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May 10, 2021 2:00 am
Financial expert Art Rainer shares how his parents' handling of the family finances influenced his own approach to money. Rainer reminds us that God wants believers to be conduits of His blessings. As we give generously, we advance God's kingdom.
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When it comes to managing your family's finances, word giving and generosity for them.
Rainer says most people have it in the wrong position. The majority of those who give. It's an afterthought. It's after all the expenses have been paid off bills been met. Where was left in the account and that's with faith and that's what to give court the Bible teaches something totally different and what we don't see is an exclusion clause comes to generosity. There's never will. You don't have to give. If it's always give first. This is family life today.
Our hosts are David and Wilson hi Bob team managing money can create a lot of relational havoc in a marriage to see if we can help with that today since then welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. So where did you learn money I made.
Did you have did you have a great way to start the day by well. I wondered where you learned financial principles that you are to bring in your marriage, why are you laughing and why is my wife just left wiry left. This is been is our contention in our marriage at the beginning and so I was super curious just to hear what is at the beginning. Maybe he's just learn to tolerate me more than okay now I mean honestly in a group of the single mom and dad didn't have much money, sort of a lower income and my dad was pre-wealthy airline pilot build homes on the side and so then when the you know when mom and I get divorced I went from pretty wealthy lived in a gated community just outside New York.
We end up in the little house in Ohio only because that's where parents lived and so really had to live month-to-month. You know, with my mom and then I go visit my dad. It was like country clubs allow the whole deal. So I went back and forth in it because sorta in me as I grew up to be a saver your default Jeff coming in the marriage was we need to buckle down and then tie my upbringing was that we didn't have much money and my dad was taking with the penny pincher and so my mom would hide everything we go shopping and she said don't bring back home so we all my mama give me a credit card as the youngest of four statistical get whenever you want but don't tell your dad so your pattern, marriage is go get whatever you want.
Just don't tell them exactly while and I didn't give her the credit card. I grew up with a mom who thought first of all, like with close make them yourself. It's so much cheaper to make your own clothes.
She was both my mom and dad were depression right people reckon and if you're not buying anything you don't buy it unless it's on sale I and yeah that's the way that life ought to be lived. I don't know that I was ever caught any of that. I just kinda caught that. And the downside of the idea of you don't buy anything unless it's on sale is you can morph into well if it's on sale when needed or not you should buy it because it's a deal right about Mary. She, you know Marion's been pretty frugal and pretty thrifty as well. She's a little more like like I'm up more of accumulator than she is. She's like were done with this.
Let's move on that I'm at what we might come back like I've got a pair of pants in my closet that are our linen pants and I know it's been 10 years since I've worn them by night. I like the idea of them better than the actual look of them, and so it's just hard to let go of my linen pants capability beckons that that's what I'm saying back, and I'm just hoping with her back in style that they fit you were really talking about money and marriage and about how we get our arms around some of these issues and how we preserve oneness in marriage because that's really what's at the heart of a book called the marriage challenge written by our guest today are Rainer Art welcome to family life. Today I thank you for having art is the president of institutional advancement at Southeastern Baptist seminary in the wake forest of North Carolina and this area of money not just marriage, but money in general, families and money and how how we get our arms run that this is been a passion area of yours.
You got an MBA strike. Did you have a default money pattern in the home. You grew up in growing up. I have memories of our family needing to go to art on churches food pantry to get food for dinner or dance the pastor and that is the past but because of his salary. We would actually have to go to the food pantry and get canned goods for our dinner, so I have those memories at the same time. I have memories of my dad talking about money and how to manage money well when I'd kids actually set up an IRA when he was 16 strengths for nonnormal like that as soon as soon as I started earning income.
He encouraged me to set up a Roth IRA. So I started learning about money and managing money and in investing and saving at fairly young young age when most people are not.
Most kids are thinking about saving up for their for the car. I'm thing about saving up for my retirement so so this is kind of bone deep in you part of it shaped by family experience but part of it shaped by your understanding what the Scripture says about how we manage our money.
Absolutely yet, I believe that God has designed us not to be hoarders but conduits through which his generosity flows in as we as we look at Scripture, we see that generosity, giving ingenuity, living generously is the motivation behind pursuing financial help from you know, we often think about getting financially healthy, just so we can spend on whatever we want with Bible teaches something completely different is no financial health is a good think we need to get financially healthy. We need to get rid of debt, but we need to do so, so that we can live with our hands open sing God wear whatever you want me to do I can do wherever you want me to go. I can go generosity killers like debt are no longer holding me back so I can use my resources in a way to advance God's kingdom as we look at Scripture, we absolutely see that giving generously saving wise and live in perfect pursuing financial help. This is important, but for much greater purpose than getting a new car for much greater purpose than upgrading your your home were doing it so the God's kingdom can be advanced in our own community and and around the South.
When did you get that perspective in your 16 you got an IRA. I'm not thinking that's what you are thinking at that point. When did this start. Not only did I get interested in money and learn about money from from young age, but my career path or what I thought my career path would be started out in the financial world, and so I started out in banking and learning about investments and how to manage money well from that angle. I quickly realized that even as Christians, we are somewhat off and are thinking with that with finances all the emphasis was on accumulation when I talk to people when I meet with people realize that their focus was getting more and more and more and I couldn't help but think that there's something something off about this.
This is not with the Scripture Scripture teach so I started diving into the word and seen what does God say about money.
What does he focus on when he focuses on a mighty what we see and there's a lot there is my life. In fact, I had an aha biblical moment when it came to money just recently just recently just recently I was preaching through the book of first John, John in first John says that were to love one another and and and not to be like Cain was and I went back and I reflected on the story of Cain and Abel and I when we think about came killing Abel and and the murder. That's a part of that.
But here's what I realized the very first thing that's going on here is Cain and Abel are bringing the firstfruits of grain or animals to make a sacrifice to the Lord, or they learn that this is Genesis 4.
This is the first two kids. Somehow Adam and Eve at the very beginning had taught their boys. The boys you know when you got and take her the first thing we do is we give the Lord and I thought that's before anything else comes along. This is what their training their kids with at the very beginning and I know you thought about this long before I did. But that was an amazing realization for me think about this. There are over 2000 verses about money stewardship possessions found throughout Scripture over 2000 versus Jesus while he was here on earth spoke about money more than any other topic yes ask why me. Obviously, it's an important topic important issue in its because it's it's there's a direct tie to heart. You get into how we manage our our money reflects how we manage our heart and so you often hear it say that if you want to know where a person's priorities lie.
Just look at their now I know we don't use checkbooks in anyone anymore so maybe you go online, log into your account and and look at how that person is spending their money. That tells you there there priorities was really interesting as you said, Jesus is talking about this issue in a totally different culture financially and yet the heart issue is no different today than it was then again get at what is it about our hearts and money that directed Jesus to say I've got a talk about this quite a bit. Scripture says where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. And so, where we put our our resources where he put our our hope. And when Paul talks about where that the rich put their hope.
There's a pool that happens with art, with a heart wherever we put our treasure their heart will be the also so part of it. It's a reflection is reflection of the heart, but at the same time. There's also a direct direct direction that that happen so both of those are happening simultaneously and so's reflection of the heart. At the same time that also directs our heart will that gets at a little bit why as a preacher whenever I talk about money you got emotional reactions I've seen that when I've sit in the seats and now on stage, you know, speaking about, you bring up this topic.
Even if you're trying to help people save and get out of debt. The second is there time or money in church knows that that saying always gets funny when you dug my money there reactions why because it is once again you're talking about their heart.
Yeah, your diving right into the heart and is because if we look at statistics we know that the majority those people sitting in the pews of the shares are struggling financially right now, 40% of Americans cannot afford a $400 more emergency with cash, so $400 emergency hits the resorting to credit cards or borrowing money from family members and friends are out of every 10 of us for every 10 in the congregation debt is at an all-time high.
Student loan debt where you have a student loan debt crisis right now.
$1.5 trillion in student loan debt right now so those that are in the pew. It gets at the heart because if there's a direct tie. There are also struggling with it while I'm thinking not only are they struggling as people individually that you're having two people sit together that are married that might come from totally opposite views and backgrounds and how you handle money and so not only do you have that going on individually have a marriage crisis where it can really affect your relationship with your spouse for most people. Whether you have different views in a marriage or not, most people do have this perspective, the money in the bank account or in my wallet. That's mine.
I remember a pastor say one time. The question is not how much of my money do I get to God.
The question is how much of God's money should I keep for myself that I preach that hold realignment of our thinking to go. I'm not an honorable steward.
I'm a manager of the assets the resources God has entrusted to me and I need to be a wise steward. That's a paradigm shift that starts to redirect the way you think about everything in your finance. That's right. Consider the story of the widow's mite or the widow's gift, Jesus and his disciples were sitting there in the temple watching these simile very well-to-do people drop off huge moneybags for their that their offering their walks and a lady with two coins and she puts it in the offering.
And Jesus looks at this lady says I see her.
She's the one who gave more than than any of these. Now why would he say that was she on the if you look today at temple ratings giving giving ratings, witnessing anywhere near the top, no, no, no, she would've been absolutely for the bottom. Jesus cared more about what was still left at home than what was in the is in the offering plate because in God's economy amount sacrificed always supersedes amount given and so what she had put in their represented something far more significant than what the, the wealthy say to the amount sacrificed supersedes the amount given in God's economy in God's economy's in the way that God looks at us in the way that God views our relationship with money. God's economy amount sacrificed always supersedes amount given you can give $1 million and that means nothing in God's economy at the same time you can give to coins that can mean everything. Are you sounds I got a hurt for it to matter sacrifice we look at generosity in the Bible. Sacrificial giving is a component of that you can go to second Samuel 2424 where David is being offered land an animal everything that he needs for sacrifice that he is is about to make in his responses very very telling. He said no I'm not gonna take that because I will not offer to God. Anything that cost me nothing. And so, once again, is this idea that yes giving it should cost you something should hurt a little bit but now every time I give on sacrificing because I could keep that and spend it on myself. So is it like I gotta feel the pain. For God to go okay now were talking so that you're going above Napier 10% that you really feeling it.
Well, it may be maybe a 40% you're not feeling it. So like I got to come home and go man, I can't have this because I give that money will I gotta be kind of have a little grudge on my shoulder or God's not happy grudge would be the wrong word because another component of of giving is that were to be cheerful giver's rightness owed now are looking at second Corinthians 97 give reluctantly or out of compulsion because he loves a cheerful giver which also makes me think about the widow and her gift. I can't help but think that I get a good six a regionally I used to view her just in my head as this very downtrodden, just miserable woman walking into the temple and as I thought more about that and that that image can have that that that was totally off my thinking how I view her as more than likely she would probably been the happiest person that temple more than likely she was giving for sponsored high-fives on their on her way to giving that that gift because what God loves a cheerful giver. There's no way that Jesus would pointed out, miserable giver as our example for how we should then give okay so if were talking to people in 40% of them don't have $400 for their next emergency. And they've got student loans and they've got debt that they're dealing with an hour.
Sam well you need to give till it hurts, they're gone, I'm just turn the radio off and listen, find the music that's playing Chris Tomlin where I could go just to worship the Lord. So, to what you say to that couple that's going were just getting started. I mean to give $20 next week at church is going to hurt badly that not a lot of people at that point, the last thing they do is give the first thing yeah that's actually up that the majority of those who give.
It's an afterthought. It's after all the expenses have been right and paid all bills been that whatever is left in the accountant and that's what they and that's with the give court the Bible teaches something totally different and that's where I would get to answer your question, I would have to go to what Scripture says and this is in an art ringer command or teaching that this is something that is derived out of the Bible and what we don't see is an exclusion clause when it comes to generosity. There's never will. You don't have to give if it's always give first, then save and then live appropriately and so while it's a tough teaching you can avoid it.
That God has designed us is wired us for generosity and use eases us in that way to advance his his kingdom.
I've had conversations with couples about this very issue. Sure my encouragement to them is to start somewhere in the book that the marriage challenge. I introduced the concept of the takeoff at what I encourage couples to do is to start with 1% for the first maybe 1 to 3 months. Just do 1% of your gross income and see what happens.
And I've yet to have somebody come back and say no we just can't do 1% because for small lumps and it's been a lot less than date than they realize. And God starts to do something in their in their lives because they start aligned themselves with God's design for them in their finances so I go from 1% then over the next few months due to percent in the new five and seven and then after that it about a year and month 12.
Get yourself to that 10% mark and see where you're at and it's amazing what God does in the lives of those who trust him with the financial resources even wind when they feel like they simply can't give and you would say to do that even though they've got massive debt absolutely do like okay you're still trying to pay some that.
But you're not doing that without given give the God you say and you start first with generosity and I say that, once again, not because our trainer said that because that's what we find in the Scripture and is just unavoidable and then trust God with that, there what he says.
A couple is your book is about money and marriage that they disagree. You know you get one saying I want to pay down the dad.
This is my mom and dad like my mom was a fairy like let's get and he said now do that and so they are always in this conflict.
I talked to a couple, one time in the life was furious. They had $25,000 in debt and they been to hear the missionaries at church and the husband wrote $100 check and she was like that's your responsible for him to give to the missionary is just as they were emotionally moved. When we got $25,000 and up to little art I have a lot of empathy for those that are facing those types of challenges it easy on him for me to say just give but knowing that there is there's always a real pain that occurs with that that is not always an easy thing for that couple to do.
If there's disagreement I would encourage them to dive into Scripture just see what the Bible actually says about not just generous but money in general.
Start learning about that because I'm confident that as they learn more about what God's design is for for money that they're gonna find it generally starts with generosity and if one has no faith and doesn't want to look in Scripture. How would you help them.
I would continue to have the believer spouse continue look Scripture and pray for their spouse that they would then see what they say to get the cover really good to say that you all are. If a husband and wife together.
Read through the marriage challenge. I love the fact that you start by, say, look, the goal of of marriage is oneness, so if you're divided on this issue, but we want to get you to is oneness, so let's talk about this stuff together. Let's see what the Bible says, but the way to get the one this is not you bend to what I think or I've been to what you think the way good one. This is we come into alignment with what God thinks this is a great conversation you had before you get married yeah that's right because it involves what we answer the question what marriage should be or what it what it should look like and then also knowing that finances are such important part of a marriage and you look at that the statistics on marriage and money they're pretty dire. There's one study that I looked at it said that 57% of divorced couples .2 finances, as is the reason and whether it's number one or number two. Money is always up there when you look at the statistics on divorce. 70% of couples say that they argue about finances 42% of couples admitted to what's called financial infidelity lying about financial matters to your spouse. 42% of individuals said that they spent $500 or more on something that their spouse did not know about that.
They hid a purchase and then 6% said that they had the secret accounts they did not let their spouse know so even if it's a I just want to make sure that I have a good marriage knowing the statistics on finances and marriage should drive you to hopefully better understand money and in God's design for. I just want to know if anybody in this studio has a secret account slept around okay good I wish I had an eye that we all agree that even more important than having a million-dollar account is is thinking biblically about the money the gods given us right.
I mean, that's the point that your book makes art, and I think it's the most important point. We've got to be faithful with what God gives us and handle it appropriately and that's at the heart of the book the marriage challenge of finance God for married couples. We got copies of arts book in our family life today resource Center. I would encourage you, whether you're in a good place financially or your facing challenges financially.
This is just a great way to think biblically about money to get a copy of this book go through it together as a couple or go through it with other couples in a small group setting. Go to family life today.com to get a copy of the book is called the marriage challenge. Or you can call one 800 FL today to order get our website is family life today.com or call 1-800-358-6329 to order your copy.
That's one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today and were thinking about finances and budgets and all of that here at family life during the month of May. We've had some friends of the ministry will come to us this month and they have agreed they are to match every donation we received, dollar for dollar up to a total of $250,000. I mean imagine someone come in you will work in sand during the month of May order to match your paycheck so however much you work were to match that dollar for dollar. That would give you a little extra incentive to get in and get the work done if you're getting double the impact for your work will that's what's happening for us here at family life. Every time you make a donation as a list or we are able to withdraw a matching amount from the matching gift fund that's been made available. So if you can give $25. We can take $25 out of that matching gift fund were asking all family life today listers to do whatever you can do this month so we can take full advantage of the complete matching gift and you can donate online@familylifetoday.com or call one 800 FL today to donate when you make your donation we want to say thank you for helping we got to thank you gifts will send you the first is a copy of a couple books from Erin and Jamie Ivey actually did Britain the same book, but Erin wrote it for husbands and Jamie wrote it for wives.
The book is called complement the surprising beauty of choosing together over separate in marriage, so will send you both the book for husbands in the book for wives from Erin and Jamie and will send you a flash drive that Scott five conversations that David and I had recently talking about the key lessons I've learned about marriage and family in 28+ years of cohosting family life today.
We sat down and just talked about what had stuck with me over the years will send you the flash drive that has of those conversations, and some of the programs that have stood out over the years so the flash drive and the books are a thank you gift when you make a donation today. You can do it online@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today to donate, pray for us that will be able to take full advantage of this $250,000 matching gift.
We would appreciate that and we hope to hear from you and we hope you can join us again tomorrow when were to talk about whether it's smart to have separate bank accounts for husbands and wives. Is there ever a time when that makes sense. What's the problem with that. If you do it that's is one of the things will dive into with our trainer who joins us again tomorrow. You can join us as well. One thinker engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team extra help today from Bruce Goff on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson on Bob Lapine.
See back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas. Accrue ministry help for today hope tomorrow