happen really in the same conversation we we as women long to know you.

We want your hearts. We want to know your passions. We want to know what makes you tick and sometimes you guys shut down like please let me in. I want to be a part of your life and the others to we know in the best way women behind the way we bind gentlemen, sorry that it is through conversation, we bind through conversation face to face is one where this goes.

Women connect this way men connect shoulder to shoulder, right will do things together.

We like you go play golf you driver greatest said Aisha Bell four hours.

One was because marriage is we would like all I shot a 70. It is also the women would imagine John Molson again could be flipped in your home. In fact, our home.

I tend to be more wordy and share more details and then they tell me all about it because it's one of the greatest thing I absolutely love I know is real networking meeting. He tells me everything that is not when it comes to our relationship all about okay you know that's good what's happening at work were doing and suddenly it's like this.

Hayes comes over his face is red and fear is to go to go there. I can it's like Ike Shea Caceres. Here's what I think maybe guys can relate this maybe through your home, but in my home. It's like okay I know she thinks were doing worse than I think were doing. So now she wants to talk about that. I got on go there. I just like to live in fairytale land were all good. Lastly, here you know I said that the video I think her marriage is 9.8 she thought was a .5. Well, that often we go on a day and will talk and shall say. So let's talk about our relationship and I just sort of shut down because you feel like you can trouble he feels like he's already failed and he will continue to fail to be happy but this area is super important for us being able to talk about that.

Here's what I've learned 35 years, I've learned at least this okay whatever she thinks is going on a relation of another's. How she thinks were doing. If she says it's a four. I think it's an eight. Guess what guys ready. She's right. I don't mean that I don't mean that your will is always right on not say that I just give Anaconda said it doesn't matter what, no. Here's what I mean I've learned this, I really believe this is true. To prove biblically that I think is true God designed women. It could be a little slip in your relation, but generally God designed women to really know how to do relations well. It's like he made them a personal marriage manual and she says wherefore I think were seven here's what I now know she's right.

When a seven were €40,000 for this. She knows how to get from the 4070. You do have more savvy as a like know she knows exactly what happened. Our relationship so I and many listen I need to leading and to be sensitive yearly vertical man husband is sensitive. I need to lead is okay what is going on what you feeling why you feeling at one of my contributor. What can I do you understand it changes everything, because now because I'm filled up with Jesus vertical first. I don't need her to think of the I am now able to give my overflow Jesus. If I don't have that done. I am hurt desperately by her number. It crushes me as a man ready I can get back unity her and he also are one of our biggest fight no doing great with what we know you can I would tell her she's wrong for were nine were well we are your wrong or right so that's a real good conversation. Our fighting assistance. I've learned to be sensitive to God submitted to God and insensitive to your wife, your woman, your kids or anybody is the lead in and learn and the overflow.

Listening to family life to a man Dave Wilson is you gave that message back in 2015 I'm inspired. I'm excited. I think every woman is clapping right now like this is what we want is because you came on stage and told the men what women really really long for. But I tell you what. At the end of that message. We got into something I think is so critical to understand we call a vertical marriage call whatever you one but most marriages and ours was this way were trying to get from each other what we think the others in our life or like I want you to respect me and you want me to cherish you and when that doesn't happen. We get disappointed and we actually tend to think a marriage wrong person because I'm not getting what I thought I get for my marriage. Now that I've done this for years that I put my eyes on you hoping that you will meet all of my needs and when you don't. I'm so disappointed when I have those thoughts now that inkling when I start looking at you and I'm disappointed in your actions or you haven't met my expectations. One of the things as I've gotten older that I've done is I go to God first and I'm saying, Lord, are you number one in my life or has my marriage or my husband becoming idle and I think that's really big because when I'm surrendered when I'm submitted to God when I'm in communion with him and he is my everything, my expectations of you are in is high and so that's one of the first steps I think we need to take as both men and women of surrendering our lives, our passions are desires and we submit them to God first and I don't think I know I'd never understood this.

I think a lot of us just missed this is when we go vertical when we find our life from and in Christ and again it's so easy to say. Yeah those words but I mean really find life, power, happiness, joy from my living relationship with the creator of the universe, Jesus said in John chapter 7 out of your innermost being will flow water living water will overflow. That's a reality of a dynamic relation of a Chrysler about what that means for your marriage and now I come back to my marriage and instead of demanding or longing for my spouse to fill me I'm filled. I mean, not that I don't have a great marriage but I am filled. I don't need or demand you to fill me up. I am filled by Christ.

So I go from being a taker which most marriages are. I want to take from you what I'm longing for and you're in my life because I chose you to be the one to fill me know I'm filled so now McGivern, and so for us as men.

We been talking to men about being a vertical husband. I'm going to be able to love my wife as Christ loved the church. Ephesians 5 why because he's give me the power to do it.

I have power actually living water. Jesus overflowing and it goes from a selfish marriage to a self less and I want to serve you will reverse the came to my mind was John 1010 be where Jesus said I came you might have life and have it to the full. He didn't say Dave came that you might have life and Jesus said I came. I'm the physical fulfiller of life and some just think that all of us. It could be today. It could be right now that we just take a moment we say Lord Jesus, are you, Lord of my life have I given you everything because if you want have a great marriage. It begins with a surrendered heart and I'm gonna say this because I know what some listeners are thinking right now there thinking if my spouse did that yeah then would be okay. This is an about your spouse limits and disregard your spot. This is about you. Are you surrendered and if not, I'd say right now. Men get on your knees women get on your knees if your spouse doesn't is not about them it's about you go vertical surrender completely. He will meet you in that moment he will fill you in that moment and then you be a come at your marriage and you'll be out of service and overflow what is giving you and those let me just add this you have to do about every 9:55 minutes because your unit go back to put yourself in control and you can be disappointed, because she or he's gonna let you down and you get to go back to Jesus I need you desperately to be the man to be the woman you called me to do because I can't, but you can in me and that happens through surrender. So I hope today is your moment to change your life your marriage your legacy your future by going vertical. I remember hearing someone say once you can have a state-of-the-art appliance.

The newest best error fryer. There is, and if it's not plugged in.

It doesn't work the same way we can be good people, but if our lives are not plugged in to God if were not living for him if he's not giving us the power for living, then our lives are not can account for much, David and Wilson talking here today about how important it is for both husbands and wives to live surrendered vertical looking lives. In fact, they've written a book called vertical marriage that's really a classic on the subject. It shows us how our walk with Jesus affects every aspect of our marriage relationship. We got copies of Damien's book in our family like today resource Center. We love to send you a copy. You can order it from us online@familylifetoa.com or call to get your copy number is one 800 FL today I get the book is titled vertical marriage by Dave and Wilson order online@familylifetoa.com or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today to get your copy of the book vertical marriage. What David Ament talked about today is what's at the heart of this ministry.

It's our conviction that for marriage and family to be all that we wanted to be. It needs to begin by living surrendered lives for us to live with God's agenda ahead of our own agenda. We need to be men and women who live surrendered lives to God family life to the exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world one home at a time and were joined in this mission by some of you who will listen for a long time and have said this program is made a difference in our marriage in my life. You have all supported this ministry financially either from time to time, or some of your monthly legacy partners.

Thank you for your ongoing participation with us in this ministry and those of you who are regular blisters and have never made a donation would like to invite you to join the team. Help us reach more people more often with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family. When you donate today we want to say thank you by sending you a book.

We talked about this week from Trevor and wax. It's a book called rethink your self all about understanding the source of our identity, where we find out how we cultivate that it's a great book for parents to go through with their teenagers or for young adult to read any of us will benefit from reading Previn's book and it's our gift to you.

When you make a donation to support family life to you could do that online@familyliketoday.com or you can call to donate at one 800 FL today, we'd love to have you join the team and we look forward to hearing from you and we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and then join us on Monday when Matt and Lisa Jacobson are to be here again to talk about how we as parents can do a better job of effectively communicating to our children, our love for them battle happens Monday. Hope you can tune in for that on behalf of our host statement and Wilson on Bob Lapine. Have a great week and will see you Monday for another edition of family life today family like today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most