This broadcaster has 1238 podcast archives available on-demand.
Keep up-to-date with this broadcaster on social media and their website.
July 2, 2021 2:00 am
Being single can be a gift? Using our God-given gifts is important, and on today's program, Jonathan "JP" Pokluda encourages us to not take the gift of being single and put it on a shelf.
Show Notes and Resources
Find resources from this podcast at https://shop.familylife.com/Products.aspx?categoryid=130.
Download FamilyLife's new app! https://www.familylife.com/app/
Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/
Okay honey here's a question many see if you remember and know you do okay when I wanted to ask you out. Would your dad say no, absolutely not. You will never date Dave Wilson, then why is it because you had a horrible reputation terrible. Guess what you married me.
He lost the family life today. We want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live today.com or on our family life is family life today on her forget that her dad barred me from the house. He was my baseball coach and he knew much girl though, but I got the girl and we dated lot long enough. In fact today were to talk about dating with JP Fukuda and he wrote a great book called outdated find love that last when dating has changed JP great to have Angus thanks for have me in the so much fun to be with you two so just glad that we can do this man I have fun we are together. Truly, we like you like for learning JP a lot.
I'm glad were not dating anymore but we are doing as a married couple some hot dates yet. We did as she didn't respond very good that this is not that hot like you think Osama she said yeah we know now your lien on radio so JP now your pastor here at Creek Baptist in Waco once I like.
It's awesome is that it's great for God is doing a work in Waco and there's a unique I would tell you a unique spiritual battle being fought there and it's it's fun to get to preach the gospel to preach the word and to watch lives being changed every week. That's incredible. That's great and we veto already talked about a little bit about your book as you to set you know for years. You were at the porch and at the watermark church in Dallas and thousands of singles and so you watched dating sort of go wrong or have so many questions that you said I've got a right something to help couples singles so much a ministry pattern recognition, and so yeah you're sitting on the front row watching disaster happen in the way the people date and also watching marriages happen to know it be a pastor done dozens of marriages end in people who come together and you genuinely you stand before their family and friends like I think God brought these two together. This is awesome in this country great about from his marriages were stocked on going on here. This is amazing, but then you see so many tragedies as well and you start recognizing the patterns and what it does is it gives legitimacy to the word of God. You see how brilliant he is and how much he loves us to give us the instruction that he's given us well as you know I'm in the Bible is in a dating book. It's not really even mention because dating wasn't some. I was taken place at the time of biblical times, but it does talk about singleness. So before we even get in this topic talk to us a little bit about single because I know often in churches being a pastor, your pastor, you look out there in here's what I think's going on. You see single people sit there and are looking at the married couples going all gauges be married and you have the married people looking at the single people thinking I wish I had the freedom we can learn.
You're the greatest marriage verse and singleness versus godliness with contentment is great gain, which has nothing to do with murder singleness, but everything to do with with finding contentment and I think the church is misted here friends. I think we've elevated marriage to be the varsity to the JV singleness, which is an un-biblical idea. This just not what the Scripture teaches in first printing chapter 7 verse seven. The apostle Paul and the Holy Spirit through the apostle Paul says that singleness is a gift. Plus I was sure that as I am. You know, but some have that gift others have this one. And so he calls it a gift, and sweet. We talk about in church. If you been in church long part of the gift to sing this.
This is important for you parents okay, Selena, and because some of you your praying parents and you've prayed for your children, spouse, since they were born you. Have you ever prayed for their singleness like have you ever prayed that be faithful in their singleness like if God doesn't have a spouse for them in this fallen world that we live in, even if they desire one right that they would with a would honor him in their singleness be okay with that. To feel like that's less than you every every Thanksgiving and Christmas. Your loan again on that's not helpful and not helpful. And so Paul calls it the gifts when we should we should look at it like it's a gift. But Paul's really just expounding on the teachings of Jesus and in a lesser known verse in Matthew 19 Jesus says there are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom. He says not everyone can accept this but those who can, should, and so Jesus himself puts put singleness on this pedestal is something that that's really awesome to be sought after.
Let me just say this both Paul and Jesus were single Jesus the most complete human being that has ever walked the planet Earth so you know they say will Mary Jo.
You complete me. Jerry McGuire whatever Jesus was the most complete human being that is ever lived and he lived as he was a 33-year-old man who who had never been on a date okay that that's who. That's who we follow that culture was unusual to absolutely and and so I think that that's the part that we haven't taught on very well, as the case singleness is good.
It's a gift. I think that the single listeners like what if I have the gift. What I do I know how to tell you if you have the gift it it's a one survey question I can ask you one question and I've never been wrong about 500% accuracy on this if you answer this question affirmative. You have to get to sing. Listen here, here it is. Here's a question, did you wake up this morning single because if you did you have to get to singleness that we think about that gift is like chronic or terminal alerts that's going to be there forever. We don't know that we will be just as it's a gift when you have it.
It's a gift, so we should see it as a gift. Why don't people see it as a gift, like I think somebody just listen to that, especially a woman heard that and thought. I hope that's not my gift to life several reasons.
I do think it's there's nothing wrong with the desire to be married and the Scripture does say whoever finds funds why fines was going overseas for the Lord. It's good it's marriage is a good thing and it teaches us about God. It teaches us about the Trinity teaches the us about how the father and the son and the Holy Spirit complement one another. Right, but singleness teaches us about the supremacy and sufficiency of Jesus singleness teaches us that he's enough in the reason that we don't believe that is for some of us he's not enough right and I want to know single friends.
You know none of you not one of you are going to get to heaven sake.
I was up moment.
How can you withhold that from me right nobody does. It is the conversation that's never happened. God, why did you keep me single right and end the truth is, for most of, if you desire marriage, you'll find it, but as my friend said earlier, most married people want to be single and most single people want to be married and we just can't ever find contentment and I think we have to learn contentment, gratitude, knowing that God gives us good gifts all every good and perfect gift comes from the father of heavenly lights, so to appreciate it in the way that you appreciate a gift you don't keep it wrapped you don't put it on the shelf. You use the gift and the apostle Paul used his gift to sing was very well. Hey, he wrote most of the New Testament.
He he built the kingdom Jesus uses it to singleness very well. He laid his life down for our sins.
And so you should think how can I use this gift and uninhibited way is first printing seven says, yet it really is interesting what you said is Jesus enough that question is has to be answered by single people and married people resolutely. I mean we started joke about it but singles are thinking married people don't need answer that they have found contentment in a spouse.
And so, certainly, Jesus often were all sit here all married where I go know that's a big question for us to married and it's the same thing for single person so it really is the question of life in my content in Christ alone.
I found myself as a married woman laying in bed beside Dave think the most amazing man on the University.
I am so lonely and I think a lot of married people can feel a real sense of things you have to bend that is somewhat different, somewhat different than I am so full fill the Nazis to make me think Dave is not enough.
He's not doing his part. He's not living up to his role or his expectations that I have of him, but now I think.
Have I taken my eyes off of Jesus and put them on Dave wanting him to fill my needs so I think married people do yet' people can do that. I love how you broke the book of, could you get lies lies we sort of believe and then with the truth is, in one year lies is is written. This way the live being single is a waiting period for something better. That's the lie. The truth that better is available now. So what's at me. What will. How is singleness better now. Just let me start speaking experientially and then I'll wrap up with what this the Scripture says, and so before was a Christian like as a single person because I was I was in a non-Christian single person than a Christian single person and you're always talking about doing something great men when they were in a backpack to Europe one day were going to go do this and what you end up doing is a pagan like as I was is the same things over and over and over sin really robs you of creativity.
You just can't get stuck in these ruts and and so when I became a Christian and you know uninhibited by marriage right. I was able to you know I found myself on a trip to Africa were we were training the government on conflict resolution and then on this.
You went on the Safari and overseas and went on on a boat for six days in Brazil and got off in the jungle and telling people about Jesus and to the triplet four times and then went to Haiti and went to rural Haiti and and and urban Haiti and and then, tribal Haiti in the mountains and end with the all of these different people getting to talk about Jesus. I was like, man, this is a full life like this is I am really really living enough experience the full life. The Christ offers will Paul writes in verse 20 and 78 he talks about them. The married man is his concern for that the affairs of his household over his wife and that the single person is is uninhibited in that way. They're concerned about the things of the kingdom, and that there were I was concerned about things the kingdom I got married.
Marriage is good, so is singleness. Singleness is good too. I got married and and then I didn't go on any of the strips right we had kids.
Shortly thereafter and I went on one trip to Haiti, but I had to cut it short because I do come back for four soccer tournament and so just in that short little story is that example of what I've experienced firsthand.
You see how that shifted so from a single friends out there I would just say will what it looks like to live in singleness as as a gift as God is described it in the Scriptures is to live it for the kingdom of heaven.
That's what Jesus says in Matthew 19 that you would focus on building the kingdom. He says in Matthew 633 seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added. So what is it look like to wake up on mission that I'm not saying is don't write me off is up.
Does as in some unaware pastor that you you just have nothing but time because you're single. I know you're busy right but be busy doing the right things. Watching the right things hanging out with the right people living on mission like it you have a friend group that I hope you have the friend group that if you look around and you like. While the five of us if we just picked anything we said hey we want to do away with pornography that you could do it. You know you could make that happen. We we want to in the sex trafficking that you could do it like you give your life to that but find a cause and give your life to that and and it's not to say that you won't be married.
You probably will be. If you want to be. You probably will be, but don't think that marriage is more ultimate than singleness. That's a mistake. It's on biblical to anti-biblical idea. So if you're single and you really don't want to be one of our steps.
What we do. You know this. This is the beauty of being a part of of Jesus's body.
That is, the church is Eve all these people around you eyewitnesses to sycophants who desire marriage in Philly to have no prospects.
I would go to your married friends and tell them like I really want to be married and do you know of anybody in like begins like this that's this whole concept of arrangement will feel needy desperate now. We love it if you guys know like I would be encouraged if single friends came to set down at the table with Mike and I just I guess that's what you know, I know that I'm single.
I don't want to be like a you know I want to be married. Do you know of anybody.
Is there anyone out there that that you think that I would be a good wife for our good husband for and begin to think think about that way I would Satan go where those people are you if you been in church long as a single person, you probably heard this foot but just like you will go to the well, if you will. Where where where the servants are like people who serve Christ go B. Make sure you're hanging out where they are and not as a desperate person or anything but just like hate this work were looking you're looking I'm looking like this isn't a meat market is as the world wants to say it's like to or just this is God's people who desire to be married and were hanging out in this place. Have you connected. Some people tell you for sure, absolutely. Like that's that's fun is fun for your married friends and that I would say initiate and that sometimes you treat different people or different places on that spectrum.
If you look at your life and you realize marriage is been really passive here so just just initiate. I just think love must be sincere and we really complicated. This with playing games you right now. It's ghosting like these of the problems that people feel today that the desire marriage. They feel like guys are asking girls out guys feel like girls are always saying her standards are so high and and then there there are playing games like it's in there there's ghosting sliding in the DMZ hiding behind technology and that you Romans 12 says love must be sincere.
So just communicate how you feel you have to complicated like all cannot. The rule was the rule say about this and what I do and how to say this will scare them away. She's okay to say, man, I've been thinking a lot about you lately and I would love to spend more time together. Let me know if if you're ever interested in, and something like a shuttle woman should she ask a guy out so that that's that that's the thing I was talking about.
That's a little bit controversial and I just I look at the Scripture. And I don't see anything forbidden in there and so I like that language. I'll give it to you again a bit thinking a lot about you lately and I really enjoy. We spent time together if if that's something that you're ever interested in. Let me know, and it's not asking a guy that just communicating clearly how you feel and I'm just here.
Here's the deal with with asking guys out. I don't see it forbidden in the Scripture, but your choosing your problems in a big issue today in marriages male passivity and and apathy and so you just want to be aware that if if he likes you but he's afraid to initiate. You may be choosing passivity and that's something that that would be a red flag that something that I would be watching out for. I do remember on one of our early dates talk about being honest and authentic and vulnerable. I said to and in your driveway or your parents house.
Remember I said before, I'm really starting to fall for you.
I feel like I'm falling in love with you and I do not want to I just came out of a four year relationship. I don't want to finally get married. I don't date anybody really I just want to be friends, but I got behind us. I'm really liking you and I want to take this farther I don't know what to do or look at her again.
She's 18. I should be the mature one here that she is listening goes on we just trust Jesus with a smile when he me she is, we don't know what he wants to do list. Just give it to mom and the sea where he takes a get all those I feel this I'm thinking this what you think of this throw that all out the window and trust him. In fact, I think we should date other people you want to know people go for why why are we here trying her to to confine this thing let's see what God does Micah match good answer like date of the people there, but I think there was a region in dealing like we just want to do. And Jesus wants us to do and we pray that prayer every time we were together because we are fearful we do know what the future looks like, and we didn't date anybody else. She's thinking the prayer so important is the way we started this time together right now and he just this idea that Jesus is driving you know it's really a theory over for a lot of the listeners right now.
I guess how I make that abstract idea real and first and foremost he needs to be the biggest thing in your life right. He needs to be where you draw contentment from that that no person no other person, then Christ is going to complete you or fulfill you and so you want to be fulfilled in your relationship with Jesus Christ pursuing him and and then really you're inviting someone into that. The way that I look at marriage.
The marriage is the weddings that I've done is on like this is a ministry strengthening and force because it's two ministries coming together. Both of these people are individually involved in ministry. Another come together to partner in ministry for the rest of their lives. And everybody's looking for.
You know this this this person that they're compatible with. There's really no compatibility between two centers. If you think about it like we were just repel each other as I wouldn't look for some of that when I'm compatible with. I would look for someone I'm complementary to that if we come together like I wanted. I thought Monica and my common interest were going to carry us through marriage. But really, those common interest faded fast and she's very, very different than me, and I've learned absolutely love that I love the way that she is nurturing and soft and kind with our kids right and I tend to be a little to be stronger and more direct and bend and sometimes a jerk and she balances that in our parenting and in our ministry and and so that's really what you're looking for is partner you know you are looking for a partner if you desire marriage and it's good to desire marriage. Marriage is a good thing. But if you're single. That's also a good thing and so just know that believe that realize that it was so how do I would if I don't start with prayer Lord, would you help me see this as a good thing. Help me to live in my singleness in a way that honors you JV.
Thanks for your wisdom is astounding is really is on plagiarizing the greatest book ever written. That is in the waiting for a lot of us sending this book outdated to our friends to our kids. I guy think that this will really benefit so many people pray with me that it changes the landscape etc. so much division in the world today, and so much of that that the problems go to the family unit. Yes, and so I think that if we can change the family unit at its Genesis, which is really when the board meets a girl that that it could change you know that the greatest challenges in our land today, so just join me in that prayer willingly pray pray for that. I salute his absolute father, thank you for the gift of relationships. Thank you that you said that is not good for us to be alone and that doesn't mean that we have to be married that when you walked this this earth, you weren't married and so you said that singleness is good and you said that marriage is good, and so for anyone who's lit who's listening to this. Here's this right now and there single and they feel discontent and and just despairing or would you feel their heart with hope and peace and joy and remind them that you have a plan for them and even a plan for them to use their gift today and for for anyone who's married listening Lord up or you bless their marriage and I pray that they would help their single friends that they would have hearts to help them find someone if they desire marriage Laura do ask that you would heal our land healed the division that exist in our land and would you start at the Genesis when when someone meets that they would honor you in the way that they pursue each other that you would be at the foundation of any love that is born there that they would first and foremost love you, that they would have a relationship with Jesus. If anyone is listening right now and doesn't know you. Lord I pray that you would release the hounds of heaven after the heart and that they would trust in the death of the resurrection of your son is a payment for their sins. Lord we love you and we trust you.
In Jesus name Amen amen thank you. We just have to acknowledge that being single in this culture. In the 21st century. There are challenges that it's hard and knowing how to navigate life as a single in a way that honors God is particularly challenging.
That's why Jonathan precluded has written the book outdated find love that lasts when dating has changed.
It's really a book to help people think more carefully more biblically when it comes to the issues of singleness and dating. We got copies of the book in our family life today resource Center would love to send you a copy.
You can order it from us online@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today to get your copy of the book again. It's called out dated. Find love that lasts when dating has changed. By Jonathan precluded order online@familylifetoday.com or call to order at one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life and than the word today that they think with me for just a minute. Is there someone you know may be in your office or in your neighborhood. Maybe somebody at church who's a single mom raising her kids and experiencing the challenges that come with being a single mom earlier this week we talk with Peggy Sue Wells and Pam Farrell about the challenges that single moms face they've written a book called the 10 best decisions. Single mom can make and we want to make that book available to you so that you can give it to someone you know who would benefit from reading it. In fact were making the book available this week to anyone who can support the ministry of family life with the donation. Your donation will help extend the reach of this program and when you get the book. You can write a note to a friend, give them the book and who knows that could open the door for ongoing conversations about your faith about their life about how you can help one another again. Would love to send you a copy of the book, the 10 best decisions a single mom can make a family like today.com and make a donation or call one 800 FL today to donate when you do request a copy of the book and were happy to send it up to you and we are so grateful for your investment.
Not just in this ministry, but your investment in the lives of other couples, other families, helping us effectively develop godly marriages and families. That's what family life to is all about and we appreciate your partnership and we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and I hope you can join us on Monday when our friend Ron Hutch craft is gonna be here. Ron lost his wife recently and has been through a season of trying to process the grief and the pain that comes with that he's written a book called hope when your heart is breaking and will talk about that with him on Monday. Hope you can join us on behalf of our hosts Damien Wilson I am Bob Lapine.
We will see you Monday for another edition of family life today family like today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most