Buoyant Confidence

The prayer that I have prayed for more couples that were struggling. Ezekiel 3626 God says I will take 1/2 a stony heart and turn it into a heart of flesh eating. He and I will put a new heart and a new spirit in you you prefer heart transplant now desperate with Jesus. Yeah, we did by the way you chose a wedding is the site of his first miracle he still does marriage miracles. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most kind and wealthy and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life, family life today saying and I were getting ready to do vertical marriage marriage conference. I think in Mississippi a couple years ago and said that with this couple beforehand and thought they were from this local area in this church and find out.

Long story short, this guy and his wife had driven eight hours or 10 hours to get to this conference for their marriage and course were like I said in the world somewhere and he said all we watched you and Dave talking about your book on the today show. He said I turned to my wife and I said I marriage is a cannot attend right, he thinks she turned when he said no. One. So here we are hours to get here to find out how to we get hope and help for marriages. So we got Ron hunt scrapyard is the master of hope in some ways you have obviously read a book on hope when your heart is breaking by Ron Hutch graph the founder Ron Hutch graph industries are on the radio all around the world. Author, you're a little older than we are. So you get all kinds of wisdom that was hearsay.

I mean we were taken this whole idea of. As we talked previously about. I love your term defiant hope when your heart is breaking and you did such a good job helping us walk through the choices that we make when we've lost hope or we been hurt. We can choose to wallow in that week and she has to be healed and walk out of you did such a good job helping us with that scared about losing the love of your life Karen who you guys have been married 50 years, you have really been living out. How do I find hope in my heart is so broken and if you haven't heard and listened to Ron story and how what we had talked about previously. I'd really recommend that you listen in on that one too.

Yeah so today we would love to take your idea of hope and applied to marriages and families. And I know you talk quite often the book about four words loss, grief, choices, hope walk us through that little bit and maybe as you do think about marriage is that of lost hope. How would you apply that to that my definition of hope. I wanted to come up with something.

You know, for words you could make a campaign motto lot but it's a little more words wanted to give it all done. But here's what we mean by him because it really is sort of a floaty word. Yeah, hope all of hope to me is pretty gritty. It's a buoyant confidence. For buoyant, buoyant means and make a wonder briefly but it comes back up.

It's not a happy happy, I'm happy all the time. Hey, but it's a confidence that things are okay there in bigger hands in my hands.

So it's a buoyant confidence which allows you to make some choices that you wouldn't otherwise make acknowledging the hurt so it's not a confidence that's just whistling along going.

You know it's not that bad, or she's in heaven and everything's fine. She is in heaven. Everything is beyond fine for her for her were here so it isn't a denial because often you notice or live in denial but it's acknowledging feeling experiencing the hurt sometimes disbelievers were afraid to acknowledge the pain to her.

One of things I had to relational as a kind of radio guy and Christian leader guides what I bike people will be wondering how I'm handling this because anybody who knew Larson were running cure was one word suddenly was a fraud. I thought what would like to and I really I decided that I wasn't going to just give the Christian talking points for parents and having them in the fine know I wasn't fine, just fine without her.

So I've probably become more transparent and more vulnerable than I've ever been in my whole life. I think when I started writing that grief journal that I began after her home-going. I just said I'm to be honest about this. This is Ron in the raw. This hurts, and who is going to believe the hope that Jesus is if I'm not honest about the hurt just to say it's not bad. But Jesus is great. Can no Jesus is big enough.

His love is powerful enough that it is even the hurt has to be real for the hope to seem real.

No, in the daytime. If you look out you say are the stars out another turn them off to save electricity to clear out all the time but you can only see them against the dark sky. Why have the dark sky. Now we need to say okay now the light shows up against the dark sky and you know just people to read the book I keep getting so many things back from them and they're saying thank you for being real. Thank you for being transparent that you gave us someone said you gave us permission to greeting. We feel like we gotta look Christians, we gotta be fun. No, Jesus goes to the garden of Gethsemane and just about melts down emotionally. I mean, to the point of humor to process blood sweating blood. The capillaries are bursting in him from stress. So my Savior, the man of all men. He cries he weeps over Jerusalem. He weeps at Lazarus grave. He's overwhelmed emotionally. The garden of Gethsemane. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Let yourself mourn it, though I didn't finish the definition of buoyant confidence acknowledging the hurt but anchored in an unseen but certain reality it's anchored to something.

It's based on the fact that I have a reality.

I cannot see but I know this Jesus walked out of his grave under his own power and it's an unseen but it is an unmoving anchor and I will tell you like that gospel song says the anchor holds of the ship is battered, the anchor holds all the sails are torn. I will fall down on my knees as I face life's raging seas.

The anchor holds in spite of the storm they just about marriage we enter into marriage with our greatest hopes, our greatest expectations. This is our answer. This is the end of our search and for many people to feel like their dream is turning into a nightmare and now we are dealing with loss is not only to loved ones die, but marriage is Diane and our dreams go down with them, but the principles are not that all that different in terms of a paramedic.

I met Trish junction.

Now you know. Hope this way hurt that way. What do I do in I like the picture and it applies to the marriage situation as well of what happened on September 11 by 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Now most hope of finding many survivors was was dying and USA Today said that it was a darkest hour on the darkest day who will forget the photo. Three firefighters go find a flag raising over the rubble and USA Today went on to say something like this was hope on a day when the seem like all hope is gone, they raise the flag. Other was rubble around them. There's nothing to celebrate here at all. It was awful awful awful but hope is your flag over the rubble.

Not if you will. First of all free sender and say okay grieve you grief. Realize you are grieving over a loss you losing your marriage you losing the love that you were counting on.

What are some of the hope tort because our choices are really easy to figure out be better give up, get a divorce or you can say Jesus, my heart is broken and we go again.

The heart is broken.

It is wide open and now I think. Step one is the prayer that I have prayed for more couples that were struggling.

Ezekiel 3626 God says I will take 1/2 a stony heart and turn it into a heart of flesh eating.

He and I will put a new heart and a new spirit in you. You pray for heart transplant now desperate with Jesus. Yeah, who did by the way, chose a wedding as the site of his first miracle he still does marriage miracles lie like that and ask him if he would keep that promise because by now both of you. Your hearts are turning hard toward each other. Your bitter your resentful you have a list of things I tell you how endlessly you forget what you fell in love with the idea when this writer married this guy, but if you will say I need a heart transplant. I'm asking you to do. I don't know if I really want it, but I'm choosing hope.

I need a heart transplant. I really do forget winning the hope choice is to forget trying to win a Christian, you're trying to win the arguments and win this.

You know I want to come out on top in this thing you're only wounding more.

James 516 says, confess your faults to one another.blame each other just confess your faults to one another, that you may be healed. Now that's a road to hope at 10 years. I told Dave I have nothing left. Like I have no feelings I don't have hope.

We just started this church and I have nothing while and I remember being on my knees and I said that to Jesus. I have nothing I can have no hope. My only hope is in you, Lord, you have to give me a new heart, you have to give me new eyes to see, because right now I been going down this bitter path and all I see is the negative and I remember both of us got on our knees in our car and repented because I was trying to find my life through Dave thinking that he would make me happy. He was trying to find his life through his career, starting this church doing what God had called them to do. I remember when Dave repented. I keep right in front of me, Lord. I confess I have put this in front of you. I have put this in front of and if someone would've asked me what my response to that prayer would have been I would've said amen. That's what you've been doing what's what I've been hoping for, but when he prayed that my eyes and the spirit of God who lives in me automatically said to me and you and Wilson. You have been trying to find your life through Dave and I had that hard of yes that's true. And there comes a point when all of us have to get on our knees and say I surrender that I need that new heart.

I need those new eyes. I need to put my hope in you and not this person or thing to fill me up. Even if the desire is not there. Even if you say if you've given up yet here you've already cut across the bridge in your Mizell out that you as soon as you start to think that what you've guaranteed it will probably end because you've allowed that option.

So is since you will grieving her loss. He was very honest about, you know, but you are going to waste this grief and giving Jesus the open door to come in and change your helper to do something else. As part of the miracle is to help you see your spouse through his eyes. Yes, what does he see when he sees Dave will alter what I see I see this guy was driven by his career and he does a none care about me loves them. No no no no Lord. When you look up James what you see and you know what you'll start to see Hill start to reveal to you, he sees the needs behind Dave Stevens even though he sees the wounds he sees the scars he sees a man created in his image, he sees a man that was worth dying for, as the son of God. So if you can begin to say Lord help me see the this is where the heart transplant comes along you see them through God's eyes. You start to see yourself through God's eyes you willing to start to save those three hard words. I was wrong. Let's say your spouse's 90% raw. Would you agree with that. Yeah, yeah, at least okay say you just 10% raw unlikely no.

Would you do with your 10% would you willing to say I need you to forgive me I was wrong about the way I haven't been I have been to cure your part. See what God is, as Prof. Foster, another that you may be healed so would you do your part of that. Okay good and two things I would say to forget these are choices of marriage are to forget winning and forget fixing quit trying to fix your mate.

I think Ruth Graham Billy Graham's wife said it very well. You guys have heard this quote she said it is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to change him. Yes, a great quote and I think that's where we get stuck because like nonbelieving and it's your fault I would be bleeding if it one for you then. So it's hard for me because it's almost like I'm the one repenting and we've had couples come up to us and say you know your story so beautiful. The both of you repented and God showed up and save your marriage, my husband won't repent. My wife won't repent what I do I want to repent. I am repenting, but they're not. First of all I don't expect a certain response size loads of accumulated over a long time right so a disease are a wound that's is been a long time coming and doesn't necessarily can be cured overnight so it's going to take some patience which will have to get from God and here is an interesting prayer to pray Lord I am really having a hard time loving her and not much I'm getting that that would make me feel those love feelings but I know you love her and I know that you love her enough to die for her so I would take a risk and offer this to you, Lord, if you would give me your love for her.

I will deliver it. He I have none of very little left to give, but I know that whatever happens to us, you still love her and you can keep loving her. So I'd be willing to be your UPS guy to deliver love from you. So would you put some of your love for her in my heart that's the least I could do for you for the way you love me. These are prayers that together not Lord if it be your will.

Things again. I've been waiting for the green light.

He doesn't force himself into our situation. He waits for the invitation again, these are the choices and you know Dave, let's go to the worst-case scenario he never repents. She does she is at least blessed by God and has made her situation put it into his hands, and she is rather than making choices that will make her a harder person a better person, a more angry person a more frustrated person a more controlling person.

She's making choices that will least leave her with a soft heart instead of a hard heart a closeness to God instead of a distance from God for not trying to cooperate with what he wants to do something happens when you see yourself as an instrument of God in your spouse's life to deliver which you don't feel like but because you love God you okay all right you you love him an air of the liver. I'll try to pass on what you put in my heart throughout pass it on to what you think it's possible to have defiant hope and again I love that term if your spouse never does repent and you hold onto that even though you're the UPS deliver of God's love and you cannot do and that you're consistent that in your you know you're just faithful on that and it just never turns his or her heart.

Can you still have defiant hope. First of all I think about a word to what you said, it has never yet happened. Now you say well it's been 10 years and you know yet if equity still depends on where your hope is anchored. If it's anchored to that unseen but certain reality to say Jesus I've made this your marriage not my marriage to fix and stop trying to fix him and I'm trying to have a forgiving heart. At least you will be a free person inside. He will not be until he reaches the same point. If he does, but now your hope is not contingent upon a happy ending. It may or may not have a happy ending but for you, you will be a whole healthy close to God liberated person inside because you will know that you have done all you can do better yet your allowing Jesus to do united his way anymore.

You've gotten out of his way.

That doesn't mean that that dress is a change for definite no. Your husband has choices to make to Jesus as mixtures force. He creates the environment will will make the right choice. So again raise the flag yeah over the rubble and that's what I would say to I can attest to that. And it would give testimony to that. When I repented myself when I raise the flag over the rubble of our marriage. He said in the rubble was me. I think that's what she later married to. I felt so lost, miserable and all I did in my head with think if Dave would only it just with this mantra.

If Dave would only talk to so many women that had that same verbiage in that same dialogue in their head and our marriage wasn't fixed overnight, but because of putting up the flag if I can't do it.

It's not my job to change my husband, Lord, but I'm gonna keep my eyes on you and I'm gonna follow you, and I found myself so needy handed pray that prayer continually learn.

I can't do it. Apart from you.

Give me your eyes, show me the way you love Dave and I pray that you would change my heart, there is a freedom. Our marriage wasn't fixed yet.

It wasn't great but there is this new hope planning Dave Bennett.

We send Jesus you had shifted your dependency loss from your husband to your Savior.

Yes your husband I disappoint you right your Savior and go to and that's why hope is one yet that point we have this hope Jesus, we have this hope is an anchor for the sole firm and secure hope is a matter of choice and then someone is listening right now and I would say that your choices right now to open up your heart, which is probably already open through the loss you've been through to this Jesus who loved you enough to die for every wrong thing you've ever done was powerful enough to conquer what only one person out of the billions that lived on this planet ever conquered that's death if he's bigger than death is bigger than what you're facing right now and he can speak peace to your storm and it is possible to go through a storm with his peace with his protection with a sense of love and being loved and okay. My prayer for Ron Dave for an for someone listening is Romans 1513 May the God of hope fill you with all joy really and peace so that you may overflow with hope.

Go figure.

I barely have enough for me to have enough to give away may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Divine power from the one who spoke billions of galaxies into existence to make you a hope deliver when you start to say it's not about me it's about Jesus and it's about turning my hurt and to hope for the people in the listen to me because of what I've been through I've got the credentials. No believe me you will not be starved for hope anymore and you will have hope.

Even though your heart is breaking you have a hope that is stronger than the hurt. That's why Jesus the living. I have been hearing ringing in my head the words to the him. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness if our hope is in our circumstances or in how someone else is going to behave or perform.

Today we will be disappointed when our hope is in Jesus and in the gospel wants a different story.

Dave and Ann Wilson have been talking today to Ron Hutch Kraft, who has written a book on hope called hope when your heart is breaking this Ron who shared with us this week.

A lot of this comes out of the story of losing his wife five years ago, and learning how to live with hope in the season of profound grief and profound transition in his life and maybe you know someone you'd like to pass this book along to. Or maybe this is a book you need for yourself, were making rounds book available this week to family life today listers who can help advance the work of family life. Help us reach more couples more moms and dads, husbands and wives with practical biblical help and hope through this daily radio program.

This podcast online a family like to do a.com through the events we host and the resources we create family life today exist to effectively develop godly marriages and families and when you help to advance the cause with the donation today.

You're invited to request a copy of Ron Hutch Kraft's book hope when your heart is breaking finding God's presence in your pain. You can make a donation online@familylifetothe.com or you can call to donate one 800, FL, today is the number in the website family life to a.com or call to donate 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life than the word today should ask for your copy of the book hope when your heart is breaking. When you contact us, not tomorrow.

Dave and Ann Wilson are going to talk with Ron Hutch Kraft about how shame and regret, and past failures can rob us of the hope that we need in our current situation. Our current circumstance. I hope you can join us again for that tomorrow on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Lapine join us again tomorrow for another edition of family life, family life today is a production of family life accrue history helping you pursue the relationships that matter most